Friends With Benefits

When I read that phrase in Jig's post, it reminded me of a long chat I had with a girl who was bemoaning the loss of an SL boyfriend. From the entire long chat, the one thing I remember was something that stuck out like a sore thumb immediately she said it - "He's a rich man in SL. He could have bought me anything." At a stroke, it completely changed my opinion of her.

need some ointment for that?


ya beat me to it (and I was only tempted because she asked)


nah, dog's only desire your leg =P
but seriously, it's is nice to know that some one would choose you over all others... I just never saw it as a reasonable EXPECTATION =)

Though playing with the sentence is informative: "sole object of desire" = stalker. "object of sole desire" = lap-dancer. "desire of sole object" = foot-fetishist.[/QUOTE]
I keep asking my friend where I can get some stalkers.. she has tons of them. I just wanna have someone I can mentally torment all to my own =)

Oh I didn't think you were a man because of it, very few men would use the word confidante around here (or confidant for that matter). Confidante when applied to a man might reveal their identity as a woman. Though obviously that's not the case, but I get to tease sometimes don't I?

As for what I was saying about subtle slips ~ here's one that isn't subtle at all... http://www.kaboodle.com/reviews/dolce-gabbana--leopard-slip--saks.com

Clearly I like words

But teh use of them by other peeps in other wayz doesn't bother me...

TL;DR version: I practice "friendship WITH benefits," not FOR them. Uh. This will no doubt get me flamed to hell and breakfast, but with all due respect, making out with people to get stuff from them isn't "Friends With Benefits," it's prosti- *cough* gold-digging.

"Friends With Benefits" just that - friendship that includes a non-exclusive sexual component.

Non-monogamy/polyamory isn't all that new, and gay men, at least, have done "friends with benefits" for decades (some, obviously, not all).

The thing is that some people are just hard-wired for monogamy, in my experience; I know a man who is so monogamous by nature that he doesn't even understand the debate. Ask him if he'd have more than one lover at a time and he'll give you a blank look and a, "Why would I want to do THAT?" as if you've just suggested he walk to the supermarket naked in the middle of winter.

I personally am not particularly wired for monogamy, although I can do it - my polyamory includes monogamy, it just isn't restricted to it and I don't do monogamy unless (a) I'm pretty deeply in love with the person and (b) the sex is good.

As far as SL is concerned, I am currently very single and have established a circle of FWBs of various SL ages, living in one neighbourhood. We go to each others' places, hang out, talk about anything in the world, request or offer suggestions about building or avatars or any other SL subject, and do the Hot Monkey Mambo in various combinations on a regular basis. Hell, the initiation into the group appears to be having it off with one of the members while the other online ones perv cam the scene.

We all like each other, which is the key, here, y'all: by definition, you can't be "friends with benefits" with someone who isn't a FRIEND - not necessarily a BFF-4-LYFE-OMG!!1!1<333 friend, but someone you have some modicum of warmth and emotional connection with.

I like my FWBs as PEOPLE, first and foremost. If the benefits stopped for some reason, I'd definitely be disappointed but that wouldn't end the friendship. My landlord (I rent as a roommate, don't own land as yet) is one of those BFFs. We like each other, but I pay rent even though my landlord says it's really not necessary, specifically so that the relationship doesn't get tainted by a flavour of "kept boy" (i.e. "You can stay here as long as you f*ck me regularly" or "making out to get stuff."

Again, these friendships are important to me and I'll do what I can to preserve and nurture them: paying rent helps to make sure that things stay clean and unnecessary power games or arguments about money are eliminated, which is important to me. Friendships require cultivation and tending, and benefits tend to imply, or incur, responsibilities.

/end TL;DR rant

Confidante: a female person in whom one confides.
Confidant: a male person in whom one confides.
Confident: Feeling sure of oneself.

Lindal (There's a little Pep in all of us)

I hear that they have pills you can take for that now . . .

How little is it?

Ewwww. Reading this, I just got a flashback of that scene in "Alien" when the little monster comes out of the guy's chest.

"But, why can't women in sl get with it and help develop a braver new world and be less insistent on "my man belongs to me only - 'ands orf"? Why can't men stop pestering women with moralities that suit the moral majority "back home" in reality? Why bring old customs here when we need new and exciting ways to explore each other?"

As a women in RL and SL I find it a little insulting that because I am not into ball hopping I "cant get with it" If "with it " you mean pixel bump any guy just to get something then I am glad I am not with it.

"Why bring old customs" Well maybe because I have respect for myself and others. I will not use them and I will not cheapen myself. Call it what you like it sounds very much like prostitution to me but were money is not exchanged.

I still feel sorry for Hal I have never met the guy but yet I know so much about him and things I am sure he would rater we didnt know.

Remember its not all about You

I dunno, but the "oldest profession" appears to be thriving.

I kind of have a feeling that Jig is Hal or Hal is Jig. It's kind of hard to figure Jig out because she rarely tells the truth. In her words "lie and lie and lie", and she didn't mean having sex in that one I don't think. I sort of feel bad for her as she is growing older and still rather unhappy.

Okay, so now you are telling me that there is two types of confidant???

I lie and lie and lie cos I am human. Since when did truth-telling become the order of the day for the human race?

I'll enlighten you.
I have a recognizable voice to a certain portion of teh real population. I live on my own in a fairly isolated house. Creepy disembodied voices coming over Bose speakers is not my idea of a good time. Voice can be disheartening when I hear shrill men. I hate speaking when I am having sex. I think voice is too personal when I am masturbating. I prefer using my imagination.
But truthfully, I am terrifed of someone using my voice for illicit purposes or recording me here when I dont give permission. Equally, I really would rather not show my face to every Tom Dick or Harry and see it then plastered over YouTube.
Nothing devious there. Just sensible.

I am self-inverted. No denying that. I come first in any situation. I learnt that when I started out in what I do. It's the key to success in my line of work.
Hal knows that. He's cool with it.

So what about confidance? Is that the same thing?
"Confused-in-North America"

Oh Lord, Jig... hopefully one day you will learn what the world is all about.

*ConfidEnce?

monoganotonous?

I suspect that monogamy in humans predates what you would call "society".


Another reason: the human instinct. I believe that lots of us have an instinctual desire for monogamous relationships -- especially women. I also believe that many of us do not. Instincts are not immutable, nor are they invariate, nor are they meaningul without considering enviroment (culture). Also, I'm using the word "instinct" casually, to mean an innate tendency.

That's perfectly reasonable, because in the human psyche, sex and relationships are intricately intertwined. Anyone who would criticize you for this isn't being sensible.

Bingo, and as long as people go for what they want.

In any case, I cherish Jig's benefits!

Sorry still not enlightened. Your voice is recognizeable? To whom? You say you don't use it. Are you so well recongnized that someone would want to record your voice?
Funny things all the men I know who boast about all their conquests usually don't have that many .
You say Hal doesn't mind as long as he doesn't know, so assume he never reads these threads.
Oh well ignorance may be bliss.

This is exactly what I meant. Thanks, Lear.

Well, I think we may be looking at the same thing from two different perspectives. Mine was the objective, yours was the subjective. Also, mine relies on a number of assumptions and theories, whereas yours does not.

Both are significant, but yours may be more on point for this thread.

It might be best to leave you in your bliss, then.

There are easy to imagine cases that fit Jig's explanation. For example, if she were Madonna in RL. (I happen to believe she's not, since Madonna does not play bass.)

In my mind she is more like the English version of Paris Hilton or the Kardashians. Does England have someone like that?