just ignore and let this one die

At least he tells you his grades. I couldn't pin my son down long enough to tell me his grades and the school (UNLV) wouldn't tell me either, because 'he's an adult' and there are privacy laws.....(oh, really? Why is it you feel free to come to me when it's tuition payment time??) Never understood that theory, but yes that is a cute conversation you had with your son.

Today's funny from my inbox:

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
RE: Gala Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House.

There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... Feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!

A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets.

This gathering is only for employees!

Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family,
Patty
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
RE: Gala Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.

However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day.

There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung..

We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Patty
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name..

I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?

Somebody?

And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.

REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Patty
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
RE: Generic Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours.

There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.

Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table.

Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.

To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.

We will have booster seats for short people.

Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.

I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.

There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F*%^ing Employees
RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party

I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes.

But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!

The rest of you f*%^ing wierdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!

Drive drunk and die,
The B*tch from H*ll!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Company Memo
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her recent nervous breakdown and I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the asylum.

In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Happy Whatever!
Joan

*sniff sniff* I miss being shocked and appalled by my oldest.

lucky you! really!

LOL

Merry Christmas to all. and celebrate with pride. the rest of you who don't believe in baby Jesus? what can i say? i won't see you in hell. stay cool!

Awww, there there 3, how long until you have grandkids who can shock and appall you?

long time (i hope)

Ditto that!!!

Awwww. You will make a hot granny. And to steal some terminology from Lil's son... I will still want to bang you.

Happy Rez Day Pep!! Something special for you on this special day!

I suppose it's the thought that counts.

Pep (Thought?)

errr.... ummmm.... no comment to further up comment. and

Ohhhh Pep!! You were watching and waiting!!!

*HUGS*!!!!

Haa!

Better never than late, Eli . . .

Pep (Do people describe you as slow?)

only at just the right moments.

Hooo!!

ROFL!!

You made me see the thread title as "Ignore this thread and drop dead"

heh

(I've seen the above before. My brother recently told me of his own antics in this department. Apparently they were/are going to have a casino holiday party. He sent out rules for two card games to everyone on the list, as was his duty. One of the other people involved sent a reply email along the lines of, and in all caps "DO NOT DESMINATE THIS ANY FURTHER; any questions about rules call [insert name of third person handling the event and their phone number" . . . which is confusing, I suppose, since everyone who it could have had any desire to see the email were already included in the email. Yes, it is easier telling such stories if you are directly involved, heh. That above mess. Oh, and I think he sent something back, but I do not recall what; then third sent something backing up my brother. That would certainly have been amusing, I suppose, if you got these emails as opposed to been one of the three people handling the party.)

huh. slow . . .slooowwwer . . huh.

Normally I'd see that as "faster . . harder, . . . "

nm

.

"We are in a room. This is a room, is it not?"

This made me believe:

I don't want to live here. Actually moving to a sunny place some time after Christmas.

Happy Rez day pep. Here is a few glares for you,free of charge.