Social no-no's

Hi everybody,

Last night was my first true experience of SL after a few days of bumbling round on my own, and thanks to the great tips I got from this web site I was off and running.

Does anybody have any good suggestions of what NOT to do in polite society to save me saying or doing the wrong thing. I went into a few pubs and bars last night and wasn't sure if I was supposed to wait to be invited into conversation or would that seem stand offish. I said hello on a couple of occasions and just received the occasional 'hello' in return. I wasn't sure if it was viewed as pushy to just start firing questions at people you've just met.

Also, I read in one of the threads that the subject of RL can be a sensitive issue. Generally what sort of questions are considered acceptable about RL? ie Where are you from? for example. If you replied "England" and somebody said "Oh really? What part?" Is that getting a bit specific?

So I thought I'd ask the forum for perhaps their top 5 social no-no's when travelling through SL.

Thanks Sandy (as in Alexander)

I will sometimes ask a person what country they are from or what timezone. I do sometimes get a little worried that I am encroaching on their privacy, but I think by keeping the question "generalized", it should not be an issue.

I have been asked more specifically where I live, and I'll either just not answer or I will answer with " I'd rather not say" or "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you" LOL


And as for joining in on conversations, they are public conversations. Don't feel worried about joining in. If the other people wanted to have a private conversation, they could use the IM feature.

Hello is a good way to start and a reply is pretty good too. What I tend to do is then check the avs age, that gives me great clues on what direction the conversation should go. I find avs with 'picks' even just a couple are more likely to converse than those without them.

Were am I from "London UK", but thats as much as you get until I know you better.

If your not rude, I can't think of anything you could say that would be deemed as impolite in SL, if they want to chat they will do, if not they will probably ignore and then again they maybe typing out a 100 word reply and they've or you yourself have crashed and not realised it.

Thanks.

I've just noticed that the sticky at the top of the forum covers this topic quite a bit.

Apologies for any duplication! So where EXACTLY do you live????

Yes, I also see no problem with asking what country another resident is from - it's up to them if they want to answer, bt I wouldn't consider it rude. KNowing the locale of another resident can help in several ways - You know what timezone they are in, you can get an idea what thier primary language is, and stops you talking about things that they would not have a clue about

Gomez

~Mark points over to his right~


I live right over there.

Hello again Sandy
Dekka covers a very good point with apparent silence ... er, I mean, don't think you're being ignored if you say hello and there's no reply. They may be in an enormous IM .. they may be 'frozen' (I shan't explain further, you'll find out. We all do!) ... they might IRL be in the kitchen making a coffee .. so all in all, keep an open mind and don't jump to conclusions.

It may have been me warning about RL sensitivities. I was generalising. One example for you. I was at Three Lions, Bourton a while back and a group of us who'd vaguely bumped into each other but weren't 'close' started talking about where we lived. Now the Three Lions is a very 'British' pub and as such attracts a large number of brits. There are also a number of Honorary brits lol. I think they actually have a group to define them from the real thing!
Well, we were amazed at how close some of us lived and through this exchange I managed to team up two people from the same south coast town. It transpires they were both mothers with a child at the same school. How spooky is that?! Well, I was amazed and delighted and felt rather proud of myself I might have got RL friends together. Last I heard, they still hadn't actually met. Ho hum.

So yes, unless you are specifically out to meet someone RL (and a hurry!), basic timezone is sufficient enough till you get a real rapport. What you want to reveal is entirely up to you and I have only very rarely found anyone who takes umbrage at that. Most are perfectly ok.

Top 5 no-no's? ... you expect me to count?!?

Added: Oh I got one! I got one! ... If you accept a landmark and teleport ... don't stand still waiting for all the textures to load. As soon as you get the structures and the avies around you, gently move off in a direction .. or by the time you do move you might have a tower of avies standing on your head
Doesn't really come into the top 5 but worth a mention.

What, the red door? We're NEIGHBOURS!!

Hi again Sandy,

First of all I think Bilbo makes some very good points in #7 so I won't repeat them.

Definite No-No's? IMHO: walk around with male-variety prim attachtments showing where it's not appropriate, immediately offering *cough* 'intimate moments' to everyone you meet when you meet them, it's all fairly obvious I guess

As to general socialising: I know I've found it hard to jump into a conversation and usually don't, but I've also found that if you just say hello and stand around for a bit, there is usually a natural point where you can join in........... or decide to go elsewhere

Also, on the issue of getting no responses.... don't know whether you have voice activated, but if you don't .... it could be there's a whole conversation going on you can't hear.
If there's live music playing, conversations may also come in fits and starts, for obvious reasons.

As to what you should and shouldn't ask..... the fact that you're asking that question suggests you'll be okay

And where do I exactly live? In a castle in the sky

It's considered impolite to start moving before you see all the place you just teleported to. Because some people might be there invisible to you and you would bump them and move them away.

It's impolite to rez an item and leave it on the ground. Once you're done with it delete it or take it back.

Many places a have no weapons policy, so you would be ejected if you carry one.

Also some places have a no lag policy, so they will ask you to remove your blings, attachments and other gadgets that would make unecessary lag.

As a rule of thumb such places give you a greeter notecard when you teleport in, it's better to read it

I think the sticky at the head of this forum covers a load of these points really well.

In general I am a lot more gregarious in SL than I am in RL - I start up conversations quicker, simply because I figure that most people are in SL for some sort of social thing (some VERY social).

As for the RL thing - take a look at the thread discussing that: http://forums.secondlife.com/showthread.php?t=217216 - some people made some great points about each individual's "style of play".

http://www.lewisnerd.com/etiquette.htm

There's a few other good help guides there too - www.lewisnerd.com > Help Guides. I point newbies there a lot.

Broccoli

Don't walk off without apologising if you bump into someone/rez on their head/accidentally push them clear across the room (that's where minimap helps in a busy place).

Don't assume that cos you find their avatar alluring that this will be mutual.

If someone says hello to you as you are walking past them you don't have to answer, but it rarely hurts to say hi - SL is a lot less sociable a place for people simply barging past and out of the way.

Don't hit people with friend requests without knowing if it is even a LITTLE bit welcome i.e. don't make that the first thing you ever do. Kind of allied to #2 perhaps.

Don't beg them for Linden!

Id say the social no no's are the same as RL mostly

1. If there's two or three people in a group chatting or quiet (and so probably IM'g) say hello. If they want you to join in they will make it obvious (they might be in some deep discussion and not want disturbed)
2. With larger groups just jump in usually. Chances are most of them have barely met either and they would welcome any new input.
3. I've alway found where are you from is ok to ask after you've been chatting for a couple of minutes and so know you actually are interested in finding out. As a previous post said it helps knowing primary language and often kicks more conversation off.
The other "non dangerous" blank fillers like what do you do, musical interests and things seem to be better left until you've friended someone and maybe met them a couple of times.
4. Be yourself -- be kind and be interested. Mostly if a groups just standing around (especially in a club or something) its because no one knows what to say Just say something. Ask a question. It doesn't have to be especially funny or clever..but you'd be amazed at what it can kick off.
5. Ignore all of the above..lol..there are no rules other than use your instinct and don't be rude or abusive.

Cherry and Brian sum it up pretty well. There are a couple of SL specific rules, but if you just use good RL manners you should be OK. And if you do make a mistake, just apologize.

If your near me (and probably a lot of others) my three pet hates are:

1. People who walk up and without even a hello say something along the lines of "Wanna F*ck?", Just because this is SL we don't leave our social graces at the door (most times), don't treat people as a piece of meat.

2. People who don't wait to rez before walking bump into you and then don't have the decency to at least say "oops sorry". I accept bumping is a part of SL, but at least apologise.

3. Crowding, sometimes you go to a club and the next thing you know there are 10 people around you looking you up and down. You cant move without hitting them, and they don't care if they get between you and people you were speaking with.

oh and one last one I just thought of, that doesn't bother me but I know some people hate.

4. If it looks like a house, or a private residence, don't go inside unless either invited or there is a sign or similar saying your welcome to go poking around inside.

Hi, Sandy!

Those are all good suggestions. I have one to add, too: Check Profiles. The Profile is where people put all the stuff they WANT you to know about them up front. You'll find interests, attitudes, dislikes, and get an idea of how much RL information they're comfortable giving out.

Conversely, spend time creating your own profile. Put some nice pictures in it. Use it to show that you're an interesting person, and let folks know what some of your interests are.

And if you want a response, a question is better than a simple "Hi". For example:
"Hi, Avatar! I see from your Profile that you're interested in collecting lefthanded potato peelers. So am I! Do you know anyplace I can find some in-world?"

On the other hand, if their profile shows their interests don't match yours, you can pass them by. Or run past them at high speed, depending.

After you've chatted with someone a while (maybe even not on the first meeting), if you discover you have a lot in common, you can ask them if you may add them to your friends list. (A blue Friends request coming out of nowhere will almost always get turned down, at least by me). There's a lot more around here about Friends etiquette...do a search.

SL social no-no's include:

Flooding chat with lots of Howls, Rrrugbbaa, yahaa etc gestures
Being naked in a PG area
Begging for L$
Pushing residents for details about their RLs

I've also seen people being upset by the presence of a silly cartoonish avatar in an area where they prefer the realistic human look!

All good advice, as are the others above. However, there are some people who will be upset about the nature of your avatar no matter what kind of avatar you have. You can't please everybody, no matter how thoughtful you are. So if you feel like being Snoopy, go right ahead! Just be a polite Snoopy; no grabbing Linus' blanket.

Mmm, so that's a no is it?Oops, sorry! Just trying to get out from under the next arrival. Why am I thinking Royal Marines Motorcycle Display Team here?It took me a while to realise what Jamming Session really meant.Umm, can't think of a funny. It's a seriously debatable point. I say if it's open and nobody there .. who's to know you peeked?

Visitor counters record who has visited your land.

Never ask:

Do you want sex now?

Over the bumping thing, I've found that recently avatars take some time to rez in busy places, so I find myself walking about in the middle of an empty dancefloor withiout realizing I'm a serial bumper-into-er!

Bringing the minimap up as soon as you TP can help a lot with this. I use it so I can move off of the TP-in point without running folks down, before anything's rezzed.

My personal feelings.


Do:
1) Check profile before IM. Especially the first life tab. I get tired of repeating the same thing over and over that is in my profile already.

Do not:
1) Ask for sex right off the bat.
2) Walk around with a stock skin and a erect dick thinking you are getting some or stock skin and huge boobs for girls...
3) Follow me around just because I responded to your IM.
4) Use "u" for "you" and "r" for "are" and such other shortcuts. I don't mind spelling and grammar mistakes but those shortcuts drive me insane. If you are in such a big hurry or to damn lazy to type a few extra letters then we probably will not get along anyway.
5) Use gestures with sound effects. Very annoying.
6) Use particle effects on your avatar. Very annoying.
7) Ask for phone, cam or RL hookup. If I wanted to do that I would join adult friend finder not Second Life.
Walk around with your alt girlfriend and having her throw lines at me to hookup with you thinking girls listen to girls more.
9) If you ask how you look and you get a negative remark don't go into a immature tirade insulting the one(s) you asked. I see this everyday for some reason.