Talk me out of adopting a child

In real life I have a child, so it's not like I want to live a fantasy I can't have in RL, but...

Lately I keep seeing child avatars and I feel this ache...

Just last night I was talking to some people and this little girl avatar came walking by, and she was so adorable, that after we talked for a bit, I had to say, "I hope some day I have a little girl just like you!"

My friend IM'd me: "Be careful..."

And after a minute or two, I had to log off anyway, but I think if I had stayed another five minutes I would have adopted the girl.

I realize that I am a sucker and an idiot, but... maybe I don't realize how much of an idiot.

SL being what it is, and me being how I am, I'm sure I will end up doing this if I don't have a good reason not to.

So, can somebody talk me out of it?

sure.. just watch this

http://jp.youtube.com/watch?v=zkSdM6p2G98

If you make quite sure they never grow into a teenager, then it will probably be ok.

Thanks - it's funny, but I could deal with that.

SL is supposed to be an escape from reality, but lord knows, I bring enough of my RL into SL. The one thing I absolutely cannot ever see me doing is "adopting" a child.

To begin with, some of them overkill the icklespeak or whatever it is (sorry Mari) and that would drive me up the wall. And without fail, they always end up at "grown-up" functions and are misbehaving.

Cute is one thing - the responsibility of a "child" is another. If they're RPing being a kid, they may require a lot more from you than you're willing to give in SL. I suggest, before you adopt, you consider being a foster mom for a few weeks.

i have no children in rl, in sl i have a family with children, my oldest ive had with me for almost two years. we've met in rl and have a wonderful relationship. i also met his sl daddy in rl and now am living with him, very happy.

my advice, go to one of the adoption agencies, they all have 'trial adoptions', both parties must agree before the adoption actually happens. talk to other kids, get a feel for the kid community. send an IM to me or my son, koffeekid smalls, he is very active in the kid community, and can answer any questions you might have.

i cant talk you out of it : ))

lizzie

The "icklespeak" alone would be a deal breaker for me.

Why would someone want to talk you out of it?

But I will second your friends caution: be careful. KNow what you expect from each other as parent and child. Discuss limits, who pays for what, and above all make sure you can actually afford the time to spend together and get to know each other.

You are going to have your heart broken. Remember the good times and don't let a little and fleeting thing like that keep you from enjoying the love only a parent can feel.

In SL they can do more than that, they can change overnight into a fire-breathing armour plated robotic dinosaur!
You have been warned!

I have RL kids. I love 'em, but I don't especially want to raise any more in SL. But that's just me.

One of my friends adopted two kids. They're great builders, and have become her friends as well as her kids, supporting her during some emotionally trying events.

And if I could have a kid like Marianne...well, I might just change my mind. My three RL hooligans are all boys. I never did get the daughter I asked Santa for...

Adopting a kid in SL is not really so different from getting "married" in SL - it's as serious and involving as the parties want it to be. You've got to remember that the kid av is not like a scripted prim pet, but is another real user, who has a mind and occasionally might not want the same things as you. You've got to decide what exactly you mean by "adopt".

For example, I've been "adopted", in a sense, by a woman in SL. I call her "mom" and she refers to me as her son, and we use this dynamic to charming or humorous effect sometimes. But aside from that, we're really more like "friends" than family - I drop in from time to time, we go places and do things together now and again. I don't "live with her" in the same sense that, for instance, Mari seems to live and interact with her parents. This is the sort of relationship we wanted and were comfortable with, and we discussed it all ahead of time so that neither side would feel pressured or neglected by the way things turned out.

Other kids, and would-be parents, want a more involved dynamic. The kid may want to be treated as a child 100%, may want a room in the parent's house, and may expect to be provided on occasion with clothing or an allowance. Parents might be expecting to be giving all of these things too, or may not be. And when things don't work out and "families" separate, feelings can be hurt. I've heard a kid av more than once talk about how his/her parents simply "abandoned" them, and how badly it made them feel. It's fully possible that in some of these cases the would-be parents were simply freaked out by the child's expectations and were scared off. I reckon most of these people encountered a child who was simply so cute and loveable that they couldn't help but want to adopt them without understanding what the child expected from an adoption - very big mistake. Don't be charmed into adoption.

I think it would be a good idea to try and talk to some kid avs about the issue of adoption (while making it very clear that you're not going to adopt any at the moment). See the different kinds of things that different kids expect. If at some future point you want to adopt, make sure you have a very long talk with the prospective first. It's a serious issue. And although it may sound unfair to some, I would advise that if the child is unwilling to "break character" long enough to discuss that issue seriously, you should probably avoid them. Take with a grain of salt.

I find it insanely bizarre to say the least. I have less of a problem with hardcore SL bondage than I do this. It's just, that cute 5 year old kid is really an adult pretending to be a 5 year old kid. It's.... weird. Plus, the last time I saw a couple with a kid they were all dancing together with their 2 year old at a mature club. Okay, I understand that the kid is really an adult, but the language and content of the surroundings was not appropriate. If it had been real life they would have been smacked and told to be more responsible.

I find it extremely awkward to be around SL couples who bring their kid's along and I know I'm not the only one. Eh, but to each their own I guess.

Remember, a kid's not just for Christmas . . .

Pep (He's yours until you don't have anything more to hock)

The issues of dealing with and adult pretending to be a child is why I plan to just have a prim baby. No growing up required, lol!

just say no.

No! Say "Yes!" Don't adopt, make a real one in sl . . .

Pep (I am sure you can find a nice man to help you try)

Well, these are actually some good points. Family roleplay IS roleplay, and roleplayers need to have some consideration for people who aren't playing with them. People are so caught up in their "right" to live their SL however they want, that they often come to think of being merely considerate as some kind of self-demeaning failure. If an adult with a "child" comes to a mature location and insists people alter their behavior to accomodate the fact that a "child" is present, or gets indignant because people are talking about adult subject matter, to me that's no different from, or any less ridiculous than, some dom who loudly lambasts me for talking to his "slave" without permission at a shop or park or what have you. You have no right to assume I'm playing your game, and I have no right to get indignant when you don't play mine.

As a kid av, I'm here to have fun. Standing around being what I choose to be, doing what I choose to do, is NOT fun if I know the people around me can't stand me, or are being driven off because they are uncomfortable with my avatar choice. SL is huge - I will go somewhere else. My enjoyment does not have to be at someone else's expense.

Easy peasy. Don't be a f**king idiot.

oh you mean just like in rl

PS - he or she is over 18 and prolly 45. Get serious here.

IQ or chest size?

Pep (If only kids were seen and not heard, like in rl)

let's see, I been a SL child for years in SL. Ive had the same SL parents for almost a year now.... I think it works if you get to know each other well before the trial or adoption happens. I got to know my parents for a few weeks before my adoption happened. Like Dakota I like doing my thing also, and Im sure my parents do. It boils down to respecting each other. Neither of us are simply prims, we each are people. It does work if you realize this

All I will say is take EXTREME caution if you do do this, make sure the know the child individual, not just the child Avie. Get a sense of their actual age and state of mind. Why? Some may be underage for the grid, others may be older then they claim their RL age to be, and either way they may be in need of proper counseling far more then a Mom or Dad.

This is what the misadventure of myself and my partner, that left one of our best friends feeling really bad because she had brought this girl to us for help. That we did. We gave her a safe place to run to, taught her how to deal with griefers and how to spot creeps on the grid, set limits that she either had to "Go to school" or spend the same amount of time at the appropriate job we found her. In the end the girl became an assault on my partners sanity and despite our best efforts to take steps to turn it around, we had to take extreme measures. To this day we are not sure if the girl was 18 as she claimed, underaged, or older than she claimed. We still have many suspicions about the girl, but one thing all our friends and SL family know for sure, the girl needs/ed counseling if she liked what the councilor had to say or not.

So in short:

- Get to know the person behind the child you are to adopt.
- Set you limits, and stick to them without fail.
- Have an exit strategy in place if it turns really bad.

You just might find a weird one. =^-^=

Yeah and I definitely know what I would do if I had a kid and it turned out liek you - Boarding school or adoption - I'd let you choose.
Oh no, I know what I would do. I'd lose you in Harrods. Come to think of it I was lost in Harrods when I was a kid...
Hey, just on my way out BUT a brill idea for Pep - get a child av shape or whatever and become a kid again - like a Beano kid and get this lady to adopt you. Might do you some f**king good and smarten you up.