Does Virtual Cheating Still Count?

Does it really matter anymore? Those have been in game as long as I have will tell you maybe not. I talked to many of those so called cheaters and lands up they are partnered with their own avies in sex on sl. Or the better half knows what is going on. There is no issues here on sl, those that are single are doing the web camera and voice sex. More stupid PR about a subject that has little to do with sl vr and how to gain attention to get more users here.

Out of curiosity, why do you think that online relationships cause offline ones to suffer?

Sounded more to me like she was looking at it as a symptom, rather than a cause.

She's just one person who made the argument about spending more time with someone online. I want to know why that argument is even entering this discussion, when the amount of time people spend with their RL partners as opposed to their SL partners hasn't been clarified yet.

yes...yes it does.

It is cheating if you know or can reasonably expect that your SO is not or would not (if s/he knew) be okay with you having this kind of relationship (or just casual cybersex) online.

If s/he is okay with it, by definition it can not be cheating. There cannot be cheating without trickery or deception, and it is impossible to be unfaithful without breaking someones faith.

It all depends on the parties to the RL relationship, and what their own views are. This isn't an objective "one size fits all" issue -- it's an issue that can only be resolved by the parties to the relationship in RL.

If the parties to the RL relationship are aware of the SL relationship(s) and consent/condone it, then it clearly isn't "cheating". If it's being done "on the sly", with the non-SL party to the RL relationship being unaware of their partner's SL relationship, then it's closer to "cheating" or a "betrayal" if the parties to the RL relationship have set expectations of each other relating to these kinds of things. It all depends on the couple involved.

I do not think that anyone who is having an online relationship with someone is necessarily doing it at the expense of their RL relationship, or that this is an indicator that their RL relationship needs to be examined. Even a healthy RL relationship can benefit from one of the partners having another source of emotional support like that -- it can take some pressures off the RL relationship to be the source of *everything* in that regard, and this can actually be quite beneficial for the RL relationship -- again if the parties are aware of what is happening (more or less) and do not disapprove.

IMHO.... if you feel guilty, then it's cheating... if you think your partner would disapprove, then it's cheating... if you think this relationship would cause any harm to your RL relationship, then it's cheating.... if it's all three, then you should not be in your current relationship and you are just to cosey and lazy to do anything about it... and consider this..... should you then persue the online relationship, would you a) Ever trust the one you are with to be faithful, given the circumstances, b) If you found out they were lying, how would you judge them?

It is cheating. It makes me sick that anyone would spend their time with some fake online whore instead of with their partner in RL.

When my husband did this to me, I almost divorced him, so really they are doing it at the relationship's expense. It almost costed him alot for his little "fling."

(I feel like costed isn't right in that sentences lol, but I just woke up & can't think straight lol)

Bingo! First answer got it!

If you can't tell your RL spouse or significant other about what you are doing (whether it's your "dating" activities, gambling, or whatever), you need to do some thinking before you continue with whatever it is.

There are a LOT of people who consider the on line "playing" as a form of cheating, in terms of emotions or intimacy.

Bingo? well couples try for years to go BINGO....... But it never happens

<sarcasm> tsk Bingo = gambling </sarcasm>

From here on out, I promise only to shout "bingo" when inside a church hall.

In YOUR case, yes. In the case where both people agree that it is okay (for example as long as it stays in SL and doesn't wander into RL), then it's different. As I said, it depends on the couple in question. In your case, it was almost a deal breaker (and I'm guessing he didn't get your consent beforehand, which to me is critical), whereas for others if it is agreed in advance, it can be a helpful way for one partner to get additional support in a non-threatening way. It totally depends on the comfort level of the RL parties though.

Sex.............Gambling...........same thing......all you want to do is go BINGO!

One couple I know are both avid on line people, i'm not sure which one as I have no idea what any of those EverWorldofWarQuest acronyms mean, but they do their seperate things online, and don't really care what the other does, as long as thier online activities don't supercede RL ones. Pretty much how I'd play it I had RL partner.

But my Mom plays Bingo. Does that mean she is having Sex...? Ewwwwww.

Or when having Sex.....

Well yeah, I realize some people wouldn't mind...but not getting my consent made it a whole other level.
Not that I would ever give him that consent. It makes me sick to think about.

Well it sounds to me like you had an understanding that it was full-on monogamy, online and offline, and that he broke that trust. That's always a no-no -- consent ahead of time is the only ethical course, and if he didn't seek that, or knew you would object but proceeded anyway, then that's completely his bad in that case.

The answers to that Question are Extremely Subjective, and depend almost excluseively on your relationship with your Partner.

In RL there are those relationships (Decidedly Unhealthy ones) where One Partner becomes enraged if their Other even Glances at a member of the Opposite Sex. The Opposite end of the spectrum are the Open relationships where anything goes as long as ultimately the two Principles end up going home to each other.

IF you need to Know If Virtual Affairs, and/or Flirting Constitute Infidelity, you have to first hve a Long, Open Frank, and Honest discussion with your Partner as to the expectations Each of you have for the level of exclusivity within your relationship. Fidelity is Hard to question when Neither of you know what you are Maintraining Fidelity to.

Once you and your Partner HAVE set your Limits, and discussed expectations Live Up To Them Without Fail! You cannot expect Fidelity if you are Incapable of Giving it.

In RL, I'm a Lesbian, and i AM Legally Married to my Long Time Partner. She is a Very stay-at-Home kind when it comes to relationships, As I am when i am In one. However, that being said My Wife Understands that i have Certain Physical, and emotional Needs that she is Not prepared to cater to (A subject for another Thread perhaps) But for Our health, she is Not prepared to Deny me these Needs. I'm allowed my On line Loves with partners who Fulfill those Urges in me. My Wife Knows of them Fully, I Hide Nothing. She has even spoken to, and quite likes my Choices. She Knows i Love them, But she also Knows I'm Not Going anywhere either.
My Concessions in this arrangement? What grows On Line STAYS On Line. I am Not allowed any RL Contact with My lovers. No Phone Calls, or Letters, No Gifts, No Meetings. My RL Belongs to My Wife. Have i ever been tempted? Oh God Yes, and i won't make a Hypocryte out of Myself by Hiding it. One of my Loves Came to my City for another Purpose, and suggested Giving me her hotel Number so perhap we could "Have Coffee". I Knew what would Happen the Moment we met and it had Nothing to do with latte's but even if it DID, Just having that Coffe would have been a Gross Act of Infidelity to my wife. I was strong, and i gently declined the Offer.
My On line Partners get everything my love can give them, and it's as Real as anything i've Felt IRL, and my Wife respects that.

The Other agreement that we have is that Every Concession made to One, is Made to the Other. there is No Double standard. This does NOT mean my wife can Trade me my On Line life in exchange for her Dropping her Knickers to someone at work. I can have On Line, so She can have On Line With the same Limits, and the same restrictions.

Relationships are, or should be 50/50 arrangements built not only on Love (Or lust) but on Honestly, and Mutual respect. IF your relationship with your Partner is one where SL affairs are Ok, then there is no question of Cheating.

Angel

And there we are. A wonderful account of how it *can* work differently for a couple, given understanding and consent. Again, folks, there is no one size fits all here.

Boils down to this really:

Honesty and communication.

My partner and I talk openly about what I do online in SL...he's seen all of my outfits (my "work clothes", knows where I go when I'm on line, and is totally ok that I'm looking to become an escort. SL is a healthy, safe way to explore aspects of your sexuality and fantasies without really harming anyone in RL with violence, rape, STD's or drama. Having said that:

a. If you don't have the courage to tell your spouse/partner/significant other what you're doing on-line...your relationship has troubles. And yes...I'd consider it cheating

b. Your spouse/partner/significant other knows and is cool with your online "fun"...then I say more power to you.

At the end of the day folks...it's all pixels.

Not really, there are emotions behind those pixels.

I've been in two RL open relationships. Went into both without reservation. Never again. As much as people like to believe their are intellectual beings above becoming entangled in jealousy issues, we aren't. My experience shows that someone always gets hurt in one form or another. Almost always both parties are hurt.

From my experience I certainly can't judge when two people have consensual open SL relationships, but I really don't think it's much different than open RL relationships. IMHO, it is a sign of trying to find something in all the wrong places. I don't see how it can possibly be justified as "therapeutic" as others have suggested.