Do you consider AV Sex Cheating on your real life Spouse if the flame has gone?

Cheating is cheating....the difference is in the boudaries of acceptability.
If you make a commitment, any form in which you chose to break that is cheating.
However many feel that AV relationships are within an acceptable boundary not to damage a RL commitment. But it is still cheating, to consider it anything else suggests you give no validity to either your own or others feelings simply because in the guise of an AV.

However many feel that AV relationships are within an acceptable boundary not to damage a RL commitment. But it is still cheating, to consider it anything else suggests you give no validity to either your own or others feelings simply because in the guise of an AV.

Snapdragon,
I agree. People that feel avie sex is harmless should be aware that people meet online and then it goes to telephone and then next thing you know, your meeting them at the airport. It can and does happen.

Well....boy, this subject is a touchy one and full of opinions, each of which are valid. I do not see this as "cheating"....but then I am playing a game, I am role playing, it is a computer game. I am not playing as the real life dude but a cartoon animated pixel dude who looks nothing like me. It's not "me". I think this lack of ability to separate ourselves from our pixel game-people is what causes a lot of these problems and questions. Also, I got a chuckle out of the post that said if you masturbate while doing it, it's cheating, but masturbating watching porn is not..lol..That just kinda proves that this whole subject is too individual to be resolved really. And yes it would be up to the real life couple to determine whether it's really cheating or not. I have had romantic relationships in online games. And you DO have to be careful to be honest not just with your RL partner but with your online partner! As far as expectations. Because some people have little control over themselves. I got an ex-sim-wife who still "wanders" into my real-life town stalking me! I can't imagine letting myself get out of control like that. But my fault too for not judging her ability to handle reality. I know there's some people who like to basically play themselves in these games. Just remember this is called Second Life for a reason. You are not your avatar, unless you choose to have it that way, in which case it's probably best you don't have those romances at all.

This thread is a joke right?

Are people this pathetic where they think Avatar sex is cheating...lol...this is too funny?

OK ! This is silly. First off ! If your relationship is so far gone that the only way you can get your jollies off , is by wailing the willie to an avitar then your relationship is OVER ! Time to pack up & move on. Secondly You cannot have a real relationship with anyone on the net if you have never met. It's one thing to say I love you to someone on the net, it is another to prove it. If you are this lost between Fantasy & reality it's time to put your mouse & keyboard away, Dump your partner & get someone else that can make you happy. Even if it involves moving to where this ( person / avie ) is from.

This is not a real relationship ... it's a game .. if you cannot tell the difference then you desperatley need help.

Sits in the corner watching Dia and Boot, getting so hot, mmmmm Masterbates herself as she watches... you guys are HAWT... mind if i jump in bed too?


BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

watches fallan

Hmm, well I can see both sides. I have a husband in RL and a boyfriend on SL. I talked it over with my husband first, we both stated our sides and what we thought. Basically I only do what he says is ok. Which is no sex. I can cuddle, kiss, ect. with my SL boyfriend, as long as he doesn't get into my pants it's ok by my husband.

I'm pretty sure that the folks who think it is messing around are the same people who believe that sharing music online is stealing. HAHAHAHA

And you are obviously not a real human being behind your avatar and name, so we can ignore you and you won't feel bad.

OK so let me ask this. have these 2 people ever met in real life ? have they ever made real love ? How do they know they would find each other attractive until they did meet ? I have entertained the thoughts of certain people before yes. But I am also realistic. people are easily drawn into the prospects of the perfect relationships by promises & reassurance. Could be a gentle voice, Could be a lovely dream. But ask yourself this. If this person is everything they have you believing, Why are they sitting behind a computer all day doing nothing more than wooing you?

I'll admit, I have met some women with pretty powerful personality's, seen photos of them & thought DAYUM !! But I also ask “What is it about them that prevents them from being in a REAL relationship”?

People can be very convincing, They will tell you whatever they think you want to hear. Iv'e been suckered before too & I felt like a total dip-shit for it. I speak from experience being on the net for 7 years. I haven't applied myself to gain a relationship in some ways because I believe that if a person is committed to finding love they will not do it looking at a screen all day as life passes them by. soaking in the nice glow of the sweet warm radiation that emanates off their monitors. Nothing like a ghostly clammy glow to attract a mate !

Alot of people desire love. I understand this. What I don't understand is how someone expects to find a real & meaningful relationship doing nothing more than sitting on their ass in front of a damn computer .. I Cannot get this to sink in.

I'm not a heartless sou less bastard like some people may think. But if you really think about the odds for yourselves ( because , Ultimately you will be the ones to reep the consequences or rewards from it ) are you really doing yourself a favor by hanging on to a simple Fantasy ? Or are you hurting yourself by taking the risk on the eminent reality that this relationship may never come to pass ?

Think about it ..... Really

wingnut,
Your assuming that most or all online players are pasty complectioned socially disfunctional losers. Thats not always true.

never said it was . But look @ the way the world views it. I am only expressing what I know people think.

Okay, I've obviously jumped in on this topic after everyone else has had their say. So here's mine. Been there, done that.

I was engaged to this guy who played on a MUCK. (Yeah, not SL, but it's the same deal.) We both did, actually. And both of us had cybersex with other players. And had very few issues with it. But as it went along, he got into a relationship with one of his partners, it became serious, and I found OUR relationship slipping drastically. He would never talk to me, but would confide everything in her. He would come to bed every night too tired to do anything, because he had been up all night talking and cybering with her. If I tried to get his attention while he was on the computer, even resorting to the naughtiest means I could think of, he would brush me off and continue with her. Cheating? Yes. Because it was unfair to not just me, but also "us". Adultery? No. He was living in a fantasy world, and fantasy, no matter how close to reality it is, never will BE reality.

Second scenario: present day. I am married. To someone else, obviously. I took the former example as a sign that maybe all was not well, and I had best move on. Best decision I ever made in my life. Now I play SL. And, when the urge takes me, yes, I do engage in avatar sex. Does my husband know? Yes. We share an office together, and usually he's in there the same time I am. And he actually LIKES it when I have sex online, because it's like foreplay. It gets me all riled up for the real thing, and then I turn around and drag him off his computer to a night of wild sex. And he's not feeling left out WHILE I'm online, because he's got his various computer games and movies and books and whatnot. We enjoy our "me" time, and then enjoy the aftermath too. Win-win. Cheating? Hell no. It's something we both enjoy, even if I AM going through the motions with someone else.

The main thing it seems is that the person who started this thread is trying to get legal advice. I know nothing about the law. But here's my stand. A game is fantasy. Unless you are actually meeting people iRL, it is fantasy, and I'll say it again: Fantasy, no matter how close to reality it is, never will BE reality. HOWEVER, if it is hurtful to your partner and your relationship, then it IS cheating, and you need to ask yourself two things: (1) Is it worth continuing the relationship in SL? (2) Is it worth continuing the relationship iRL? And then you need to base your future actions on the answers to that.

If it has already reached the point where legal action is required, then at least one of those questions is a no, and for your sake, burn that bridge and don't look back.


By the way, to Wingnut, some of us have cybersex because it lets us have a fantasy without the obligations of reality. Mindblowing fantasy sex, no strings attached. It's like an interactive daydream, and some of us do it just to indulge ourselves by getting away from reality and just letting loose with someone we don't know and never have to worry about ever knowing.

However, I do understand how you feel about online RELATIONSHIPS. I've never understood them, and shy away from them at all cost. You fall in love with an idea and a voice, then the reality hits.... and it's rarely up to the unrealistic expectations that have been set. Which is not good for any relationship. All relationships should be based on honesty and trust, and most online relationships consist, at least a little, of being convinced the person is better than they are and ignoring, not accepting but IGNORING or not knowing, their flaws. Lies will break down a relationship quickly and devastatingly, even if the person lying to you is yourself.

Does you or your hubby feel like your getting sloppy seconds?

what a horrible thing to say

I'm asking for a reason cuz it was asked me so i want to know what her answer is...not trying to be mean at all...i promise

Oh no, not at all! We still have all the fun we would normally have, but I'm already hot and heavy and ready to go, so we can skip some of the preliminaries that it would normally take to get a woman ready for action. Plus, being at that state of arousal does wonders for the actual orgasm, since it takes less work for me to get there. And my husband, of course, doesn't have to worry about making himself last as long, so less pressure on him.

*waves at Tya*

Hi sexy...long time no see.

I've had this question come up so many times.In my honest opinion i would say no its not cheating,its just filling a unfullfilled desire in a world of fantasy.Woman read romance novels for the same purpose,so is reading a romance novel cheating,no.Is watching a soap opera cheating if they feel the escape.I say its a good thing,or you'd be seeing alot of woman going postal.

I mean once they turn off the computer they go back to there husbands anyways,and if it makes them feel better who benefits as well(the RL husband)in most cases.Or the marriage has just gone down the crap hole anyways,in which nothing is really being hurt.

I mean if say i was married,and i found out my wife was having cybersex,i wouldn't get mad,simplistic male thinking.It shows me a oppurtunity to discover some desires she has,and i would ask her about them to help her,and to fulfill them.

So no its not cheating,anyways if you catch your woman fucking a polygonial figure online is it really worth you getting mad about,might as well get mad at her dildo as well.Just another way of getting off.

lol this may just be me, and im sure ill get reemed for this one, BUT..yea its cheating. i have strong feelings on that topic, i'll never understand people who have real life spouses who come on this game either with or without their spouse and then have relations with someone on the game. i dont care if the spouse plays too and they do it too. That isnt the point. I feel theres something really wrong there. With marragie, ANY kind of relationship of an intimate nature other than with your spouse is A. cheating and B. not what you promised in your vows. Just because theres no direct contact does not change it. Your exchanging emotions and intamicy with a person OTHER than your spouse, its aduterly, its cheating. deal with it! If your that unhappy, get OUT of the marraige. If you sit on the computer while your spouse is sitting in another room, or i should say if youd RATHER be online alllll the time, like alot of people i see, its just wrong like i said...thats just me..and those are the morals and values i was raised with! Thank you mom and dad )and im just happily single

If you have a spouse then you have done something so stupid that you merit what you have now. Yes it's cheating, and yes you are in trapped with someone you don't love.

my, my. This thread seems to have touched a nerve.....

Some people around here need a reality check - I mean seriously. There's so much drama caused in SL by the 'omg you cheated' brigade its just not true.

F A N T A S Y - repeat after me everyone - F A N T A S Y.

As someone posted above,and quite rightly so, it's akin to reading a novel except your writing it as you go. So are you cheating on your spouse if you see two people kissing on TV? if you watch porn? if you read romance novels? if you have a dream about the guy/girl next door?

ANYONE who comes either onto these message boards or into Second Life and says 'the only fantasy I have is my husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend, is a liar plain and simple, human nature just is not like that. EVERY fanatsy requires a level of participation on the part of the fantasist wether its killing the bad guy, fighting the Dragon for its treasure or leaping into bed with 2 other people.

This isnt reality its fantasy, a game, plain and simple and if your reading anything else into it than that then its time to rent a rubber room.