Ok, can someone just tell me what is wrong with me?

Even though I have no clue what that no-expire rule is about, this little line sums it all up.
- Did you check whether there is a Jira yourself, or do you hope someone will tell you there is or is not?
- Did it ever occur to you that you could open a Jira yourself?

My last contribution in this thread.

That is nothing more than "playing games". If you really wanted to know, the better way of finding out would have been an actual "Adult conversation", maybe something like:

"Well, you say you are interested, but how much so? Are you just saying that to be nice to me or do you really think it would spark interest here? I would be willing to give it a go if I thought that folks REALLY would be interested in it. ......."


SL may be a fantasy world -- we can fly, change our looks with a few clicks, instantly TP to many places -- BUT, people still cannot read minds.


There is no such thing as TONE in SL discussions unless you were on voice.

/me thinks it is good for a few chuckles.

You've been arguing your case for a few pages now. But I suspect it's not making you feel better.

I'm sorry I was abrupt with you before. My heart really goes out to you and I wish I knew what to say to help.

I myself had the kind of childhood that turned me into a young adult who waited for someone else to give me step-by-step instructions and get me somewhere I'd like to be. I was probably less of a self-starter than you are.

While I was still pretty young I reinvented myself as someone who understands that other people have every right to do whatever they decide is best for themselves and even when they "should" do the "right" thing they often don't and that is out of my control. If I keep focusing on what I want other people to do it's that brick wall thing over and over.

I had to learn that every other person on the planet is pretty wrapped up in their own personal struggles. Just because I think they could be useful to me doesn't mean they really have the time, energy, or inclination to spend on fulfilling my needs.

I still often don't have the energy to follow through on ideas I have. And sometimes other people get for themselves or copy the same ideas and do have the energy to make them succeed. Leaving me with nothing but the choice of suffering about it or wishing them well and feeling ok. It's a very long time since I chose to suffer.

I love having a chance to help another person if I can afford the cost and I fairly often get people wanting me to apply my skills to accomplishing their goals. But I often only have energy and time to wish them well and continue to work for my own goals.

This doesn't men that I'm not in favor of people working together. I have worked with quite a few people very successfully. I've found that working well with others depends on not having unrealistic expectations of them.

Yes, Ghosty!

I tend to build what *I* want. I don't *expect* people to challenge me to action. I challenge myself. If others like my stuff (an some do), then all the better. In the mean time, I've built something I can take some personal pride in.

This is all pixels, you know. Some day, it will all be gone, and every effort we've made will likely be forgotten. I did amazing things back on another Internet service long before this place. Helped thousands. Was the person responsible for making the most popular space there. Today, it's forgotten to all but those who it touched. Someday, it will be forgotten entirely. Yet, for now, I can look back with pride.

I hope to be able to do that with my works here. I've learned a great deal about myself and other. I've learned to design in 3D, and see things a bit differently. I've created things that others have enjoyed, enough that they actually pay me a few cents for them from time to time. More importantly, I've created things that I've enjoyed.

This fellow said it better than me. A very loose translation from Goethe's Faust.

"Are you in earnest? Seize this very minute;
What you can do, or dream you can do, begin it;
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it."

This fellow said it even better:

"Never put off until tomorrow what you could put off until the day after tomorrow"

Pep (Homer Simpson? Nah - Thoreau!)

pick better friends. =/

i'm sorry this happened to you. if it is script work, find someone to create said script, pay them for it, then build your item.

my first two years i gave so many ideas away by looking for reactions to the ideas only to see them show up in other places because of loose lips or someone doing it them selves..

if you have something that you feel is a good idea..protect the idea and then put it together yourself..
looking for advice about an idea unless you are giving it away is not a good idea itself..

if you feel it is a good idea then it's worth a shot to bring to life..if it fails at least you tried..
it's much more rewarding than seeing it succeed someplace else knowing where the idea came from..
in short..keep it under your hat

none of us HAVE to say anything... we say it because we hope it will help

apparently you do want to blame the other... you can not see it clearly because it is too personal to you, now you are blaming all of us, because you "think" we are posting/saying what we say because we have to.

no one is here twisting my arm telling me I have to say this or that... and I doubt that anyone else feels they HAVE to say what they said (in the context in which you are using it)

why should anyone engage you into anything that might have an interest in a new build?
IF you want to build something then build it, don't wait for someone else to come along and take your hand and say, hey let's do this!
If I waited for that, I would never had done anything in SL, never built anything, never tried making clothing, or hair, or shoes, etc.

I did not wait, and sure my stuff is not perfect, but at least I am not blaming others because something either did not work, or someone else did it first.


sheesh!

and your comments to her, seems to have been very negative
Then you leave SL, what did you think she was gonna do?
wait till you come back and ask you about the build idea that you all but threw out?

get real Yumi

sure you are hurt, be hurt, be angry, but be angry at the right person... and that person is not the one who built whatever the heck this thing is... the person you should be angry with is yourself for not having faith in your idea and needing someone else to sell you on your own idea... (that is a bit twisted sorry)

It is no one else's responsibility to make you run with an idea. End of story.

You dismissed the idea even though they expressed interest. It is your responsibility to sell the idea, not theirs to make you sell your idea.

this...

and yeah I too have to wonder... if yumi is putting this much of a stubborn footing with all of us, arguing for the way she sees it, is it any wonder the other person did not bother to argue?

And yeah... I thought I too was a negative person, but yumi has me beat.

um... go to a sandbox and start building something, anything, if that is what you want to do. Why do you need someone to ask you to?
TP offers for what?
sit on your hands and accept your fate, or.... change your fate and do something, without waiting for someone to approve it, or for someone to "come to you", but arguing... well that is getting you no where, it is apparent we do not see it the way you do, yet you continue to cry wolf.

You keep saying the person was not interested... I think they were interested and YOU shot THEM down.

It was NOT the other way around.

so when you left SL, they went ahead and did it.

(how do you know that they did not think long and hard about it? that maybe they had doubts as to how you would react, but decided what the hell and did it anyway, because you basically already told them you did not really care about the build, by saying it probably would not work...)

it is your choice

every time one of us tries to point out to you something... you tell us we are wrong you strongly disagree

then you expect us to stick around and continue to bang our heads against the wall?

Thanks for making my choice for me yumi

first you claim we are posting specific responses here because we feel we HAVE to
then you claim that it is nothing to do with you when people finally give up?

I give up to, and you made the choice for me... want to know how you did that....
by closing your mind to what everyone is saying, but not listening and by countering everything said...

no wonder the other person gave up trying to convince you quickly... you won't listen.

Not being familiar with honne or tatama, I had to look them up. If Wikipedia is correct, they describe social phenomena that are primarily or uniquely Japanese. Even if I assume Yumi is Japanese, there's still no indication that the other party is. However, I don't think anyone else in this thread has expressed any agreement with applying the honne/tatama model to that interaction.

From my perspective, asserting that a suggestion "doesn't really mean anything, it's just tatamae" is downright rude. People are saying that because they sincerely believe it is good advice, and to dismiss it as not meaning anything is to insult and devalue them. Perhaps in your culture such remarks require a real stake to be sincere, but in my culture people can say and mean things sincerely without feeling compelled by social norms or motivated by a vested interest.

There may be missing information that would justify your interpretation, but based on what's been given here, your analysis is just plain wrong. You're making assumptions about human interactions that might be correct in some cultures, but not here. Are you willing to consider the possibility those assumptions are wrong? Because if you're not, if you insist that the other person had to demonstrate sincerity with a particular response, I don't know any other way to show you that you're wrong.


For many people, argument is far more effort than constructive work. It isn't measured in time, but in stress. Plus, in many cases, it's far easier to convince another person that something is possible by doing it than it is by arguing with them.

And remember, you wanted to her to argue to prove her sincerity. However, she already knew her sincerity. Why would she feel the need to prove it to you?

Yumi is very much a creature who needs the approval of the herd.

For more Yumi goodness, see this thread:
/327/b0/293636/1.html

Good thinking, Kidd. Because Yumi's English seems so "normal" to me it didn't occur to me that cultural differences could be part of the problem.

There's a lot to be said for everyone following the same strict rules of behavior and style to avoid misunderstandings. In my own melting pot society feelings are often hurt when people erroneously assume they know how someone else feels and thinks.

Another big problem for many people is fear of disappointment. Almost every child vows never to let it happen again when they suffer the pain of disappointment. They determine to never let themselves hope for anything good again. Some people keep re-enforcing that rule to themselves as they grow up and indeed lead rather hopeless lives, unable to have satisfying relationships because they keep demanding more and more proof of the other person's trustworthiness.

Happier people are those who have adopted a more realistic approach to life of preparing for the worst but hoping for the best; learning to get over disappointment more easily and not let fear of the future spoil enjoyment of the present; learning to satisfy their own needs without expecting too much or too little of others.

I nominate Jack as winner of the thread!

This

Holy cow....I had to stop reading....started cringing.

In answer to your question....the only thing you did wrong in the last 48 hours, was to ask this question in forum.....geez.....opens you wide up to take a beating. Next time, slide it by a few close friends.....and save yourself the anguish and frustration of being judged on a few paragraphs by a lynch mob. Are you really up for the personal Psychoanalysis? Based on a few lines of communication?

Yumi, there is an old saying..."sincerity is the key, once you can fake that you got it made!" Besides, sincerity and other constant relationship tests will only make people nervous, standoffish or even neurotic after awhile. Don't give that much of your power to other people. Good luck!

Someone asked earlier in the thread but it either wasn't answered or I missed it: it still is uncertain if this person is a friend, and if so, is it more of an acquaintance, a casual friend, a good friend, or a best friend.

Is it someone known long term, just met casually, etc.

I agree with the majority of people who have already given excellent advice/comments, but the degree of relationship between Yumi and the other person makes a huge difference in how they might respond.

Yumi has posted a few thousand lines over the years

She's fine.. It's just Yumi doing her thang.

I don't think she ever told us whether or not she has discussed this with the other person. That might also help us to be more helpful.

I'm afraid that telling her what seems obvious to most of us: "just get over it" isn't doing her much good at this point when it's all so fresh.

EXCELLENT point! I can vouch for feeling MUCH more relaxed when I'm in world doing something even as mundane to most people as sorting inventory than engaging in an argument. Some people enjoy debating and are skilled at it, almost as an art form. I never learned those skills, so in-depth point/counterpoints just wear me out.