Becoming a Slave

He he. No one's managed to collar me, as of yet. In either life.

"Many are called, few are chosen."

I find its best not to lose it in the first place.

You're absolutely correct that that isn't what being submissive is about, yet a surprising number of people believe it is.

There is no shortage of subbies who are indeed feeling miserable, or lack any semblance of self-worth and who see an appeal in the "give up control and let someone else pull the strings".

Unfortunately for them, they tend to not experience D/s since very few true Dominants are interested in a mindless body with no will of its own. At worst they end up meeting a true sadist and become a slave in the actual historical meaning of the word and end up abused and scarred for life.

There is an element of dominance and submission in every sexual relationship and indeed, in most human relationships. The BDSM crowd seem to me to be merely be taking this factor in relationships to a dramatic, and sometimes absurd, extreme.

But my view is, this is all a bunch of pixels, and whatever rings your chimes and doesn't hurt anyone else - hey, go ahead. Enjoy, if that is the word for it.

what do you consider absurd and extreme har?

for the person you love in sl or rl would you do anything to please them?
do you think of them when you awaken and before you sleep?
do you find your thoughts drifting to them throughout the day?
do you go out of your way for them?
do you give of yourself to them?

what may be absurd and extreme to you and to others may not be to the ones involved
then again there are alot of vanilla or non dom/sub relationships i dont understand why people stay in them with the way they treat eachother

My sentiments exactly.

Was that a challenge?

>>One can surrender personal values without complete innocence? That is a very scary, though possibly very convenient, personal talent.<<

Actually, it seems the reverse to me.

It's quite a scary notion that the perfect submissive is one that simply doesn't know any better. That would indicate that the person would happily submit to anyone (since they don't know any better) and their submission is impersonal and meaningless to the relationship.

It seems to me, from my research (I'm not a sub or dom, so people who are, feel free to correct me) that one of the most common ideals of relationships of this sort comes about because the submissive trusts and loves their master so completely, they willingly place all responsibility for their wellbeing and happiness in the hands of their master. They would not do this for just anyone, indicating some adult awareness of the world around them and an ability to choose; this -conscious- act of submission is therefore a meaningful gift of love.

In return, the master is indeed responsible, in every way, for their slave's happiness and well being, and places these things very high in their list of priorities. This is their gift of love to their submissive.

It's not my way, but I can see how it would work for the right people.

I see Life (1st or 2nd) as nothing but a seies of challenges.

WOW i dunno really my personal opinion is to look inside yourself first, are you submissive? do you truely wish to be a "slave"? or a sub?
there is some differences that are brought out more in SL than anywhere i have been
next do research there ra eseveral good librearies in SL devoted to the subjectas well as more infornmation online than you can read in a lifetime. Next, contract people in world and ask questions, i would start with anyone in this thread who has said something you found interesting/insightful, personally i am very wary of traing "schools or acadamies" i do not believe in off the rack submissive training, not saying they cannot teach you something, just be careful

And most importantly ANYBODY who tells you you have to give ANY rl info of ANY kind before you wish to volunteer it, run do not walk away from them and put them on ignore..

take your time, meet lotsa people find someone you actually like, respect and enjoy being with. The emotional investment and connection is v ery very real. SL can be a great place to explore the world of D/s but remember it can also be emotionally dangerous

You'll find one of those libraries in Forum sim, the pagoda in the NE corner, IIRC.

Some quick, practical advice:
- The Mistress Knows Best free classifieds are a good idea. I've used them to find pets before. I've also had good success with in-world classifieds (see the Classifieds tab on your profile).
- Hang out at places where people actually talk about D/s and BDSM, such as The Forum or Bondage Ranch.
- Do NOT submit to anyone who will collar you within minutes of meeting you. Any responsible dominant will have you go through a sort of probationary period before anything formal happens.
- Do NOT submit to anyone who makes RL demands on you (I've recently met some former pets of an SL domme who requires her slaves' SL account passwords ostensibly so she can alter their appearance to her liking).

There are plenty of experienced folks in Second Life, both dominant and submissive, both 'lifestylers' and 'SL-only' types, who can offer useful advice. Just a matter of finding them.

Oh and read my blog, which is entirely about D/s and BDSM in Second Life and beyond (NOTE: It is not always safe for work, so beware):

http://wildefirewalcott.blogspot.com/

.

When I first read this post, I was struck by a comical memory back a few years ago in another 3d chat. A girl entered the room where a male friend and I were chatting. She was dressed in a French maid costume and insisted she was a maid, trying to flirt with the guy I was speaking to.

So, I said to her. "Ok, get on the floor and mop!" My male friend laughed and agreed - and repeated my suggestion.

Response from the maid:

Oh! I am not that KIND of MAID!

..

Can't get good help these days :/

I'll bet she didn't do windows either

Not at all! The laziest maid/slave I ever did see! Wanting the dom to do all the work. Geeze. :/

Well, here's the thing, and I think it applies to vanilla relationships in SL, as well.

I don't have the ability to reach through the screen and do anything to materially protect or assist a slave in RL.

All that we have in SL are words. They can do a lot, but not everything, even in the hands of an expert, which I am not.

What this means to me, is that I let any slave put RL first, because she still has to put her own bread on the table, and watch out for her own RL safety. This creates very profound limits, on the relationship, that would not be there in RL. The material benefits of having another person in your life are just not there.

Who's going to watch out for you when you break your leg? Usually, the people you know in RL.

That doesn't mean that RL should be used as an excuse to avoid what slavery is possible in SL, but it does imply a set of priorities, such that I would rather release a slave than have her damage her RL by too much immersion in SL at the wrong time.

The other thing I want to say is that there is no substitute, when you are ready, for the RL organized groups that make up the BDSM communities. Knowing even a little about BDSM in RL is a great buffer against some of the nonsense that goes on in SL.

Where Gor is concerned, I reverse my position; I do not think Gor can be practiced sanely in RL without some modification, and one does not need a slave to be Gorean. (I'm sure this position will annoy some people. But Gor does not exist, only a philosophy and an ideal which are called "Gorean," and those are already abstractions. So I maintain all Gor is roleplay to some degree.)

I wish you all safe paths in your journeys.

I have some experience with this in real life or opinions about this based on rl experiences. I don't know how this translates to online but I can assume.
There is different degress and types of play or roles or even training.
Unconsensual slavery or bdsm has to do often something we aren't discussing here but its often confused with consensual forms. This is entirely different subject so I am not going to even go there. Except to say often it begins with things that has nothing to do with trust, power imbalances, and dehumanizing.
Consensual bdsm, slavery has many forms. For those who come from school of specific ethics and conduct, roles the training is very strict about mannerism, etc.
Then there is another school of thought that focus is on safety but personal choice, freedom, exploring fantasies. Training is only required for personal safety reason and communicating limits and desires. Often things go wrong when limits aren't respected or the person discovers the fantasy is just not working so they need to know have skills in how to manage situations like this. . Often a slave has set fantasy usually it involves the fantasy of surrender themselves emotionally, sexually, physically without limits. The reality is it might be different but they can't communicate this for various reason. In reality they do have set idea of how this fantasy should be but being shy or for other reasons certain indivuals have hard time describing and saying who has to be in that role of their owner and exactly how there enslavement should be. I strongly suggest you write in detail of what that slavery would look like for yourself and only for yourself to see what conditions you seek and explore in your mind what would turn you off. If some slimey guy came up to you and went on saying you're mine, do this in leet speak and was behaving in ways you found revolting then left could you submit totally to this person as a slave? would you find that fullfilling? Know your boundaries, know your fantasies. You said yourself you don't have interest in lots of time focused on training, but also in so many words said you want to surrender yourself to another? Is this just fantasy that you assume someone will just know without you telling them how to fullfill but they must be in your mind to understand this completely? Wouldn't it better just to do it your own mind? And just explore differerent locations and groups when you have time? No major commitments or risk either way that way.

I missed an opportunity of posting in an epic thread recently .. and someone I'm not allowed to name, closed it .. so I'm getting in this one instead

Some great confusions here. I read and instantly agreed with Desmonds "you can't choose to be a slave" but then people seem to have such diverging definitions of slave.

Lots of people saying read, research when the OP specifically says she doesn't want to spend ages studying.

The idea that the sub has the last say in whether they are 'happy' with the play, to me, seems to completely reverse the roles. The dom/master is there to fulfil the subs desires?

Back to the OP, I can understand a desire to just throw all caution to the wind and say 'take me, I'm yours!' Was this what you meant?

It's a very tricky subject not least due to varying amounts of RL/SL crossover we desire. So many permutations it seems any 'rules' ultimately are merely guidelines and it's up to the 'pair' whatever titles you care to apply to kind of write their own?

Oh and "vanilla = not kinky"?
I like vanilla.
I like kinky.
Bugger!

lmao Bil!!

Don't panic Vanilla can definitely be kinky

*waves at Bil*

Oh, now does it? Please share....

*waves at Barrowness*

Morwen.

There are some people who will disagree with this but it in order for it to be sane, safe, consensual both parties regardless of title or position must have some say and limits in what works for them and won't even if its I don't want to be dipped in chocolate and become human sundae. Often from my experience if the sub or bottom isn't interested its not going to happen no matter how dominate you are, if its forced then it no longer is consensual.

Hmmm .... 99 flake for bilbo then *lol*

Like so many things on SL, people have different interpretations as to what is slave etc.



Marty

LOL Barrowness!

Oh, OK FD .. we'll let you off the chocolate routine .... ohh Moor-wennn?? <smiles, holding tub behind back>

.. but yes FD, this was my point. I get the impression that sub is master and dom is slave here lol

mm thanks Marty

Choooccccoooollllaaaatttteeeee......

*gets wild look in her eyes*

M.

I think vanilla is one of the most exotic flavours ever. It's been given a bum rap. :/

/me licks a vanilla icecream cone seductively ... lap, lap...