Do you ever 'share' your Real Life image?

LISTEN FORUM FOLKS...

I'm sorry for using the pig phrase 'asking for it.'

I think I've made myself perfectly clear through out my postings...if you can not see past my mis-worded phrase 'asking for it' than I'm at a loss.

Those of you that actually read everything I said with an unbias, open mind, know that's not what I meant.

What I've seen is that stalking from internet people is more risky in some ways than people you know first life - you have *no* idea who it is, really.

At least if it is an ex gf or something, you can do something like call the authorities if it got terribly serious.

* * * * *

Some weird calls, and damn scary ones from internet people, made me become pretty closed about my first life identity these days. Although a few close friends do know all my details and have seen a pic of me. Honest appraisal: I was okay-looking 15 years ago, but now 'decidedly average' is pretty accurate for a 43 year old suburban dad. I prolly got another 10 years to go before I fall squarely into 'coyote ugly.' ...

A long time ago I was stalked, and very uncomfortably so, by someone in college - 'sad' and 'creepy' come to mind though I don't think I was in any danger. As far as stalking by actual ex gf's... that case was different, if anything the problem was temptation. But no longer an issue in any case.


This may sound sexist but I think the risk is higher for females. Females generally don't commit violent crime, men do. Every pretty young thing I've known with a pic on the internet, or worse yet, on the grid, has eventually run into undue attention - sad but pretty much how it goes. I'd advise the ladies not show strangers. Worst side effect of that is: others may get to know you for your personality first!

exactly

by the same token -

If someone put their picture, telephone number, RL address, hobbies, place of employment on their profile in SL ...

Even if in chat they come across as needy or desperate...

...It still wouldn't mean they should get stalked by the people they meet in SL.

They aren't "asking" for anything
--------------

The amount of risk something will happen is higher due to visibility - of course. But its still 100% the fault of the stalker.

You're right. It doesn't necessarily mean rape. It could refer to any crime really. So, if you walk past a street corner where there are 2 gang members and you happen to be wearing the "colors" of a rival gang, you were asking for trouble when they shot at you? I know...that's pretty far out there in terms of scenarios, but it's still the same concept.

Do some women dress sexy to get attention? Of course they do. For the same reason a lot of commercials use scantily dressed models. For the same reason you see the sexy dresses at the grammy award red carpet events. However, the fact that they get negative attention is more up to the person giving the attention then the one getting it. In other words, just because a woman wears a mini-skirt and low-cut shirt, it does not mean somone has the right to invade her life, uninvited, in any manner.

This all started because some posters were wary of showing RL pics because they DIDN'T want to attract undue attention. Michael said that you are far more apt to be followed home by a random person in RL than to be stalked over the internet. The inference could be made that Michael meant that someone who wouldn't show their RL pic for that reason is somewhat paranoid. However, Michael then went on to say that dressing provocatively is sometimes "asking for trouble" and the world is a really big bad place. Kind of proves the point of the ones who don't want to show their RL pics in the first place.

The bottom line is.....whether or not someone on SL shares their RL pictures is up to THEM. I don't see why anyone should be judged negatively if they don't share that information. Are they paranoid? Maybe they are, but just because they're paranoid doesn't mean there's not a reason to be scared.

I can think of several neighborhoods in Detroit where it would be completely foolish for a suburbanite (man or woman) to walk down the street alone. That's just reality.

However, If they were attacked, the attacker is indeed 100% to blame for that attack; just because the person is foolish, doesn't make it okay to attack them, or absolve the attacker of any responsibility.

Could one argue that the victim could have made better choices, that might not have put themselves in a risky situation? Absolutely. But the attacker is still going to jail.

*GASP*

Oh my god...I'm...I'm...going to faint. Someone actually gets me...I'm in love. Sheesh. Yes, my phrasing can be abrasive at times, but this is all I ever meant by any of this. You seem to have picked that up quite clearly...why don't other people?

Would it be considered cheating?

Hook, line...sinker.

Well if you pour gasoline around a fire long enough it's bound to ignite... My suggestion is, keep gasoline WAY away from fires.

What does this mean? That you were trolling people with the subject of stalking and rape?

The term 'asking for it' needs to take a short walk off a long pier...stop using it guys. That's not the point...I understand the implications of the phrase...and the ties related...but it's not the point, and it's never been my meaning...

Try and understand the concept...no one asks for anything (unless they have a safe word), women don't ask to be raped...this is obvious...so obvious in fact, I don't know how we can even go there...although I used the phrase (which I didn't realize would cause an avalanche), I didn't mean it the way it's said...

It can be better phrased as 'inviting trouble.' Can you all live with that? Am I still a pig for saying, 'a woman that dresses slutty is inviting trouble.' Is that cool?

Once you say something like "asking for it" it's really hard to get past that. I know you posted a retraction and tried to explain further, but your smart enough to know it takes a lot of back peddling to get out of that one. And honestly, some of your back peddling wasn't helping IMO.

I do think you didn't mean it the way it sounded. And I also think if you would have posted this at around post #60, we all would have been better off. Instead, in your dogged pursuit of proving yourself right, you just dug the hole further. You really did. Because you then went on to state it again in a different post when you talked about boobs hanging out and mysterious smiles. I'm not picking on you. Just the way you said some things was offensive to, I think, quite a few people, and women in particular. I have a feeling you're a great, fun-loving guy in RL, it's just that you don't always think before you type. In your quest to not pull any punches, to tell it like it is, you sometimes end up sounding like a "pig", when I'm quite sure you're not.

Back to the picture thing.....I just don't see a need to show anyone my RL picture. There's nothing to hide, and maybe someday I'll make a good enough friend on SL and we will exchange pictures...who knows. It's just not something I'm even slightly interested in right now. No one has ever asked either, nor offered me their's, so I can't be in the minority of not wanting to show my RL pic.

I won't be satisfied until Mike goes on a public apology tour, including Larry King.

That's very true. Although I have to say that most stalking/rape victims were not dressed provocatively at the time of said crime. I am fortunate to still be able to take walks alone at night where I live and feel relatively safe, but there or places I avoid. If I did go there, I don't think my big shapeless puffy coat will protect me. Some behaviours ARE safer than others, though. I agree. Keeping your doors locked will deter some thiefs, but if someone really wants to break in, they will.

I guess this is why I prefer not putting a RL pic of me in my profile - sort of like locking my front door. If a stalker wants to stalk, the fact that I don't have a picture might not deter him, but I feel that having a pic just brings unwanted attention. He could just say, "There she was, flaunting her picture to everyone - she was just 'asking' for it", etc.

Who the hell really knows what goes through the mind of these sickos? Not putting up a picture might not do so much to protect me, and the percentages of this happening, whether small or great don't matter to me, I just feel it is safer not to hand out my picture to everyone. I'm just 'locking' the door.

With all due respect, you might want to do a little more study on what attracts a man...what drives him crazy...what signs men can misinterpret....and so on...

I sympathize, I assure you I do. But telling me that the way a woman dresses never influences a man's choice to come on to a woman...you're simply not correct.

I don't have the mind of a rapist, but I'm positive the outfit a woman wears says a lot about what they are willing to do, and not willing to do. Which invites certain actions...sometimes these actions lead to unfortunate events.

Yes, I understand people like to latch onto what they can fight with...

Glass houses, Michael....

I already did...several times...

Larry King? I was on last night...you must have missed it.

NO
NO
NO
NO
NO!

You are still blaming the victim.

What the woman will do or won't do has nothing to do with it!


A victim can place themselves at greater risk.

But they are not inviting attack.


This is a hard lesson to learn, a lot of rape victims can't stop blaming themselves.

Alright...everyone shut up. I win.

Grrr!

I understand what you're saying but prisons are full of women who have. I've been a Correctons Officers for some time. Womens House of Detention for violent felonies are pretty much full.

Commiting crime is an equal opportunity thing.

NO - that is still wrong and still a sexist pigish comment -- and prior to this thread I really had minimal problems with your posts.

What is 'slutty'? We've had that conversation. Why would person A's definition of slutty have anything to do with whether or not person B is 'inviting trouble'?

#1 I don't believe your sincere about talking to us with respect
#2 What is sexually appealing to a non-rapist has NOTHING to do with the wave length that a rapist is on.
#3 You can tell yourself over and over that a woman can illicit rape by the things she wears but you obviously have no education in the subject.

I think she means that rape is not a crime based entirely on sex, or provocation for that matter. It is a crime of violence and power on the part of the rapist. It really, really doesn't matter what the woman is wearing, Michael. A nun in a habit is just as apt to be raped as someone who looks like she belongs hanging upside down off a stripper's pole. The rape really has nothing to do with the woman, her clothes or the signals she sends. It has to do with the perpetrator and his warped way of thinking, and of wanting to degrade another human being, as well as have power over that person. Stalking also has nothing to do with dress or demeanor, but more to do with the imagination and the abusive nature, the need to control if you will, of the perpetrator.

As for stalking...I don't think that's based on the look of the victim either. Maybe their personality? I think, sometimes, the "nice" people, are sometimes victimized more. Maybe because they find it harder to put someone off because they don't like to hurt a person's feelings. The stalker takes anything like that as a sign of encouragement.....believe me. If someone is "nice" and a potential stalker is attracted to them, a picture might just be considered icing on the cake, though, in the eyes of the stalker.