Ok, can someone just tell me what is wrong with me?

There is nothing new here.

As long as Yumi keeps blaming other people for not taking her by the hand to make her succeed, she won't. Whether one succeeds in their second life (no matter if that is business related or socially related) is up to them, not up to others.
Probably the Location description of Yumi says it all: Waiting for someone to help me out of the river. As long as she keeps waiting, without saying: hey I can simply get out of it myself!, no change will be made.

Yumi you got tons of good advice here. But it is up to you to act on it. Don't keep waitig for someone taking you by the hand, but act.

But it is worth arguing over if it hurts me this badly in the end, surely.

You have to remember, this was someone whose participation could have made the place work. There is literally no way it could not have worked if they were interested. They should have immediately spotted the discongruence between the second and third lines.



Sure, but then they're not investing anything. It's just like the people here who're saying "build whatever you want" - I know it doesn't really mean anything, it's just tatamae. If it was being said with any interest in what I was building (and that means you have to know what it is!) then it'd be more honne. The point of throwing the wall in the way was to check that they're prepared to put their money where their mouth is.

And I don't particularly mind that she didn't engage, what I mind is that she went ahead and built it herself, which is far more effort than one line of argument, and it should be obvious that it'd be far more upsetting to me (since she knows I wanted to build it but didn't believe it would work). That suggests an intent to poach it from the start.

But that's the point, it's not advice, it's just tatamae. People are only saying it because they have to. Nobody's engaged me into a community that might have interest in a new build - and, true, I wasn't expecting anyone on this thread to do that, but it applies in-world too.

As for other people not being able to do anything, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HkyZ8FxbO-A .

No, I get upset because they did more work and greater upset (building it themselves) as opposed to less work and less upset (arguing with me). There seems to be no motive for that but spite.



Again.. as I've mentioned.. this person's approval would have been enough on its own to make the build work. Simply figuring that she was any random person I was asking to argue with me is misrepresenting the situation.

Why blame someone else for your own failures?

This sounds right to me. Several reasons come to mind for why they may not be interested in talking you out of your misgivings, even if they still think it might be a good idea. One is that they don't want to insult you: it's your idea, you're the expert on it, you have thought about it longer, you're noted for broad knowledge of what does and doesn't work in SL--so your respondent would have to be fairly blunt to disagree with you further.

So then, after the conversation is over, the seed of the idea nonetheless takes root. The respondent eventually does something like the idea that you half-heartedly pitched.

The winning response at this point is to congratulate them on executing the idea and for being bold enough to try it despite your doubts. That response isn't required nor does it necessarily come naturally, but it may lead to constructive results, when alternatives would maximize unhappiness all around.

Wow, this is truly amazing.
Usually, after 6 pages a thread here is so far off-topic that you might as well stop reading it. In this case, page 6 is pretty much the same as page 1.

Yumi, do you expect someone to organize a parade down main street in order to show their approval over your choice of breakfast in the morning?

You threw an idea out there, you didn't run with it, someone else did. Happens all the time.
They didn't "wuss out" or "shut you down". They either didn't care enough to talk you into your own idea, or they thought you meant what you said (and why wouldn't they?), or they, indeed, thought they could do the job themselves. In any case, why continue to agonize over this?

If you expect people to verbalize encouragement more than once, maybe you need to give them instructions of how many times that is required in order for you to be happy with their response.

So she doesn't have to take responsibility for her own decisions. I cannot believe this thread is still going and she's still in full-on denial mode about this when so many people have told her the same basic thing. Honestly, and I'm not trying to be mean about this, but if that friend of hers knows she's like this is it really any wonder she gave in so quickly? There's no need for any sinister "she was trying to discourage me so she could steal my idea while i was gone" plots here, it could be as simple as "she knew I'd argue against it the same way I apparently argue against everything anyone ever tells me and she didn't want to expend the effort on such an apparently futile gesture." I mean, damn, I thought I was extremely negative but this is on some whole other level of self-defeatism.

"But.. but.. but... but you all don't understand." - Yumi Murakami

I am still not building nor seeing any tp offers, so what am I supposed to do but argue? Sit on my hands and accept my fate?

I don't consider that I failed. I made a rational decision, a key person was not interested so there was no point proceeding. How was I to know they were lying?

She DID spot the discongruence.. so much of one that she chose not to follow you into near-arguement territory to show her interest. I'm saying that's a normal reaction for people and you'de be wrong to assume too much from it. The fact that she built it on her own is proof that she liked the idea, and that she did it without help is evidence of what she would've invested in it. Your little test backfired and the results were misread on both sides it looks like.

And did you engage yourself in a community yet? Don't you see what you are doing? Again expecting from others to take your hand and lead you. You CANNOT expect from others to do that.

And around and around you go. Alright, it's late, I'll play along just this once. You're not building or seeing any TP offers? Who's fault is that? You honestly stand around in SL just doing nothing until someone happens to send you a TP offer? The world doesn't revolve around you. People have their own things to do. Things they decided to do on their own. You could do the same. No one is stopping you from doing whatever you like...except you. And you seem to do a damn good job of it. As for sitting around sitting on your hands accepting your fate? That's an example of you waiting around. For what? Take some initative and go do /something./ Anything. WTF are you waiting for? Someone to fall from Heaven and give you a Purpose? There is no Fate but the one we make. You're making yours even as you blame others for not making it for you.

As for your decision being rational, nu uh. It wasn't. I know rational, rational is a friend of mine, on occasion at least, and that thinking isn't rational. For starters you think they were lying. On what planet does "that sounds good, I'd be interested in that" constitute lying? That they didn't jump through whatever verbal hoops you constructed to satisify some secret proof of "utter, true, Divine interest" doesn't mean they weren't actually interested! They said they were interested, you think they weren't interested enough and they gave up trying to convince you! How is that /their/ fault? It isn't! It was your idea, you wanted to do it, yet didn't want to do it because you didn't think it would work, so you didn't do it and left SL for a break. Even with this you are trying to be on both sides of the issue with the "i wanted to do it/I didn't think it would work." You can't have it both ways and you certainly can't expect anyone else to argue your case for you, against you. It's not rational!

"Engage myself in a community?" Isn't that like saying I should invite myself to a party?

Of course other people are stopping me. The things I want to do aren't done alone, so by not showing up, they stop me doing them.

The lie is the fourth statement. If it were just that discussion and nothing else I could understand the possibilities that she couldn't be bothered to argue, didn't want a conflict, or wasn't really all that interested. But her building it herself disproved all three of those.

I said it before and I'll say it again. I give up. It's hopeless. Good luck sitting around waiting for whatever it is you hope to find.

You're creating the situation by giving up. Don't pretend it's my choice.

a dinghy.

This is not me regardless of the name- but damn if he/she didn't read my mind.

So many people depending on others to make life interesting fo rthem! Damn it- go do something or go watch tv or read a book or join people and make friends- if you go somewhere with a cloud of doom around you no one will want to be there but go cheerful and hang out anD good stuff happens- or BUILD!!!

After reading what's been posted to this point, I can boil down the crux of the problem, IMHO, to this sentence:



It never pays to second guess the public at large, or the people around you. If you want to make something, go ahead and make it, and let the public decide *then* if it's interesting or not. To dis your own idea before even creating prim one shows a defeatist attitude, a fear of failure and a 'plan to fail' mentality. Never concern yourself with whether what you create will be "interesting" or not. Simply create, and let yourself be surprised when it is.

Same here.
The only way to satisfy Yumi seems to be sending her a TP and help her with her ideas directly. Well, to be honest, that is not my cop of tea. I am willing to help someone with sincere advice, and I tried, like about all participants in this thread.

Yumi, I do wish you the best. But I also am convinced that as long as you do not make the move yourself, you will never come any further then you are now. What I meant by: engage in a community, is taking your own steps instead of relying on others to make them for you. Join a group of your interest, and show them what you can mean to them.

Hell I can't help it... an example:
Let's assume I want to make friends. There are two ways I can try to make some:
1) Sit on my parcel and hope someone comes up and tries to be my best friend. Helps me with what I need help for. And occasionally post in this forum my disappointment.
2) Join a group that holds my interests, and show them who I am, and why I am worth being with.

Yumi, while not literally, follow 1). Try following 2) and you will see things go quite different.

Pretty good analogy.

No. Actually Benny Hill is one of the British comedians who really doesn't do much for me at all.

But that's exactly the point. Everyone is saying "someone ELSE would be interested."



Most groups are idle thanks to the stupid no-expire rule. There's a JIRA somewhere for that, I hope?

yumi...i do understand that you are hurt. but, you are making some really grand assumptions about someone else's thought processes. and unless im mistaken, you have absolutely NO way to know what is or was going on inside someone else's head. have you spoken to this person again? it might be quite enlightening to actually find out what they thought and why they pursued this idea on their own. then all this speculating you are doing would be real data instead.

as for this person going off and doing the thing you wanted to do...this is SL. if you disappeared for more than a minute, it is easy to assume you might never be coming back since that happens all the time. if you want something, it is on YOU to pursue it, whether that is more feedback, more convincing or just to accomplish something.

just sitting and spinning all of this into a tempest in a teapot is not going to help you or make you feel any better. you are of one the best for continuing a conversation with a heavy dose of negativity and it sounds to me like you convinced this person that the idea was not worth doing...with YOU. but it may be that weeks later they thought about it and decided...hey, yumi thinks it wont work...but maybe i could do it myself!

you shot yourself in the foot yumi and now it hurts....so take some action, move on or just sit and watch it bleed.