Does Virtual Cheating Still Count?

...and half of my D:\ drive!

I've had Xs call it cheating for dreaming about other women, and I've had Xs find it strange I don't have a collection of porn I can view with them...so, we can see that there are extremes on both ends.

So now here's a question: If two people hop on a couple of poseballs, bang away at each other, get off in RL, then part ways, never to meet again, is THAT virtual sex? Or is that basic masturbation? On the other hand, using poseballs plus texting; that's virtual sex with another human being? Hmmm.

They're both masturbation in my opinion...because nothing's actually happening. No one is touching each other...just themselves. It's like phone sex with a picture narrative.

/me is fully aware of the can of worms he just jumped into!

Yes, but if you continue to meet the same person, or constantly need to get off to virtual partners, this might be very hurtful to your RL partner. It's not the same as watching porn...playing with yourself whilst viewing porn is [usually] a singular act (still hurtful to many people). So when you add another ACTIVE participant...that is even closer to the textbook "cheating."

A friend of mine IRL considers watching Porn and masturbating cheating. She has kicked her Boyfriend out of the house twice for it.

She sets up hidden video cameras and tape recorders to catch him in the act.

She keeps taking him back when he promises not to look at porn again.

Now - whether or not its cheating is besides the point.

She wants the only sexual thoughts on his mind to be of her, ever.

He cant abide by that.

I think they are both crazy.

/me rubs temples

1. If you feel guilty - stop it
2. If you don't feel guilty, but your spouse is angry about it - stop it
3. If you've talked with your spouse and they realize that it's them that you love, are going to sleep with at night, celebrating life achievments with in RL with and they don't have an issue with it - keep doing what you like

Seriously? Is this even an issue? How many pages do we need to put up here before the notion that it's all about respect, conversation and trust is made clear. This is a personal issue that the people involved are going to have to deal with in RL. There is no blanket answer as the sentiment in this country runs from the Right-Wing Puritanical to the Tear Your Clothes Off & Screw Everything That Moves Left - I personally am very happily camped with the far left .

Be true to yourself, true to the relationship (however you as a couple in RL define that) that you have with your partner, and enjoy SL. No one's got a gun to your head to drop your pants and roll over onto a pose ball. Let's be adults here, do what is right for the relationship you are in. Simple and direct.

Now...I really must go...I've a group grope to attend on Sexy Male Nude Beach #45...I simply can't be late!

IMO, that's setting yourself up to be lied to.

Um, yeah. There's a difference between the expectation of sexual exclusiveness and being a possessive nutjob.

Basically, if what you do in SL falls within the accepted boundaries of your relationship, it's not cheating. If it is not, well, you and your partner need to talk.

Amen to that. She's crazy for being so grossly insecure and he's just as crazy (maybe more) for coming back and begging to do better.

I disagree, but respect, someone thinking porn can cause harm in a relationship. If it's important enough to you then find a partner who agrees but to go to the point of using spy techniques is insane!

As far as wanting sexual thoughts of her only....I'd love to see her try and convince me that when she sees a cute guy that the videos don't start playing in her mind. I accept that I am human and therefore I accept and enjoy my eye candy immensely

yeah they are wackos.

The first time she confronted him he smashed the video camera upset over an invasion of his privacy.

Her opinion is he has no privacy from her - at all.

LOL when I told her that he is entitled to some privacy she got mad at me, and so did my husband.


People are strange.

Agree.

My advice to him: Run, do not walk, to the nearest exit.

My advice to her: Get a good therapist, and try not to get jealous when the therapist sees other patients. O.O

Can you imagine how much pent-up sexual frustration he must have? He must make a priest look like...well, what we all used to think priests were like!

Well simply put if you need to hide it from them, it's cheating...............
Most people wouldn't say to their spouse "your friend looks good, I'd like to have sex with them" either.

Hmm is having sex with real online whores ok?
Fake offline whores?
Real offline friends?
Fake online friends?

That sums up the demise of my most recent relationship in more detail than I really want to admit.

As for the rest of it--it's only cheating if you're breaking the rules. And it's up to the individuals in the relationship to determine what those rules are.

Don't even try it kid. There have been posts stating that polyamorous relationships are cheating in this thread, and my response was perfectly valid. If you can't understand that making broad accusations against an unnamed group, in a thread where several groups have been attacked already, might possibly earn you a response from someone, then you're the one who should be examining just how slow you are.

Wanna try again, or do you think it's time for you to remove the stick?

I didn't read the article but everyone knows that BJs don't count. The last I heard is that anal sex doesn't count either so if you stick to those activities you wil be counted as being faithful to your first life partner.

This is exactly the sentiment I don't get. If I have fun with someone besides my husband, it doesn't mean I am fulfilling some need that isn't met. It just means that having fun with someone else is fun TOO, not INSTEAD of having fun with my husband. It just means I am having fun. Whether that fun is dancing with someone else (I dance very satisfactorily with my husband, AND enjoy dancing with other people) or a bit of pixel slapping (and yes, my sex life with my husband is very fulfilling, thank you very much). Why is it that every contact with someone other than one's spouse is treated like a sign of deficiency in the relationship? As long as both my husband and I (and of course the third party) are happy, why should we view this wonderful relationship we have as somehow deficient?

This is a place to escape your day to day routine of life. to be someone else ,
To live a different life from what they tell you to lead. leave us alone,
To be what what we cant be in RL.
Thats what we want from this.
It is not cheating.
because there is no physical contact
People get real

Neither do I. For some people monogamy works best and polyamory would work out disastrous. I am not one of them. For some people open 'no rules at all, just go your merry own way' relastionships work best, while monogamy would be a recipe for a train wreck. I am not one of them. For some people a relationship with one primary loyalty between two partners, but room for secondary relationships, ranging from one-time quickie sex to love works best. I would be one of those people. And I happen to be lucky enough to be married to a man who is wired the same way.



Didn't take it as such

I tend to agree with this for reasons beyond the obvious if I were in a RL relationship, thus us how I think I'd approach it. But again, it is a highly personal matter, we can't expect another to see it your way, nor should they expect it of you.

I'm actually with you on that. If a couple decides to go for strict, no erotic contact with others (as it seems to be defined most of the time) monogamy, more power to them. Whatever makes their relationship work. I just sometimes get a little tired after the umpteenth suggestion that there must be something wrong with every relationship that doesn't work exactly like that.

The other view I am trying - very ineloquently - to present, is that for some of us our relationship does work while not adhering to the same rules that so many people view as 'standard'. And that for some of us, our relationship does not work in spite of having other agreements, but because of it. Or rather: that the non-monogamous aspect of our relationship contributes to our connection as much as having the same sense of humour or challenging each other intellectually etc. does. That for some people that freedom might be an integral part of what makes us click.

But now I'm ranting (and at the wrong person too), probably due to the time of night and slightly too much Chardonnay. I'll stop now.

Bingo, as my parents would say!

Lovely synthesis of what many have been saying .. it's .. not one size fits all by any stretch.

This is just non-sense. Why make a big deal over what happens on the internet?

Only insecure people make a fuss over what their partners do on the internet whether it's on a game or on-line.