An Observation and a Suggestion for the Mods

Guess what? We all don’t believe the “business as usual“ “like it or leave“ “things will never change“ . We have as much right to speak out, and speak up without the “labels“ . Fortunately I think most ppl already see threw the smoke and mirrors that are far too prevalent on these forums.

If they are so right then why the consorted efforts to marginalize, malign and perpetuate “their way or no way?”
You only have to speak the truth once, a lie must be repeated over and over until it is believed as fact.
“you can’t change things” , I’m certain ppl can, if that were true no one would of invented the wheel


Again I’m talking to the 90% of ppl who don’t reply to the forums but do read them. No need to reply.

Cat

PS: It strikes me as realy odd that some would only want us to believe one thing when we all live in a virtual space that isn't suppose to have any boundries. I don't see how this strong arming helping any type of metaverse.

again no need to reply. just my opinion on the subject have a good day.

Interesting how so many people on this thread are either arguing

(a) that free speech is necessary in these forums so that they can make proposals to end others' free speech, or

(b) that free speech is not possible, no appeal, it's over - unless it concerns their own particular cause or POV.

You missed one:

(c) Free Speech as a topic in a privately held forum is irrelevent.

No, that would be subsumed under both a and b.

Cheers.

I take no issue with the fact that the game and forums are two seperate places with two seperate purposes.

However, we all (who post here) know that if we can not behave (and yes, debate and even disagree) in a civilized manner, we will be warned. If we then continue with the same uncivilized behavior after having been warned, we know in advance that we can then be banned from forums and game.

The rule that forum accounts and avatar accounts are tied is only problematic if one simply can not control one's own behavior, either before being warned in the first place, but most especially after having been warned.

I believe wholeheartedly that we are all adult enough to debate and disagree with civility. Coco, you and I are doing this now.

Cyberbullying
Cyber bullies, flame mail, hate mail
The Internet provides the perfect forum for cyberbullies, individuals whose aim is to gain gratification from the distress caused by provoking and tormenting others. The anonymity, ease of provocation, and almost infinite source of targets means the Internet is full of predators from pedophiles targeting children to serial bullies targeting ... anybody.

Cyberbullies get a perverse sense of satisfaction (called gratification) from sending people flame mail and hate mail. Flame mail is an email whose contents are designed to inflame and enrage. Hate mail is hatred (including prejudice, racism, sexism etc) in an email.

Serial bullies, whose behaviour profile you'll find in full at Bully OnLine, harbour a lot of internal aggression which they direct at others. This may include projection, false criticism and patronising sarcasm whilst contributing nothing of any value. It may also include a common tactic of "a number of people have emailed me backchannel to agree with me". This is standard bully-speak which I've experienced on several forums. In every case it's a fabrication or a distortion - usually the former. It's also a variant of the serial bully head teacher who says "a number of parents have complained to me about you...". When challenged, the identity of the alleged complainants can't be disclosed because it's "confidential". The purpose of this tactic is to wind people up. Don't be fooled into believing it has any validity - it doesn't.

People who bully are adept at creating conflict between those who would otherwise pool negative information about them. The method of creating conflict is provocation which bullies delight in because they know they can always coerce at least one person to respond in a manner which can then be distorted and used to further flame and inflame people. And so it goes on. The bully then sits back and gains gratification from seeing others engage in destructive behaviour towards each other.

Many serial bullies are also serial attention-seekers. More than anything else they want attention. It doesn't matter what type of attention they get, positive or negative, as long as they can provoke someone into paying them attention. It's like a 2-year-old child throwing a tantrum to get attention from a parent. The best way to treat bullies is to refuse to respond and to refuse to engage them - which they really hate. In other words, do not reply to their postings, and on forums carry on posting without reference to their postings as if they didn't exist. In other words, treat nobodies as nobodies.

The anger of a serial bully is especially apparent when they come across someone who can see through them to espy the weak, inadequate, immature, dysfunctional aggressive individual behind the mask. For instance, when serial bullies see themselves described at www.bullyonline.org/workbully/serial.htm they usually send me an abusive email.

If you receive abusive emails or flame mails or hate mail, you can forward it to abuse@isp where "isp" is the service provider the abuser is using, eg "aol.com" or "yahoo.com". Although Internet service providers may not act on every complaint, the more complaints they receive about a particular individual (with examples of abusive email) the more likely they are to close down the person's account.

The objectives of bullies are Power, Control, Domination, Subjugation. They get a kick out of seeing you react. It doesn't matter how you react, the fact they've successful provoked a reaction is, to the bully, a sign that their attempt at control have been successful. After that, it's a question of wearing you down. The more your try to explain, negotiate, conciliate, etc the more gratification they obtain from your increasingly desperate attempts to communicate with them. Understand that it is not possible to communicate in a mature adult manner with a disordered individual who's emotionally retarded.

The Number One rule for dealing with this type of behaviour is: don't respond and don't engage. This is not as easy to do as it sounds. It's a natural response to want to defend yourself, and to put the person right. However, never argue with a serial bully; it's not a mature adult discussion, but like dealing with a child or immature teenager; whilst the serial bully may be an adult on the outside, on the inside they are like a child who's never grown up - and probably never will.

The second rule is to keep all abusive emails. Create a new folder, perhaps called "Abuse", and move hate mail and flame mail into this folder. You don't have to read it. When the time comes to take action, this folder of hate mail and flame mail is your evidence. Bullies, especially cyberbullies, are obsessive people and if their account is closed down you may start receiving mail from another address. This can later be compared to the abusive emails you've already received to identify the perpetrator. You'll find the same words, phrases and strategies occurring.

The third rule is to understand bullying. Read through Bully OnLine carefully, understand the profile of the serial bully. Recognise that you are not dealing with a person who has the same mindset as yourself. Bullying, and especially cyberbullying, has links with stalking - see www.bullyonline.org/related/stalking.htm for links to stalking sites.

Rule four is get help. If you're a young person, this is essential. Even mature experienced adults often cannot handle bullying and harassment by themselves. Sometimes you are dealing with a severely disordered and dangerous individual.

Rule five is become alert to provocation. It could be called "The Baiting Game". A provocative comment is made and those who respond spontaneously in irritation (eg non-assertively) are then encouraged to engage in conflict with those who respond without irritation (eg assertively). The provoker watches, waits and stirs the pot with the occasional additional provocation. What interests me is the sense of gratification that a provoker gains from watching others indulge in destructive interaction initiated by him- or herself. In this context, gratification is a perverse form of satisfaction akin to, but distinct from, pleasure.

The sixth rule is become an observer. Although you may be the target of the cyberbully's anger, you can train yourself to act as an observer. This takes you out of the firing line and enables you to study the perpetrator and collect evidence. When people use bullying behaviours they project their own weaknesses, failings and shortcomings on to others. In other words, they are telling you about themselves by fabricating an accusation based on something they themselves have done wrong. Whenever you receive a flame mail or hate mail, train yourself to instinctively ask the question, "What is this person revealing about themselves this time?"

The seventh rule is decide if you want to take action, and if so, prepare carefully and strike hard. Sometimes refusing to respond and engage will result in the cyberbully losing interest and going off to find someone easier to torment. Sometimes though, especially if there has been interaction in the past, the cyberbully is so obsessed that s/he cannot and will not let go. You will have to make that person let go, but only through swift, hard, legal action, and only when the time is right. Don't deal with the abuser yourself, use a third party such as a solicitor.

If you'll look at the history of threads I post to, I ordinarily wouldn't touch one like this with a 10-foot pole.

I pretty much like everyone - it's a personality flaw.

However, Cat - in your post above, there's a quote that means a lot to me:



I think these are words to live by, for everyone. This debate I've seen in this thread, and others - is often fueled by folks who feel compelled to 'save their good name' or to 'respond to personal attacks'.

When I say this - Cat, I'm not speaking specifically to you. I could just as well be speaking to Cienna, Coco - whomever. (I picked you two out because I like ya!) If someone 'attacks' your good name - ignore it. At the very most - respond with a one liner reminding folks not to respond to personal attacks/trolls/cyberbullies <insert appropriate adjective here>.

And leave it at that.

Granted, it's not as much fun. But if you don't, you run the risk of being part of the problem instead of the solution.

That is all - carry on

Yes Nikki, I think you said it much better than I could. We are doing it now. Everyone in this thread, and as far as I can tell in all the other threads currently being posted to, are behaving in an adult manner. The system is working.

I'm sorry if I'm being naive but I believe the rules, as they read now, are effective. I applaud all Forum members for their behavior in the last few days. I applaud LL for taking a strong stand. I think we should move forward from here in a positive manner.

Is this thread still going on? Wow.

Someone give me a synopsis of the last 10 pages, so I can catch up.

~Ulrika~

There's actually nothing new happening. It's just a feedback loop of alarmism on one side and "leave it alone" on the other.

See how easy it is to run afoul of Cocoanut's good intentions to reform us all? If you were to respond to a post with your own advice, you would be making a personal attack - as troll is one of the verboten things to say! I imagine cyberbullies should be off limits too. You know what they say is paved with good intentions.....

LEAVE IT ALONE OR THEY WILL TAKE AWAY YOUR SL!!!!!!!!!!!

(sorry, I figured I would mix it up a bit and combine them)

coco says she isn't Prok and forum banning shouldn't affect in-world banning, Cathrine says nobody should question someone else's mental condition, April says the forum is better now, Enabran can cook, Ingrid likes picture-posts, Cristiano is fed up, Cienna urges ignoring instigators, Jeska reminds people to stay on topic and refrain from personal attacks.

Hope this helps.

Buster

Those are actually very effective cliffs. (We call them cliffs, on the forums I'm from, for "Cliff's Notes," the yellow study guides for books and plays and such)

Although I'm a little bemused about my cooking prowess being featured so. I think I only mentioned food once in this thread.

Oh, and L$1500 for the first person who figures out what I'm actually saying when I mention that I ate or prepared a particular piece of food. Bonus points if you identify to whom I am speaking (not that you will). PM me, though, don't say it publicly.

Actually you're just the placeholder for the mid-thread sidetrack. At least you made the list!

Indeed I did, and for this I am duly honored.

/me bows gravely

thanks Travis words to live by

Worth underscoring. Wish some people would get it. Also worth noting that this was the M.O. of the one recently banned.

Thanks for the post. Nothing new, but nice to see it supported by this.

Yeah I even called you an dirty apron wearing cook, and didn't make the list

*on topic*

Ulrika, while things might be cycling, I think some of the discourse has been good. *shrugs*

Ha ha! Great synopsis. Let me jump back in.

So why does Coco use the same style of EMPHASIS as Prok and seem to change between me-can't-write to I-write-as-a-professional mode like Bruce Banner becomes the Hulk?

So are we not allowed to comment on someone's apparent mental state even if it's patently obvious that there's something wrong?

I agree with April, although I'd like to see the addition of more moderators (preferably recruited from the user base).

Enabran should get a medal for sticking with this thread and adding levity as it goes on and on.

I suspect that Cristiano is Prok.

Was that instigation, Cienna?

Jeska's gonna be mad at me for my post in the Off-Topic forum. :/

~Ulrika~

/me bows gravely, regretting only that he has no hat to remove in greater flourish of respect



(Although to be quite honest I can't rip myself away. This thread is such... tragically needless forum drama. It fascinates me as a film of agar in a petri dish, teeming with curious, inscrutible life.)

No, it was inspiration. The heavens opened and harps played and the whole nine yards.

You're just pissy because I thwarted you.

The times, they are a-changin.

No, these forums are not better, not when people are able to state, repeatedly, when people say I have somebody's fist up my ass. and they are still posting here, and every post they make comes only slightly post they make comes only slightly short of the fist-up-the-ass analogy.

These forums are not better when people feel free to state that another person is mentally ill and should leave the forums before they are made to leave, and that person is still posting here.

No forums are healthy when they have banned the individual who never broke TOS and kept those who broke it many times in their hysterical response to that individual.

Catherine's thingie about forum bullies - though I don't have time now to read it through thoroughly - is exactly applicable to what I am talking about happens on these forums.

It is not going to happen forever. There are more like me coming. Enjoy plumping up your egos by laughing at each other's jokes now at tjhe expense of those you currently deem to be the underdog, because you are not going to like it when you are no longer running these forums and running roughshod over anyone whose ideas or personalities you dislike.

And no, it is not ok to question somebody's mental health. Particularly when you couldn't be more wrong. That people continue here to state things which are completely untrue, to foster conspiricy theories about who I am, to MAKE UP some motivation I don't have, and a dozen other things - and that's just to name me -

- is a good indication to any thinking person that these forums are rotten and stink to high heaven. Rottener than even I thought they were.

Phillip's inclination, I have heard, is to maybe give up the forums altogther. I wouldn't blame him. But - I think we can take back the forums from those who don't wish to share them. I think we can protect people from the type of slander some of us (including me) are repeatedly subjected to here. This is all gonna come to an end, folks.

You may laugh now. But I can just about guarantee that one of these days you will no longer be laughing - at least not outloud on these forums. Because it is going to come down to either forum reform to protect the basic human rights and dignity of ALL posters, or these forums are going to be trashed.

I, personally, don't particularly care which happens. But as long as we are still dealing with these forums, I am going to be working to change them so that all of us are equal on them. It is just too basic a principle to be stomped on indefinitely.

So enjoy it while the gettin's good, cause it WILL change.

coco

I am sorry it is bad for you. I don't think anything will be perfect, but we now have better tools than before to correct the situation. If we use them wisely, they will work

I really am sad to hear things will change. Untying the message boards from Second Life will mean I won't be able to post in comfort anymore. I will miss posting on the message boards. It was a joy to be able to express myself without the fear. If you had been in my shoes, you would understand my fear.

I only hope that it won't happen too soon. This has been a nice change of pace.

Can I ask one favor before I have to stop posting? Can you stop using profanity? I am sorry if I'm asking a lot but when you asked me to join TACT, I was so excited because one of the first tenents was to not use profanity. I know you are trying to make a point about other people's implications, but I find it hard to read. Maybe I'm just old fashoin.

Oooh I know you could use asterisks. They aren't as bad and will still get your point across.