My Afternoon as a Slave in Training

I couldn't agree more!

As nearly as I can determine, the priority of the auctioneer is making lindens by selling the services of others and pleasure in causing virtual pain and humiliation to others. Nothing I saw in the slave auction sim or have read here has made me thing that his priorities are other than this.

What I have seen is many people piling on (without oil, no less! =D) to ascribe ideals to the auctioneer that I honestly do not believe are there. BDSM as it is described by you and other subs may be a fine and noble philosophy, but it has little to do with what I saw at the slave auction sim or what I have heard here in the forum from the dommes.

Interestingly enough, I believe that all the noble philosophy has come from the subs. Is there a dichotomy here in the BDSM philosophy as seen by subs and by dommes?



Again, I can't ask them in private. They have no wish to discuss anything with me.

I am Domme too sweetheart. That's what I mean by both sides of the coin. It took me over a year to bring any Ds into my play here - and I was far too wary and cautious to really get into it with a couple of the girls I have known (not least as some of them were not girls ... whole other argument).

Nothing noble about it tho. We just want to get our freak on! Whether that's actively schmexy or something else is a moot point that varies from person to person.

You won't get "an answer". There is no "answer" Just people.

Tevin finds the shocker amusing to play with. I've learned to simply ignore it, cos I am a killjoy like that. LOL.

(Yeah I said it Mr, what you going to do about it? huh?)

I experienced none of this during my afternoon of slave training. It was simply an unpleasant experience. Does that mean that I am wired differently than you and that BDSM is simply something I should run away from rather than trying to understand?



This precisely describes what I have seen the dommes post here in this thread: I have been accused of being narrow-minded, hypocritical, disrespectful of men, anti-sex, thick as a brick, clueless as a rock. I saw them saying that they care for those in their "family", but all I saw directed towards those not in their "family" was what I would consider abusive. Did I miss something here?

/me hugs Imogen

One good thing that has come of all this is that I have met some genuinely wonderful people such as you, Cherry, and ChaiBoy, people who are on a philosophic journey and willing to take the time to share their vision with others.

Thank you, Imogen, Cherry, and ChaiBoy.

Rose, i am another who spends her time on the sim in question and who serves the Auction Master you despise both willingly and joyfully. He is not an abuser...He is playful, funny, and often a brat, but any tricks He might pull with the collars that we willingly wear are meant to be at worst obnoxious or to show attention to the girls that He is fond of. When i arrived at the sim in question, i too had very little background into this lifestyle in SL certainly, although a small amount in rl (albiet not with an experienced or competent Master). I too have a very pretty avatar, and if you get real now, i have yet to see an ugly one try and get sold there...this is after all SL and the fantasy world that it is almost ensures that while different, most avatars are quite lovely. So your 'beauty' did not make you a 'target'...please.

He has admitted freely that it is a business, and the purpose of a business in SL is to make Lindens. He has found a niche that is one that is popular with both slave and Dom/me alike in SL. The reason His is more successful than the other 'auctions' in SL may be due to the fact that 1) He does treat both the slaves and the Buyers with respect and kindness while at His sim; 2) The slaves receive training in how to best serve within the confines of SL learning skills that will serve them both during their servitude, but also will allow their entire SL experience to be more full (building, emoting, managing prims and objects, developing a wisdom about how things operate in SL); 3) He brings in the best prices for slaves in SL; and 4) the slaves share the "wealth" generated by His expertise. I was sold once by Him and He used His business savvy to ensure i brought in the best price possible, which made it possible for me, while owned by another, to enjoy some of the aspects of SL which require $L.

I regret to tell you that you have been sadly mistaken about much and fear that your negative view of the sim, the lifestyle, and the Auction Master might be due to your unfortunate background, and although we might share a similar rl history, my experience on the sim has been the polar opposite of yours. I chose to come to SL to experience things i was intrigued by, in a place that is safe and where my rl could not be touched. SL and the sim in question provided that opportunity. Have i been placed in situations or positions in SL with my collar and cuffs that would be incredibly uncomfortable or painful had it occurred in rl...yes . Did it cause me any physical or mental anguish? None whatsoever. This is SL after all. What real harm does a spanking? Seriously? When i received my collar, and bought my cuffs shortly after arriving on that sim, i also received notecards explaining what they could do. When i made the Auction Master 'owner' of the collar He gave me, i received a pop-up asking...'do you really want to do this'...I did. Has He abused the power i gave Him by making Him owner? Not in the least. In a true D/s relationship, there is a power balance. He has no power over me unless i allow it. This is more true in SL than in rl. Submission is a gift, and the sub/slave has the power to take back this gift if the Dom/me ever abuses the power.

After my sale, after a month with a kind Master with whom a true match did not occur and the D/s relationship ended, i returned to the sim and to the Auction Master willingly and voluntarily, not to be sold again, but to simply serve Him and regroup. Is there a touch of sadism in His manner? Of course, but what is the real harm in being placed in an uncomfortable position for a split second (i have been told by those present during your 'punishment' what had occurred)? I also know that if you had done something that had truly 'displeased' Him, He wouldn't have 'punished' you by showing you attention as He did. True 'punishment' in SL wouldn't incur the attention of the Dom but might include being ignored or being asked to do something truly onerous such as writing an extended notecard explaining why the misdeed deserved punishment at all. He was playing Rose...not abusing.

What i know about this Man is this...He adores the girls who are His or who are under His care; He is funny, obnoxious (in a good way), smart, savvy, and kind. He is an experienced businessman and salesman, and has practiced the lifestyle for many years in rl. Any control He has over the slaves under His care is freely given to Him. Many of the girls who come to Him to serve or be sold are very intelligent and do not abandon that intelligence to serve but rather use it as a gift to help Him or those to whom they are sold. There is a joy in service and He provides a venue to serve or be matched with Another to serve.

Is the sim 'adult' in theme? Of course, there is a sexual element to BDSM, but again as many who have posted here have said...it is not the primary element, but much like marriage, or dating, or many other relationships in both rl and SL it is an element. I have experienced abuse in rl...both as a child and as a wife...and believe me, nothing i have experienced in SL (including a prolonged 'spanking' by the Master who purchased me) has resulted in trauma or any real pain.

Your motives (or hidden motives) in being at the sim may have informed or influenced your perception of your experiences Rose. I now spend my online time at that sim, and serve the Auction Master willingly. He provides fun, care and affection as well as guidance as i continue to learn this lifestyle and what it can offer me. He and the other Dom/mes who visit and patronize His sim rightfully make assumptions that the slaves (both male and female) who come to Him to either be sold or to serve are seeking to be dominated and both He and They give us what we are seeking. Our submission is a gift to those to whom we give it, and their Dominance is a responsibility that they bear. When you come to a place like this with any other motive, i can understand why your experience might not have mirrored mine. From reading your posts and the others who have contributed, i can see why you might not have thoroughly enjoyed your experience, but truly believe it is a combination of not truly seeking to serve, your past rl experiences, and a misinterpretation of the motives of the Auction Master.

Before coming to the sim in question, i visited other auction sites in SL, only a couple mind you, so i am not speaking of them all, but only a couple. I have watched auctions at those sites, and was appalled at the treatment of the slaves who were being sold. The roleplay those girls (primarily) endured was actually degrading and humiliating, as the roleplay included both verbally and physically abusing and humiliating them. This never occurred at the slave market that both you and i found ourselves. The other auction houses describe the girls for sale as 'sluts' or 'whores', whereas the Auction Master speaks much more highly of many of the girls in His care than is warranted at times. He holds them up as treasures and describes them as 'good as gold' or 'pretty as a picture', and has never used words that degrade or debase them. He knows they are precious commodities (as do they).

I will probably not post another reply, because after reading through the many many posts on this thread, still question your motives...but wanted to give my 'two cents' as both a rebuttal to the mis-understandings you had about what you experienced and the intentions of the Man in question. I wanted to also relate my similar background, yet very different perception of what occurs in this lifestyle, particularly at the sim in question and by the Man in question. I hope you take the information given in the spirit in which it is given and glean an understanding and realize that your perception of what you experienced just might have been informed by the rl experiences of abuse you had, but also that your perceptions of Him and His sim were simply not an accurate reflection of the actual situation. Just so you know, my loyalty to Him is not because i am owned by Him, because i am not. I am not so fortunate at the moment, but am there because i wish to be, and because He has been generous and kind and provided me an SL home. And a final note about the sexual content of this lifestyle. In my approximately six weeks in SL, and in this lifestyle, i have yet to actually have 'sexual intercourse' with anyone. This is not what the experience is about. Yes my avatar is nude most of the time, but even that isn't about sex...it is about submission. I hope that you have learned from the many posts here, and that while this lifestyle is not for everyone, I also hope your impression of those who choose it has changed. I wish you the best Rose and hope that you find the 'lifestyle' you need and desire, and respect those who choose one that is different than what you seek.

I have been avoiding this thread up 'til now because it turned into such a bunfight, but surprisingly, it seems to have become a sensible discussion again. Well done folks!



YES!!!! Consent is one of the keystones of BDSM, whether in RL or SL. Without this, it is abuse, plain and simple. I have come across two "codes" that people in the lifestyle tend to follow:

1) Safe, Sane, Consensual (SSC) - i.e. don't do stuff that is "unsafe" (open to interpretation), don't do stuff if you or your partner(s) are off their faces on drink or drugs, or are suffering from mental illness which might impair their judgement, and only do stuff that everybody involved consents to.

2) Risk-Aware Consensual Kink (RACK) - i.e. pretty much the same as SSC but with an acknowledgement that nothing in life is entirely safe, so as long as all participants are aware of any risks involved and still happily consent then that is fine.

In RL, the norm is to discuss likes, dislikes and limits (things you are not prepared to do, or have done to you) with a prospective partner before any scene begins, and to use a safeword - a special, agreed-upon word that will stop all play immediately. This can be used if things become suddenly "too much" for any participant (limits can change for any number of reasons, and Dom(mes) are entitled to their limits too), or simply because someone has cramp or needs the loo or something.

I would hope that these values are also widespread in SL, but I have not explored this here to any great extent, and there are for sure a large number of inexperienced people trying things out in SL, who may not have thought too much about safety and care issues.

I am also aware that lots of lifestyle Masters/Mistresses and slaves do not always use a safeword, and that consent is considered a more once-and-for-all thing at the start of whatever contract is agreed to. Lots would say this is the essential difference between a Master/Mistress and slave relationship and a Dom(me)/sub relationship.

Rose, it sounds like you really threw yourself in at the deep end with this! I can second someone else's suggestion of searching for the BDSM Forum if you want to know more - I found them most helpful when I had a bit of an explore, and you can respectfully ask them questions without actually getting involved in a scene.

ETA:



There is absolutely nothing wrong with either of these motivations. As a fairly masochistic sub (OK, actually I am a switch, but mostly sub), I am really pleased that there are people (one special person in particular) in the world who enjoy causing pain and humiliation to others (me ). And why not earn a bit of money from something that you enjoy and are good at?



Sounds like BDSM really isn't your cup of tea, which is absolutely fine. I don't like kippers, and see no reason to keep trying them over and over just to make sure. That shouldn't stop you trying to understand a bit more if you want to, but as with all sexual/relationship preferences and orientations, these things really defy logic, so you wouldn't get as much insight as you would if it were something you personally enjoyed.

Nope - you did get pounced on in ways which I think was appalling and I said that to the main perpetrator at the time. I think the others were just defending, from the heart, that which they understand and hold dear. The nasty comments aside, power to them.

Thank you for your response, Gretel. I am very grateful to all of the people who have taken the time to give me honest, thoughtful answers.



Please don't regret to tell me I am mistaken. I would rather learn something than be "right".

Don't most of the Dom/mes (dom is male, domme is female?) who come to the slave auction sim come looking for kinky sex? How can it be a positive experience to be bought by one of these people? How is it a positive experience to submit to those who are among what Imogen called the "four w's"?

It's not a positive experience for you. No big deal. Not everyone likes strawberries. May it would be more analogous to say not everyone likes liver and onions. It really bothers me that peole want to make you try something not to your tastes. But can you understand that some people really enjoy something you do not? You don't have to agree or even understand why, just know that they do.

It isn't a positive experience. It really isn't. But one person's lunatic in a kermit outfit can be someone else's prince in the making. Even if they slobber when they kiss you.

Oh boy. I know Dommes rl (not friends of mine) who have guys who JUST give them money and presents and do nothing at all in return. Go figure.

I put strawberries in salad with chicken and oranges ... lol.

Freak!

/me smiles and winks.
But that's why I like you.

I believe we are in agreement on most points. It was not a positive experience for me. This was not a big deal. Yes, I can understand that you say "potatoes" and I say "tomatoes".

The purpose for this thread was not "aren't these people awful", because they are NOT awful. The purpose of this thread is to try to make sense out of what was a puzzling experience for me and to attempt to understand a lifestyle different form my own.

Regarding the collar and virtual pain. As you describe it, you were being punished for getting lippy.

Punishment can take two forms. The fun kind, where there's often a "faux" misbehaviour on the part of the submissive, so that the dominant and submissive can then partake in some mutually enjoyable pain and/or humiliation play. It's RP, basically. This is primarily SM (in BDSM) type behaviour.

Then there's the other kind, which is related to a more dominance and submission (the DS in BDSM) type of relationship. In this case, the dominant has very real expectations on the submissive's behaviour, and if the submissive fails in those expectations, they get punished. Such punishments are not meant to be fun for submissive (as they are in fact a corrective action), and are usually unenjoyable for the dominant as well.

Note that as pointed out before, with BDSM, both of these, either, or none may apply for any given couple. It's all so variable.

What the auctioneer did to you was kinda silly though, IMHO. It wasn't for mutual enjoyment, and activating a zappy collar is hardly a real punishment for you.

Crafting a suitable punishment in SL is quite trickly, since obviously, physical pain is out. So it requires a mental touch. And the participants need to know each other intimately for it to work at all. However, when done right, a punishment in a D/s relationship (even in SL) can be a shaking experience.

These Slave Auction Testimonial essays are just too much.


Lulz

Here's an issue that still confuses me, even after 20-odd pages of comments: Just what does BDSM stand for? Is it Bondage Dominance Slave Master? Does the SM stand for Sado/Mascochist or for Master/slave?



I agree that there is nothing wrong with anything between adults that is consensual, with or without money being involved.

The sticking point with me is that of consent. In the environment of my upbringing, consent was not a relevant concept. In fact, lack of consent made the experience more enjoyable to the perpetrator who was forcing someone to his will against their wishes.

This is where the line is drawn in the sand between consensual activity and abuse.

In reading the comments from the inhabitants of the sim, I am hearing much that I would consider verbal abuse. Was this defensive in nature because they considered this thread as attacking their lifestyle or was it because abusiveness is part of what they enjoy?

Is abusiveness part of BDSM? If not, how do you keep the abusers out?

I know. And you ask How can it be a positive experience to be bought by one of these people? How is it a positive experience to submit to those who are among what Imogen called the "four w's"?

To some people it is.

OK, let me try and put it this way. Freedom. Real life, everyday freedom that most people enjoy is not truly and completly free. We follow rules, laws against things you might enjoy exist. It's still not complete freedom. But if you were totally free to do whatever, then everyone else is as well. No rules. Anarchy. Only those with the power to impose their will are free. This is despotism. And if you get in power you have to keep it. Put up walls to gurad your self and your possions. It becomes a danger to walk alone because someone who wants that power is trying to take it from you. You are no longer free, but a slave to the power. The more freedom you have, the less you have. It's a paradox.

But giving up that freedom to someone else who will make all the decisions for you. Your responsibilities are few or even just one. Obey the person you have given yourself to. Your body is enslaved and the mind is free. Alowed to feel things forbiden. It's not your choice, it's someone elses. There is no taboo, only obedience. Total loss of control so you can feel totally free. Again, it's a paradox. But that's the sub-space (totally submissive state) they are looking for. That feeling.

Does that help you understand the why?

Right on the money here.



I agree. The whole zappy collar thing wasn't an important issue at all. The only importance I attach to the zappy collar experience was that it seemed to be a part of an overall humiliation theme.

It's an umbrella term -- it means Bondage Discipline Sado-Masochism, by most definitions. Notably, it doesn't refer to dominant or submissive in there -- which is why some/many in the dominant submissive community refer to themselves as "D/s" or "power exchange" rather than "BDSM", because BDSM tends to refer to certain acts rather than mental dispositions.



Consent and kink is the key. There are some people who like to be humiliated, as a fetish -- it arouses them, it enhances their sexual arousal and experience. The key is whether this is done in a way that they want/like, in a way they consent to, and after good discussion with the dominant in question.

BDSM should never be "abuse" in the sense of non-consensual attacks on other people. In SL, sadly, there are dominants who are abusive, just as there are in RL as well, but it isn't supposed to work that way in a normal D/s relationship.

I doubt it. From what you've said so far, there didn't seem to be much in the way of humiliation going on. But I wasn't there.

Heh, I beg to differ. The DS in BDSM stands for Dominance/Submission for some, myself included. But it's all semantics anyway.

BDSM is a catch-all term.
Bondage, Descipline, Domanance/Submissive, Sadism, Masochism. All jumbled up together. It's really just a collection of kinks and fetishes. There is no standard "this is how you do it" univerasal practices.

Here is something simple you or your partner might enjoy. Keep a glass of ice handy and crew up some right before oral stimulation. You can pass a piece back and forth between you as you kiss. or, just hold your fingers in the ice for a moment before running them across your partners chest , arms or legs.

Cold play. It just another kink. No Dom or sub needed, just mutual enjoyment.

Yes, there are abusive people into it. It is, after all, a cross section of life. There are abusive people everywhere. There are people who want to be abused. It's not common, but they are there. Abusive Doms (i don't mess with the Dom/me and other slash conventions, they just get in the way) will not retain there subs very long. Not in SL. Not when you can disapear completely and have a new identy in an alt in 10 minutes.

Yeah, but then you have to buy all your stuff again.

Yes it's a jumble. When I was growing up in the late middle ages, it used to mean what I wrote above, now it appears to be jumbled together with other meanings .. Bondage Dominance Submission and ... what ...? In any case, it's true enough that it's semantics. As a practical matter, BDSM is an umbrella term that covers kinky play of all sorts, which is probably why I don't generally like it, but I'm persnickety about semantics at times, to be honest.