How do you find a good guy

This is starting to remind me of Starling's threads.

I am getting even more confused as this is the opposite of what Littleme is saying

Well actually, I would say it is a matter of his opinion and yours, combined. We all have to define this for ourselves.

I can understand the difference between physically unfaithful in RL and emotionally involved in RL or SL. There are degrees to everything I have learned, just as there are a variety of reasons that many of us are still in marriages that others do not seem to understand.

We need to be careful about applying our own values to others here. We are truly only intitled to judge ourselves - and possibly those very close to us in RL.

Because we all have our own experiences here that we draw upon and we all have our own way of looking at things.

YMMV in using the opinions and approaches that any of us give you. None of it is written in stone and what works for one might not work for another.

I'm confused You said the men in the forum are less geeky and more sympathetic to women, which means that the men inworld are even worse, so my judgment would seem to be correct.

Clarice Starling

I think the real point is that in sl, people are a little more free from rl hangups. They have the opportunity to do things that can't be done in rl for whatever reason. Character traits do get emphasized for both good and bad. I have met so many great people here in the forums and later in world, but it took time to form the friendships. Hang out at places that are of interest to you, not just a place where a lot of guys hang out. Give people a chance.

I sure hope you are not bragging about that... I know I wouldn't

*shudders to think that a 13 yr old could have been cybering with an adult and did the adult know?*

actually she brought up the point of cheating before I did, I merely quoted it and put it into the context of SL

and yes I do consider it cheating (otherwise I could (but would not) have lots of SL partners)

just in my mind, and heart, it is cheating

and what would happen if he did find out, and considered it cheating

seems you are willing to risk that

*shrug*

either way, enjoy your SL...

For me it was a just happen. I had decided SL wasn't really for me and was just kinda wandering around my favorite haunt at the time for a last look and ran into a guy who just started talking to me.

We got along great, I drove halfway across the country to grab him and we were married about a year ago

Just find places that *you* like. I think that's the key really. That way you at least have some interests in common right off the bat.

Some people not just guys, they want nothing more than an sl relationship. Well if one puts that they are married in rl and only looking for a relationship in sl only, that maybe attraction because they are not worried about someone wanting it to progress into rl.

I have seen plenty of profiles that clearly state they are married in rl, only want a sl relationship. I believe that is very honest and the other party either can "play" along or "move" along.

I find a lot newbies seem to hook up within the 2-4 weeks of coming on to sl. When I first came to sl I made a lot of friends from camping at the various clubs and casinos. My first year I was focused on building up my linden account to buy land.

I think open chatting somewhat took a backseat when the camping situation changed and the casinos closed. Camping at the casinos reminded me of what Mickey said in one thread, it had a Vegas feel to it.

I know alot of people prefer companionship in sl and I'm one of them. I'm not saying your goal is to "hook up" with someone so please don't take this wrong. Perhaps if you can identify another interest such as building, scripting etc.. through that path you will meet some very interesting people. Also you can perhaps be a hostess at a club.

Sl has sporting events, those places you can meet guys at. I met an ex at a hockey game. Never went to one before and we dated for several months. I have met guys at boxing and wrestling matches too. Go to a sailing event, I'm sure from looking at the posts on sailing there is plenty there LOL.


Those are just some suggestions. Oh, you could try speed dating but that can be sooooo laggy.

Good Stuff here!

Just realized you've only been here a week, Annabel. Way too early to form an opinion. Relax and go with the flow.

If you were suddenly single in RL....odds are you're not going to trip across Mr. Perfect the first week. Same thing with making new friendships, if that's what you're looking for. New day, new world.....it takes time.

You just stumbled into a rather bizarre world that takes some figuring out. Some things work entirely the same as RL.....some things work entirely different, here. Some people think it should be an exact variation of RL....some think it should be something entirely different.....some people use a mix of the two......that alone makes it a tad bit difficult to navigate. Not only do you have to figure out all the nuances....then you have to figure out how each person you meet applies all the nuances. (as you can see in this thread) Fun!

I can relate to your sarcasm....but to be honest.....I've got to tone it down a bit for a first impression, here. People can't see a smile on your face or a sparkle in your eye when you're being sarcastic....they just see words and take it at face value.....then twist them to their own interpretation. Happens with whatever form of communication style you use here.

I'm not saying being fake or being something you're not.....but somehow get in touch with your inner "sweetness"....and pull it out! Balance things out a bit. Do you think you have a "patience" gene to draw on too? Patience is required while you get a grip on how this works. Those two qualities actually work very well together....who knew.

You know, once you start using that patience gene....and get a little practice with it.....you can actually take it back to RL for some positive effects.....same thing with the "sweet" gene.....I know....it's hard to find some days.....but it's in there!

Perhaps we know why her husband doesn't trust her

I am most certainly NOT going to pass any moral judgement for a plethora of reasons, but I did feel compelled to chime in with this: Annabel, you are willing to potentially lie to your husband (at least by omission) and you paint a rather bleak picture of him as a human being. With that said, SL is a powerful medium, capable of forging relationships that extend far beyond those many of created via ICQ. Before you know it, you're entangled in something that may lead you to stray outside of the perimeters you've supposedly set. I guess if you had said you and your RL husband had a relationship that allowed you both the freedom to explore other aspects of yourselves in other arenas, I would feel differently. Instead, however, I have a feeling you're going to posting a rather sordid story of deceit, regret and misguided emotion in short shrift. The best laid plans of mice and men.... Be careful girlie. JMHO.

A piece of advice, if you find yourself in the situation as Arielyn described, keep it to yourself. Don't post it in here. There are those here that will eat you up alive. Take heed if you don't want get your feelings extremely hurt in the forum.

The only advice I can really give is simply this:

Actually *BE* what you want to see in others. Too often, we attract what we present / project, but not what we want, because the two images are at odds with one another. Sometimes, that takes a little practice with a conscientious partner who is willing to be our feedback sounding board.

QFT

My husband isn't bleak. He's handsome, sexy and making a lot of money from his job which is why I put up with him being away but he happens to be the jealous type.

I bet you and the all the rest of the women who have posted here have lied to their husbands or boyfriends, or at least kept the truth from them about something important. I won't even ask about the guys.

Its funny you should say that. My profile rl text says something like Young Smart Bored London and the guy who impressed me before I realised he was drunk last night sent me an IM that said Young Smart Bored XXXXX where XXXXX was the place he lived so maybe I am getting it right after all. I had had four glasses of wine so perhaps we were alike at the time but I was typing a hell of alot better than he was.

If you want a good guy, your best bet is to find a gay man. Unfortunately I'm already taken.

Something important, in RL, maybe. Getting my jollies in a computer game? Not worth the risk. But that's just me.

I wouldn't be interested. If I go shopping with a man its for clothes for me.

It sounds like you are agreeing with me as well. You are saying its OK to lie about real life important things to your husband but not to lie about unimportant fantasies.