The newest thing I heard, its not good...

Ooh, what naughty little devices, to so turn upon your creator! Oh! Indeed, my foot is in such excruciating pain! I shall construct a device that will give you SUCH A WHACK, see if I don't!

Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz smiled very slowly. This was not done so much for effect as because he was trying to remember the sequence of muscle movements.

It is most gratifying that your enthusiasm for our planet continues unabated. As a token of our appreciation, we hope you will enjoy the two thermonuclear missiles we've just sent to converge with your craft. To ensure ongoing quality of service, your death may be monitored for training purposes. Thank you.

It is important to note that suddenly, and against all probability, a Sperm Whale had been called into existence, several miles above the surface of an alien planet and since this is not a naturally tenable position for a whale, this innocent creature had very little time to come to terms with its identity. This is what it thought, as it fell:

"Ahhh! Woooh! What's happening? Who am I? Why am I here? What's my purpose in life? What do I mean by who am I? Okay okay, calm down calm down get a grip now. Ooh, this is an interesting sensation. What is it? Its a sort of tingling in my... well I suppose I better start finding names for things. Lets call it a... tail! Yeah! Tail! And hey, what's this roaring sound, whooshing past what I'm suddenly gonna call my head? Wind! Is that a good name? It'll do. Yeah, this is really exciting. I'm dizzy with anticipation! Or is it the wind? There's an awful lot of that now isn't it? And what's this thing coming toward me very fast? So big and flat and round, it needs a big wide sounding name like 'Ow', 'Ownge', 'Round', 'Ground'! That's it! Ground! Ha! I wonder if it'll be friends with me? Hello Ground!"

Curiously the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias, as it fell, was, 'Oh no, not again.' Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly *why* the bowl of petunias had thought that we would know a lot more about the nature of the universe than we do now.

Life forms.... You tiny little life forms..... You precious little life forms.... Where are you?"

Harry:I'm no biologist, but how many cells do single-celled organisms have?
Ira: Harry, if we're going to be big important scientists you have to start to act the part.

What are we going to do tonight, Brain?

Same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try to take over the world!

In the event of a water landing, I have been designed to act as a floatation device.

Do you remember when we used to be explorers?

Once we were voyagers roaming the darkness
Starstuff that pondered the stars
Once we were brave pioneers reaching outwards
Breaking the bounds of this small world of ours

And then all at once our voyage was halted
A victim of visionless men
Our legacy lost before it had started
Our destiny stolen before it began

http://khaosworks.org/mp3/worldcon/eagles.mp3#

Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.

I am a clone.
I am not alone.
Every fibre of my flesh
and bone
is identical to the others'
everything I say
is in the same tone
as my test-tube brothers' voice.

There is no choice
between us.
If you had ever seen us,
you'd rejoice
in your uniqueness
and consider every weakness
something special
of your own.

Being a clone,
I have no flaws to identify.
Even this doggerel
that pours from my pen
has just been written by
another twenty
telepathic men
It says:
O for the wings
of any bird
other than a battery hen.

But that's the spirit of the age ...

I’m George, George McFly. I’m your density.

Since you're new here, I-I'm gonna cut you a break... today. So, why don't you make like a tree and get outta here?

Last night, Darth Vader came down from planet Vulcan and told me that if I didn't take Lorraine out that he'd melt my brain.

Polar bears cover their noses before they pounce on a seal. How do polar bears know their noses are black? Did they look in the water one day, see their reflection and say, "Man, I'd be invisible if it wasn't for that thing.

I don't understand why everybody have to be so judgmental. I understand why mom's judgmental. I think it's 'cause she cares, *partially*. Think it's also partially 'cause, everyone else is lookin' at her like, "Hey, Cody's just a bum." "Cody's this," "Cody's that," "Cody's this." Cody's me, bro. Let me be me. When is that going to start?

I know he's out here. I can feel it in my nuggets!

Can someone help me find my retinas? Last I heard they were screaming and trying to hide under a table.

I liked that short story, Argent!


I have early onset mutations...

All right... That's confiscated. All of it. And I want you on the next transport off this rock or I'm gonna shoot you where it don't grow back.

You know, I've noticed
an infestation here.
Everywhere I look in fact.
Nothing but undeveloped, unevolved,
barely conscious pond scum...
totally convinced
of their own superiority...
as they scurry about their short...
pointless lives.

Bob McKenzie: Fleshy-headed mutant. Are you friendly?
Doug McKenzie: No way, eh? Ra-... radiation has made... me an enemy of civilization.
Bob McKenzie: Alpha Base. This is Bob McKenzie. I have a fleshy-headed mutant in sector 16B.
[Bob shoots Doug with a toy foam launcher]
Doug McKenzie: Ahhh! Take off, you hoser.

I was the last one left after the nuclear holocaust, eh. The whole world had been destroyed, like U.S. blew up Russia and Russia blew up U.S. Fortunately, I had been offworld at the time. There wasn't much to do. All the bowling alleys had been wrecked. So's I spent most of my time looking for beer.

Wait a second... are those body parts floatin' in the pool water down there?

Hold on up there, buddy! Let me get the big chunks scooped out before you dive. Christ. Hope you're not an exploder too.