Do you consider AV Sex Cheating on your real life Spouse if the flame has gone?

I don't think it would be worth going to Court over considering if there are children involved, and there was not actual Adultery committed to warrant a Divorce.

Now if the two parties involved actually met each other in real life and had sex, then I think there would be grounds for Divorce.

Some stuff I found:



"The Privacy Lawyer: Want The Low-Down On Your Cheating Spouse? Consider That You May Be Breaking The Law Oct. 27, 2003
It's tempting to read someone else's E-mail or spy on their online chats. Before you do, Parry Aftab says, consider: What privacy laws are you trampling in your rush for the scoop?"
http://www.informationweek.com/showArticle.jhtml?articleID=15600188

http://www.cheatingwifehusband.com/cheatingspouse/

http://www.saferdating.com/netadultery.htm

http://cse.stanford.edu/class/cs201/projects-00-01/pornography/legal.htm

Candy... The spouse gets to define what is and is not cheating.Not you.
If they say its cheating... its cheating. Period.

I did not say Cheating, I said Adultery. Meaning Adultery in the Context of warranting a Divorce. Im not sure that a Court would consider Avatar Sex warranting a Divorce because Adultery was not committed. Im not sure how they look at cheating.

I lasted forty years, Lordfly, until a hot blonde and weak moment in Acapulco sneaked in through my powerful defenses.

Careful!

- T -

heh, but it's not due to lack of trying

LF

In my life Cheating is Adultery.
And I get to define what that consists of for my wife.
She gets to define what that consists of for me.
You cant rationalize it away based on semantical arguemts and word definitions.

It just so happens that we are lucky enough to have discussed it a lot when we were dating so we are both clear on where the line is.
For me, its a heart thing. If she is in love with me but got drunk and banged a guy.. I would survive. If she wasnt drunk and banged a guy... I would survive. If she banged a girl Id want to watch

If she pined away for her online time to be with someone she would never meet in real life it would be far more damaging to me.

She on the other hand was very plain when she said "Fantasy WITHOUT any interraction with ANYONE else is acceptable. ANYTHING else is not."

What I would find interesting is a truthful examination of the poll results.

My view would be that most of the people that said NO is isnt cheating if you do it online, probably either have, are, or will participate in an online encounter of a sexual nature.

The ones who said YES it is cheating, wouldnt. Or at the very least have tried it and found it dangerous or unfulfilling.

I have a RL boyfriend that I live with and love very much. He's always worried that I'm going to meet "someone" on SL and fall -- emotionally -- in love with this person.

It's less pixel sex than emotional feeling in my opinion. I base far more judgement in the way a person in SL acts than how they look, though not all of it. I would never enter into a SL relationship with anyone because 1) I can't compartmentalize my feelings that well and 2) I and my boyfriend consider it a form of cheating.

Why is it cheating to me? Because my boyfriend and I form a little team of two. It's just us. You lose intimacy -- well, I would anyway -- when you let other people in.

I think mutual agreement and understanding between each other is the important thing, true. I know there are some that have AV Sex behind their Spouses back though as they probably value the relationship and do not want to ruin it, and like Fantasies online.

what if the SL marriage came first and you had a rl fling?

(note to Nemi, hasn't happend, honest)

It's a sticky question. My own opinion is that sex is as much a mental/psychological reality as it is physical, and cheating with pixels is still cheating and potentially harmful to your existing relationship in the real world.

That's an interesting Scenario Aynen.

Having sex, virtual or otherwise, behind your partner's back is NOT valuing the relationship. It's destroying it, because you're keeping secrets that you know would upset the other person. It's a form of trying to keep in control of your life and the people in it.

Candy,
I think technically, av sex is not cheating. But it is to some degree on an emotional level for a lot of women at least.
A lot of women don't stray unless they are unhappy in they're relationship somehow. So if the flame is dying, it behooves that couple to fix it or move on.

There is a philosophy that gets bandied about between men who cheat to figure that if you tell your girlfriend that you've been cheating, then you're hurting her, and that means you don't really love her.

It's the most piece of shit reasoning I've ever heard and I would very much enjoy seeing these men's balls cut off.

I understand how you feel, however; if one goes out in a game and kills monsters; should one feel that they have murdered? Another interesting perspective. I know that there is no emotion behind the monster though nor is it real. Same could be for PVPing another real player.

That's a whole 'nother ball game and frankly one that I don't find very interesting.

It might not be considered Adultery, but a case could well be made for alienation of affection. However, regardless of the legal implications, sharing sexual intimacy with another person without your spouse's knowledge and approval is 'cheating'. If it wasn't cheating, you wouldn't be sneaking around to do it! However, that's a personal decision and matter of conscience. I do think, however, the person with whom you are having AV sex with should know that you are married, because for some, that is also a matter of conscience.

Rationalization to support your case is not allowed, Candy.
You have to be convinced that online flings are adulterous behavior to an awful lot of people.
You just dont like the fact that they are.

regardless of it being cheating or not, if you know it would hurt your spouse if they knew, would you do it, even if it's not considdered cheating?

I mean, how relevant is it what term you give it or under what definition it falls?
If you know it hurts your loved one, why do it?

Normally, I wouldn't comment on this. But, it's relevant to the thread, so I will. This, I'm afraid, is a bit presumptuous. Having had direct experience with your analogy, I just wanted to point out that you're probably not correct. When one is a prostitute, you never get from your clients the joy of a ring, or a wedding, or someone saying that they love you and cherish you... even if they break that bond later. It is just about money and sex. It's not fair, really, to compare marriage and prostitution so broadly in this day and age.

Now, I'm not a marriage advocate. Because I have no religious leanings, and I think technology has surpassed the social protection that marriage offered women, I don't really understand the compulsion to involve the law in one's relationships anymore than is absolutely necessary.

That said, I respect that most people who get married do so because they really do want to, because they love their prospective spouse, and marriage has been the most popular way of consummating that (besides sex, of course) for the past few generations. Perhaps it's habit or socio-economic pressure, as you imply, that drives people to it, but it isn't worthy of quite that much censure.

Technically, I suppose it depends upon what state you live in (or country, for that matter), when it comes to actionable infidelity on SL. But the question was not whether having an affair on SL constitutes illegal adultery, it was whether cyber sex constitutes cheating if you no longer have passion for your spouse. That's a more personal question.

How egregious an offense it is depends upon how much you let SL seep into your RL. If it is "just sex", then it is very similar to pornography, in that the other person is your porn-actor/actress. You do your bodily function, and go about your business. However, if you develop a relationship with this person, and you are getting emotional fulfillment from them as well as sexual, then I think that moves into the realm of cheating.

It's also very dangerous. You're better off paying an escort, because your money isn't going toward getting him or her to lay down for you - it's paying them to go away when it's finished. Going away is very important. It can be very difficult - especially for a woman - to have sex with someone, experience a really hot time, and then not feel emotionally attached. But down that road lay the way to hell.

Practically speaking, most of us know that these things can become very complicated, very quickly, despite our best intentions. If you are remaining in a passionless marriage because of children or financial reasons, you're going to have to get very realistic about what you're doing, which is extremely hard to do when the "flame has gone" and someone else is lighting it for you. It requires an enormous amount of self-discipline, which I have rarely seen, in RL or SL.

The problem with SL is that the grass is always greener. It's textured that way. We often forget that in our hope for better things.

Yours,

M.

I don't have a Case..never claimed one. Cheating is Cheating..Adultery is having Sex behind your Spouses back.

I understand how you feel, however; if one goes out in a game and kills monsters; should one feel that they have murdered? Another interesting perspective. I know that there is no emotion behind the monster though nor is it real.

Candy,
Exactly. You can never hope to one day meet up with said monster irl. Although women need to consider that danger too. That some men can be "monsters/predators" that they should beware of.

*Raises hand* IS THERE A BLOODY DIFFERENCE?