Setting boundaries is a must when two people are involved in an in world relationship but have real life spouses. The pain comes when you spend too much time dancing around that boundary, that wall. Touching it, worrying that the wall may crumble from the shear weight of all the love it holds back.
I suspect that’s where Her is. Maybe she had a moment where that wall that boundary did not budge when it was so tempting to knock it down. Maybe her lover took her to the wall and she resents him, her emotions and the wall. But unless she or anyone else is prepared to disassemble an existing marriage (and I know of some that have) that wall, that barrier that boundary or what ever f**king analogy you want to use….has to be there.
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Blue Szondi
That's right...It's Blue!
Join date: 26 Mar 2007
Posts: 41
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09-10-2008 05:59
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Atticus Scribe
Registered User
Join date: 3 Sep 2008
Posts: 47
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09-10-2008 06:04
Setting boundaries is a must when two people are involved in an in world relationship but have real life spouses. The pain comes when you spend too much time dancing around that boundary, that wall. Touching it, worrying that the wall may crumble from the shear weight of all the love it holds back. I suspect that’s where Her is. Maybe she had a moment where that wall that boundary did not budge when it was so tempting to knock it down. Maybe her lover took her to the wall and she resents him, her emotions and the wall. But unless she or anyone else is prepared to disassemble an existing marriage (and I know of some that have) that wall, that barrier that boundary or what ever f**king analogy you want to use….has to be there. For God's sake don't damage the wall! Much better to lie and cheat and whisper sweet nothings into your SL lover's ear while your RL partner is in the other room. Ahh, if only shakespeare were alive today, the beautiful sonnets he could have written. |
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Her Quandry
I just dont know...
Join date: 8 Sep 2008
Posts: 16
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09-10-2008 06:04
Blue, maybe?
I am just at a loss for words right now. |
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eku Zhong
Apocalips = low prims
Join date: 27 May 2008
Posts: 752
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09-10-2008 06:21
For God's sake don't damage the wall! Much better to lie and cheat and whisper sweet nothings into your SL lover's ear while your RL partner is in the other room. Ahh, if only shakespeare were alive today, the beautiful sonnets he could have written. To be, or not to be: that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer SL and thrills of Secret Romance, Or to take arms against a sea of poseballs, And by opposing end them? To Log Off: to Sleep; No more; and by a sleep to say we end The heart-ache and the thousand virtual shocks That an Avatar is heir to, 'tis a consummation Devoutly to be wish'd. To Log Off, to sleep; To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub; For in that sleep offline what dreams may come When we have shuffled off this virtual coil, Must give us pause: there's the respect That makes calamity of second life; For who would bear the whips and spankers of time, The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely, The pangs of despised love, the lag's delay, The insolence of office and the spurns That patient merit of the unworthy takes, When he himself might his quietus make With a ruthed bodkin? who would fardels bear, To grunt and sweat under a second life, But that the dread of something after Log Off, The undiscover'd Region from whose bourn No traveller returns, puzzles the will And makes us rather bear those EMOs we have Than TP to others that we know not of? Thus conscience does make cowards of us all; And thus the native hue of resolution Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of Windlight, And enterprises of great prims and moment With this regard their Avatars turn awry, And lose the name of animation. - Soft you now! The fair Desired Avi, in thy orisons Be all my sins remember'd. |
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DaQbet Kish
cautiously reckless
Join date: 22 Jan 2007
Posts: 1,064
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09-10-2008 06:27
...Ahh, if only shakespeare were alive today, the beautiful sonnets he could have written. Yes and sad tails of cold hearts unable to see past some Victorian dogma that stifles emotions. I need coffee brb |
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eku Zhong
Apocalips = low prims
Join date: 27 May 2008
Posts: 752
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09-10-2008 06:29
Yes and sad tails of cold hearts unable to see past some Victorian dogma that stifles emotions. I need coffee brb Shakespeare was actually a pretty funky guy. A lot of his stuff is crampacked with play on words regular deviant he was. |
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DaQbet Kish
cautiously reckless
Join date: 22 Jan 2007
Posts: 1,064
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09-10-2008 06:44
Shakespeare was actually a pretty funky guy. A lot of his stuff is crampacked with play on words regular deviant he was. Yes. Too bad they weren’t confronted with these “modern” dilemmas and all this much ado about nothing business.  |
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Her Quandry
I just dont know...
Join date: 8 Sep 2008
Posts: 16
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09-10-2008 06:48
I think this thread can be helpful to some, it has helped me plenty.
I think I have a temp solution...put him on the back burner and take DaQbet out? Are you busy later? _____________________
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl...
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DaQbet Kish
cautiously reckless
Join date: 22 Jan 2007
Posts: 1,064
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09-10-2008 06:53
o.O
/cleans coffee off monitor |
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Aebleskiver Thibedeau
Sapiosexual
Join date: 6 Feb 2008
Posts: 351
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09-10-2008 07:27
Yes. Too bad they weren’t confronted with these “modern” dilemmas and all this much ado about nothing business. You jest, right? Sexually, the Elizabethans were wilder and crazier than NYC in the '70s. They precipitated the Victorian repression of sensuality almost single handedly. God, I love the Elizabethans. Lusty devils that they were... _____________________
Life is short and the Art long; the occasion fleeting; experiment dangerous, and judgment difficult. ~Hippocrates
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Atticus Scribe
Registered User
Join date: 3 Sep 2008
Posts: 47
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09-10-2008 08:12
You jest, right? Sexually, the Elizabethans were wilder and crazier than NYC in the '70s. They precipitated the Victorian repression of sensuality almost single handedly. God, I love the Elizabethans. Lusty devils that they were... What the hell are you lot talking about? The Elizabethan age was pretty rank for most people. "lustiness" (which I'm not against at all by the way, in whatever your chosen permutation might be) resulted for the most part in a disgusting and drawn out death at the hand of syphilis. You had the plague, typhus, diptheria etc. If you made it past your mid teens (40% didn't), you were lucky to make it past the age of 30. For the most part, the poor and disenfranchised numbed themselves to the abhorrent conditions in which they lived by addiction to drink and "tupping" in the alleyways which they shared with the open sewers and the animals. I'm intrigued actually, at what point does the idea of freedoms both in the the context of sexual and personal relationships become so intimately tied with deceit, dishonesty and lack of integrity? It seems the argument is that I accept dishonesty and infidelity as an understandable and almost necessary corollary of the sexual and social revolutions, or I'm an old Victorian fuddy duddy. It's a beautiful world you all paint, this huddling over the PC until the early morning whispering desperate avowals of love and desire, while your RL partner sleeps alone in the room next door, only to wake and gaze at you in hurt and distrust as you crawl into bed. Ah.. if only I could aspire to the dream. |
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Lindal Kidd
Dances With Noobs
Join date: 26 Jun 2007
Posts: 8,371
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09-10-2008 08:31
I tend to love falling in love. There is my quandary. ... Who would guess that reading someone’s words that scroll across your screen could so easily capture ones soul to the point that what was once so clear and simple, things like fidelity and morality are shattered. I believe that SL offers a safe opportunity for many to express themselves in ways they would never dare in RL or experience things they could never even imagine. ... Get out of my head!  _____________________
It's still My World and My Imagination! So there.
Lindal Kidd |
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Colette Meiji
Registered User
Join date: 25 Mar 2005
Posts: 15,556
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09-10-2008 08:37
I wonder how many would react to the idea that this entire thread could just be a sophisticated example of gaming/trolling the forums.
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Aebleskiver Thibedeau
Sapiosexual
Join date: 6 Feb 2008
Posts: 351
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09-10-2008 08:38
What the hell are you lot talking about? Take a deep breath, hun... The Elizabethan age was pretty rank for most people. As were Victorian times, which were markedly more conservative sexually. "lustiness" (which I'm not against at all by the way, in whatever your chosen permutation might be) resulted for the most part in a disgusting and drawn out death at the hand of syphilis. Well, you could frame it that way. Or you could say syphilis was the result of empire building just as easily, for it was imported to Europe that way... You had the plague, typhus, diptheria etc. Sexuality really has nothing to do with those things, you realize, right? I was trying to discuss how cultures viewed sexuality at different times in their history. So many seem to think that sex was invented in modern times. T'ain't so. I'm intrigued actually, at what point does the idea of freedoms both in the the context of sexual and personal relationships become so intimately tied with deceit, dishonesty and lack of integrity? The Victorian era (1837-1901) was historically when sex began to be demonized. (Although we seem to still be there in the US, at least) Ah.. if only I could aspire to the dream. It'll be OK, Atticus. It's only people talking after all....  _____________________
Life is short and the Art long; the occasion fleeting; experiment dangerous, and judgment difficult. ~Hippocrates
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eku Zhong
Apocalips = low prims
Join date: 27 May 2008
Posts: 752
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09-10-2008 08:39
I wonder how many would react to the idea that this entire thread could just be a sophisticated example of gaming/trolling the forums. Love on steroids? tsk tsk how unfair. |
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Colette Meiji
Registered User
Join date: 25 Mar 2005
Posts: 15,556
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09-10-2008 08:43
Love on steroids? tsk tsk how unfair.  Not that type of gaming. |
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Joss Noel
is clueless!
Join date: 25 Mar 2007
Posts: 201
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09-10-2008 08:46
My penny's worth.
Her, I think you need to take a deep breath, step back a bit to take stock and get your perspective back into perspective. SL is a deeply immersing, absorbing, addictive place, where feelings and emotions sneak up on you without you realising what's happening until it hits you between the eyes. You mentioned that you couldn't imagine being without this person, and that you are the same (sorry, couldn't trawl back far enough to find the exact quote). The whole thing has been a whirlwind, suddenly here you are with this person who looks hot, compliments your sense of humour, you are both having fun, and you're like, "wow, this is the real thing". But think about it, is it really the real thing, or are you more in love with the idea of it being the real thing? Are you so caught up with the idea of it being the real thing that you have convinced yourself it really is? God knows we've all been there. When I was new I got hooked up with a guy, who I thought was the coolest, hottest thing going, if that makes sense. That said, one morning I logged on, there he was, and I thought to myself "God, what a tosser, what was I thinking". Your emotions can change in a heartbeat, all it will take is one little word, one gesture, and you'll be high-tailing it out of there hitting yourself over the head with a big stick!!! Guess what I'm trying to say is just sit back a while, take it slow, and don't make any rash decisions that may affect the rest of your RL life. Ramble over... Honeybear, if you want to go out and play sometime, just give me a shout. I don't get out much, and feel a tour of some very bad places coming on. _____________________
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Atticus Scribe
Registered User
Join date: 3 Sep 2008
Posts: 47
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09-10-2008 08:47
I tend to love falling in love. There is my quandary. But I have met someone who I care deeply for now and we've been together for over 7 months. We started off as friends and have let our relationship blossom into something quite amazing. My biggest concern for her is that she met me shortly after starting SL and has really spent much of her SL time with me (poor thing) and really not “dated” anyone other then me. Not that I would suggest she try dating others because I am of course the rarest of catches and she would be hard pressed to find anyone remotely as good as me. But, I fear she maybe getting frustrated with my modesty. All joking aside there is never a clear cut answer to these dilemmas. I say follow you’re heart but unfortunately there is that pesky brain of ours that seeks understanding to things that defy logic. Who would guess that reading someone’s words that scroll across your screen could so easily capture ones soul to the point that what was once so clear and simple, things like fidelity and morality are shattered. I believe that SL offers a safe opportunity for many to express themselves in ways they would never dare in RL or experience things they could never even imagine. I have on occasion been known to even avail myself for others to explorer those hidden errrm… Anyway umm where was I? One must have some security in their RL to maintain an SL though. There are bills that need to be paid, children and spouses that need attended to. But I’m selfish and believe one must take care of themselves too. I find great joy in what I do here in SL. This is my entertainment, my playground, sanctuary and therapy. I’ve made many close and dear friends that I am thankful for and cherish immensely. Not sure if that helped Her….but I’m biased.  Well since you've felt no need for reticence in telling me what you think of me, I'll say this. It appears you're a married man, with children, who is now in a 7 month long "amazing" online relationship with someone else. I'll tell you what defies logic, that the women on this thread seem to accept this as ok, in fact more than ok. You asked earlier for another man's opinion. Well to be honest, as another husband and father I don't think you really want to hear it. You say that you never realised how easily a string of text could capture your soul and shatter ideals like fidelity and morality. To put it politely, it sounds like your soul is going cheap and your ideals of fidelity and morality were pretty flimsy to start with. Regardless of your position as a husband and the commitments you made (and despite your spoiled pre-teen eloquence in demanding "me time" , it's surely an excellent paternal example you offer up as you spend that "me time" in the girlish pursuit of "loving to fall in love" |
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eku Zhong
Apocalips = low prims
Join date: 27 May 2008
Posts: 752
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09-10-2008 08:49
Not that type of gaming. LOL me i would rather debate the bawdiness of the elizabethans. MHO is that the more you get involved with a SL relationship while you have a RL SO.. then the more faults you ll see in your RL squeeze until eventually youll get sick of them or behave so weirdly that they cant help but notice that something is indeed rotten in the state of denmark... what Atticus wrote It's a beautiful world you all paint, this huddling over the PC until the early morning whispering desperate avowals of love and desire, while your RL partner sleeps alone in the room next door, only to wake and gaze at you in hurt and distrust as you crawl into bed. Ah.. if only I could aspire to the dream. should curl a few toes.. because that is the stark reality of your blingy pink world of SL romance. |
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Colette Meiji
Registered User
Join date: 25 Mar 2005
Posts: 15,556
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09-10-2008 08:56
LOL me i would rather debate the bawdiness of the elizabethans. . Ahh I kind of thought Atticus' take on Elizibethans was interesting. I am not so sure on the survival ages he purports, but then thats a common area of difficulty when researching history. Worldwide large numbers of people died as children up until the 20 century, skewing the statistics. But the point that venereal disease would be a huge problem in a society that had no means to treat it, is a good one. |
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Aebleskiver Thibedeau
Sapiosexual
Join date: 6 Feb 2008
Posts: 351
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09-10-2008 09:06
Who would guess that reading someone’s words that scroll across your screen could so easily capture ones soul to the point that what was once so clear and simple, things like fidelity and morality are shattered. I believe that SL offers a safe opportunity for many to express themselves in ways they would never dare in RL or experience things they could never even imagine. I suspect that has to do with the fact that most people don't really believe as in things like fidelity and morality as much as they are afraid of what the neighbors think. And so when they move to a neighborhood where people don't care (like SL) it all goes out the window.... _____________________
Life is short and the Art long; the occasion fleeting; experiment dangerous, and judgment difficult. ~Hippocrates
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Her Quandry
I just dont know...
Join date: 8 Sep 2008
Posts: 16
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09-10-2008 09:26
Its really not a trolling issue, I did and still kind of do have a dilemma with the entire situation. We have talked my and things are smoothing out. I am so lucky to have an understanding man by my side in world. I do appreciate the actual ability of everyone here to have a intellectual discussion on this over played thread from the past. Its just proof to me that the forums are not as bad as ppl say as too mean posters and no "real help" offered here. ty
_____________________
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl...
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Mosley Latte
Registered User
Join date: 28 Feb 2008
Posts: 22
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09-10-2008 09:39
I wonder how many would react to the idea that this entire thread could just be a sophisticated example of gaming/trolling the forums. To be honest I was thinking along the same lines.... |
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FD Spark
Prim & Texture Doodler
Join date: 30 Oct 2006
Posts: 4,697
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09-10-2008 09:47
It's a beautiful world you all paint, this huddling over the PC until the early morning whispering desperate avowals of love and desire, while your RL partner sleeps alone in the room next door, only to wake and gaze at you in hurt and distrust as you crawl into bed. Ah.. if only I could aspire to the dream. That was really beautifully wrote but personally its not that easy sometimes. Sometimes real life relationships get stuck in ruts. No matter what you do the other partner even though may love you sets up situation or both people do to for a "No Win" mutual situation I must confess there are times I have extremely stressed and unable to focus on my real life relationship but it wasn't me whispering desire and love to others it was me in love with my art program for endless hours as my boyfriend felt ignored. Because truthfully I love my partner but sometimes interacting is hard and I rather create something but I still want him around. If that makes sense? Is it cheating if you're compulsively painting in Photoshop because you know you're going to be told No or end up looking over his shoulder as he plays video games anyway if you don't? When I tried to change the pattern, do something else i.e pay attention to the guy I loved the problem still persisted. It just easy sometimes to blame it on something else, create distance and not effectively do things that create closeness and intimacy. Sometimes people's patterns are to choose relationships where the intimacy can't happen over and over again, and it's easier to play the role of distrusting, hurt partner and the frustrated, distracted seeking comfort else where partner. Sometimes this is unconscious choice. Sometimes changing the choices made is hard because there is two people involved, one may not want to change or change is difficult. _____________________
Look for my alt Dagon Xanith on Youtube.com
Newest video is Loneliness by Duo Zikr DX's Alts & SL Art Death of Avatar |
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DaQbet Kish
cautiously reckless
Join date: 22 Jan 2007
Posts: 1,064
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09-10-2008 10:16
Well since you've felt no need for reticence in telling me what you think of me, I'll say this. It appears you're a married man, with children, who is now in a 7 month long "amazing" online relationship with someone else. I'll tell you what defies logic, that the women on this thread seem to accept this as ok, in fact more than ok. You asked earlier for another man's opinion. Well to be honest, as another husband and father I don't think you really want to hear it. You say that you never realised how easily a string of text could capture your soul and shatter ideals like fidelity and morality. To put it politely, it sounds like your soul is going cheap and your ideals of fidelity and morality were pretty flimsy to start with. Regardless of your position as a husband and the commitments you made (and despite your spoiled pre-teen eloquence in demanding "me time" , it's surely an excellent paternal example you offer up as you spend that "me time" in the girlish pursuit of "loving to fall in love"You sir have made some assumptions about me that are incorrect. But I suggest you continue down your path of self sacrifice for it’s a journey that I and my wife of 22 years have made resulting in two wonderful well rounded adult children and a place of high regard in our community. Speaking of my wife, she is well aware of my activities in SL and I of hers for she too is here in SL. Scandalous I’m sure in your mind and others but I’m not here to change your mind, you are free to think what you will. But this is my world my imagination and I along with many others have found a world that offers an opportunity to explorer new emotions and share new adventures I never thought possible just a few year ago. I also suppose you believe that my apparent infidelity and immorality carry over into my Real Life and there too you would be mistaken. I do what I do here with eyes wide open and I make it clear to those I get close to that this is my Second Life regardless. If what I do here offends or makes one uncomfortable I am quite capable of sharing in a whole host of activities that are available in SL that don’t result in anything more then a good laugh or a sense of job well done. I believe that exploring the full depth and range of ones capabilities both mentally and emotionally is not a sin but a blessing and I have yet to find myself alone in that journey. |