Top 10 Signs...

Wow that was so me before I got married. LOL. One of my ex-boyfriends said to me quite out of the blue one day. Sable, I know you are a woman. Up to that point I had no reason to think he doubted that. So, I asked him well how did you come to that conclusion? He said for one you change clothes all the time before deciding which one to wear. The enormous amount of shoes you have in your inventory. And you are constantly asking does this or that needs to be adjusted. I suppose that is the sl's version of "does this make me look fat".

He also went on to say, if you wore basically the same outfit or outfits all the time and/or you changed too quickly, that would've been a red flag for me. So, when I met my current partner, I applied what my ex said. My partner changed very quickly, mostly in the same outfits. That is until I took him shopping for some new clothes.

Wow this is nice! When I came over to the Hangout for the first time, the other nite, I was a little nervous thinking everyone would be voicing. Being deaf (although can hear with equipment) I'm not comfortable with voice. so I was pleasantly surprised to find the people there were in text, and I felt comfortable right away. My sim is also voice disabled.

You'll find the Cartel Crowd to be among the most accomodating in the Voice matter. Many don't use it regularly, or if they do will have no issues with also texting.

Various thoughts on the multiple threads within thread.

"Hon" is regional yes. Also some see it as an endearment, a warmer way of saying hello. I don't use it because I flinch (often, not always) hearing it used on me. Depends how/why it is used, though. I try and allow room for intent. If the context is chickiebabyhoney then no. If someone is just trying to be nice then okay. In the South, Midwest and other parts of the U.S., this is an option when trying to be friendly: "hi, hon." I've said it rarely - usually if someone is very very upset and I know them at least a bit. Few words are bad in themselves, this isn't one of them, but ymmv.

I wanna also offer Angel a hug and an "aw hon." Whether intended or not, Angel's feelings were hurt...I have transgender friends in SL and it isn't easy for them; each has a story of being fired, or harassed, or something, for it. (I'm not implying Angel is transgender but they did mention the issue.)

Not going on mic doesn't mean someone is not female RL. It means they probably think you are hitting on them and feel squicked out by it. No, not necessarily, but it is an option some might not have considered. Lol. Who needs a webcam?? Guys looking for an escort. I'm sorry but some total stranger doesn't need me streaming in live video on their computer. Or maybe that's vice versa. Both.

I will do mic occasionally but more for convenience. I used to be willing to say a few words to mollify phobics. ("Yes, I'm really a girl. Now can our avs waltz?" But that's gotten old. If people are THAT worried about who it is behind the monitor, maybe SL is the wrong format to be looking for that special someone? And if it's needed just to see avs whirl around a virtual dance floor, why?

And where does that "prove who you are" thing end. What does the person need next? ASL, usually, then status, then even more personal questions follow. If the person behind the screen is retired, or in college, or differently abled some way, that is their concern; if the person wants hot webcam action, the internet is full of that. I will go out on a limb and say that most people probably do not resemble their av; but what difference does it make in which way. IMO, anyway.

But on the original post, I have heard/seen a lot on the list and it does ring a bit true...BUT no way to know for sure...So take people on faith and examine why and what you want from SL along the way. I've heard deep male voices come from delicate beautiful female avs and I've heard female voice come from a gorgeous, fashionable male av. There can be various reasons someone plays another gender (as examined in other threads). To each their own.

I do agree that if someone is going to get into certain types of roleplay or 'relationships' they should disclose, but, remember, it's part of LL's CS rules that no one can press the issue. It is their written position that everyone be able to enjoy LL in their own way without being harassed for it.

True story heard secondhand:

A friend was once harassed for refusing to go on mic or disclose personal life stuff; the person just MET her. He railed verbal (text) abuse. Non stop. A few seconds later a female av tp'd in and began hitting on her immediately, and fishing the same things out indirectly; first as flirting then as a full court press to be 'friends'. Friend said, this sounds just like what the guy who was just here said. Upon which the female av said "yes it's me" named the other av. Then poofed again and the male came back and continued. BOTH avs were hurling verbal abuse. For "being secretive" about RL, and refusing to go on mic. Yet the person hurling invective was playing both a straight male and a straight female - with relationships in both av's profiles. Not to mention, acting psychotic...

So being cautious is a good thing, I think; and not everyone who insists on "mic" let alone "webcam" has a good reason for asking. Let alone is someone you would want to have your info or image.

Moreover a lot of guys refuse to go on mic too. And even non humans. Lol.

For what it's worth, I'm gonna throw in my own two centavos.

I have a very small circle of friends that I consider myself close to. We do talk to each other in voice on occasion simply cause we all like to talk. We're all comfortable with it, and it hasn't caused any problems yet. Then again, none of us are gender-benders LOL. I am simply very comfortable talking in voice and I find that it makes the transmission of ideas and thoughts easier. Voice allows you to communicate meanings and shadings that are EXTREMELY hard for me to convey via the written word. Having said that, I type with people who aren't nearly as comfortable with it as me on a regular basis. Am I going to ostracise them because they don't like doing voice? Of course not. But they'll never be as close to me as my friends who do..... I would rather talk to a professed genderbender and be comfortable, then struggle to type out what I mean to someone who isn't comfortable with talking or may be so into the roleplay aspect that they willingly cut out that portion of the population who does like to just talk and not roleplay 100% of the time. As I'm sure you have guessed, my little "inner circle" contains no roleplayers LOL. We are just all people that enjoy the social opportunities presented by Second Life.

And I'm sure that there are a lot of people out there that are just like me. If someone wants to present them self in an opposite gender, more power to them. I truly don't care. I will treat them in the manner in which they wish to be treated as evidenced by their avatar choice. If it's a man playing a woman or vice-versa or whatever, it won't affect the way I treat them. I'm simply more comfortable talking than typing

Malachi

Malachi: Some people are simply more literate than vocal. You don't have to be role-playing or gender-bending to simply find voice awkward and unpleasant.

Personally I usually feel strange talking at my computer, although headset is not that different from a telephone I guess; but it still feels odd, to me. But once in a while it's just easier, for instance if my hands are just tired of typing that day...or, someone is building, let's say, and doesn't want to type or look at local chat (so they say), then I guess, okay. And once in a while voice lends itself more to acting goofy, maybe.

Then again I talk better in type than I do in person.

It may also have to do with introvert/extrovert. Extroverts might prefer to socialise and talk on voice hours on end...introverts? Maybe not as much.

Some may have speech impediments, some may have heavy accents, some may be extremely shy, some may just hate the sound of their voice. All are legitimate reasons, none of which needs explaining or justifying.

How right you are! Anymore than those who prefer to use voice should have to.

I didn't realize how awful it feels to have someone insinuate I'm a jerk ...especially when not guilty of the crime I was accused of. That's what I should have expected when I didn't listen to all the warnings of posting in this Resident Answers thread.... but I didn't.

Ack, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way but when I reread what I wrote I can see how it could be taken that way: "And if someone insists on voice, well, I start having doubts in the back of MY mind about that person. Actually, no, that's wrong, I don't have doubts, I *know* they're a jerk."

You didn't say you insisted on anything, I should have made it clear that I was talking about the people who *do*. I've been banned from a parcel for telling someone I didn't have a mic when they were *sure* I did. That's the kind of jerk I was referring to.

Huh? Who said you were a jerk?

Wait, what? Who insinuated jerkhood? I don't see that...I see reasons for both voice and no-voice...all within mutually-agreed-upon scenarios and real-life human limitations. I see no jerk-name-insinuating? But don't call someone "hon" unless you know them first I think...

11.) They approach you at the beach and tell you they'd like to feel your "box."

True story.

Thanks for clearing that up..) I have been reading the forums here for many months. I like to keep up on current problems, trends and issues in SL and have always read with interest your posts as they are very knowledgable. And if I could ever help someone with an issue I would love to do my share as reading here has helped me many times over.

I'm also sorry... I should have assumed you didn't mean the words in a negative way as you have never been that type of poster.

And some are gender-benders, and some can write excellent english but are hopeless at speaking it, and some are gender-benders.

Well I refuse to use a mic/cam because it would prove I am not a 40 year old guy but a 21 hot chick

All jokes aside, for me voice does not add a thing to SL. So I simply do not use it. Even seldom use sound. And the funny thing is, that the only time I remember hearing someone on voice, was when someone gave a demonstration of voice changing software. He first sounded like a woman, and then disabled the voice changing software to sound like the actual man he was. Which was perfect proof that a mic does not prove anything

So what is gonna be next? Since mic is not enough due to this software, prove by cam that you are female? But hey, you might be a she-male... so maybe get nude? MMzzz post-ops would still be possible, so birth certificates? Getting too weird for me... I simply take people for what they like to be in SL... after all it is their world, their imagination as well as mine.

Yesterday I had someone on my building platform that did not even have a human avatar... did not care to ask his real life gender Whether I like a person/avatar has got nothing to do with gender in RL or SL, but more with personality. Though I can imagine when people get emotionally/romantically involved, the urge to know for sure is a bit stronger. On the other hand... without trust, how strong is the relationship?

I don't have and don't need the experience of it, but I would have thought that if someone was getting close in an relationship where gender mattered then their intuition should be picking up on all sorts of behaviours.
It's true that cultural differences can be misleading, like that 'Hon/Hun' thing apparently. But the overall package, as it were, should be saying something. But then, love is blind, and some people fall in love too easily.

I knew a girl a while back who became paranoid about RL gender. She did have a series of GF's who turned out to be male in RL. I met a few of them, and my instincts were twitching.
The funny thing is..I had wondered if *she* was a guy. What do you say to a friend? "Eh - I think your GF is a guy"? - when you have nothing tangible to go on, and could be horribly wrong?
She left SL dramatically a number of times, but finally stopped logging in.
Anyone who gets burned more than once should seriously consider how they are using SL.

I just take people at face value.
Even a female with a name that 'lacks subtlty' could be a RL female with a lack of imagination - or a bellylaugh sense of humour. I think it comes out when you look for a while at their behaviour towards others.

Ok. I think people missed what I was trying to say about Mic and/or webcam. These are things meant for later on in a relationship if it goes that far. Me personally, I prefer voice cause it's just alot easier. If someone I am interested doesn't voice or can't... I don't hold that against said person. Webcam? Only after you know the person for awhile an you feel comfortable with him/her.

Some posts on here made it sound as if she didn't voice/cam with me within 10 minutes of talking I would go off and call her a GUY! This is very far from the truth.

The more you know about someone the more you can be comfortable with them and your relationship with them; the less you know about them the more you can be comfortable with yourself and your fantasy about them.

Pep (You pays your money and you takes your choice)

If you're paying 'em that's a whole different kind of relationship.

I wouldn't know . . .

Pep ( . . . I'm more the gigolo type)

You mean like Richard Gere? Woah....

Welsh gigolos are more handsome and more expensive . . .

Pep ( . . . and don't take rodents as clients)

PS Nothing personal!

No offense taken! Yeesh...

oh..hehe Richard Gere....rodents as clients....I get it!