Ok, can someone just tell me what is wrong with me?

or that
but be careful how you word it.

For instance, instead of
I have an idea but I don't think it will work.

try

I have an idea, do you think it would work?

or

I have an idea, what do you think?

or

What do you think of this idea?

(then once they say they like it...

What is it about it that appeals to you.

etc

It is not, in particular, about popularity. I know Marianne is popular with a large number of people, but that's not so much what I was referring to; what I'm talking about is the ability in the ability to attract trust and/or support from others, even only a small number of others.



This individual incident is not what gets me down, as much as the general pattern.

Kaimi

I wish I could be as cool and level headed as you are.
you always seem to say the right things, in just the right way.

I know this thread was for Yumi and everyone has been trying to assist her with much thoughtful advice.

I just want to say thank you, to you and everyone else.

The advice given here is very helpful and I am soaking it all in and learning what I can from it.

Adding one of my favorite movie quotes on the subject to Atashi's list from "The Karate Kid":

It is up to you to break that pattern.

Someone once told me, that if everyone I befriend ends up walking away, then I need to stop and look at myself, because it is a very rare chance that it everyone else.

So... I had to find out what I was doing to cause so many people to give up on me, and change that (which is what I am doing, granted I still have my bad days, as we all do).


For instance, when Kaimi said she is a Rha fan, before I would have looked for the insincerity, not believing it... now I accept it for what it is, a sincere compliment.

Which... is why I'm asking what it is?

well, i can tell you that i would avoid you at all costs because you seem way to needy and i dont do well in any sort of relationship with people possessing that trait.

I was thinking, "May I ask for your honest expert opinion on an idea I have?."

And I understand that, but at the same time, it's sort of self-fulfulling. In other words, someone like Ginge could have been just as needy, but they got what they needed.

I know how you feel. I was there, a long time ago now.
When I stopped worrying so much about what was wrong with me and started focusing on doing what I could to make whoever I was with more comfortable people started wanting to be around me more.
When I understood that there was no reason for anyone to be particularly interested in me and started taking an interest in everyone else that helped too.
When I determined to give up needing too much from other people I was able to do it.

bah, you always say the right thing hehe
(yes I like how you put it, see I am learning)

You honor me. I'm learning from this too. Maybe more from you than anyone. I feel you are a kindred spirit because we both are trying to reduce suffering, in ourselves, and others.

Sure, but all of those things require abandoning the things I was looking for. For example, if I accept that these is no reason for anyone to be particularly interested in me, then why would I build anything? No-one will be interested and it will be wasted effort. To suggest that I might like to perform something, as above, is hopeless - nobody would be interested in me.

Now, if that is indeed true.. then I can accept that it is.. but again the question would come up, what is wrong with me that it's true for me and not for others?

I mean, understand, this certainly _could not_ be what those people I admire did. If, say, Marianne had "understod that there was no reason for anyone to be particularly interested in her", why would she have ever written journals or put on fireworks displays?

I like it! Courage to make decisions ant to keep on keeping on is very important, and not always so easy.

Learning from me? That is a major compliment hon.

I can only hope I am able to help even one person.

I can't believe this thread is still going!!

Maybe part of the problem is the inability to learn and go on. Instead of just learning from things you seem to worry them to death. If you are still puzzled by this incidence I would suggest you take a break from it and try to come back to it after a good rest period. Maybe a break will allow you to see things differently. Don't fester about it but make a conscious effort to put it aside for a good period of time. Write yourself a note to review it in six weeks.

Also not much positive can happen from exaggerated always or never thinking. I would suggest you replace some of your inner dialoque with something more positive. When you find yourself slipping into thinking "no one ever helps me" replace it with something more positive like "I am a strong independant person who will eventually find the perfect SL endevour for me." How we think is very much self fulfilling.

Maybe Marianne's main goal is to get attention and props. But she always puts it in a context of trying to contribute to the SL experience. And for all I know she has tried lots of things that didn't work. I do know that she puts a lot of energy into all her SL activites and doesn't depend on anyone else coaxing her to do it.

I myself would probably enjoy all the friends and attention Mari enjoys but I know I don't want to put as much energy out as she does. So I am happy to admire her and just keep on doing for myself what I do feel like doing.

this! this this this!

(and it relates to so many situations)

Well, why in the world do you think that me doing what I'm suggesting wouldn't be "contributing to the experience", too? Unless there's something wrong with me?

Great advice!

Yumi hon.. dont take this wrong.. its just my point of view

i am basically an optimist.. it took a lot of work to get to that point.
there are things in my RL that, if i thought about them all the time.. even in a realistic way .. would make me just want to lie down and give up..

so my defence mechanism is to be positive... and it works.... some RL issues got better.. or became less hard to deal with...

negative thinking is destructive.. its like a magnet.. its draining... not only to you but to the ppl around you.

most ppl are working hard convincing THEMSELVES that everything is hunkydory .. that things will be ok.. that they can succeed at what they want to do... even the most confident looking person has self doubt.. they just dont go around wearing it on a Tshirt.

so here comes you.. youre talented, smart, charming.. and very very negative... a lot of ppl who recognise this will spend time trying to convince you that yes, you too can do it.. but after a while your negativity will begin to drain them and start to suck them in too.. most ppl leave at this point.. needing the energy for themselves.

just take comfort in one thing.. if ppl didnt see the worth in you.. then they wouldnt waste even one minute trying to convince you to believe in yourself...

I think Kaimi was pointing out the Marianne self identifies what she does as contributing to the experience. It is not up to us to tell you if what you want to do will contribute. It is up to you, YUMI, to decide that for yourself. If you believe in an idea strongly enough and it is important enough to you, you will follow it without anyone having to validate it for you.

See.. I really don't understand that. If I'm going to contribute to your experience, surely it should be in a way that you like?

This happened by post 40.