The newest thing I heard, its not good...

You know, I have met some dumb blondes in my life, but you take the taco, pal! Only a *Carpathian* would come back to life now and choose New York! Tasty pick, bonehead! If you had brain one in that huge melon on top of your neck, you would be living the sweet life out in Southern California's beautiful San Fernando Valley!

Peter Venkman: Hi, Egon. How's school? I bet those science chicks really dig that large cranium of yours, huh?
Egon: I think they're more interested in my epididymis.

From the days when the mathematical and mechanical were paramount in music, the struggle has been bitter and incessant for the sway of the emotional and the soulful, and now in this the twentieth century come these talking and playing machines and offer again to reduce the expression of music to a mathematical system of megaphones, wheels, cogs, disks, cylinders, and all manner of revolving things which are as like real art as the marble statue of Eve is like her beautiful living breathing daughters.

There are only two kinds of scholars; those who love ideas and those who hate them.

"What do you want your last words to be?"

"Hold my beer and watch this!"

Die, I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him.

Chocolate's got nothing to do with it. Love is like running through the rain with an umbrella made of fire... or being lost inside a cave, and lying down and trying to touch the ceiling... no, that's not right. Love is like being the tiniest little bird... and swallowing the moon.

Mumbler!! Seriously, I cannot understand a single word you’re saying.

He also has a funny haircut.

I've just decided to switch our Friday schedule to Monday, which means that the test we take each Friday on what we learned during the week will now take place on Monday before we've learned it.

But since today is Tuesday, it doesn't matter in the slightest. Pencils ready!

Thanks to 4chan, Something Awful, YTMND and the like, everyone who routinely browses the internet now knows about hentai whether we wanted to or not.

Interviewer: What's the difference between Orgazmo and your previous porn titles, like Schindler's Fist?
Maxxx Orbison: I really think history will describe Orgazmo better than I possibly could.

E.T. phone home.

Holly keeps this business where it belongs, in the gutter!

If I may summarize my mission, I and my people are going to use an inter-dimensional rift created by a masochistic paranoid schizophrenic transsexual acting on information received from a turncoat succubus to invade Hell, start an insurgency with the aim of destabilizing the whole set-up there, subverting the rule of Satan and eventually organizing an internal coup to overthrow him.

Buzz Lightyear: This diabolical plot can only be the work of the sworn enemy of the Galactic Alliance - Evil Emperor Zurg!
Warp Darkmatter: What plot? You think Zurg is behind every kitten stuck up a tree!
Buzz Lightyear: The fiend! Why cant he leave kitty-cats out of his nefarious schemes?

Tim: A woman? You brought me here to see a woman?
Jill: I didn't know she was a woman. My gynecologist just said Dr. Kaplan was the best urologist in town.
Tim: How am I supposed to talk to a woman about what's going on in Manland?
Jill: "Manland"? Now you got a theme park between your legs?

Well aren't you just the most adorable little black hole of need?

Well, I've wrestled with reality for 35 years, Doctor, and I'm happy to state I finally won out over it.

I tried to fix the shower pressure by installing a “universal” tub spigot last night. I don’t know what universe the spigot is for, but it isn’t this one.

I'm sorry I bit you... and pulled your hair... and punched you in the face...

The sky was the colour of a dead laptop display, silver-gray and full of rain.

People always fear change. People feared electricity when it was invented, didn’t they? People feared coal, they feared gas-powered engines. There will always be ignorance, and ignorance leads to fear. But with time, people will come to accept their silicon masters.

Shama Llama: And yet I am the face of the Arkvoodle cult! Coincidence?
Crypto: Well I just voided your contract. Prepare to make the ultimate sacrifice.
Shama Llama: Arkvoodle will protect me.
Crypto: I wouldn't hold my breath.

"Now," said Aliera, "that introductions are made, there remains the matter of your last remark, which sounded to my ears very like an accusation. I must, therefore, beg you to make it either more explicit, so that I may respond appropriately, or to recast it in such a way that no response is called for."

"Perhaps you are unaware," said Khaavren, "that to find you down here, engaged in I know not what activities with respect to the bodies, puts appearances against you."

"Appearances, My Lord?" said Aliera, in a tone of voice, and with a simultaneous look, expressing the greatest disdain. "I have often heard that phrase, Appearances are against you, uttered by those who wish to conceal an accusation. Who are these people who believe appearances, My Lord? Would you care to name them?"

"I am one," said Sethra, putting her hand on the dagger at her side.