Do you consider AV Sex Cheating on your real life Spouse if the flame has gone?

I think some people here missed my point. My point is this. If you are in a REAL LIFE relationship & feel the need to act out a fantasy online with anyone, Then you are obviously bored of your partner. Time to let your partner go.

Never meant to be mean, or seem mean about it. But if two people truly love each other they would feel no need to go out seeking anything else. That is not love. Thats looking for a way out.

I'ts good to have dreams & wishes. But the saying goes the grass always looks greener on the other side. A relationship is like that. You can trample on the grass over & over & eventually wear out a path. sooner or later you will grow weary of following the same path or you can nurture the path & keep the grass alive & take other paths in the field. Relationships tend to fall into routines resulting in boredom loss of interest & eventually will kill the relationship.

If you find yourself looking for something else with someone else then its time to step back & look at what you already have & ask yourself if you really love that person or not & if the relationship is worth saving. Like it is said .. Don't know what you got , till it's gone.

Don't make the mistake of falling into a dream. All dreams end when you wake up.

When I chat with someone inWorld, I am not chatting as Isis. Isis is just a nickname. To think otherwise would mean that I become my ICQ number when I am chatting through that app. My username in SL does protect me, to some extent, from whackos tracking me down and showing up on my front door, but it does not release me from the ethical protocol that I follow in my everday life, nor does it give me the right to treat others as sex toys for my own amusement [or that of any rl sex partner I have at the time (that makes me sound slutty )] with little regard for the other avies feelings/emotions. It does not release me from giving them the same level of honesty that I would give someone at a rl bar. I do not start chatting it up with a guy at a bar and within an hour give him my full name, telephone number, address, SS number and blood sample. I would however like to know if his wife is in the powder room and I assume that he would like to know that the 200 Lb linebacker staring at him from the otherside of the bar is not my husband (most likely for a couple reasons). If I were the wife in the powder room I would like to think that my husband at the bar told the chick that he was married.

A little bit of honesty is not asking much. Much like the bar scenario, we are interacting with each other first and foremost as humans. We are not hunting ogres or looking for the NPC with the mystical sword strengthening glitter juice ( you can tell I do not play MMORPGs). So fantasy will only get you so far in my book. This is a world simulator not a human simulator. The pixel representation may not be "real" in the carbon atom sense but the thoughts, opinions, feelings, investments and friendships are all real. Just as real as they would be if you were all my pen pals or we were all in a giant bar somewhere with legos, erector sets and flashing orgy balls.

So a question or ten to the married folk who form intimate relationships within SL: Do you tell the other person (avatar) that you are married or do you just consider them as nothing more than an avatar pixel poof undeserving of at least that much honesty? When you meet someone in SL do you consider them human or do you view them as NPCs, pixel blobs, vid card farts? Do you convince yourself and your sig other that the person does not exist beyond your connection to SL?

If everyone is being honest in these situations then no harm no foul. But hiding behind the it is all a game bs is a lame fantasy conjured up to relieve people from guilt. If I were married and I found out that my husband was spending hours a day huffing with some chick on the phone, I would be pretty damned pissed. Now if he made me aware, in the beginning, that he enjoyed anonymous phone sex which led to nothing more, the fault would be my own for sticking around if I couldn't deal with it. But I would make damned sure she knew that he was married and that nothing more would come of the sound wave trist.

does disneyland count?

FACT - if you come into an enviroment like this looking for a REAL relationship then 9/10 your going to get burned.

The avatar your holding a conversation with could be just about ANYONE or ANYTHING in real life and they dont have to tell you 1 single ounce of truth.

Do you consider AV Sex Cheating on your real life Spouse if the flame has gone?

WHY does this even matter? This ISNT real life! Is the man who cant walk but has fully functional legs in Second Life cheating? Is the impotant man who is King Stud in Second Life cheating?Is the girl who is obese in real life cheating because her avatar is sexier than Jennifer Lopez? NO - the ONLY people cheating in second life are those who come searching for reality because this isnt it and they are just cheating themselves.

The real world has some harsh harsh realities - why bring them into a fantasy hmm?

Ok guys IMHO, firstly, just because the sexual flame has left a relationship does not mean you no longer love that person, this flame can be reignited if people are willing.

Two, just because it's cyber sex does not mean it's not real sex that means nothing. If you believe that bodies have to get squishy together for it to be sex then you have a very narrow view of sex (perhaps your one of those people that believe sex is the act of sticking a penis in a vagina and that only *shakes her head in dismay*) Sex is whatever you and your partner/s say it is. I know of a parplegic couple who are unable to have physical intimacy, one of their care workers introduced them to competers and with the aid of voice recpgnition software (and a few other doodads) they now have cyber sex together, for them the technology works like handcuffs and whips do for others.

And now, from one of the SL poly's (that's Polyamorous) people in the group here is my take on the situation:
Is it cheating? Does your other partner/s know? if your answer is yes and if your patner/s or ok with it, then no IT IS NOT CHEATING! if your partner/s don't know or don't accept it, then yes it is cheating. My RL husband and I have had a poly relationship for the past 6 years, its had its ups and downs but you make it work, you find boundaries that you are both comfortable with (key word in any relationship: compromise) and if the flame has gone out of your relationship then maybe you need to have a good long look at relationship and leave SL alone until you have solved that situation, how can you go into a new relationsjip (real, fantasy or otherwise) if you have big problems in another one.

I would also like to add: Dido to Isis Becquerel's post.

Any way that's all I have to say now please let me in to SL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't necessarily agree with the above statement. If ones partner becomes sexually disfunctional, does that mean his or her partner should leave them? I don't think so. Love is much more than sex, though for alot of people at a young age; it is sometimes very important to them for having a family or to fullfill their sexual desires. If you commit to a marriage then you are committing for better or for worst, richer or poorer, in good health or bad. That's why about 50% of people get divorced because they do not live up to their commitments and do not take their discision of marriage serious enough and don't think about what may happen after marriage.

my argument wasnt about the fantasys....fantasy or not, when your giving more that 3 hours a day (some everyday...like me but ya im single lol) to a fantasy game where your interacting with other people, and ignoring the spouse in the other room.. its not about a fantasy, there are people who just simply live out fantasys, thats fine, im talking about those who are so unhappy in their REAL LIFE relationship, that rather than leave their spouse, they choose to live out life in SL having the relationship they wish they had in rl, giving their everyday time to SL instead of the family they started to create. Hey im all for hobbies, video games rule and can be very time consuming, and hey EVERYONE married or not deserved "me time" im not saying they shouldnt play, explore have fun, but when it starts to become all a person does....sorry, its a problem, and it IS cheating because a fantasy is something in your head, when u continue ongoing intimate relations, its cheating. LOL Soxy..nothing wrong with fantasy's but to live them out...with someone other than ur spouse? mmm thats cheatin..sorry lol no porn aint cheating....MAKING a porn( with someone else), would be, and essentially, those who are unhappily married in rl and have a relationship here in SL, sorry it goes to an intimate level, and dare i suggest that cybering occurs?? *gasps* ya... men prolly arent gonna agree here with me here. it is like writing a book, in ways...but theres no denying that people take their relations out of game.....I DO! i talk with my friends outside of game, on yahoo, ive spoken using skype. PLEASE... when u take it out of game, its taking it into RL. and rather than exerting that energy and attention to your spouse, its with another person...cheating goes by many definition..depending on who u ask, that was my point. Like, ive dated in sl, and took the convos to rl...by sheer choice, ive talked on the phone, ive talked on yahoo ect ect..alot of times, like Issis said, alot of people dont put on an act here, they dont make up charachters. They talk as themselves, their emotions, reactions, comments and ect ect are THEM, not an act just for the game. There are SOME who do act thou. and i think if thats the case, then yes i agree its like writing out a story..but when its not, and the person is making it real for themselves, thencmon. Look, marraige is not eary its prolly the hardest thing next to raising a child, because you have to take the ups and downs good and bad, if the flame has fizzled, that doesnt mean u give up, move on, or cheat, it means "here comes some more hard work" you have to work with your partner, communicate with them. u cant just expect the flame to stay lite, u have to kindle it over the years for god sake. its like if u had to eat chicken every night...if its the same the same the same the same, yea no crap that'll get boring...but, what if one night the chicken was spicy? or fried? or marinated? well then hot dam lol see what i mean. if the flame has fizzled as a married couple u have to work together to fix it..no matter who is at fault..its about love above anything else. if your on sl because ur unhappy with the marraige, dont u think ur partner is hurting too?? like i said this doesnt apply to all, just some. i know one thing, if i wast single id barely be on SL, id be spending time with my guy, living real life and only coming on sl here and there to play and have fun, but never taking away from rl. Real life should take away from SL, not the other way around. but isnt it great that we do have the ability to play and create in these vast ways

I agree with Sox. This is not RL. To me SL (in addition to being a fantastic creative outlet) is equivalent to a good porn film. Pixels are not flesh and blood; masturbation is not copulation; and erotic mental stimuli is .. well just erotica. Let's admit it... most of us thoroughly enjoy sex, whether it be RL, masterbation, imagination, pixels, text or phone. I for one, envisioned this type of game many many years ago and even talked to a few developers about it (they all said it would never sell LOL. Of course my idea didn't include building stuff hehe).

My point is ... you have to live with your own decisions and actions, pleasures and passions. If you abandon your RL partner for one in SL, emotionally or physically, you need to search your own moral conscious and decide if it's right or wrong. If your RL partner would be destroyed if they found out .. then I think the answer is obvious.

Boot! Where ya been?? Dont tell me you have been over "there"

WOOT Lexie lol

I think that there are a lot of ppl in SL whose partners cannot fulfill them sexually. I know several who have spouses who are dreadfully ill for instance.

IF you are able to keep SL and RL separate, hey enjoy! I am not able to do that, so I remain uninvolved in SL. I take love and sex very seriously, and I am a one-man woman. THEREFORE, I am faithful online as well as in RL.

I think it is not as simple as yes, it is cheating or no, it is not. It depends upon YOU and how you perceive what you are doing. It is not up to me whether you are cheating or not. It is up to YOU. Some see it as fantasy, erotica etc. HEY enjoy it! Sex is a necessity of adult life in my opinion. If you are not getting what you need, yet you love your spouse and do not want to leave, you have this outlet.

You are assuming the only head that I'm thinking with is in my pants. I'm 32 years old going on 33. I have been in plenty of situations where my heat was ripped from my chest by someone who I believed loved me.

Was it My fault they decided to move on ? Prehapse .. Mabey I could have done things different, Mabey I could have given more of myself .. But mabey it was enevidable. Mabey it was simply never meant to be. Only god knows. Many things people say can be interpreted to mean many things. It shows how narrow minded people are by not being able to view the entire scope of any situation.

It is this reason that some people cannot make a solid commitment.

Who is thinking with what ? Am I thinking with my head, heart, schlong, or is is a confused mess of all three ?

I love and adore my girlfriend, to see her eyes & smile makes my day. to hear her whisper “I love you” makes me feel like I could fly. Sex is to me a bonus. It makes us one for those precious moments. It's more than working for a moment of pleasure. For that time you are one, You feel complete. Whole.

Those who view sex as a chore



Do not understand how important it is to a man. It is important because to a man it is an expression of love. Much of the same way a woman feels when she recieves flowers with a nice card saying how much they mean to someone. The problem is that some women are too matieralistic, All they think about is what they can gain in relationship & if you doubt this, Explain Alimony ?

To me The act of divorce is an agreement between two people that they no longer want to be associated with each other. So how is being Alimony being free of someone & gaining independence ?

To argue it with me is pointless because I am just a stubborn man who thinks with nothing more than his pecker.

pfft ...

LMAO

the mind bogles on the enjoyment one must get with AV sex when there is ya spose in the next room that is soft...warm.....and feels oooooooooooooooo so good at the end...... if the flames gone enough that ya need ta resort to AV sex why not just get up and go? as far as i am concerned and prolly the another 50 mill ppl ..... any sex without ya spouse would be cheating no matter wot....

is it cheating if I'm looking at a playboy wagging my willie ? lol

FYI. When I read "flame" I thought about love, not sex

What happens when the SL world impacts the RL world? What if you get so much satisfaction from the SL sex or SL relationship that you no longer want intimacy with your RL partner?

Anyone heard the term, online infidelity? It's a new area that we RL therapist are treating more often in RL.

I'll just say...

I'm a fan of Ryntha's RynWorks purpletalk (tm) communication system.

I don't av sex at all. I haven't done it, but I imagine it would bore me to tears.

Yessiree,,read the scripture...that is if u got married by under those values. Well that's the way I interpret it. Simple lusting is considered unfaithful. Hard not to do, but those are the rules. Goes something like this "if u cant control yo member, gotta cut it off! OUCH

Boy, are we gonna have a LOT of disfigured freaks out there! People gouging out eyes, cutting off extremities... Wow, I pity those poor suckers.

If you need to question whether or not it's cheating, than yes. Everyone has different standards, don't try to hide from your own.

Nice answer Darwin. RESPEK!!