The newest thing I heard, its not good...

Give me the child. Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City to take back the child that you have stolen. For my will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom is as great... For my will is as strong as yours, my kingdom as great... Damn. I can never remember that line.

That's not it! Where did she get that rubbish? It doesn't even start with "I wish!"

Yes, If I thought that for one second that you would betray me, I would be forced to suspend you, head first, in the Bog of Eternal Stench.

Wolf Blitzer’s beard is keeping a suspiciously coy silence.

Death will give you no respite! Gideon's Trumpet will birth you from the ass of a pig!

All right, remember - alcohol equals puke equals smelly mess equals nobody likes you!

Won't you have some cake, Father? It's got cocaine in it. Oh no, hang on, it's not cocaine, is it? What do I mean now? The little things ... Raisins!

((good one Ephraim. I had to look it up.. Father Ted.. hehehehe)

It must have been one of them unidentified flying cupcakes.

Think about it, you've skipped a year. That's a lot of sex. That's like, thirty minutes worth for you.

Glad you liked it. She was the best thing in the show for me. That thing about the cake never fails to take me unawares.

I made the mistake of playing the entire DVD collection while I was supposed to be working the other day and I think I herniated my back. This is her critique of the literary canon of Polly Clarke, which Pauline McLynn apparently ad libbed during filming:

Mrs. Doyle: Oh! She writes such filth! It's a bit much for me, Father. "Feck this" and "Feck that".

Father Ted: Yes, Mrs Doyle.

Mrs. Doyle: "You big bastard." Oh! Dreadful language! "You big hairy arse." "You big Fecker." Fierce Stuff! And of course the f-word, Father ... The bad f-word ... Worse than "feck" ... You know the one I mean?

Father Ted: Yes, I do, Mrs Doyle.

Mrs. Doyle: "Eff you." "Eff your effing wife." I don't know why they have to use language like that ... "I'll stick this effing pitchfork up your hole." That was another one.

Father Ted: I see what you mean, Mrs Doyle.

Mrs. Doyle: "Bastard this" and "bastard that". You can't move for the bastards in her novels. It's wall-to-wall bastards.

Father Ted: Is it Mrs Doyle?

Mrs. Doyle: "You Bastard." "You Fecker." "You bollocks! Get your bollocks out of my face!!"

Father Ted (ushering her into the kitchen): Yes, you just go and prepare for the nuns.

Mrs. Doyle (at the top of her voice from the kitchen): "Ride me sideways" was another one!!

HERR DOKTOR PROFESSOR HORACE KUPECKIE, Plt. D.

(The Chicken Man)

Representing Claudia, the Dancing Chicken,
Dreams Explained, Lost Articles Located,
Psychiatry, Telepathy, Saws Sharpened.

By Appointment - City Bus Terminal - Hgbro.

Look Dave, I can see you're really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over.

Wow, you're fast. I'm glad I caught up to you. I waited 5 hours for you. Why is your coat so big? So, good news - I saw a dog today. Have you seen a dog? You probably have. How was school? Was it fun? Did you get a lot of homework? Huh? Do you have any friends? Do you have a best friend? Does he have a big coat, too?...

"We were on our honeymoon abroad. I ... I knew that I'd never felt married until I'd had myself addressed as 'Señora'."

"You were in Spain?"

"No, Mexico."

You'll shoot your eye out.

Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?

are there really eggs in eggnog. and what the heck is "nog" anyway.

"Aren't you gonna say anything?"

"What is someone supposed to say after ... after more than thirty years?"

"Well, how about 'How you doing? You look good.' Or, 'I was hoping I'd never see you again.'"

"I never thought I would. There's a difference."

It's that psycho next door. Jane, what if he worships you? What if he's got a shrine with pictures of you surrounded by dead people's heads and stuff?

I see dead people.

Dead man walking. Dead man walking!

This is it. Don't try to stop me this time, Smee. Don't try to stop me this time, Smee. Don't you dare try to stop me this time, Smee, try to stop me. Smee, you'd better get up off your a$$. Get over here, Smee!

Jack: You look bloody awful. What are you doing here?
Norrington: You hired me, remember? I can't help it if your standards are lax.

OK gang, you know the rules, no humping, no licking, no sniffing hineys.

Look, just so I can tell my friends, what this dream is about, okay? Where am I?