Becoming a Slave

No sorry - I wasn't considering any sort of relationship - I was just waving a solitary flag for accuracy of writing and clarity of terminology.

However, I am sure you need to experience these things in RL where you cannot just logout.

Deira, here is the miss-conception, you don't "sub" specific activities. A sub/slave, relinquish control of her/his decisions to the Dom(me)/Master convinced that He/She will make the best decision on her/his behalf. The sub/slave will never think she/he missed something "important".

And.. who is fussy over food? I can eat almost anything

Only experienced being a sub in RL, which is why the domme side of me is fading fast. Have no desire what-so-ever to be a domme in real life, now.

--
Oh, and something I just recalled - originally explored the Domme side on orders of Mistress (did I actually ever have a domme side? - answer: must have - considering what I become when I let it lose).

In that case, was the term being discussed "slave". As explained before, an slave in a power exchange (PE) relationship has nothing to do with the historical concept (someone taken against his/her will to be used and abused). As a disclaimer, I might need to apologize if I sounded to rude; English is not my first language so I might not always find the right words to express an idea. (just ask my wife/partner/friends)



And that is why PE relationships in v-land are much more difficult to maintain. There is always the "escape" button. Reminds me of all good divorce; some people argue that nowdays couples are less determined to "make it work" due to the possibility of ending any relationship whenever they want... but that is a topic for another thread completely.

Don, I see why you say this last part but at heart it is in synch with what I said earlier about the need for an agreement between partners. It's what governs that what is done in SL is a mere roleplay by the fact it can so easily be exited from, defeating the illusion of power.

I don't know about your apologising for seeming rude in your wording. I need to apologise for making that last passage of mine horrendous to read. I'm sure I could have phrased it much better.

But remind me not to go to a restaurant with you - we'd be there all night trying to choose from the menu!!!

Yes there is an "exit" button in SL . . . but . . . if you plan on doing anything with someone for any length of time, you can't be hitting that exit button. Just like in RL you shouldn't use that safeword ("exit button" unless you really need to use it. So yes, an agreement between parnters is needed.

Interest thing Bilbo, PE relationships do work around agreements (contracts), so there are imposed limits and mutually accepted responsibilities.

On the restaurant comment... kettle meet pot, I might take some time picking up what to eat.. a hobbit will relogiously go thru the whole menu first and then order half of it

That sounds to me tending towards the nun/monk/anchorite ideals of submitting to a higher power who will take care of you. So nothing is more important to you other the will of the "goddess" then Bilbo?

Not fussy over food? I think a few years of my (extremely bad) cooking might cure you of that.

I will say that the main difference between a PE relationship and a religious one is the "physicallity" of the former. The Dom(me)/Master is responsibly for the financial welfare of the sub/slave (among a lot of other things). You can not feed yourself just by having faith, can you? Besides that, you may have a point, I can not corroborate it since I do not have that level of faith in me

And thanks, but I am already married to a good cook

My Enchantress Morgaine is all seeing, all knowing ... and by 'eck she makes a grand Yorkshire Pudding

Personal I find that escaping being so easy makes the power you have over the person all the better. It takes no effort to run away so every moment that they stay is a proof of your power and there submission to you (or vica versa depending on what side of the fence you are on). The easier the escape the more it means to me and here in sl escape is just a button away. Power exchange in it's purest form is in the mind and in this world we are all talking mind to mind with only the comitments of the mind. No problems moving, no problems with finding a way to support yourself, no problems with the person calling you or stalking you or even randomly meeting them. You don't even need to hear the word from their mouth. But yet the person stay still submits, still gives their power, gives up to the other and that makes it mean more. But then I always think a little sideways.

the fastest way to becoming a slave would be to take off all your clothes and run in the center of the main town in a force collar gorean sim screaming GO PANTHERS!!!!!.

*snicker*

What if you don't want to do the whole Gorean trip, though?

troll the BDSM groups - find the Dom/Domme with the biggest collection and IM him/her

Ick.

LOL well the subject was how to become a slave fast, not how to get into a quality BDSM relationship.

That takes time.

Well, now I know THAT can't be true...that would make it just the same as any other relationship.


(/me wonders if that came across as sarcastic as she meant it...)

Is there?

Really?

Before assuming that, what of the hurt from doing so? The cost? The ramifications?

It's easy to say a slave can't truly be giving up all control, since they can always "choose" to click quit. But from their perspective, that isn't an option or choice at all.

They could lose their love. They could lose their primary relationship. The could lose other relationships. They could gain a negative reputation.

But most importantly to them, they could lose the very thing that fulfills them!

It would be far more pleasant and rewarding to consent to anything rather than exercise that "escape".

If you don't understand the lifestyle, maybe try this? Think of something you enjoy pursuing beyond anything else; the thing that when you are doing it, you lose all track of time, forget to feed yourself, and feel very rewarded by.

Okay? Now add endorphins!

Crystal, my comment was to make a distinction between RL and SL PE relationships. I do agree that pushing the limits (in the wrong way) will lead to consequences for the sub/slave. But the truth is, you don't always get the level of committment in a virtual world that you might get in the real one.

I firmly believe everyone is a switch to some extent, even the "hardest" Dom/mes. I discovered this by meeting a RL Domme (not knowing she was), falling in love, and finding out that I am primarily very Dom.

Switches for the most part only belong with other switches.

/me nods

And vise-versa! Especially with emotional involvement, some get more immersed virtually, often to the surprise of those less committed. Many also expose themselves more truly than as they present themselves in RL.

I believe it is important to find relationships with those that subscribe to (or at least appreciate) your perspective on treating SL as separate from RL, no different than RL, or as I do, an idealized subset of RL.

Crystal has it Very close to Correct. People on the Outside of the D/s lifestyle say "Oh, if she gets Tired of it she can Just vanish" And that can be held as true for people playing at D/s, But for those committed to it, No, that is Far from Easy. There is a Mental, Emotional, and even Physical Dependancy that developes on the part of the true slave for thier owner. The Chains that bind a true slave to their owner are Far stronger than any steel. Bonds of love, Bonds of Need. They want that posative reenforcement that is missing from their lives. Once they have it, Walking away from it is FAR from easy. I speak to former slaves who have been away from me, and Out of the lifestyle for a Long time (In and outside of SL) and almost without exception, no matter what position they still hold in life, I am still "Mistress' for them, and my Approval is very important to them. Even when they walk away from it, they never Really walk away from it.
That's not a Bad thing IF the Dominant in the relationship is a Competant one, who is Only looking out for their slaves best Interests.

Angel.
The problem is, Most everybody can't Picture surrendering themselves to such a relationship because modern media stresses the Cult of one, personall independance to such a degree that people have trouble recognizing or respecting ANY authority figure. People are told they should be Free, and Independant, but not everyone is Happy or comfortable being Free, and independant.

The irony of this 'Cult of One' to paraphrase you Angel, is it's to the greatest extent, contrary to the whole basis of marriage/partnership.
I think the average adolescent will go through a 'rebel' stage where they close off ties, dependencies but mostly grow out of it. We are a sociable race by and large and as we get older, value companionship more. And even the 'classic' marriage vows hint at the give and take which I strongly think are not a huge step away from the master/slave with switching?

I heard once somewhere that in a relation between two people (never matter what kind of relation) who are both just as "strong" that there will be more conflicts compared with a relation where both parents are not equal "strong" (mind you, this says nothing about the quality of the relation).

Okay, I have no idea how correct this is, but it sounds logical to me.

Morwen.

Hi Morwen <wave>
I can understand and agree completely. You can so easily get the 'unstoppable force/immovable object' scenario with either devastating results or none!

I'm not really sure quite why I joined this thread. I think I just wanted to get across that anyone just seeing the lace or leather and sticking their heels in and saying 'I want nothing to do with that' is really just not getting it at all.