My Afternoon as a Slave in Training

And sometimes that means doing things that look horrific to other people ...

I mean, peeing in someone's face is not my thing but I know people really really get off on it if that's their thing. As we've said before!

If you know someone cares - they don't have to love you to be a play partner after all, but they do have to have basic respect - then those horrific things to other people can be like a reassuring hug.

This one is for Love: If someone has a spanking kink, for instance, there's a chance that they carry an enormous amount of guilty (deserved or otherwise). Being disciplined for it can help them to release those feelings in a safe way, and creates a bond - and a feeling of being cared for/loved enough by the person dishing out the discipline that they will actually DO this for them. (Hope this makes sense, writing in an office full of guys yapping about football ... shut up will ya!).

Of course there's literally the getting off on the idea and action too but that's a horse of a slightly different stripe

hehe I think I am firmly in the "horse of a different stripe" category. I LOVE being spanked and for me it's not about feeling guilty ... well, I used to feel a bit guilty about liking being spanked, but that just gets circular lol. I like the pain, the endorphin rush and the bruises, which is why it just doesn't do it for me in SL. This particular activity is more to do with s/m than D/s for me, and is most definitely sexual.

It's not something I could do with just anybody - it does take a lot of love and trust, on both sides. I think most of what we're talking about is to do with love, caring, trust ... rather than any specific activities that could be labelled as BDSM.

There is something here that is very important Spin... its elusive, but i will try to capture it...

BDSM is not enclosed, finite... it blurs and leaks into many many aspects of life.. trying to say "This is BDSM... but not that.." or "This aspect of life applies to BDSM but not that aspect" is what gets a lot of us tangled up (even those who like and include ourselves in the BDSM lifestyle).

for instance...

Suppose your partner wants to go to see a movie and you don't like the sound of the movie, but you say ok and go anyway... you are submitting in a way, for his/her pleasure... knowing that probably at some time in the past or the future, he/she went or will go to a movie he/she didn't like for your sake... You wouldn't say that was BDSM would you? but it's something a submissive or Dominant might include in what they do and put it in the box marked BDSM... While Mr and Mrs Vanilla wouldn't dream of doing so.

Did your lover ever hold you down and tickle you? or pat you on the butt playfully to admonish you? Mr and Mrs Vanilla might be horrified to think that was BDSM... but love it anyway... Mrs and Mrs Kink would nod and smile at each other and think BDSM.

I think what i am saying is... Life is full of submissions and Dominances... you don't have to label them... but if it turns you on in a certain way to think of them as BDSM... go for it!

imogen

Lindal, thank you for the sympathy, but it's really not needed. There are many whose lives are far more difficult to navigate than mine has ever been. We all have portions of life that were other than we would wish. I am currently in a good place in my life.

There are many in my life that I love. I try to love people for what they are, not for what I wish they were. None of us are perfect, certainly not me.

But we all define frivolous differently. One person's frivolity is another's necessity. The person who chose the motorcycle over the child's needs had a terminal illness. Now wanting to own a motorcycle before dying is not something that is meaningful to me, but it was to this person.

Then there is the issue of what is in the best interest of the child. There is the case of the polygamous FLDS church in Texas. Some mothers married off their daughters as second or third wives as young as 13 to men old enough to be their fathers. Beating wives and children is accepted by this church as good practice when needed for discipline. The mothers did this for their daughter's good; the prophet told them to do it to ensure their daughters a place in the highest echelons of heaven. The mothers of FLDS turned out boys as young as 13 to be on their own permanently and told them their souls were damned for all eternity for such minor infractions as wearing shirts with short sleeves.

There are the numerous cases of Christian Scientist parents who deny their children medical care because they believe prayer is the correct solution.

In the days of the inquisition, people turned over their relatives to be tortured becuase it was in the interests of the person's soul to confess to being a witch.

If people can make these decisions regarding their own children, how can you trust in the wisdom of a dom to do what is in your own best interests?

I absolutely agree, Imogen. I think we are trying to say the same sort of thing, really.
I was sort of trying to get at the aspects which are common goals for all relationships - the love and trust and stuff.

I know that there are people for whom making one's partner a cup of tea is an act of BDSM submission - that for some, BDSM is a sort of overall "flavour" to their relationship, rather than a set of "things they do". Ultimately, though, as you say, those give-and-takes, those submissions and Dominances are things we all do for those we love and care for.

Personally, I am much more into s/m than D/s, and the above would not work for me, but I would hate anybody to think I was knocking anybody else's way of doing things. Whatever floats your boat!

I mentioned the "set of activities that could be labelled as BDSM" because I doubt very much that the doing-nice-things-for-each-other aspect is what upset and confused Rose so much.

k, off camping now - rl - in the rain! yay!

/me just grins ...

***edit Not just grins. Read your comment about camping and immediately had a vision of someone rooted to the spot doing a crappy dance over and over and over, sodden.

LOL!

Have a nice trip!

*** again

Talking of endorphins, how many of you love Nandos? (oh here she goes AGAIN) who are into that side of things?

Hmm, to me, that is the deffinition of love. It is the consous choice for the greater good. But I can only make that decision for myself. I think I understand what you mean about not expecting that from someone else. Not only is it selfish but it goes against the best interest of that person whom I profess to be always mindful of. No, all I expect in return is trust.

Girl, behave.
Is this the way your are trained? Do you realize how your degrogative words reflects on your Master?
We are talking to a girl and it is not your place to interrupt us while we do. If you have a problem, tell your Master but do not interrupt us again.

Since I originally posted the question here about the differences between BDSM and Gor, I thought I should post a brief answer here basd on my evening in Gor yesterday. What's different? EVERYTHING! BDSM and Gor are completely different worlds. What's different is like asking what's different between a....penguin and a beachball.

Yes, I realize one afternoon or one evening is not enough to touch the diversity that are the worlds of BDSM and Gor. But one can still come away with a general impression after a few hours.

The lands of Gor are beautiful. The people were friendly. Gor seems to be a fun RP. The Slave auction really didn't seem to be an RP - more of a lifestyle extended on-line. Gor included such things as virtual raids on neighbors, rescuing comrades taken in squirmishes, lovely landscaping, and being pregnant to the bursting point with twins!

After all the negative I had heard about Gor, I hadn't been expecting much. What a delightful surprise the evening was!

The definition of love? Hmm.....seems to me the definition of love may be as diverse as the number of peole who have tried to define it....

I agree that trust is important to love.

/me scowls mightily at what I hold true and dear being called a cow to a peach and stops even trying. That is so deeply offensive ...

You really need to stop making snap decisions - let's see how you like ALL the aspects of Gor when you know them, in the same way as you don't know more than 0.000000001% of BDSM. Everyone has said Gor sims are beautiful. Many people into Gor are nice - personally I've found many "Gorean Masters" make Bull Hynes look like he spends his entire life smoking weed and singing "Don't Worry Be Happy".

Enjoy the roleplay for branding, mutilation, killing, forced collars, panther girls, etc etc etc. These are all part of Gor, should people wish to partake of them.

I give in Rose. I think I'll just post for everyone else involved in some actual debate. You went to a specific sim for a specific thing, and you are assuming everyone is into the same despite the reams and reams of information, sharing and openness that has come your way.

Sheesh.

I suspect that there is a power exchange of some sort in all relationships, almost by the definition of what a relationship is.

I think we all enter into love relationships with the ideal of making each other's happiness our formost goal, but does reality always measure up to the ideal we set in that first overwhelming flush of new love?

After a number of years of a relationship, there are always those groggy mornings when it's impossible to be pleasant, those times when you really want to veg out with a new book while your spouse wants to go out for dinner. Do we always make the choice that brings our loved one the most happiness? Umm.....probably not....

Oops! I didn't mean to imply that one was a cow and the other a peach. I just meant very different. I didn't reven realize the order I put them into until you replied. Am I bad!

I agree, there is MUCH to Gor that can't be seen in an evening. But isn't one entitled to a first impression?

Of course not. That's why the concept of ...

Ah I can't be bothered I really can't.

Perhaps you should learn to observe for a while before making your proclaimations Rose. After all, I don't come here stating for a fact about combat sims, or raceway sims because I have only had brief exposure to them.

I like to have some authority to back up what I say. That way, if someone challenges me I can stand firmly rooted with a good line of argumentation to detractors and I can leave myself open to learning something new from people and growing as a person - without painting myself into a corner and leaving the people around feeling like I splattered them for no reason.

Just a thought.

Are you doing some role-playing on the forum or something? Even if you are, this post here deeply offends me.

The title of the post was "My evening in Gor". No, I wouldn't begin to make a sweeping generalization that all of Gor is frozen peaches and cream, but the one evening was delightful.

After all of the thoughtful posts and open sharing of information the BDSM community has generously contributed, I feel I have a great deal more insight into BDSM. The "exchange of power" concept is a totally new one to me in the way that the BDSM community describes it.

Yosef, I think you and I are going to have a little chat at some point. For a start, Lexxi is with Love, not a Master.

Secondly, I have a Master. If you read what his profile says about me, it very clearly says that you're not to report any problems with me to him.

I'm afraid I back up Lexxi all the way with this one, I know you wouldn't say that to the likes of me even in jest so why say it to her?

***edit Thanks ! Sorry I retract that bit about Lexxi herself, I have misunderstood. Still think that it's not the place to start engaging in an RP stance tho ... the Forum is, defacto, OOC. Just as well cos if someone did talk to me like that NOT in jest I'd be carrying out experiment bowel augmentations ...

I'm glad you feel it Rose.

When you can demonstrate it then I will be interested maybe. Right now, I'm really not interested in your explorations and generalisations and I'm very sorry but I am just not going to respond any more. I feel somewhat that we are wasting our time, and that only time itself will allow you to develop understanding. I just hope you don't leaving too much havoc in your wake if you don't wake up and smell the coffee about how you come across. Deliberately or not. Wish you luck,fun and love in your journey but it's not one I'll be sharing.

Some aspects of SL fill me with wonder and surprise. The evening in Gor was one of these.

Some aspect of SL and the cause me to question some of my philosophies about basic aspects of life such as love and relationships. The conversation about BDSM has done that. I am sorry if this offends you. You have been one of the people who has been most generous in sharing her knowledge of BDSM, and I deeply appreciate that.

No, what offended me Rose was simple. The denegration of something you know so little of and are rigidly sticking to your views despite what you have been shown. If you'd spent an evening at my home, talking about BDSM whilst sitting on a meditation watching the glowing aura colours and firesparks from the women around you I can assure you that would have been magical too ... but had little to do with the subject.

I can call my kink a cow ... in fact cows tend to be something we pervs need to thank - along with rubber trees and many other parts of nature. I object to being called a cow in comparison to a peach. Those peaches are everywhere and I personally

- what am I doing. Why am I answering.

OK, so because there are some crazy people in this world, let's turn our backs on D/s? Is that your stance?

I'm with Cherry here. This is starting to feel like I need to convince you of merit, instead of simply helping you understand the what's and why's. So I'll bow out as well.

Yosef was addressing Kera Paine, not Lexxi, FWIW. Ah, just saw your edit.

I do agree though. Yosef, if you were being serious, you have no right to talk to anybody that way, except your own (if they'll stick around for it). Just because someone is a submissive doesn't mean that they're your submissive, or that you can treat them that way. Especially a stranger. It seems to suggest a lack of respect.

I am not intending to denigrade BDSM. I changed the analogy. I will change it to something else if you have a favorite set of two vastly different things.

I'm certain that an evening in your home would be magical also.

I have seen many magical things in SL: The Apollo Gardens have magical aspects, the Greenies sim was absolutely delightful, the Gardens of Da Vinci are lovely.

The thread discussing BSDM didn't feel magical, it had a different quality: it invoked careful thought and re-examination of values. I learned a vast amount about a lifestyle that was totally foreign to me. I learned that the common stereotype of BDSM is so very wrong in so many ways.

I do not intend to be insulting to BDSM.

The post you referenced had nothing to do with D/S. It was a response to a different topic.

The topic was can you trust another with doing what is in your best interests.

The point I was trying to make is that even parents can act in what they think is a child's best interests and make decisions that appear to most to be harmful. Since the parent-child relationship is where acting in the other's best interest in perhaps most pronounced, if even loving parents don't always act in the child's best interests, can you trust another adult to act in your best interests?