The newest thing I heard, its not good...

Fail better.

You're a... guest of the Master Control Program.

Awww, you spoil all my fun.

Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn... the clean, cool chill of the holiday air... an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer...

You won, ok? This is just a game!

Oh, you know what? Next week's no good for me... The Jonas Brothers are in town. But any week after that, it's totally fine.

No, you are a hallucination, brought on by alcohol. Russian Vodka, poisoned by Chernobyl.

IMPORTANT: If you don't know, as of today, Facebook will automatically start plunging the Earth into the Sun. To change this option, go to Settings --> Planetary Settings --> Trajectory then UN-CLICK the box that says 'Apocalypse.' Facebook kept this one quiet. Copy and paste onto your status for all to see.

All day long I listen to people give me excuses why they can't work. My legs hurt. My back aches. I'm only four. The sooner he learns life isn't handed to him on a silver platter, the better.

There will come a time when within a single generation we will develop one or possibly even two new ideas… Current advancements in the 'bow' and 'arrow' industries suggest an exponential trend in the expansion of our technological capacities. We are able to perform hunts in a fraction of the time it took our ancestors, thus freeing up valuable time to 'think' of new ideas. In the post-simian world, we may develop into a species that is not only intellectually superior to our current state, but capable of feats beyond the comprehension of a contemporary simian.

Give up, just quit, because in this life, you can't win. Yeah, you can try, but in the end you're just gonna lose, big time, because the world is run by the Man. The Man, oh, you don't know the Man. He's everywhere. In the White House... down the hall... Ms. Mullins, she's the Man. And the Man ruined the ozone, he's burning down the Amazon, and he kidnapped Shamu and put her in a chlorine tank! And there used to be a way to stick it to the Man. It was called rock 'n roll, but guess what, oh no, the Man ruined that, too, with a little thing called MTV! So don't waste your time trying to make anything cool or pure or awesome 'cause the Man is just gonna call you a fat washed up loser and crush your soul. So do yourselves a favor and just GIVE UP!

"Never, never, never give up!"
~ Winston Churchill


"Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance."
~ Samuel Johnson


"A champion is someone who gets up, even when he can't."
~ Jack Dempsey

For a year I ain't had nothing twixt my nethers that didn't run on batteries

You know the phrase "to take care of something"? Well, I realise now that you meant that in a sort of Al Pacino way whereas I was thinking more along the lines of Julie Andrews.

Matt Farrell: You just killed a helicopter with a car!
John McClane: Hundreds of thousands of people get killed by cars every year. That's just like four more.

The ratio of CP violation in kaon beta decay clearly shows single bit coding errors!!!!

as one fictional marine once said... "Game over man, game over"

From the air the village looked like a very simple antique printed circuit, of the sort Galileo might have used to build his first radio telescope.

ok the style looks familiar, but I can't place a source.

"Native pottery always has an unglazed area on the bottom, have you noticed?"

"That's where it stands in the kiln. This is a planet, it has constant gravity. You can't fire things in zero gravity here."

“Now I have a machine gun. Ho, ho, ho.”

'MaDere:[Noticing Sandi] Who is this?
Lisa Moore: That's your daughter-in-law.
Kelli Whitfield: Um, this is not funny.
Lisa Moore: No, it's not, but I'm going to keep drinking until it is.

Man, you just got texted from the AFTERLIFE. Your bill this month will be BIBLICAL.

As Residency Director, it is my pleasure to have both surgical and medical personnel here with us today. In fact, in this room, we have enough brainpower to light up a city! Not a real city, mind you, but definitely a tiny ant city whose government has recently passed a series of stringent energy conservation laws.

Innkeeper! I'll have what the man on the chandelier is having!