Another relationship thread

Just finding it hard to balance some things out, with a healthy in world relationship.
How do you?

One would think a healthy relationship would respect and encourage you to be healthy i.e your need to care for yourself in your real life i.e your sleep schedule, etc.
All my relationships I guess the closest ones would encourage me to take take care of what I needed and my need for balance.
Balance issues usually come from me, usually does not involve the others I am involved with.
I am responsible for doing what I need for balance or lack of it.

Respect, kindness, generosity and forgiveness. Just like rl.

Outside SL corrispondance like phone, text and email.
Regular short meetings in world, as in daily if possible. This is for you two only. Talk, cuddle and suport each other.

Then one or two, 4 hour+ meetings in world a week. Just like real life, you need to have dates with your partner even after you married. Live shows, amusement parks, break out toys, whatever. Go, do, see, feel and spend some energy on each other.

When time is limited, quality is all the more important.

But then ... I'm not exactly the poster child for maintaning a relationship in SL

Lessee... I'm infatuated with one person, partnered with another, have three other infatuations directed at me, and often fall into emo-binges where I freak out over weather anyone appreciates me at all... Besides that, I seem to get along with my friends and just enjoy what time we have when we're together. I know some people here on the forum can vouch for that personally. For that, I'm quite happy and thankful. (^_^)y

keep sex & romance out of it. then all your relationships will be good.

What FD and Yosef said.

A healthy SL relationship is one where you and your partner encourage each other to have fruitful, healthy RLs as well. And when you're in SL ... go on dates, have private cuddle time, hang out together and separately with friends. They're all the same ingredients for a great RL relationship, if you're asking me.

Thanks too everyone. I just dont know what to do.

My wife and myself have been married almost 17 years RL. We have a very close, loving relationship. Soul mates if U will. But that's RL.

SL is completely different altogether.
I am probably the SL poster child for imbalance. Mainly through miscommunication, I botched so many things that I really don't want to interact with anyone anymore in SL other than a superficial level.

I'd like to leave SL but my wife wants me there so I am. There's also our new 65K sqm sim with active renters to tend with which also keeps me logged in.

I can't comment on any kind of SL romance because I don't DO romance in SL. I have RL romance and that is my A1 priority as far as my heart is concerned. The fact that he's 7000 miles away in Iraq still does not effect my SL expereince. I'm not in it for romance, period.

But I have SL friends.....and I will say that the people I consider true friends in SL are people whom I relate to beyond SL. I cannot consider any kind of relationship 'real' if it is based on any kind of deception or role play. But, I have found some truly wonderful and very open and genuine folks in SL that I am honored to call 'friend', and mean it.

What makes those work....well.....honesty, a genuine interest and concern for each other's real life sitation and circumstances.......and at the same time a non-invasive appraoch. I don't spend a lot of time in world with people because I use SL mostly for creative projects with photography....and I explore. My communications with friends are mostly in IM, saying hello, how are ya....the occasional vent, lots of virtual text hugs and respect for each others individual SL priorities.

Time proves or disproves the sinserity of all relationships, be they romance or friendships. If things seem to more of a struggle then they are fulfulling....it's time to take a step back and really evaluate what's going on, and why. I wont pass judgement on anyone's choice about relationships in SL....but I have seen more heart ache then happiness in the last 19 months and I do definitely 'worry' about people seeking something real in a world that is designed to be fantasy.

me thinks this is the best way to keep that healthy RL relationship strong and trustworthy. i admire you. really.

yes its cheating

I'm confused...is your RL wife also your SL wife?

My RL wife and I do SL together but not partners in SL.

FD, you hit the nail on the head.

I have no advice. But you have a fabulous name. Especially for this thread.

There can be room for RL and SL love- and - ain't love grand

Very happy- been very down too- but u deal and move on and life is beautiful.

Wrong thread?

1 word

Unhealthy

I tend to love falling in love. There is my quandary. But I have met someone who I care deeply for now and we've been together for over 7 months. We started off as friends and have let our relationship blossom into something quite amazing. My biggest concern for her is that she met me shortly after starting SL and has really spent much of her SL time with me (poor thing) and really not “dated” anyone other then me. Not that I would suggest she try dating others because I am of course the rarest of catches and she would be hard pressed to find anyone remotely as good as me.
But, I fear she maybe getting frustrated with my modesty.
All joking aside there is never a clear cut answer to these dilemmas. I say follow you’re heart but unfortunately there is that pesky brain of ours that seeks understanding to things that defy logic. Who would guess that reading someone’s words that scroll across your screen could so easily capture ones soul to the point that what was once so clear and simple, things like fidelity and morality are shattered. I believe that SL offers a safe opportunity for many to express themselves in ways they would never dare in RL or experience things they could never even imagine. I have on occasion been known to even avail myself for others to explorer those hidden errrm… Anyway umm where was I?
One must have some security in their RL to maintain an SL though. There are bills that need to be paid, children and spouses that need attended to. But I’m selfish and believe one must take care of themselves too. I find great joy in what I do here in SL. This is my entertainment, my playground, sanctuary and therapy. I’ve made many close and dear friends that I am thankful for and cherish immensely.
Not sure if that helped Her….but I’m biased.

Hiya

Perhaps the problem you are having is that you're trying to "balance" something that is never two sided. Life, love shape shifts, morphs, there's no mid point to sit on and balance, and the only thing guaranteed is change. There's the good news. When you are about at your wits end of trying to "figure things out", you're probably closest to the answers you seek that are already inside of you just waiting for you to get out of your own way and let them surface. Try a walk outside, or meditate to some chill music. Let your brain rest a bit.

If there is a more specific SL love question you are lookin' for help with, you might be able to find a resource or two on http://sl2rllove.blogspot.com/, which I put up for this very reason (it's a contemplative blog gathering articles, ideas, and studies on love, in particular, the SL kind).

One thing my partner and I do once a month or so is reaffirm a few vows. The most important to us is that real life relationships, present or future, come first. By real life relationships we mean more than romantic but also family, friends and work. Doing this keeps us on the same page with the same expectations.

For sure this limits our time together and there is always the temptation to want more and more. Sometimes, especially in SL, less is more. It's worked for us for 18 months and it still feels new and fresh.

If your RL relationship is strong you won't be swayed into something online.

If your RL relationship is shaky, try to fix it. If it can't be fixed then perhaps you have to consider what you want RL.

As Colette says, yeah it is cheating - if you're not being open and honest about it with your RL person. If they are ok with it, it's not cheating so much as polyamory. If your RL doesn't support polyamory you have to decide what you really want.

And if SL is going RL then you really have to be sure what you want.

But...... what if?

I wasn't in a RL relationship when I entered SL. I had no plans whatsoever for one in SL either. Ok, so things didn't go according to plan. We met in January, became a couple in May (and apparantly people around us had been waiting for that to be official for a while.. ).

My RL hasn't changed much because of my SL relationship, apart from me being a more happy/content person in general. And ok, maybe the dust-bunnies are thriving more than usual. I have found someone I have so much in common with, someone I can be 100% frank with and who simply changed my world upside down in so many ways. The only thing keeping us from having gotten together in RL is distance and money. We'll work on it.