Can you realy trust your SL lover?

Paddy, it seems to me that you were cheating on the original bf until you found out it was the same guy. So he was pretending to be three guys, playing a game, being a jerk, and you were taking all the bait and cheating. You both seemed to have wasted a lot of time and effort for whAt??

One thing some people seem to forget in SL, not all of them mind you, that we are not computer programs they can just turn off. We are living, breathing, flesh and blood human beings and we all have feelings. It doesnt matter to me if we are rl or sl, we can still get hurt. It is only common curtesy to be honest with people if you want to interact with them.

Oh Marianne. You post is like I could have written it. But my relationship is over and I feel a bit stupid and used too. I know it's the best thing...that it's over, but it still hurts like crazy.

But like Cherry said, we are all human. A vacation from SL would be good perhaps only I have a few obligations here to fulfill. And plenty of good friends who are helping. Cherry's promised to get a bunch of us together for a raucous night out. Hope you can join us!

I trust Claire...yes I do.

As far as the rest of you posting here,
I can trust myself as much as I can trust you,
which is not saying a whole lot...

But Claire is a trustworthy lady,
and that is a true statement.

i trust the woman i like. I hope she trusts me, sais she does. Wish there were ways to prove trust besides time though, i'd do it in a heartbeat.

That's the thing; if you have to prove it, it's not trust.
No risk, no reward.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
To me, trust that may or may not be broken is better than living with doubts and suspicion.

If you want a realist's look at it, every relationship you have had before has ended. You can either live in fear or enjoy the time you are given.

Being the first and falling to second isn't so fun either.

In either life.


Good luck to you, Marianne.

I like that thinking Yosef. Gives me hope too. Here's to looking ahead!

that is true, but if you feel like your being put on hold because of past problems they may have had with relationships and trust its not too fun. I'm not those guys. I'm me.

funny how in SL relationships seem to have more impact than in RL because the physical side is all left out....

i think there's a lot of weirdos playing strange games on here...i'm sure it's tempting for some people to abuse the ability to become another person over and over again.

i have met someone who is being a bit possessive and who's all into keeping things secret. i really like the fellow and like to have a listen, cause he's really a good guy and great to be around, but the more i hear from him, the more i find he keeps falling into his own traps that he sets up to bond people to himself.

i think it can befairly said that what applies in social relations in RL paralells to SL as well.
so maybe it's some kind of comfort to you that the guy who was giving you all this crap will get his payoff for it eventually.

It took me a long time to read through all these posts in reply to the threat and I'm gonna throw in my 2 cents worth.

I had a SL relationship come to an end a week before Valentine's day. We had know each other for a few months and when we had first met neither of us was looking for anything. It blossomed into a relationshp and we had become so close that we had discussed meeting in RL considering we were only a few hours from each other. We talked every single night on voice chat, we had partnered each other and we were planning a SL wedding. Then all hell breaks lose and he freaks out about our relationship and he made some very bad decisions. In that process he hurt not only me, but 2 other people as well, it caused him major problems at his SL job, and people who've known him for a long time lost respect for him.

I don't hold anything against him though. It was a true learning experience. The av that he knew me on has since disappeared. I'm moving on, and while I occasionally still see him at different places around SL, I don't talk to him.

I don't think that SL relationships are bad...but when it comes down to it you have to TRUST YOURSELF...before you can trust anyone else.

Sure the end of a SL relationship hurts, but it's a learning experience and you move on from it. The more you dwell on what happened the longer it's going to take for you to move on and enjoy the rest of your SL

o.0 omg The one having a problem with "trust" should be your lover.

Where is Claire, anyways?? I danced with her Saturday night, she left, and has not come back.

/me feels my ears burning and steps sideways into the thread. Looks around curiously...

You rang??



i really should remember that curiosity killed the cat lol...

Weeeeheeelllll speak of the devil!! Hi Claire!

Wow! The rewards of lurking in a thread! i get called the devil! cool

Hi!

btw, i am usually around. i think it is some sort of non-God-like omnipresence. i am always at the hangout and always on the forums.
Im wierd like that you see....

It doesn't have to be a lover/partner/boyfriend or girlfriend who destroys your trust. Sometimes very close friends will do the same. I have very few friends and tend to keep to myself most times, but the ones I do have, I keep them close and support and protect them to the best of my ability during their rough times. It can come as a complete surprise when a friend you consider close, turns from you and becomes a totally different person.
The few friends I do have, have all had painful experience such as the ones posted here. Clearly they were in pain and I did my best to keep a shoulder ready for them. I have not had any relationships such as this in SL and if the pain of losing a friend, or the pain of what my friends have suffered through, is any indication of what I would experience, I'd rather not have any such relationships.

Ugh! This thread has just ripped the heart right out of my chest!
My partner and I have been together since December and have been friends since I first signed on to SL in August of 2007. He found me naked and ruthed in a sandbox and he tucked me right under his wing and flew away with me. He told me I was cute when I knew damn well I was fugly. He bought me my first hair and gave me some $L to get started. We were friends first for several months. He's only a month older than me. We have become very close.

Are we still in the honeymoon phase? Oh how he makes my heart beat faster, but now I can feel physical pain after reading this. Now I know that none of this will last. I'm going to eventually lose him. It happens to everyone here it seems.

Note to self...do not smother! Retain some of your mystery! Change your panties every day!

Moxz,

Not every SL relationship ends in tears. There are people that have gone on to get married in rl. I also know of another couple who have been very close online and committed for a number of years. It does happen.

Enjoy every day, don't torture yourself that it may end any minute or else you may find it ending sooner than you think.

I think it's fair to say you were in 'lust', not love with any of these 'people'. That clarification is key. As if you were truly in 'love' you wouldn't be hopping from one pixel bed to the next in a matter of weeks because you feel in 'love'... yet again. Not trying to be cold, just a observation and realistic with the facts as you present them.

With that said, the key issue is not so much this guy, who was clearly in the wrong playing you like this, but your own actions. I have a SL partner, and have had MORE then my fair share of chances to 'fall in lust' when she is offline or away on a IRL trip. I simply do not put myself in that position.

I would suggest to avoid a similar issue in the future, to do the same. If these avis were 3 guys or the same one is somewhat a side issue. Your inability to simply say 'no, I have another I am waiting for' would have avoided this entire drama-fest. And that is the main reason I say you were quite clearly in lust, not love.

But it is a great learning experience and hopefully you walk away with knowledge for the future. Good luck

< insert New Orders Song- Blue Monday here>

Hey all..... I haven't followed my own thread for a while. I seems to trigger a lot of emotions; all the way down from "you are not to be trusted yourself" to "OMG this happened to me too and I feel broken".

He left me free, when he "left" SL. Asked me to find someone else. I didn't fall in love with the same person in weeks, we were talking months. This remark is not made to defend myself, but more since I noticed it was left out of my original post.

He and I are now friends, we talk on (very) regular base on Skype. His intruiging personality stays, the bitter sweet memories too. In the past few weeks I got to know that SL has its own laws, its own rules. Yes, his way of acting was a stupid one perhaps, my waiting for him as well maybe.

Today is my rezz day.. I survived my first year and I will survive all that will follow. And in the end I would do it all over again.

SL is a stearable dream and that includes portions of a nightmare. I look forward to the comming year.. I will try to make the best of it again.

Interesting comment Yosef. Imo...you really cant expect to hold someone in a relationship by any type of force other then friendship, love and an enjoyment of spending time together...in sl relationships I refuse to allow insecurity to creep in. One must be strong and push aside negative thoughts...live for the present moment and enjoy it. In sl as in rl.

oh, bigtime Word here. The plea for help should actually say "why am I attracted to untrustworthy people": but the OP can't imagine that there's anything at all about her that might be part of the problem!

Happy Rezz day Paddy, may you find happiness in all your realities.