How do you find a good guy

I agree with those above who advise to focus your interests elsewhere and let it happen naturally.

This may be a case of what I call the principle of paradoxical results. Lots of things seem to fall into this category:

- trying to stay awake
- trying to fall asleep
- trying to ignore pain
- searching for happiness
- finding a partner

It's not a universal law by any means. Counterexamples include exercising for health, practicing a sport or talent, striving for business success, and studying an academic subject. I haven't discovered any key to indicate whether the principle applies, but it seems to apply more to less tangible goals. (And it often does apply to many of these counterexamples, when a more 'zen' approach is needed to take you to the next level.)

Go out and just have fun! Meet *people* whose company you enjoy. Find activities you enjoy; get involved in interesting projects, especially ones that make use of your talents.

Finally, a bit of reality about men in SL, which might be off topic. You didn't mention exclusivity as an issue, but if that is one of your criteria, you have the odds working against you. SL is a fantasy land: you can be whatever you can make of yourself! Well, most men's fantasies do not include exclusivity. I believe there's a much larger number of women whose fantasies do include it, or downright demand it. So, it's not impossible, but don't expect it to be easy, because it's more likely in RL. (Our fantasies differ from our goals and expectations.) Of course, don't let my pessimism close you down to the possibility.

For example, in RL I'm a one-woman man. I choose to live my life with one woman, grow old together, share our life together. I like to enjoy alternative choices in my fantasies, but I wouldn't choose them for my real life. I doubt that I'm very unusual in this regard.

Yeah, just omit the last verse! A great bit of poetry, but ... ick!

You are unusual in that you will admit it. While many (not all) men do not want exclusivity here and will not do it, many of those will not admit it and simply be 'not exclusive' behind your back.

Yet they expect it of you.

Of course, now be quiet and get back in the kitchen.

Treasure is 28! And, I've met some really nice people looking for the glimmers of the person under the cartoon. But I wasn't looking for a relationship either so maybe was easier to see it.

Lil is 30 - best year of my life.

Need that 'banging head into desk' animation

I always made my intentions clear from day 1. I never had an interest in an SL only relationship for the simple reason that I did not want SL to be more succesfull than my RL life is in the romance part.

Tried in RL for years and years and became extremely lonely and depressed. Now am in SL for just over a year and guess what, I have a partner in SL that I met in RL last januari and going serious and strong.

there is no harm in trying but don't try too hard or become obsessed with it. Just like RL, this world has more to offer than just that.

I met my lady not in a club, romance sim or so, it was on freebie beach. A newbie lady that asked me in IM how to do surten things with clothing and so, we became friends and it progressed from there. So you see, the most unlikely places.

Do understand that there are 2 groups here in SL: ones that want an SL love and ones that want something that might progress to RL. If you meet a person that hopes that, but you want it purely to remain SL, be honest about that. Had a few people trying to start an SL only with me, despite my statements that I was not interested in that and it hurts, it really hurts.

@ Windsweptgold: You're right about the time zones, but when you find 'the one' that doesn't matter too much. I am Dutch and my sweety is from the USA. I live +7hrs from her.

Wow. Hold your horses. Maybe I need to make a few things clear that I started saying over in the other thread. I am married in rl to someone whose job takes him away a lot and while I am looked after financially he is very insecure, jealous and posessive and doesn't like me having men friends. He even gets terribly upset if I go out with my female friends and their husbands or boyfriends when he is away. I would not consider being unfaithful to him in rl but I really miss the company of men. So when I read about sl I thought it would be the ideal way to talk to guys but keep them at arms length. I used to manage several boyfriends at once in rl so I thought doing the same in sl would be much simpler so exclusivity would not be a problem. My husband doesn't know one end of a computer from the other so I wouldn't have any worries as long as I stayed offline when he was home

The problem is that I was expecting guys in sl to be smarter than your average bear and they don't seem to be or if they are they are doing a good job of hiding it. Maybe in sl I have been unlucky so far but I believe in making my own luck which is why I am asking these questions here. I am not desperate I am positive. I know that the people who post here might only be a small proportion compared with the numbers in sl and I haven't read much except in the Residents answers forum but even here the guys seem a bit geeky and unsympathetic. I shouldn't be surprised I suppose but I was hoping for better. Perhaps I am picky and impatient but why not. The alternative is to talk to my girlfriends about the same old things or watch tv.

I hope that helps and you can suggest some places and things I could do with my profile

Why should the SL population be any different that the real world?

Then one must choose those confident and sure enough in themselves that they do not require such from you. /me has been very fortunate in her choices (Such men do not grow on trees though)

I love you regardless- sleep is for the weak. (I just ramble incoherently and pass out at the KB)

Aw thank you! That should help tonight- 'cause napping sure isn't!

how about putting the truth in your profile, that you are married in RL, only looking for SL friendship, do not wish to be unfaithful to RL husband, friendship means more than one of course

and just as everyone else has said, don't push it, let it happen
If you are looking too hard, you miss those diamonds in the rough

I originally posted this in the other thread since it was quoting a comment made there, but then thought about it and decided that it might be better said here:

So.... If I go to Sweethearts or Phat's and happened to get IMd by two different guys and I continue to actually chat with them both, as we learn a bit about each other and try to decide if we want to dance, then I would be considered to be "two timing" them?

We might want to discuss your thinking just a tad in relation to the SL world.

'Looking for' is much the same as in RL.

SL is potentially easier.
In RL , you can read the body language from across the room.
In SL, you can read the Profile from anywhere.
In RL, you need neck to walk up to a stranger
In SL, you can try an IM commenting on something in the profile.

Anyone 'looking for' would be well advised to ensure that their profile expresses their interests and character. It should also exhibit approachability.
Picks and groups can say a lot about someone, particularly if they customise the text when they pick a place- the 'why' of the pick.

I find it hard to imagine that a cerebral person looking to socialise would not read the profiles of people around them.

I know what you mean My partner is in the USA and I am in Australia so about 19 hrs difference.
Its not uncommon for one of us to doze off and the other just waits, we often sit on the couch holding each other so if one falls asleep its nice to see them there when you wake up

Point taken. Maybe my thinking was linear like it would be in the real world. That would make it OK for me to be in IM with several guys at once as well.

Would it still be OK if I was dancing with one guy but still in IM with others.

But is she just looking for friendship? She sure sounds like someone who is looking for a cyber mate if you ask me. For somone who has only been in SL a week, she seems to have made up her mind on a lot of things about the people she is coming across. Also if she is just looking for friends, why the big rush? Part of making friends is the learning and discovering things. What does it matter if a guy is "two timing" if all you are interested in is being his friend? What's the big deal in spending some time or so chatting with someone, even if you find you really don't have a lot in common?

Hell it took months before I wanted to stop bashing Chris' face in before we became good friends, and the jury is still out on Damien........

I didn't say I was only looking for sl friendship did I. Surely saying you are married and faithful is going to put a lot of men off.

You know you always loved me.