Ok, can someone just tell me what is wrong with me?

Ah, see I disagree. I do not think most people would just say yes.

Then again people are weird and I do not understand them.


Oh, I was ignoring the tatemae parts of the thread as I had never heard of it.

By not worrying about being alone. It is a self fulfilling prophecy. Be an individual, first, last and always.

Well...I'm not sure exactly what you are "complaining" about....about her having to go back to work or having to tend to RL? and not making time for you? Or are you talking about something else?

I'll be honest....some of us have enough demands, and some times feel pulled apart in different directions all day long....for someone we barely know in SL to start pulling too....it's not fun....and most will avoid it at all cost.

Nah. It wasn't him. It was someone else. Ephraim something? Aha! ENABRAN TEMPLAR! Finally.

I have not quit on you so stop that now!
I don;t even know where you got that from or what gives you that idea, good lord girl.

However I will tell you, this behavior is extremely hard to deal with, and as I said, now I know how others felt about me and when I was doing the exact same thing.

So as I said to you the other night... I DO understand, even if you think I don't.

Which is fine, but then I'm alone. I mean, the person I was talking to about the build hadn't invited me to some things I'd be interested in, though I'd discussed them with her. I could start asking directly and complaining, but then she'd have even more an excuse not to. So it seems there's no way to win.

I am not even sure what she is referring to, other than me saying in this thread I quit (and that was in reference to this thread, which obviously I just can not walk away from, so that should say something.)

Yumi, I like you... I like your spunk and yes you have spunk. However please do not assume I am giving up on you, just because my RL pulls me away or my work in SL pulls me away.

I have a lot of stuff to do in SL and I deal with 5000 to 7000 people coming through the sim per week, so my time and patience gets thin sometimes.

and you caught me on the weekend, which is rare because we have the kids on the weekend and hubby is around more, and needs me and the kids need me and the inlaws drop by, plus we are preparing for a RL wedding this weekend so things are really really hectic right now for me. Lots of people in both RL and SL pulling for my time.

If I say I have to go, because of RL, or work, then that is what I mean.

If I say I am tired of dealing with you then that is what I mean (which so far I am still trying to help you and trying to get through to you)

Yes, it hurt what you said, because you assumed I was a bad mean person, who just washed my hands of you.

I am not that kind of person, so apparently you do not know me... just as I do not know you very well, however I do wish to get to know you, break through the shell around you that you hide behind, just like I hid behind mine.

Give me a chance, and give yourself a chance.

(what is the worst that can happen, I give up on you and you are back to square one?)
THAT is the worst that can happen... so... (and I do not see it happening unless you reallllly push hard to push me away, I do not give up easily)

I apologise. I didn't mean to infer that, and I'm sorry.

But of course this shows the other problem. If I'm just being left out of everything, I can't complain to any one person, because they can just say, "_I'm_ not responsible." (and they're right, they're not). But I can't complain to "people as a whole" or those in a particular community because.. well, there's no way to talk to them.

you can complain to me anytime, it is called venting, however when complaining, don't lay the blame on yourself or any one person, just vent (complain) about the situation

and don't think I am just gonna walk away

and of course people will say they are not responsible, if they aren't, that is a given

being a responsible and listening are two different things.

I am not responsible for the situation that happened with you and that other person, that being said, I am here to listen if you want to vent about it. (as in... dammit I had a build idea but after talking to someone about it and leaving SL for a period of time, they went ahead and did it... blech, this sucks.. however what would you suggest I do?)

Then.... listen to the suggestions, even try some, but don't shove each suggestion away, because all that does is imply to us trying to help, that we are not good enough, or worthy to help you.

yumi....there are alot of people on this thread who have an interest in you and would like to get to know you better...but realize that we all only have so much time and energy for SL. I think you have very high expectations of yourself but also of other people you meet in SL. I will be inviting you to some events etc once I get back in world....but as rha said...sometimes i have to go or just dont have the energy to talk to folks so i just kinda do my thing in SL. i suspect many folks are like that and what you may be taking personally is really those folks just exhibiting self preservation.

I'm not saying you're not good enough or worthy to help. The help is appreciated, but it doesn't address the underlying problem, that when (if) I log back in to SL, I'll just be alone. Or maybe be able to go to a club and dance generically.

Yumi, I have read through the whole thread and it seems to me that the "heart of the matter" might be what I quoted? Is it acceptance you desire?

If that is the case, then take ownership one will not be accepted by everyone and learn to adapt.

True. I avoid people who I think will be too ”intense”. I pull back then. I want the few hours I spend in SL to be MY leisure time. I am exhausted for working a full time job RL, dealing with shopping, cooking, taking care of kids…

now here is where I get confused

when I suggested you visit avatar island because we do have a lot of activity there, you said no, because you are not looking to socialize as much as RP

so... instead of thinking that you need people to invite you, do some searching, find places that RP the stuff you like, and join in, do not wait for an invite.

This is soooooo on the money, I am one that has had to learn to accept that not everyone will like me. And you know what... that is ok.

Yumi keeps saying about how people do not ask her to join them and such... I never get invited to go on group shopping trips or horse back riding events, or to join folks for a rez party, or just to have a good time... but I do not let it bother me and do my thing.

and if I get bored in SL I log out and find something to do in RL

You don't get invited on group shopping trips??

But...but...on the last shopping trip, I invited EVERYBODY! Well, I didn't send out individual engraved invitations, but I posted here in the forums, and group notices in world, and group chat.

And this is my point to Yumi: Don't wait for a personal invite. Find something announced in one of your groups. Or even a general event notice. Just go.

Here's a homework exercise for you. Go to the Hangout. Send IMs to five friends and ask them to join you there. If you need more bodies, IM me, if I'm around.

I pretty much guarantee that if you get four people in that spot at the same time, in fifteen minutes you'll have eight, and in twenty minutes you'll have twelve. People see dots on their Hangout HUD and pop over to see what's happening, and before you know it, you have a flash party.

Or if it's a Monday, like tonight, pop over to Madhu's Cafe and join the party there.

If it's a bust at both places, come on over to the orientation station at Caledon Oxbridge. There's generally a group there nearly 24/7.

your last line is the exact thing that a lot of people lack..

let me kind of work with the words in it..

and if I get bored in SL I log out and find something to do in RL

now applied to anything it works... If i get bored i find something to do..

i think too many just wait to be asked instead of going out and making their own action..
you meet new and interesting people when finding things to do..

if i am bored and don't feel like building and really just want to hang in sl..then i'm gonna go find some trouble to get into..like clubbing or site seeing or walking the dangerous streets and alleys or looking for things i haven't seen or done yet..

if i meet someone and become friends it s a plus..if i don't then at least i'm not sitting and doing nothing about it..
one of these times something new is gonna happen that changes my direction in my sl..
it has so many times..
get happy and be fun..that's who people want to meet..
there is nothing worse than watching the grass grow waiting for the phone to ring..

LOL

but but I am not part of the in world group, I do not go to the hang out and I probably missed it in the forums, or... just did not think I was included

seriously though, one does have to make the effort to be part of any group, and if it is a matter of they do not like you, you will soon know it, and you just move on.

NOT everyone in SL will dislike you, just like NOT everyone in SL will like you.

Just have to find the ones that have similar interested and don't be down on yourself or push them away.

If anyone is waiting around for a personal invite, you'll be waiting a long time. When the event is announced, just show up if it interests you

ETA: Oops...Lindal beat me to it

No; you're only offered a job and later loaned an island to build a city on.

I'm not trying to say "gotcha" here - just pointing out that many people can say they weren't accepted in sons fields where they were in others. But I have never been accepted anywhere as anything other than a script monkey

Geez, Yumi. Are you by any chance a relative of Marvin, the Paranoid Android?

Yumi, you asked, "Ok, can someone just tell me what is wrong with me?"

The answer is, "You expect others to solve your problems for you."

That was a low blow yumi

I explained to you that my job is nothing to do with if people accept me as a friend or not, but you do not seem to get it.

As for the ability to build on that sim over a year ago, that also was part of my job.

I am not sure why you are trying to push me away, but honestly... it is starting to work.

Just stop it now.

No, she really expects us to work ourselves into a tizzy trying to make her feel accepted but at the same time reinforce in her brain that she is right, she is not accepted. This is exactly what she did to her friend.