What is wrong with this Secondlife world?

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Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 574 Quote:
Originally Posted by Starling Cazalet
Is it just me or is it very hard to find men on secondlife that actually want to get partnered up, because im not having any luck finding a guy that wont cheat or lie and definitely is not married or has a gf/bf alreadyand plus is not just after sex , that seems to be the mainstream in sl. I am very frustrated.



Get a real life...


Kinda harsh huh........but i do think that putting sl in that (rl) box is pretty hard, just have fun and let it flow, if its meant to be it will be in rl or sl.

Sooo... just over 3 months in SL (not counting the possibility of any alts) and you expect to have met someone compatible and found out enough about each other to get partnered? I know it's not as big a step as RL marriage, but if you're expecting any kind of commitment, you maybe should give it a bit longer than that.

I sort of gather the SL romance thing is like kids in a candy store..... anonymous perfect people running around everywhere..... no accountability..... I can't even imagine having expectatoins here on a par with any kind of 'real' relationship. I know we're all real people behind the puppets and yada yada.....but lets face it...SL is an escape from RL drama and responsibilities in the first place. Bad behavior has consequences...but not nearly to the degree it does IRL....

Anyway...just my thoughts...I steer clear of all that as I have a RL love and don't need a pretend romance in SL. I don't think I would trust SL in the least if I were looking for any kind of real romance either.....again...too many options.....I would never expect anyone to settle down and place house with me in a virtual world. *shrugs* I prefer that kind of stability IRL...but not in SL, not necessary...I'm here for fun.

Wow. Are you saying that the people who are involved with others in SL are having a "pretend romance"?



I kind of agree in that I think that the RL "ideal: of monogamous sexual fidelity seems hard to pull off in a place like SL, but some people seem to manage it very well in any case.

you are so very wrong. and i wouldn't touch your av with a 10m prim! *bleah*

Opinion from the most jaded cynic I know: If you are looking for someone for an SL only partnership, to play house with, so to speak, Good Luck. With the nature of the place, and the propensity for alts flying around, I wouldn't do it even if I wanted to, unless it was someone I either knew in RL, or got to know intensively. It's been done, but what's the percentages? If you are looking for a RL love....look in RL. Again there are exceptions, yes. Good luck.

There are people in SL for whom any RL relationship would be very difficult, for health or other reasons. And some number of these people are good and decent folks, and actually looking for committed, or (not-so-committed!) relationships. So, OP, if you find one of those guys, you may have what you want. Let it be on your own head if you dally with and hurt one of these people. The environment is fantasy, but the emotions are real.

I'm sure there are other types of decent partner-able guys out there. But I also think that, percentage-wise, they are less common in SL than in RL.

I spoke to a noob the other day who said she wanted to get into a committed SL relationship because she was young and wanted to "practice" before committing in RL. This is SO not a good idea. It would be easy to get really jaded really fast, if you didn't already have a balanced perspective through real-life experience.

I'm afraid I still don't get the whole SL romance thing, though it makes more sense to me than SL sex. I have met some really nice people here in SL, but I can't really "know" them because of the lack of context.

Without the unconscious body language and facial expressions of RL it is almost impossible to really understand anyone, which makes any sort of real romance much more complicated and prone to failure. The anonymity of SL adds to this, people can pretend to be anything they want, so a romance in SL could be nothing more than roleplaying.

Given all that I am firmly in the "friendship only" category, and I doubt I will buy a penis

SJ

That would be like learning to skydive by doing it in SL first. You wouldn't learn enough about the real thing for it to be remotely applicable.

The only SL sex I've had was with some someone I knew in RL. I wouldn't have bothered otherwise. I might do it again at some point, but that's really not why I'm in SL at all.

I am in total agreement with Svar here. SL has SO much to offer, why is so much importance placed on having a partner? This is just my opinion of course, but I feel partnering (bf/gf or whatever) should be the cherry on top of the cake, not the whole cake. Just like in RL, you don't NEED to be partnered to have a fun and fufilling second life.

What's that expression, "A watched pot never boils?" = ) Maybe if you shift the focus and just have fun you'll meet your meant to be in the last place you thought you would. Which of course would be most awesome.

Sol

LOL. Yeah, I walked away from my 1st SL splat. In RL you splat once. Once.

Um...I would be so bold as to submit that it is for lots of men is RL too. At least I've heard this from my straight girlfriends.

It not about me so you saying this really doesn't matter or mean anything. This is about some people stating one thing while in reality doing the complete opposite. And tell me this doesn't happen in sl as far as sex is concern. Both men and women do this but women more so. To think otherwise is to not really know or to be naive about this matter.

Some wil state no sex because they don't want to be perceived as trashy although that's not the case. Because for the most part the population doesn't go around gauging you on whether you have sex or not. Others will say it due to their being embarassed about the whole thing. Each with their own agenda. Now, I'm not saying all men and women do this but many do.

This is something most people are simply aware of and you don't have to be a genius to know this. This isn't a putdown of these people, it's just a way of life in sl. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with it either.

And you're right, if a woman says no then it should be no. But again, that's not the issue here.

You might be surprised.

In the coming April my family and I will be relocating to live in Chicago to be closer to my in-world partner Fatz, who I met while recovering from a bad breakup. I actively attempted to discourage a relationship between the two of us as I didn't think we'd be good for each other.

Didn't work so well; we met this past August in the flesh and the compatibility in almost all things was amazing.

My advice is to stop pursuing romance and pursue other things; if you have a lot to offer a partner, as Fatz and I did to each other, you've got better odds of finding someone who will want partnership rather than sex.

I'm sorry, but this is just stupid.

Yes, many people enjoy cybersex, and many people enjoy cybersex in SL. But that doesn't mean SL has NOTHING to offer outside of cybersex.

It is an art/creativity platform. A lot of people are here because they enjoy making stuff.

It is a business platform. A lot of people are here because they enjoy making money.

It is a social platform. A lot of people are here because they enjoy talking with new and interesting people.

It is a fantasy platform. A lot of people are here because they enjoy being elves, fairies, kitties, aliens, dragons, or whatever strikes their fancy.

... and so on.

Put simply, people come to SL for different reasons. Sex is one of those reasons for a lot of people, but to suggest that everyone is here for that is just silly. You might as well say that I'm trying to get laid every time I go to bed at night, because you know, a lot of people have sex in beds.

By this logic, I must also secretly desire to be a furry, a Gorean slave girl, a vampire, an ad-cutter, a warrior, an escort, a club owner, a gambler, a landlord, and of course, a screaming Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle wielding griefer.

Do you see how ridiculous this line of reasoning is? Besides, everyone knows I only want to be that last one.

Helloooo!!!

I never once stated everyone is in sl for sex so read again and don't jump to respond unless you understand what was said. I also never said sl has nothing else to offer but sex that in itself never came up.

People do come here for many other reasons other then sex and I never said anything to the contrary nor did I ever suggest it as you said. I said "some" and if you look again you'll see I clearly stated, "I'm not saying all men and women do this but many do."

Tip: Take your time reading and this way you may understand what was said. Therefore, you can then respond accordingly instead of putting your foot in your mouth responding about something other then what was initially stated.

Reading comprehesion isn't for everyone I'm totally aware of this but at least give it a try anyway. Do you see how ridiculous your ill response was yourself?

Reading this REALLLLLLLLLY hard...

Nope, still looks like you are saying that most people who say they aren't here for sex are just lying.

Oh look, you even made your statement emphatic by adding "Period." at the end.

Obviously I was hypnotized by your subtle use of hyperbole.

No, what you initially said was this:



You clarified a bit later, but Ava's post was a perfectly legitimate (and accurate) response to the above. You basically said most people, particularly women, who claim they don't want sex in SL are liars, and you're wrong. We DO have other, perhaps better, things to do, which was her point.

I also don't see how insulting Ava's intelligence has any bearing on the argument. She said your statement was stupid and you implied that she herself was, which is not the same thing at all. Ava is one of the most consistently helpful and considerate people on these boards...she doesn't deserve such an abrasive response.

Thanks Ann, you are teh sweetness.

To be honest, I deliberately dispensed with my usual attempts at tactfulness, and so was expecting a somewhat heated response from Señor Harris. In addition to my suppressed desire to be a griefer, I obviously also secretly aspire to trollsomeness.

If I put out a bridge, will you come live under it? Best. Troll. Evah.

Actually a look at his posts reveals him to be a pretty compasionate guy:I wish these were taken out of context to make them look worse than they are. Looks like someone needs a hug, less Misantrop-Os for breakfast, less painful SL relationships, more entries on ignore lists, or some combination thereof.

And I thought I was the reigning dick here...

... no good deed goes unpunished, so think of the backlog!

But, really, "What is wrong with this Secondlife world?" is about *romance*? Not that this is an inappropriate medium: Folks have found love in every venue since smoke-signals--and every one has prompted a Miss Lonelyheart's Letters from the Lovelorn. I really don't think the problem is with the software, nor the users. Love is just not guaranteed in the ToS of life.

Now... for that Speed Dating project: suppose I'd need a Class 5 sim for that, huh?

I don't know if I want to be ride but the only pixel slapping I want to do is in game form for pure recreation and just for laughs like the funny animated kind like in very platonic way like in this game
http://www.andkon.com/arcade/adventureaction/asshunter/
Sex poseballs are hilarious to me. I just now must be careful where I go because people are all uptight about child sized avatars on poseballs.
Hey I am very tiny fae-elf, sometimes I am kid but only kid at heart.
I have very close friends here who I care very much about and vice versa but it has nothing to do with sex or romance.
Not everyone is wired towards sex or sexual relationships, shocking but true and their is no convincing those where they believe sex revolves around everything, It would be trying to convince a drunken dwarf their is more then their ale.
Have you ever convinced drunken dwarf to go rehab? It's impossible.
For me sex personally is as exciting as taking nap, but the nap is a whole rewarding.
I find sex actually pretty stupid and funny like the game Asshunter, I don't entirely get the
drive and focus Men and Women put on it.
Yes I understanding wanting friends but not sex perhaps it because my rl hormones are extremely low but even when they were normal the whole seeking romance and sex was always very annoying to me personally.
But I am guess I just don't like the emotional merry go a round that involves those romantic rides.

I don't come to SL for sex or partners.

I think SL is better for anonymous sex and RP than finding a actual partner. If I was to be someone's partner I would want verification on who she was so it would not be a major let down in the future. That is the main problem with internet relationships more so with SL where you have no clue who is on the other end. Works great for RP and cybering though.
I prefer to know who my "mate" is however. Might be why most men in SL are not into finding a "partner".

I have been partnered in SL twice and have had others interested. At no time have i been looking to be partnered i was looking for friendship