Can you realy trust your SL lover?

Trust is very much an individual thing and there is no timer for it. I trusted someone early on and he decided to start going invisible to me. I found this out by accident. I never got an explanation. In fact, he was hiding (but online) when I ended it all and yanked him off my friends list. Didn't even respond to my IM. It was a terribly cowardly thing to do. There was no promise of exclusivity, but I expect basic respect. And I spent so much time camping for him to get a decent skin! Fools and their money...

Whatever. It's behind me. I recently celebrated my first anniversary with my best friend in this game and couldn't be happier.

Good thing you saw the pattern and ended it.
A sign of sanity and health.
Not everyone seems to be aware or capable of doing it.
Personally for me it isn't about Men or Women, Internet or Real Life being "Bad."
It's often about making choices or automatically repeating behavior that doesn't work out causes unhappiness, and repeating the cycle of behavior, then the aftermath.
There a saying from 12 step program I once was active a part of that defined Insanity repeating patterns over again and over again expecting different results.
A sane person would see they are repetitively putting putting themselves in a Victim role and change the pattern, but for whatever reason cannot change the pattern.
I have been there, done it over and over again.
I am still sometimes there just not there hopefully here in Second Life in the same ways.

I'm probaby going to totally regret posting this, but the hell with it. Everyone will find out soon enough, and I shouldn't feel bad about this. I don't want to hide myself away, feeling like I can't come out and play because of it.

I was let go today. Did I know it was coming? No, but maybe, in my heart I did. I could tell the past few days something was amiss. A women's intuition.

The thing is, I didn't jump into this relationship. He was not a stranger. Did build up the trust. We had a friendship first. Thought it through before getting involved. Thought I knew the person well enough. No - I DID know him well enough, incredibly well. I never needed proof. Never questioned him. Was confident of what we had, and didn't worry about where he was when he wasn't with me. Because, of the things that were said to me.

I also knew, from the beginning that the probablility was high it wouldn't last. Did it make it easier to have it end? No. I'm wounded. And at the moment, feeling kind of stupid and used. I dont' like thinking people were talking behind my back, that they knew something maybe that I didn't know - since it seems it was obvious to a few people now.

But, I know in my heart, I was not being used. That's a temporary feeling. I'll get over it. I value myself too much to let myself fall apart over this. And thankfully, he didn't up and disappear on me or I didn't hear it through the grapevine, he had enough sense to talk to me in person.

The thing is you never really know someone. You can only hope for the best, go with the flow and let it evolve and see where it takes you. Either it does, or doesn't work. Even in RL, this happens, I"m not talking about just here in SL. It's not just a problem we have inworld. But it is heightened here. You never really know where you lover is, when you are not with them. Who they are talking to. What they are doing. What women, is after them (or vice versa) or who they are after.

Sadly, I learned a lesson for myself, which is I'll most likely never allow myself to ever get involved to this degree again. Or, at all. I never came here with the intention of having a relationship to begin with. I need to reassess my priorites. (someone, please reread this to me when I'm in the middle of my next love affair and remind me of what I promised myself, ok?).

While I think I'll come out of this relatively unscathed, being a strong person emotionally, it has taken its toll on how I view my experience here now.

I'm sorry I'm writing about this. I know, he'd prefer I didn't. But, it's not about him or her. I have no animosity towards their new relationship. Shit happens. I wish them well. I am still his friend, and I hope, one day to be hers; I think she's a lovely person. This is about me. About my feelings. My view on trust. It has ruined me for now - but I sincerely hope, not forever.

Oh and Cherry? I'll be having a lot of free time too. Ring me up some time Lets get a group together, ok?

Elora, I am so sorry.

Thanks Cristalle, I appreciate that

I am sorry, Elora
Just a few days ago I was asking myself the same questions. If I find an answer I will let you know.

Elora,

Call me. I will take you out for drinks and we can get to know eachother better. I always thought you were aces and I should have added you the last time we saw eachother. Like I said in an post last week or the week before, SL relationships suck my ass! I like you, I like him, I don't judge, I wont gossip, I just want to shop.

Call me,
1-800-JEZZABIMBO

Muah,
Jez

Jez! I just said to him the other day how much I like you, and wanted to get to know you better

I will give you a buzz for sure. I have a lot of free time next week. We'll make plans.

Eh, "Elora & Josef's Lonely Heart's Club Band" coming to a club near you soon

No no!!! I don't want to hear it. No!
/me covers her ears




OMG ask him what I said to him in IM a few days ago about you, ask him, well one day. I said to him, "I really like your GF", and he said to me, "I do too", so this is quite shocking.

I got very paranoid once with my alt when I would see one friend go offline and the other go online and that friend immediately IMs me when I am set to be invisible with them. This thread has got me thinking and maybe i do have the same person using alts with me. Quite disturbing.

All you can do is talk and talk and talk. And hope that during that talking you get honesty or that you somehow hear/detect any decent. I think that I can read people pretty good after lots of talking. I can only hope that I am right.

I'm sorry Elora. I hope it gets easier for you soon.

/me passes round tissues and pie and big hugs to all those hurting at the moment and those who have ever been hurt - yes, even the guys. I wish there was someway I could ease everyone's pain, but then it is a learning experience, not matter how much it hurts, it will always make you stronger.
Doesn't stop it hurting though.

To the OP, I'd apologize for being judgemental, but I'm not really sorry. You flirted with, connected with, clicked with, etc, 2 OTHER people beyond this guy, and you're heartbroken over HIM??

*shrug*

Look in the mirror, Sweetcheeks.

I am just so not getting into this thread.

/me sends best wishes to Elora.

What Kelly said ......

/me joins Claire in the hugs and tissues distribution effort

.

/me takes all the tissues, has forgotten they are for using on my eyes and nose; starts making paper biplanes, swans, spiders, crabs, boats, butterflys, and various other beautiful origami objects and sails them through the air at everyone!

Catch!

And, thanks everyone

ooooo Origami!!!

I wish i could fold paper like this. Best I can do is a stupid lily I saw on a kids art show on TV lol.
Oh, and I can make a beach ball out of paper. Think I could make Blue Peter?

I do zen origami
I look at an acorn and see tree it may come; feel the sadness of the harvest; I understand the metamorphosis as it is turned into paper and am awed by the creativity as it is folded into fantastic creations.

Then I eat the nut.

lol. thats the best way to do it.
No paper cuts that way.

Hmm, going back to the OP...

If he had no internet access, how could he do MSN? Confusing.

So you met another guy (who turned out to be his alt) and cheated on your old bf with this new guy. In others words he was underhanded with you by not saying that this was his alt, and you cheated on him by going with someone that you thought was a new person.

So... cheating on him with a stranger was ok, but not with someone who you thought knew him. Interesting.

Another theory - and I obviously don't know either of you to be able to say what is really going on here. Maybe he wanted to try to show to himself that you would be faithful to him, and created the alt to put temptation your way.

If a person starts doing deceptive things to test your lover, then I feel they are in some ways just as bad. Down that road lies darkness, for you, and the people you supposedly care about.

Either way, we are looking on the face of Extreme Drama.

I agree, plus if I'm going to continually be accused of cheating I may as well enjoy it

I had trouble with this part of the OPs post, as well, to the the point where I was going to comment on the OPs own deceptions.

However, keeing in mind how time seems to fly in SL and things like this seem to move incredibly fast, him being gone for several weeks would certainly make it seem like he was gone for good, or lost interest or got run over by a bus.
I don't think I'd wait 'several weeks' for a BF to make a re-appearance and be able to pick up where we left off.

Call me fickle

B.

It is very hard to go day after day wondering if someone has left the game, created an ALT, or what. I think I was told one week was the rule of thumb

/me raises his glass to Oryx, just what I was thinking..



Ok, fickle...!

"The fickleness of the women I love is only equalled by the infernal constancy of the women who love me."

George Bernard Shaw,



.d