Ask Jake Anything

Well everything has its uses, intended or unintended. Typically the intende use of a medical drill is bone penetration. I am told the xmaxx, by anspach, is the best. These drills are very expensive, so if you wish to relieve suction from a botttle while treating GSW in your home surgery center-i reccomend going with w dremel.

What is "GSW?"

Yeah but, what is the most common use? NOT what is the intended use. And when they remove hamsters, do the hamsters get injured?

GSW is gunshot wound.

Noone ever admits to using a $50,000 peice of equipment for anything other than its intended use. Just like noone ever has more than three beers. Maybe the mos common use of medical drills is to drill a whole in the bottom of a bottle so Staff can shotgun coronas.

No, typically when they remove hamsters, the hamster is already dead. It suffocates in the three hour wait to be treated in the ER.

Isn't it dangerous to drill a bottle while it's inside someone? How do they collect the tiny shards of glass? Vacuum?

Is there any danger that your recent shift to the bitter end will be eventually countered by a rebound swing to the happy land of hugz and smileys? Which do you think would be the lesser of two evils for us, your loyal fans?

No. In truth I am far less bitter than it might seem. I am, after all a capricorn, and part of me is only truly content when I am bitter and brooding. Life is transition, always. And whatever the source of pain, it passes.

it is natural to feel pain, but it is natural to feel joy. So there is not balance or swing. when it is time to hurt I hurt and when it is time to smile I smile. It is compassion and truth that I aspire to in my life.

Being bitter in the forums is fun. It is a failure of my buddhism to be sure, but then I never claimed to be enlightend-just omniscient.

So my loyal fans a d readers have no fear, life colors our percetions but never buries the truth, so keep asking.

Drilling anything while it is in soeone is dangerous. But hey they are skilled medical professionals, we hope. As far as collection of teh tiny shards. Suction.

A bump because I am bitter that noone asked any questions today.

What can we do to stop you being bitter?

Ok, here is a question. If a scientist were to create a dog that has human intellect but no human DNA, what would be the legal status of such a creature? If it were to say to a judge by its own violition, "I am an individual, a sapient being and I wish to be free." Could it still be considered property?

What if, say farmer JoeBob were to shoot an alien as it landed its craft on a public road near his farm in Bumphuk Oklahoma, could he be charged with a crime?

On a totally different tack, over the years I have heard critisism from other hurricane victims in the past who said the Red Cross basically handed out doughnuts and coffee while other organisations like the Salvation Army were the ones actually finding shelter, clothing, blankets for the victims. In the Mobile AL area, Fredrick survivers will generally spit and curse if you even mention the Red Cross. My question is, has the RC cleaned up its act since and are donations actually going to the people who need it?

If the craft is an inner tube, it could be an international crime.

Jake, can you explain that one to me?

I don't know but I am pretty sure it involves naked midnight city girls (or any naked girls for the matter), cognac, tequila, angel food cake, ingrids mom, aimees panties, streamign video, pose balls, prim heels and bubble bath.

Dear Jake,

How does Bubble Bath work?

Sincerely,
Grapefruit in The Pool.

1. If a dog could ask for its freedom, it could not be owned. so if your dog wakes up one morning and starts talking about its need to be free: record it, get a partnership agreement, call me, and give him his freedom. In that order. Oh and you are likely to be rich, and be prepared foir a hell of a court battle. And don't even think of falling in love.

2. Yes. Killing aliens, even illegal ones, is murder. Arguably the legal definition of homicide involves a human being, so even though you are charged, you might get off on a technicallity. Realistically however, farmer joebob would be scooped up into the black van with the alien, dn well, officially he would never have existed.

3. I am not awre that red cross has undergone any sort of a clean up. I would worry less about red cross than the failure of the federal governement. But if you ned shelter, I'd look for the salvation army, or move to canada.

Killing aliens in inner tubes is frowend upon by international law. Especially if they are resident aliens with green cards. When ths happens, foriegn governements get testy, and some countries with funadmentalist religious build dirty bombs.

Hey Jake, What did happen in Area 51?

We usually you open the lid and add a particular amount (often explained in the directions on the back of the container) to runnig bath water (better when very warm). The running water will then cause bubbles to appear. Get in and enjoy.

None is exactly sure why it is that scenterd bubbles in warm bathwater, and candlelight have an aphrodisiac-like effect on women, but they do. For best effect do this apparently spontaneously while remebering som trivial insignificant detail that you did on the same day, a year before: "this is the anniversary of the first time we laught ad the same family guy joke, so i thought is was special" will earn you all kinds of "awees" and "you are so adorables" and more imprtantly, get you laid in the bathtub.

Partnership agreement? Like a business sort of thing? If I did it in that order couldn't an agreement be dissolved because it could be interpreted as being under duress, ie I would only give him his freedom if he agreed to a partnership? Then again I'm thinking more along the lines of Xcorp Inc. creating a genetically engineered dog. To a company like that the dog would be property. If I had created a human sapient dog it would never have been property in the first place. In either case though, it wouldn't have legal status.

A court battle against whom and for what?

I have loved several dogs in my lifetime, do you mean don't have sex with it? Not to worry, no bow wow on this peepee but then again why not? If the dog can verbally concent and is over the age of majority (over a year and a half for dogs I suppose) then where does it become a problem? (other than the eww factor) Bestiality isn't illegal in every state and its not cruelty to animals if the animal says it had a good time.

(I can answer that one myself, it needs to go to court to set president I would imagine. Being talking dogs aren't on the books yet no one can really tell what is legal and what is not)


If this is too much like legal advice don't worry about answering.

Here is another question, did Thomas Jefferson actually take a razor to the bible and cut out the parts he didn't believe in while he was president?

Jake

Can I take a bubble bath with you?

You are going to get rich because you have a talking dog that can articulate thing. You are not giving the dog freedome in exchange for a partnership, you are giving it freedom and negotiating the partnership. Dogs can't drive. If Xcorp creates a human sapient dog, they ar ein the same fight.

If you don' think determining the rights and status of a talking dog is not going to be litigated in every way imaginable, you must not liove in america. I can think of a half doen suits the goverenment would file just to get a determination of status. You want to keep all the money from oprah appearances.

For god sakes don't hav esex with the dog. Do you really think an FCC that does not allow Janet jackson's boobies on the air is going to be un derstanding about a consensual relationship with a dog? No. sex. Ylpu want to be on tv, to sell the book deal and the movie deal. Also bestialitity's legality factor aside, the goverenment will want to make you and the dog go away. Best way to to that is to alleged youw ere transporting the donge between states to commit a lewd act. Its thin, but the governemnt has relieed on thinner.

Yes. In February 1804, President Jefferson took his razor to the 4 Gospels, cut out all supernatural passages, and consolidated the rest. he called it "The Philosophy of Jesus of Nazareth." This original work was lost, however.

He did it again in retirement calling it "The Life and Morals of Jesus of Nazareth." He felt that the 1804 work was hastily done while he was busy running the country. The second version is a major scholarly effort. He selected verses & parts of verses from 4 Bibles: Greek, Latin, French & the King James version. Again removing all miracles and supernatural supernatural references. "The Jefferson Bible," as it is now called has been reprinted in its entirety, 53 pages in all, a number of times.

you should worry less about the jefferson bible and more about the jake bible.

Well I don't know. Can you?

Are you over 18, female (really, not theoretically); Not married in IRL (again really), not partnered or or otherwse atttached in SL (no I am stiff friends with my ex bf business either) and do you have a bathtub and bubbles, or at least know where to find them with decent poseballs? If that is the case we can take a bubble bath in SL.

Assuming all of the above is true and you are willing to come to California, we can take a bubble bath IRL.

I am assuming you want the candles?

Darn lawyers and their fine print *sniffle*