Ask Jake Anything

Jake, if I swallow enough crushed ice at once, will my stomach get frostbite?

He'd chuck all the wood a woodchuck could if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

-Kiamat Dusk
natch

Jake, was this your idea of irony?

In theory prolonged exposure to the cold can give any body part frostbite. Forstbite occurs when I ce cresatalizes in the blood. It seems unlikely however that you could keep enough crushed ice in your ststem to indice frost bite. It is possible to accomplish this with dry ice however, as dry I can flash freeze, causing burns.

You know how I feel about people giving answers in my thread. Blaze will now spank you.

Besides we all know the real question is whether the wood chuck is wearing Aimee Webers panties.

It is a reasonably well known factoid that eating celery burns more calories than one gains by eating it, and therefore it must be good for you.

Ice cream is cold, and so we also burn calories warming the ice cream up to body temperature when we eat it. How cold would the ice cream need to be, such that one would burn more calories warming it up than one would gain eating it? (and therefore it must be good for you)

(This question originally posed by Seifert's mum.)

Dear Jake,

[Edit: After I typed this in I remembered I work with a bunch of Pharmacists. I called one, he says it's healthier to not eat it. My P.S. Question still stands, though, Jake.]

What a lot of nutrition questions you have these days! I'd like to add another, that I argued with my roomate about this weekend.

We were discussing how unhealthy batter fried food items were, and I posed him with the question "would it be healthier to eat a batter-fried vitamin pill, or thow it away?"

What do you think?

Thank you,

Taco

P.S. Later we had a bigger argument about Rik Okasek. Did he or did he not have a mullet? I think it was more of a euro-soccer 'do, but my roomate insists it qualifies as a mullet. Thanks for any help.

I am certain that there is a scientific and mathematical formula that you could use to calculate this out. Its failry simple, just compare the calories in ice cream against the number of calories required to warm the icecream up, and then make the icream cold enough. You just have to be sure that the icecream does not get so cold as to burn our stomach.

But really whats the point. If you want to eat somethign good, eat a salad, don't figure out ways of apologizing for ice cream. If you are going to eat ice cream, do it up! Savor it, love it, indulge it with hedonistic abandon. Do not put the shackles of healthfood on sothing as sublime as ice cream?

Who wants to eat icecream that is frozen like an ice cube. Icecream is best slightly melty and soft. I put mine in the microwave (chocolate chip is the only kind I eat anymore), and then I add a few spoonfuls of QUICK! and mixs it all up to a nice soft serve conistency.

But what ever. Life is much better if you enjoy the ice cream and endure the guilt of pigging out on a half pint of hagen das. Cooling it to make it healthy is basically treating like medication. If you want medication, eat a deep fried vitamin pill.

As to the vitamin pill, well I have to imagine it is healither to eat the vitamin deep fried than to throw it a away and finish off six more chicken mcnuggets. I mean if you eat the vitamin, at least you are getting something?

Rick Ocasek had a mullet. Ero socccer do is a term euro soccer players coind to keep everyon from accusing them of having mullets. In the 80's mullets were cool, look at rick springfield.

B.S. just about says it all.

Before you even say it: I know it's not a question, and I should not pick on the other posters. I should be spanked. But you can't do it -eeeeewww! Cori can! Or maybe Colette, 'cause she has to spank everyone else.

Why is it I can never find the shoes I like on sale at Nordstorm Rack?

Ack! I posted that before reading the entire thread. I've been gone for three months so sue me! ...wait...forget I said that...


-Kiamat Dusk

First things first. Blaze, I had a reply to your question all written out and it got eaten by the forums. I will try to come up with something eqully brilliant and witty today.

Jenn. You know what you did. Taco will spank you now.

You ask me mythical questions. When have you ever shopped at Nordstrom Rack? I'm telling your mom, she will die of heart failure. Also Jimmy Choo never goes on sale.

You do however hightlight own of the great problems of modern times, and that is the thing you really want is never cheap or easy to obtain. Of course the shoes you want will be on sale. Just not in your size.

0.o

hehe i missed the me having to spank everyone part.

Luckily i have a paddle.

And a spanking chair.

.... um mebe i shouldnt have said that.


...Jake, what was the asnswer to the Tootsie pop question again?

*contemplates answering future questions just for the spankings*

Not that I'm a bad girl or anything.


So, Jake.. how 'bout them Yankees?

Depends on how hard you spank the licker.


But for your sake, tootsie pop redux:

Well much more than three: Although for me, I donlt really lick a tootsie pop I just sort of suck on it until I bite down.

The zen aswer is that you and the tootsie pop are one, and you are already at the center without ever licking.

Other possible approaches include:

"There are several factors, needless to say, even if it's the same person counting, the # of licks will differ at each attempt.

If you wanted to look at it semi-scientifically, the number of licks needed depend on these factors:

* Pressure per square inch the tongue is applied to the surface of the tootsie pop (TP)
* The average amount of square inch in contact between tongue and TP
* At what measurement from the center of the stick of the TP at which you declare that you have reached the center of the TP.
* The rotation factor of the TP - if the eater continues to lick one specific portion only to reach the center faster - or if licks are distributed evenly around the outer surface area of TP.

And to a lesser extent:

* Ambient temperature
* Use of teeth / or lack of teeth of eater
* Hunger of TP eater
* Boredom of TP eater
* Age of TP"


OR

"My daughter and my nephew answered this. She counted; he licked. It took 750 licks. Now the world definitely knows."

Of course ultimately the more important question is not how many licks it takes to get to the center, but how much you enjoy the flavor outside

Well they are 77-60 with .562 percentage and 4 games behind the Red Sox. It is doubtful they will win the division, but if things stay on track, they will get the wild card slot. Thier bullpen ins a bit of a mess, but is hard to say how much of a mess, because uncle Joe may be playing his cards close this late in the season.

The dangerous thing for boston is that if the yankees come into the playoff as a wild card, they will have something to prove to the dirty water gang. The yankees, hungry and healthy, are a dangeorus team. If the make the playoffs, and have thier bull pen intact, I give them 60% to make the Series. But thats a lot of Ifs. And Boston is no slouch either, but without the curse, do they have the mental game?

QUOTE=Ktaadn Thatch]Colette's question raises so many more.

Who Wrote The Book Of Love?
Who’ll Stop The Rain?
Do You Know The Way To San Jose?
Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is?
Why Do Fools Fall In Love?
Who Can It Be Now?
What’s Going On?
How Will I Know?
What Would You Say?
Where Have All The Flowers Gone?
What Have You Done For Me Lately?
Have You Never Been Mellow?
Don’t You Want Me?
What’s Love Got To Do With It?
Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?
Is There Something I Should Know?

…and perhaps most importantly,
Who Let The Dogs Out?[/QUOTE]

Well this is one that fell through the cracks. I apologize for the delay in responding.

1. the book of love has never been written, if it was, everyone would own a copy. I reccomend men are from mars, women are from venus, or the joy of sex. If you are really romantic, you cannot go wrong with poetry, Shakespear's sonnets are a good place to start (you won't follw the language, neither will she, so you are golden. If she is smart, try chaucer).

2. Noone will stop the rain, if they did the environemental effects would be catastrophic. How ever they did make a movie about an ice age that froze the water so much the rain stopped. Day after tommorrow. Not a bad movie despite the pointless scene with the wolves that added nothing to the drama of the moment.

3. Yes. I know a couple of ways to San Jose. I-5 north until you hit the road to Gilroy, then from gilroy 101 north to SJ. The real question is why would you want to go to San Jose (ecept to se the Canucks play the Sharks of course!).

4. Yes the governement knows what time it is. They also know about you and your collection of pictures of Aimees naked avitar, and that website you have devoted to Colette. Be careful. The FIC is stil more powerful than the MJW. I myself am a fugitive from the SL spelling bee.

5. Fools fall in love because they think there is a book. Smart people fall in love because they know it increases the income, decreases the taxes, means steady sex, never going to movies alone, and having someone to fight with when Aimee Weber's panties turn up in your car. ( because the FIC put them there to discredit ou of course!). Or maybe smart people fall inlove cause its romanitic, and reall there is not a better thing to do. The brilliance of SL is you can get undying love over and over, every three weeks fro the rest of your life.

6. It can be anyone. A better question is who are you now. An SL question is who can I be now, so long as I am making money and not entertained.

7. Whats going on? Nothing comes, nothing goes, everything is. But if you really need to know just search the froums under Ingrid's mom, Aimee's Panties, FIC, MJW, RAC, Burning Life, All hail the Goddess Anshe, the GOM. Or better yet get spanked by Collete, play a lot of tringo, and ask Taco these questions in another thread.

8. Why do you not know? (trust me you will know exactly how you now when you are in the paddle chair).

9. Nothing - its safer. Well thats a lie. I would comment. But then this is my thread. Do as I say, not as I do.

10. The flowers have all been picked and sold in FTD boquets. You can always plant more. Or check out buring life there is a very nice one there.

11. Nothing. You are lucky I did not link you.

12. What the hell is mellow? Is that like a marshmellow? I have never been fucking mellow ever in my entire life goddamit,and I would appreciate it f you would just get the hell off my back, because I am sick and tired of all this bull shit I have to deal with on a day in and day out basis!

Mellow. Yes. All the time. *smiles*

13. Well that depends. Do you have alot of money? Are you willing to suffer indentured servitude? Do you do windows and can you spell? Send your resume to me via PM.

14. Love has nothing to do with it, unless you do love in which case it has everything to do with it.

15. I don't want to hurt anyone, but a kick in the head can be enligthening. Besides pain is a transient illusion.

16. Yes. who you are.

Good grief, Jake, are you still on at this ? You're a glutton for punishment, aren't you ?

Damn - thats two. Is that allowed ?

Oh no - now its three ! Cax I wixhXxaw xxx secXoxd tXXX XXXXXXXXXX. aaaah

Is peace on earth a pipe-dream?

Yes I am still at this, as long as I have faithful quiestioners I will offer my always correct answers (unless I admit I am wrong, whihc I have been known to do).

I am glutton for punishment as I still post in the general forums. Ask Jake anything is truly rewarding for me to write.

And yes more than one question is obviously allowed since I just answered like 15 in a previous post.

Yes. It has never been accomplished in the past 7000 years of history, why do we think we are so special that we can accomplish it now. The sad thing is for all of its waste, tragedy and stupidity, war remains the "last argument of kings." The application of military force reamins the surest way of imposing your national policy goals, what ever they may be, on others. For all the anti-war sentiment it seems very likely that as long as there are nations, with national interest to protect, they will result to armed conflict.

Dear Jake,

Why do bread and pastries(like yummy muffins) leave crumbs everywhere when eaten?

Also, did Spiderman ever get a wedgey, what with all his flipping around and striking split-legged poses on the sides of buildings?

Sincerely,
Bacon-Face Leonard

The answer is to your first question is entropy. Bread is made of thens of thousands of tiny particles clumped together in a binding medium. It wants to fly apart and make as big a mess as possible. A bit like taking kindergarteners to a childrens museum-at the beginning of the day they are put together, and by the end of the day they are a mess, with little bits and pieces scattered all over.

So if you want to minimaze crumbs, eat the boston cream pie instead of the muffin.


And spiderman never gets wedgies, everyone knows he goes commando when he is not wearing MJ's thong.

No blaze my definition of irony is: SL relationship.

I'm reading Choke right now and I'm curious, is the primary use of diamond-tipped drills in hospitals really to relieve suction pressure in bottles or is there a more common application of them?