Ok, can someone just tell me what is wrong with me?

yumi...babe ruth was not only the homerun king for decades....he was also the strike out king for decades. in order to be the best at something, he also had to take his lumps and just make mistakes and fail many MORE times than he succeeded. he just had to put it out there and do whatever he wanted over and over and over til he got it right.

the difference is you are looking for validation and acceptance before you put yourself out there. that is a self preservation coping kinda thing....and it does keep you from getting hurt sometimes, but it also contributes to you feeling left out, abandoned, excluded etc.

it isnt that anyone else is excluding you...its that you exclude yourself and then you dont even try to do the thing you think you wont be good at. yes, that is very self fulfilling and you will be RIGHT that you are no good, cant do, etc every single time.

you have to make the scripts that run in your head play a different scenario. for years i have used positive affirmations to help myself with goal setting and self esteem. it sounds soooo hokey to say...i am lovable and capable, i can do anything i set my mind to, etc etc but by saying those things to yourself, you are creating a new existance. write out how you want to be as if you already are that way and post it all over you rl home, on your steering wheel, on your bathroom mirror, on your tv screen. make it soooo visible that you cant help but see it every time your eyes are open. you have to constantly tell yourself you CAN do the things that challenge you before you will believe it and be able to do them. if you dont know what im talking about with positive affirmations, google it and use some that others have written. its a start....

i believe this is a much bigger issue than just an inside SL one....and i feel for you. its painful to see you twisting your insides up over stuff and doing what i call mental gymnastics. you CAN do this....you CAN do what so many of us have done...you CAN succeed in a way that is meaningful to you...you CAN do what mari has done...YES YOU CAN.

Well.. except that I sort of learned that. I mean, when I was new, and Ginge got that break that I mentioned earlier, we were both newbies and neither was really better at anything than the other (we were helping each other learn, in fact). So, ok, I couldn't complain she got a break and I didn't. But it also showed - apparantly - that it was possible to get a break without doing that much beforehand.

"Well, life isn't fair, I shouldn't expect one too" - well, no, maybe I shouldn't. But then, if life isn't fair, then perhaps that randomness will stop me doing what I want to anyway?

I don't know. It seems wrong for me to assume that me doing what _I_ want will be a contribution to _others_. That just seems arrogant to me, and certainly doesn't follow the rule of "understand that most people don't have any reason to be interested in you".

I'm certainly not assuming that whatever you do to contribute will be any less than wonderful for everyone. I'm just thinking that you might try thinking of the things you do as contributions, instead of as ways to make people care about you.

As you go on making things you will learn something about what attracts interest and what doesn't. Maybe if you put a lot of energy into it you will become successful. Maybe its not in the cards for you no matter how hard you try. But if you don't try you'll never know. And if you wait for someone else to give you the energy it will probably never happen. Which is also OK, as long as you don't complain that it's someone else's fault.

I got to post 2.

Well, I do. I know the things I want are not going to be interesting to everyone, and that's fine! But as I said.. I don't really see the difference in that later case. If I do something that nobody cares about have I actually contributed anything? As I see it, no. If people do not want me to contribute do I have a place wrenching it through anyway? As I see it, no.



Ah, but in SL it is, because every experience is generated by someone. At the very least, it would be the Lindens' fault, for not putting in that "format my HD if I don't.." option (which bypasses energy levels)

I think Kaimi is either a Vietnam Veteran, or a Triathlete.
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Everything you said in your post, Eku, is very good food for thought. But I want to especially aggree with this:We are all using a lot of energy to summon up enough courage to make it through the day. Some people are better at it than others and some have more energy than others. But it's not realistic to expect anyone to have enough energy left over to pour into another person. Especially a person who resists attempts to cheer her up.

Great advise.

Yumi, you seem so ill at ease with yourself; so unhappy in your own spirit. I thought I would send this to you. Best of luck as you work out your angst.

Treasure

Desiderata
(Latin for “desired things”)
By Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

So what? It just isn't realistic to *expect* or wait for a break you haven't earned.

Perhaps it will. It's good to be prepared for that possibility. And I'm not even going to tell you not to just give up. If it's too much trouble for you to even try I understand and accept it. But no matter what you do and no matter what the outcome if you whine about it you should expect to be alone or alone with other whiners.

No need to assume anything. Just offer what you can offer and ACCEPT the reactions you get, what ever they are, and even learn from them.

But how do I know what "earned" means, if not by observing others?



Again, the advise to be miserable but to be quiet about it.

Maybe i just like banging my head against brick walls...

If you start by making what you CAN you will learn whether anyone likes it or not. Then you may have other ideas of things to make and figure out how and actually make them. The more things you put out there probably the more you will learn about making things and about what people like and don't like. But there are no guaranties.

I understand what you're saying, but I'm really talking about the social issue, not the creative one. The build that the other person did, in the OP, was just a prefab with a few textured signs and some purchased poseballs.

It's wonderful advice.

The forum isn't really a suitable place to overindulge in self pity.

Sure, but I hoped it was a suitable place to get advice on how to do stuff. I mean, people on "Advice on sales" didn't exactly get told that their things would never sell but they should keep quiet about it.

That's never been your problem. Your problem is a motivational one and I sympathize with it. There's no meaning or purpose to life. You either can be bothered to do something or you can't. You clearly can't. Don't worry about it. Go watch TV or something.

You're just depressing the people that can be bothered.

Theoretically you will learn something from what ever you do. But if it seems like too much time and trouble to risk on experimenting then decide to just give up and accept that decision. You can always change your mind and try something later.




Huh? It is no one's "fault" if you don't have a good experience in SL. LL certainly never made you any promises. They just gave you access to the platform and allowed you to see what you could do. If all that happened was you got frustrated with the experience then I won't think any less of you at all if you leave.

My advise is DON'T be miserable. But if you can't avoid it don't make matters worse by being a complainer. As for getting breaks, earned or unearned, sure keep your eyes open and learn from others. But try not to take any of it so seriously that it makes you unhappy.

I was responding there to the comment about seeing anything I did as a contribution.



It is always LL's, as they could have just programmed the client not to render that experience.

Ah. So they succeeded because they are popular? Popularity might not be something you can do much about. But I promise you that no one ever got popular by sitting on the ground and weeping, "No body likes me."

I think learning social skills depends on paying more attention to other people and less to yourself.

I should have said, "Offer everything you do as a contribution, but don't expect anyone else to see it that way."



You could submit a JIRA asking them to change the virtual world so that you are safe from unpleasant experiences. But it would be easier to just leave.

If nobody is around or interested, I can't really pay attention to them



Just because they will not change it does not mean it's not partly their fault.

Well, you always come off sounding unsincere/fake/put on, whereas the following sounds very sincere. Oh, this really puts you in a good light

Laryukov
Registered User


Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 2 Some of you have the impression that these names were simply pulled out of thin air. I am on that list and I can tell you that it's a real problem. I was banned simply for rezzing something in an area which purportedly is a build/rez enabled sim. Other people have been banned for simply expressing an opinion. Others have been banned while not even being there, but simply disagreeing with the Avatar Island "helper" Rhaorth Antonelli. I won't go into the CyberExtruder product except to say you can get a lot better skin elsewhere for the 2700L charged for the minimal facial features the process provides.

Even though I wouldn't personally use the service, I have assisted countless people on Avatar island who wished to. My problem is with the Fuhrer like Rhaorth Antonelli who bans people on a whim, many of which are solely there to HELP the new players. This IS an entry point, yet she discourages people from helping people that that just enter Second Life. She proudly ponders in open chat, "wonder who I am going to ban today" and selectively enforces the rules where favorites continually receive a pass. Questioning ANYTHING earns an automatic ban. It's a classic case of, "absolute power corrupting, absolutely."

Many of the people at Avatar Island entered Second Life through that portal and learned the ropes from people there. We've forged friendships there and it's become a de facto hangout for many of us to converse with friends and offer help to the new players. But the atmosphere there has radically changed. Older players are now actually discouraged from helping new players in certain areas and BANNED simply for doing so. The originator of this thread is simply one of many (256 to be exact) who have done nothing yet have found themselves banned. In no way am I suggesting all 256 of those names didn't deserve to be banned. Many are there for legitimate reasons. But the person there has gotten drunk from the whiff of power and now simply bans people on a whim and many of us are sick of it. Can we simply go somewhere else? Sure! But we feel we are being treated unjustly and enjoy helping new players and hate that what was once a pleasurable experience is now being ruined by an individual who is supposed to be there to help.

Another possibility was that they dont know how to do it at that instant. But a few days later after thinking and researching it they figured it out.

But yes its very likely they didnt even realise you were asking for reassurence. It certainly wasn't obvious and I wouldn't have spotted it.
Many people dont live in a world of people asking for and giving reassurance.