Ok, can someone just tell me what is wrong with me?

Yumi, the information you provided us with at the start of this thread was very vague and incomplete. Over the past 12 pages, that information has been gradually amended to include bits of new info, but still in such a way that is hard to accurately follow (at least from my perspective).

There is so much that is open for (mis)interpretation by people trying to offer genuine advice.

If you feel your problem has not been fairly assessed, then you need to give us a clear and complete description of what went down. What was said and most importantly, what is the context? Only then can we really make any kind of fair judgment/advice. Otherwise the majority of the answers you'll get here will continue to be any combination of what's already been said.

For the sake of simplicity, can we get a recap in a single post?

What Fenix (#176) said, please.

Ok, well, I drafted a few replies to this that were probably mostly tl;dr material and now I've gotten to look at it at bit more objectively I can say this.

1. I don't, particularly, like building. I actually very much like the idea of creating spaces, I just don't like building because it has far too much grinding involved. There are so many tedious activities in building that could be automated but aren't because.. um.. well, I can't think of any reason other than to willfully slow people down, thus meeting the definition of grinding.

2. What I do enjoy, very much, is organizing and facilitating things for others, especially things that I'm passionate about or enjoy doing myself.

3. On SL it seems that 2) inevitably requires building. If a group doesn't have a build, nobody will turn up because there is nowhere for them to turn up to. If you ask someone else to do the build, that gives them such control that they can redefine the whole thing. I had a bad experience with this when there was a great project that several people were keen on; one of them was a professional builder who offered to do the build for free; and while what he built might have been his vision it was completely at odds with everyone else's and it basically killed the whole plan right there.

4. I'm not Japanese; I'm British. And possibly older than many UK users here. So maybe there is a cultural issue. Certainly last night a friend told me that they didn't allow me into a group because I said, "that sounds really great!" rather than "can I join please?". But certainly the way I was raised, saying the latter would be considered rude because it forces the other person to say No out loud if they don't want me, which might embarrass/upset them. Likewise, I'm not going to organize/facilitate something for people if they don't show any sign of wanting such a thing or wanting me to do it, because that just seems arrogant, a "power grab". And that attitude seems to persist on SL, especially if you look at the "FIC" and "Fluffification" complaints.

5. The reason I was particularly upset by this person's reaction is that she was a member of the social group that I was targeting the build at, and was apparently doing the things involved that it supported, but I wasn't getting to (that's why I wanted to make the build). I say apparently because I have limited evidence about it. But the point is, no matter how much she said she was interested in the build, she'd never invited me over, or grouped me, or anything similar. In other words, the interest had always been kind of standoffish and perfunctory, and that's the same thing with the "just do whatever you want" claims here. The show of lack of confidence was meant to encourage her to let me into that circle in order to reassure me, but what she actually showed was that she didn't care - and if she didn't care and still wouldn't let me in, why would I expect the build to get any attention? That's why the title of the thread was "what's wrong with me?" rather than "what do I do about this?" - obviously people on a public forum aren't necessarily going to randomly invite me to things, but at the same time it feels there must be something badly wrong with me that this hasn't happened in-world.

I delcare this thread:

This right here goes a long way, in my mind, toward explaining the disconnect that happened between you and the other party and later between you and the forum people who didn't understand your take on it all.

In the USA (and almost certainly in many other parts of the world), I believe we tend to be comparatively straightforward in our language to a point that I suspect you personally may find us brash if not rude; the flip side is that we won't always "read between the lines" to catch the subtler meanings you may attempt to convey so discreetly. I can see where effective communication might break down in such a situation, as it seems to have broken down here.

I'd post more to clarify but I'm going to be late for work already. I might be completely wrong and I certainly mean no offense, but it sure seems to me that those subtle cultural differences could explain a lot of why this has all gone so badly.

Well, I don't see anything "badly wrong" with you....you're describing some things we all deal with.....guarantee you no one from forum is going to be inviting me to anything......maybe that's a good thing

You've got Spunk, girl....a great quality....run with it.

what attack and what venom? and what fake log are you on about?
slu kool-aid drinker i presume.

Nah! I'm British and an old fart too, and no-one could complain that I wasn't aware of the subtleties of communication and reading between the lines. Mind you, I suffer from my own brand of personality disorders apparently.

Pep (Have you asked this question of a psychologist, Yumi?)

seriously, i expect an answer.

Just for the record, I'm not one your subs you can order around and expect to jump at your command. Having said that, I'm happy to provide evidence in your own words.

Your interpretive, to say the least, reading of the inital conversation.
/327/af/318058/7.html#post2405632

Your "if i were you I'd be plotting revenge right now."
/327/af/318058/7.html#post2405634

Your using Pep's fake transcript to make things even more confusing.
/327/af/318058/7.html#post2405653

Granted, venom is a judgement call, but I call it the way I see it especially when you accuse me of supporting thieves.

Thanks Yumi. I better get now where you're coming from. I also understand about the upbringing thingy and how sometimes this can lead others, brought up in more direct households, to sometimes mistake our politeness for indifference,

I think to, that this can be overcome sometimes by responses that acknowledges other peoples expression of interest, elicits a further opinion from them, while also indicating our desire to take it further or to be involved. For example:

Me: I'd like to make (something) but I don't think it'd be interesting.
They: It sounds pretty good, I'd be interested.
Me: Kool =)
Me: I was hoping you'd say that. How do you think we could make it work?

And the group invite thing:

They: Ive formed a new group to do xxxx.
Me: Kool =)
Me: Whats the criteria for others to join?
They: yada yada ... Hey! thats you, you want to join?
Me: Yes Please! Thanks =)

Anyways, is what I do when I want stuff but am to shy to ask straight out =)

Is not much you can do now about the something, so ya just have to learn from the experience. And take comfort that even if someone else did make it, you got the ideas. I also make the point that while completed ideas maybe 10% inspiration and 90% perspiration, there is 100% of nothing without the idea.

Yeah. Sociopath.

Sounds to me like YOU dismissed the idea. They didn't "wuss out", you did. They were noncommittal, which is perfectly reasonable. Perhaps they gave it more thought later and had a change of mind.

I've certainly dismissed ideas but later realized they could work after all.

I'm trying to figure out why you consider this a slap in the face. You said you weren't interested. You didn't ask them to keep your idea confidential.

Take responsibility for your communication! Say what you mean, and ask what you want to know. Don't let innuendo do all the heavy lifting.

Lying? LYING? That's a nasty charge, and completely unsubstantiated by the facts. You're being terribly foolish by considering this intentionally misleading. There are just too many different interpretations. You interpreted the 4th line in one way. Others have offered a number of other reasonable interpretations, none of which would be lying.

They weren't terribly interested at the time
They weren't enthused by your lack of enthusiasm
They didn't want to argue with you

And they could have had a change of mind. Happens all the time, and it's NOT LYING.

My interpretation of your conversation is that you weren't interested. I bet that's the message the other person got as well.

You're blaming the other party for not hearing things you didn't say, not answering questions you didn't ask, and violating an agreement they didn't make.

If that's what you meant, then that's what you should have said. I would have taken your comments to mean that (a) you weren't particularly interested and (b) you didn't think it would work well.

I didn't see any question from you asking for support. All I see in your post is a casual dismissal and lack of interest.

Don't blame others for not getting the message that you intended but did not say.

Nowhere did you say "I'm interested in doing this if you are." Nowhere did you say "This is my idea and I'd like to retain control of it." You just tossed out an idea, making it public domain.

Yumi, don't blame your actions on other people. Be in control of your own life and your communications. Say what you mean, ask what you want, and don't expect others to understand what's going on in your head.

Really: the other party did nothing wrong here. There was no slap.

You really have two options here. You can sit and brood about how nasty the other person was. Or you can learn a lesson, to be clearer in your communications. If you want to know whether they're seriously interested, don't test them, ask them.

It's your choice.

That sounds nice and innocent when compared to what i would have said.

LOL.

sub(S). HAHAHHAAHA Nina does not have subS. There is me, only me. I am the first, I will be the last. The AlphaChick and the OmegaChick

And i love jumping at Her commands.

When She says 'jump', i ask "how high?", in the most sweet, sensuous voice i can muster.
In fact, I am jumping right now.

Ever seen Coming to America? I am Jumping AND barking.

thats not evidence of an attack or venom. thats evidence of me offering my interpretation of the conversation synopsis provided in the opening post.
my reply to pep was me openly questioning his assertion that 'they' had offered op something in the way of a partnership agreement. sorry if that was lost on you.
this isnt the first time you have weighed in with nothing more than some slu forum grudge to justify a far flung and unwarranted assessment of my behaviour. do you ever address the actual topic?

And you are the Tooth Fairy.

Pep (Since there is actually no such thing as a sociopath)

PS Would you have said something more coherent, Briana?

You mean like he did here: /327/e2/310490/1.html#post2344948

I didn't say that I wasn't interested, I said that I didn't think it would work. My intent was not to indicate that I didn't like the idea, but to signal that I was frustrated/unsure about whether it would succeed or not.



No, I was really interested, but didn't think it would work well. The fact I don't think something would work, doesn't mean I don't think it would be awesome if it did!



Implying that I was frustrated/unsure was a way of requesting support. As I mentioned above, I wouldn't normally directly say "will you turn up?" because that potentially forces a blunt No. And the real, usual consequence of forcing a blunt No is that you instead get a Yes that means nothing.



I haven't any objection to her doing the idea. The fact that she built it isn't what offended me. It's just that by building it she showed that in fact, she DID think it would work or at least that it might, yet she didn't share that viewpoint with me. She must have had an argument that could defeat my uncertainty, because she would have used it in her own head.

But, as I said, partly it's because she was involved/doing the thing that the build related to and I wasn't, and I was also indirectly asking for admittance to her circle.

Not an "assertion"; an interpretation. One of many. In this case of an "implicit" or "perceived" offer, which may or may not actually have been made.

Pep (Obviously that was lost on you as well.)

Hey, you brought it up!

I would have thought you'd just be tickled by the attention. *shrugs*

perhaps. and in any case i wasnt motivated to mount a venomous attack against you, accusing of mounting a venomous attack.

Oh wow I'm being tag teamed by you and your little lapdog. I must have really struck a nerve there. As for my addressing the actual topic on this thread, thanks for proving my point that you have been skipping through it. Had you actually read the entire thing you'd see quite a few posts in here by me addressing the actual topic. Which is more that can be said for you and Bri trying to derail it /now/ with this foolishness. Ah well, good luck with that since I'm not going to allow you to drag me into yet another of your little dramas.

yes. a thread i didnt even post in.

a little drama you created. a derail that YOU started.
i will ask you again, is it so impossible to discuss my opinions without resorting to discussing me personally?