You can also consider it being more of an affair if you are actually emotionally involved to the point you actually say you love the person in SL, right???Welcome to the Second Life Forums Archive
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Do you consider AV Sex Cheating on your real life Spouse if the flame has gone? |
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Paris Cellardoor
Jefa del Cartel
Join date: 28 Dec 2003
Posts: 867
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12-30-2004 12:00
I wonder how many ppl in SL are actually cheating on their spouse.
You can also consider it being more of an affair if you are actually emotionally involved to the point you actually say you love the person in SL, right???_____________________
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Doctor Bombay
Ratings Revolt NOW!
Join date: 24 Aug 2003
Posts: 61
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12-30-2004 12:02
I wonder how many ppl in SL are actually cheating on their spouse. You can also consider it being more of an affair if you are actually emotionally involved to the point you actually say you love the person in SL, right???I love you Paris Celler... no wait... that would be cheating.... nevermind  _____________________
Best thread commentary ever?
"How dare you confuse us with your fancy pants clear headed thinking! " Chip Midnight 1/11/05 " Silence Infidel.. Do not question the smart people... Accept the answer without question." Alby Yellowknife 1/11/05 "Stop confusing the issue with facts and logic." Moleculor Satyr |
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Isis Becquerel
Ferine Strumpet
Join date: 1 Sep 2004
Posts: 971
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12-30-2004 12:03
Nope... no fence sitting here. I have said it since the beginning of this thread... What your SPOUSE or MATE determines is cheating... is cheating. Your only option is either to conduct yourself with regard to their views, or ... cheat. I sincerely hope you can see where you and your spouse might differ on what requirements would need to be met in order to qualify an act as cheating, right? So with that in mind, their real world morality governs, or at least should govern your virtual conduct. Just as in the other thread.... if my wife were to be bothered by my running around taking upskirt pictures online, her morality would, or should, govern my actions. Why? I love her and I submit myself to the give and take of a marriage. Also, you have to weigh out the repercussions of altering your own belief system. For instance, if I were convinced that she was an idiot for feeling this way and continued to do so... I would have to deal with the fact I might wake up an her gone, or the bed being on fire, or my penis superglued to my thigh. Conversely, if someone that cannot set my bed on fire or superglue my penis to other parts of my body goes off on a rant about how upskirt pictures objectify and expoloit women, well I can call them a friggin idiot. Just like you would be well within your rights to call me a pussy whipped male for loving and being mindful of my wifes views on marital fidelity and the onlie fling. My views on married sexuality have changed a lot since I was younger. Been married 20 years this april. When I was younger I was all hung up on being the ONLY thing my wife needed... EVER. And I was striving on a daily basis to reinforce that belief. Now... fffffffttttttttttt..... As long as she loves me and I am convinced of that.... she can go where she wants, do what she wants, or even WHO she wants as long as she is NOT falling out of love with me and is smart enough to be safe about it and not bring home any disease of the week bullshit. She on the other hand would shove sharpened bamboo shoots under my eyelids if I was unfaithful. Therefore I keep my weasel in my jeans. Ahh yes but what if the husband of the person being upskirted finds the upskirt offensive? Do you see where I am coming from? I agree with you here on this topic of avatar sex, though I extend the same to the other avatars in that I believe we as humans need to be honest with each other regardless of whether we are on the phone, online or face to face. What I do not agree with is your ability to say that one avatar act is real and another is not. _____________________
One of the most fashionable notions of our times is that social problems like poverty and oppression breed wars. Most wars, however, are started by well-fed people with time on their hands to dream up half-baked ideologies or grandiose ambitions, and to nurse real or imagined grievances.
Thomas Sowell As long as the bottle of wine costs more than 50 bucks, I'm not an alcoholic...even if I did drink 3 of them. |
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Diamonique Livingston
Registered User
Join date: 19 Mar 2004
Posts: 30
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12-30-2004 12:05
*What your SPOUSE or MATE determines is cheating... is cheating. *
Okay....to a degree I agree with this....but....what if they determine it is cheating and oppose you doing it but find it's okay for them to do? Again I'm talking mumbo jumbo. Just sitting here waiting for SL to open back up. |
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Isis Becquerel
Ferine Strumpet
Join date: 1 Sep 2004
Posts: 971
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12-30-2004 12:10
Let me put it this way...Say you and your wife are online together playing around in SL. You both decide that it would be fun to buy some genitals but you don't really want everyone to know that you have them or that you use SL in a sexual manner. Your wife happens to be chatting it up in the welcome area when a snapshot is taken. One day you see a thread on the forums saying that someone is taking upskirts in SL, thinking this is funny you go to have a look. As you peruse the pics you see the underwear and outfit your wife has been wearing along with the pronounced genitals the two of you purchased for use with each other. You know it is your wife. Are you angry? Do you discount your wife as just being a pixel? Do you want her upskirt on view for everyone to see even though she wears clothing to cover it?
All I am saying is that if you believe that if there is any emotional content to the pixels rendering on your screen then you have to take into account the feelings and boundaries of others. It is not your right to pick and choose which pertain to you and say that the feelings of others are bogus. It is no more your right to do that than it is my right to lie to another person regarding my marital status or lie to a sig other about my avatar relationships. _____________________
One of the most fashionable notions of our times is that social problems like poverty and oppression breed wars. Most wars, however, are started by well-fed people with time on their hands to dream up half-baked ideologies or grandiose ambitions, and to nurse real or imagined grievances.
Thomas Sowell As long as the bottle of wine costs more than 50 bucks, I'm not an alcoholic...even if I did drink 3 of them. |
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Candy Bijoux
Kiss Me
Join date: 5 Nov 2004
Posts: 130
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12-30-2004 12:11
I think in regards to what Dr. Bombay said has alot of merit in his last post.
Weather one Spouse agrees or disagrees; in the end, it boils down to trust and weather one Spouse will submit to emotion rather than a view of a temporary bit of Pleasure or Fantasy and both understanding that; and knowing the difference in dedication and Jealousy. _____________________
Marriage is for women the commonest mode of livelihood, and the total amount of undesired sex endured by women is probably greater in marriage than in prostitution.
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Lo Jacobs
Awesome Possum
Join date: 28 May 2004
Posts: 2,734
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12-30-2004 12:17
*What your SPOUSE or MATE determines is cheating... is cheating. * Okay....to a degree I agree with this....but....what if they determine it is cheating and oppose you doing it but find it's okay for them to do? Again I'm talking mumbo jumbo. Just sitting here waiting for SL to open back up. Not sure what you mean here. Do you mean that even if they have a problem with you doing it, they think it's ok for them to? If that's what you mean, then of course ... following what Doctor says ... it would be up to YOU. If you don't want them doing it, and they still do it ... then they aren't respecting you OR the relationship. * One of the things that is ticking me off is this sort of reasoning that if the relationship isn't working out then it's not your fault. Like when guys try to rationalize cheating. - Boredom in the relationship - Girlfriend not interesting enough - Not having sex enough in the relationship - Sex isn't satisfying them - Girlfriend is insecure about herself - Girlfriend is not up to par - Relationship isn't going anywhere I see it in a lot of women's magazines. The message it sends out to A LOT of women is that in order to keep your boyfriend/husband from cheating on you you have to be bright, bubbly, always feel good about yourself, and have sex a lot! And a lot of people really, really believe that! Which is why a lot of the time women APOLOGIZE for being ticked off because they think they're inconveniencing other people. There is nothing scarier than a women who's ticked off when she has ample reason to be. Relationships are a two-way street my friend. But you have to define what YOU are comfortable with ... not what other people are and you have to make clear to your partner what your boundaries are, both for yourself and your partner. It's an old song and dance, but communication is KEY. _____________________
http://churchofluxe.com/Luster
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Isis Becquerel
Ferine Strumpet
Join date: 1 Sep 2004
Posts: 971
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12-30-2004 12:17
heh, but it's not due to lack of trying  LF If I were half the woman I thought you were looking for you would be in loads of trouble  _____________________
One of the most fashionable notions of our times is that social problems like poverty and oppression breed wars. Most wars, however, are started by well-fed people with time on their hands to dream up half-baked ideologies or grandiose ambitions, and to nurse real or imagined grievances.
Thomas Sowell As long as the bottle of wine costs more than 50 bucks, I'm not an alcoholic...even if I did drink 3 of them. |
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Doctor Bombay
Ratings Revolt NOW!
Join date: 24 Aug 2003
Posts: 61
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12-30-2004 12:18
Ahh yes but what if the husband of the person being upskirted finds the upskirt offensive? Do you see where I am coming from? I agree with you here on this topic of avatar sex, though I extend the same to the other avatars in that I believe we as humans need to be honest with each other regardless of whether we are on the phone, online or face to face. What I do not agree with is your ability to say that one avatar act is real and another is not. Okay... I will give you the, "My husband saw your upskirt of me and was outraged" argument. I conceed that this could be problematic to your relationship and therefore a "wrong" act. However, my "idiocy" label is more directly aimed at the "this is objectifying and exploiting women" mindset. See... in my mind there are a VERY few things that deliniate that Isis is male, female, or furry woodland creature. Isis is ... well... a "virtual being". Now there is the perceived history of the name Isis that makes me WANT to "think" female. But thats about it when it comes to forums. In SL, there are significantly other clues as to how you wish for me to perceive the Isis standing in front of me. BEWBZ! Sorry... had to do that.... anyway... it all merely adds up, for me anyway, to Isis (the virtual being) wants to be perceived as a female. So now we have a virtual being that for whatever reason I perceive as female. Mainly due to the BEWBZ! But I attach no "humanity" to that thing in front of me. Its a quasi 3 dimensional representation of a "being". So without the lumps of pixels on your chest or any of the other visual clues I use to skew my perception, an upskirt pic is about as offensive and exploiting of actual "women" as some guy at the keyboard doing all of those things to make me perceive him as female and offering to "LOVE ME LONG TIME!"The act is pointless and unfulfilling. So is the righteous indignation regarding the upskirt pics. But thats just one doofused opinion belonging to me. Your milage may vary Good call on the "My Husband saw it" thing. Hadnt really factored that into the noddling process. _____________________
Best thread commentary ever?
"How dare you confuse us with your fancy pants clear headed thinking! " Chip Midnight 1/11/05 " Silence Infidel.. Do not question the smart people... Accept the answer without question." Alby Yellowknife 1/11/05 "Stop confusing the issue with facts and logic." Moleculor Satyr |
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Aynen Kuroda
Registered User
Join date: 9 Sep 2003
Posts: 21
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12-30-2004 12:19
ehm, are we trying to find one single answer to this issue or do we agree to each find our own?
I mean, if the majority says SL relationships are not cheating, and you innitialy think that it is and then, since majority says it isn't, you go like "oh, well, it's ok then, I'll go cheat right away" (exagerated example ofcourse) then I'd get a little freaked out by the level of independant thought here. Saying it in simpler ways, why not stick to your own feelings of what you can and cannot, or should and should not do? Why ask for what others feel you should considder cheating? I'd say the issue of what is cheating is too dependant on the individual to try and find one single answer to it, make your own and be proud of what you came up with, or change it untill you are. |
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Tya Fallingbridge
Proud Prim Whore
Join date: 28 Aug 2003
Posts: 790
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12-30-2004 12:27
Intersting thread.....
I really think this depends on how the married couple view sex. For many its a fantasy taking shape in a 3D form, others its an emotional connection they desire. If you are seeking the emotional aspect, then you need to sit down with your spouse and have a long talk, obviously there is something lacking in the marriage. _____________________
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Doctor Bombay
Ratings Revolt NOW!
Join date: 24 Aug 2003
Posts: 61
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12-30-2004 12:30
*What your SPOUSE or MATE determines is cheating... is cheating. * Okay....to a degree I agree with this....but....what if they determine it is cheating and oppose you doing it but find it's okay for them to do? Again I'm talking mumbo jumbo. Just sitting here waiting for SL to open back up. Alright... I think I see where this is going.... 1 and 2 are married 1 thinks online sex is fine 2 does not think its okay 1 governs her activities by 2's views 2 on the other hand is exploiting the fact that he has 1 over a barrell. 2 can have online sex because 1 thinks its okay, 1 cannot have online sex because 2 thinks its wrong. In this case what is good for the goose is NOT good for the gander. I do however think this an extremely rare occurance and would be willing to bitch slap both 1 and 2 for being such dickheads to each other and getting together inspite of such fundemental differences. Hows That?  _____________________
Best thread commentary ever?
"How dare you confuse us with your fancy pants clear headed thinking! " Chip Midnight 1/11/05 " Silence Infidel.. Do not question the smart people... Accept the answer without question." Alby Yellowknife 1/11/05 "Stop confusing the issue with facts and logic." Moleculor Satyr |
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Isis Becquerel
Ferine Strumpet
Join date: 1 Sep 2004
Posts: 971
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12-30-2004 12:35
Okay... I will give you the, "My husband saw your upskirt of me and was outraged" argument. I conceed that this could be problematic to your relationship and therefore a "wrong" act. However, my "idiocy" label is more directly aimed at the "this is objectifying and exploiting women" mindset. See... in my mind there are a VERY few things that deliniate that Isis is male, female, or furry woodland creature. Isis is ... well... a "virtual being". Now there is the perceived history of the name Isis that makes me WANT to "think" female. But thats about it when it comes to forums. In SL, there are significantly other clues as to how you wish for me to perceive the Isis standing in front of me. BEWBZ! Sorry... had to do that.... anyway... it all merely adds up, for me anyway, to Isis (the virtual being) wants to be perceived as a female. So now we have a virtual being that for whatever reason I perceive as female. Mainly due to the BEWBZ! But I attach no "humanity" to that thing in front of me. Its a quasi 3 dimensional representation of a "being". So without the lumps of pixels on your chest or any of the other visual clues I use to skew my perception, an upskirt pic is about as offensive and exploiting of actual "women" as some guy at the keyboard doing all of those things to make me perceive him as female and offering to "LOVE ME LONG TIME!"The act is pointless and unfulfilling. So is the righteous indignation regarding the upskirt pics. But thats just one doofused opinion belonging to me. Your milage may vary Good call on the "My Husband saw it" thing. Hadnt really factored that into the noddling process. Lol...I have small bewbz in SL and they are way to big for my liking in rl...so I guess in your definition that would make me a bewb transi. The HUMAN behind the avatar is what makes me, well, me. Isis is a name that I chose to represent myself in a medium. If you were to speak to me on the phone, never seeing me, would you discount the fact that I am a person and think of me as nothing but sound waves? Likely not. I am just saying that we need to treat each other with the same respect online as we would in any other form, whether that form is a pixel rendering, a sound wave, a physical lump of carbon atoms...it doesn't matter we are still humans. Respect and honest should still be the norm. _____________________
One of the most fashionable notions of our times is that social problems like poverty and oppression breed wars. Most wars, however, are started by well-fed people with time on their hands to dream up half-baked ideologies or grandiose ambitions, and to nurse real or imagined grievances.
Thomas Sowell As long as the bottle of wine costs more than 50 bucks, I'm not an alcoholic...even if I did drink 3 of them. |
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Mistress Midnight
pfft!!
Join date: 13 May 2003
Posts: 346
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12-30-2004 12:41
So to ME SL sex is only cheating if your spouse wouldn't approve. I personally wouldn't mind it as long as it didn't cut into Aimee sex time -aimee It's ok Aime's he doesn't mind _____________________
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Paris Cellardoor
Jefa del Cartel
Join date: 28 Dec 2003
Posts: 867
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12-30-2004 12:42
Lol...I have small bewbz in SL and they are way to big for my liking in rl...so I guess in your definition that would make me a bewb transi. The HUMAN behind the avatar is what makes me, well, me. Isis is a name that I chose to represent myself in a medium. If you were to speak to me on the phone, never seeing me, would you discount the fact that I am a person and think of me as nothing but sound waves? Likely not. I am just saying that we need to treat each other with the same respect online as we would in any other form, whether that form is a pixel rendering, a sound wave, a physical lump of carbon atoms...it doesn't matter we are still humans. Respect and honest should still be the norm. I never saw the picture thing a big deal, but I have realized that it is. Unfortunately in this SL world we live in it is obviously very much like RL. Has anyone ever noticed that the married ppl in SL are the ones who are having affairs or cheating on their spouse (excluding those that have an open honest relationship with their RL spouse)? I have also noticed that married or has a partner are the ones who are approached more then single ppl. _____________________
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Isis Becquerel
Ferine Strumpet
Join date: 1 Sep 2004
Posts: 971
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12-30-2004 12:51
I never saw the picture thing a big deal, but I have realized that it is. Unfortunately in this SL world we live in it is obviously very much like RL. Has anyone ever noticed that the married ppl in SL are the ones who are having affairs or cheating on their spouse (excluding those that have an open honest relationship with their RL spouse)? I have also noticed that married or has a partner are the ones who are approached more then single ppl. That is true in RL as well. A married person has a sort of elusive grandeur. The whole, "There must be something wonderful about that person which would cause another to commit to them" idea has always been around at rl bars and online. And it seems that the married folk can disconnect their feelings much easier than the unmarried. Now you are an exception but you and Darko are open in regards to your relationship. Some couples are much more deceptive. Is this right? Only time will tell. This is a new medium and the boundaries have obviously not yet been developed. I must say though that it seems that those who do not have a problem with upskirts do have a problem with infidelity in the pixel form. Which parts are real and which are not? _____________________
One of the most fashionable notions of our times is that social problems like poverty and oppression breed wars. Most wars, however, are started by well-fed people with time on their hands to dream up half-baked ideologies or grandiose ambitions, and to nurse real or imagined grievances.
Thomas Sowell As long as the bottle of wine costs more than 50 bucks, I'm not an alcoholic...even if I did drink 3 of them. |
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Doctor Bombay
Ratings Revolt NOW!
Join date: 24 Aug 2003
Posts: 61
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12-30-2004 12:57
Lol...I have small bewbz in SL and they are way to big for my liking in rl...so I guess in your definition that would make me a bewb transi. The HUMAN behind the avatar is what makes me, well, me. Isis is a name that I chose to represent myself in a medium. If you were to speak to me on the phone, never seeing me, would you discount the fact that I am a person and think of me as nothing but sound waves? Likely not. I am just saying that we need to treat each other with the same respect online as we would in any other form, whether that form is a pixel rendering, a sound wave, a physical lump of carbon atoms...it doesn't matter we are still humans. Respect and honest should still be the norm. Well see now I have to discount everything you say from now on as coming from a delusional liar. There is NO SUCH THING AS TOO BIG IN REAL LIFE! WHAT ARE YOU? ON CRACK?!?!?!?!? Ahem.... sorry... this outburst was brought to you by Juggs Magazine. Objectifying BEWBZ since 1979! I get your point... but I think there needs to be a "factoring in" if you will by the entire community. In general, not everyone sees a virtual world as a representation of ... well... anything other than squiggly pixels and purrdee culurs. Derrrrrrrr yup! _____________________
Best thread commentary ever?
"How dare you confuse us with your fancy pants clear headed thinking! " Chip Midnight 1/11/05 " Silence Infidel.. Do not question the smart people... Accept the answer without question." Alby Yellowknife 1/11/05 "Stop confusing the issue with facts and logic." Moleculor Satyr |
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Paris Cellardoor
Jefa del Cartel
Join date: 28 Dec 2003
Posts: 867
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12-30-2004 13:01
That is true in RL as well. A married person has a sort of elusive grandeur. The whole, "There must be something wonderful about that would cause another to commit to them" idea has always been around at rl bars and online. And it seems that the married folk can disconnect their feelings much easier than the unmarried. Now you are an exception but you and Darko are open in regards to your relationship. Some couples are much more deceptive. Is this right? Only time will tell. This is a new medium and the boundaries have obviously not yet been developed. I must say though that it seems that those who do not have a problem with upskirts do have a problem with infidelity in the pixel form. Which parts are real and which are not? Yes so very true. And I realized that the upskirt pics were wrong. Darko asked me if it were your pic up there how would you feel...I said I would be furious. He would be furious as well. But on the cheating part it is funny how ppl think it is not cheating bc it is simply a game. But that is so far from the truth. I think one can develop some really serious feelings for someone in SL. It really bothers me when I see some couples IW that are married and are having these relationships without their spouse knowing. Honesty...Honesty...Honesty. _____________________
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Isis Becquerel
Ferine Strumpet
Join date: 1 Sep 2004
Posts: 971
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12-30-2004 13:06
Yes so very true. And I realized that the upskirt pics were wrong. Darko asked me if it were your pic up there how would you feel...I said I would be furious. He would be furious as well. But on the cheating part it is funny how ppl think it is not cheating bc it is simply a game. But that is so far from the truth. I think one can develop some really serious feelings for someone in SL. It really bothers me when I see some couples IW that are married and are having these relationships without their spouse knowing. Honesty...Honesty...Honesty. Truer words have never been spoken, girl. Honesty...that is it whether you are one the phone, on the web or at the coffee house...honesty. Give the same respect to those you meet online as you would to those you meet in world and you will be alright. If you would not act single at the coffee house do not act single in SL.... Love ya Paris...you put the real in the second life. _____________________
One of the most fashionable notions of our times is that social problems like poverty and oppression breed wars. Most wars, however, are started by well-fed people with time on their hands to dream up half-baked ideologies or grandiose ambitions, and to nurse real or imagined grievances.
Thomas Sowell As long as the bottle of wine costs more than 50 bucks, I'm not an alcoholic...even if I did drink 3 of them. |
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Paris Cellardoor
Jefa del Cartel
Join date: 28 Dec 2003
Posts: 867
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12-30-2004 13:12
Truer words have never been spoken, girl. Honesty...that is it whether you are one the phone, on the web or at the coffee house...honesty. Give the same respect to those you meet online as you would to those you meet in world and you will be alright. If you would not act single at the coffee house do not act single in SL.... Love ya Paris...you put the real in the second life. Awwww thanks....I am just speaking from my heart and being honest. _____________________
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Isis Becquerel
Ferine Strumpet
Join date: 1 Sep 2004
Posts: 971
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12-30-2004 13:28
Well see now I have to discount everything you say from now on as coming from a delusional liar. There is NO SUCH THING AS TOO BIG IN REAL LIFE! WHAT ARE YOU? ON CRACK?!?!?!?!? Ahem.... sorry... this outburst was brought to you by Juggs Magazine. Objectifying BEWBZ since 1979! I get your point... but I think there needs to be a "factoring in" if you will by the entire community. In general, not everyone sees a virtual world as a representation of ... well... anything other than squiggly pixels and purrdee culurs. Derrrrrrrr yup! But if one person believes it is real more than you believe it is real should you not respect the feelings of that person? If you do not know someone in real life are they not just a clump of carbon atoms floating through space held together by electrons and quarks? Why consider that person a "real" entity if you do not know their soul? Do we not have a greater capacity to understand a person's "soul" without seeing their physical being by using media such as SL? So should we treat them as if they do not exist in any other manner than pixels? Or another idea...Say I call you one the phone, you have no idea who I am, and tell you my name is Isis. That is all that I tell you. Would you feel that it is within your rights to speak to me in a sexual manner? Would you feel that it were more appropriate to treat me disrespectfully than if you met me in person? What is the line between human and sound waves, real world and pixels, living humans and the oil and water which make up a photograph? Can we not agree that the manner in which you choose to act in real life should extend to any medium where others are going to be affected? I am certain that as each new medium developed (camera, radio, tv and now the internet) that the issue of reality versus media have been discussed....Now it is our turn with 3d virtual environs. hehe...and it isn't your back that has to hold them up all day _____________________
One of the most fashionable notions of our times is that social problems like poverty and oppression breed wars. Most wars, however, are started by well-fed people with time on their hands to dream up half-baked ideologies or grandiose ambitions, and to nurse real or imagined grievances.
Thomas Sowell As long as the bottle of wine costs more than 50 bucks, I'm not an alcoholic...even if I did drink 3 of them. |
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Snapdragon Dayton
Registered User
Join date: 31 Mar 2004
Posts: 6
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Why the condition
12-30-2004 14:00
If AV sex is cheating then what difference does the state of your flame make...except if the flame has gone..will an AV fling re-ignite it..or help you make that final move to make your own way
How bizarre to think in this day & age women still see marriage as a way to livelihood  |
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Tim Rockwell
Businessman
Join date: 21 Oct 2004
Posts: 21
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Nature Of The Marriage
12-30-2004 14:05
Surely, it purely depends on the nature of the RL marriage. Not all RL marriages are the same, by any means. Some are very open, for both parties and survive that way.
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Stillpink Sandgrain
Registered User
Join date: 15 Nov 2003
Posts: 16
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say WhAT???
12-30-2004 14:19
OMG! people are having sex in SL???? *not in Kansas anymore.....
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Pendari Lorentz
Senior Member
Join date: 5 Sep 2003
Posts: 4,372
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12-30-2004 14:22
Gawd, you're like a female Blake. I was wondering when someone would make this connection Lo. hehe.. The use of the Pronunciation Key with definition *really* set off red flags for me. hehe.. _____________________
*hugs everyone*
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