Where can I find a mate?

The OP tells us at the beginning that her husband thinks SL stupid.

To the OP: I would caution you to get use to SL first, OK? It is different than you may think so far. Get your SL legs as it were before you start a relationship.

Read here in the forums a lot to get a feel for the place and some of your fellow citizens. I met one of my loves right here and I wasn't looking my other love I met in a dance club - the relationships both grow stronger and I know we are very happy. Good luck.

Hi Faye - Welcome to the Nuthouse.

Since you are married RL and your husband does not want to come inworld, I advise constant communication between you and your RL husband and your SL husband when that comes about. It is very hard for a lot of people to keep emotions light in this world and it can lead to a lot of hurt feelings and even disaster in a RL relationship. Even if your husband thinks SL is dumb, hopefully you can at least talk about your experiences here, as his support will help you a lot.

Having SL babies and role playing the family thing is actually pretty common here and a lot of people are doing it for exactly the same reasons you are - RL fertility issues. At some point, you will want your SL babies to grow into SL children. When that time comes, consider adopting a current SL child or two. I would think that would be more fun than just creating alt accounts to play the children.

Good luck on your venture and most of all, have fun and don't sweat the little things.

Faye,

Re-read the posts by Jezabell, Oryx, and Littleme...they are excellent advice (although you'll have to read between Jez's lines...she is the Queen of Roleplayers, and you can learn a lot from her.)

I second what's been said...if you can't get your RL husband to play with you, be SURE he knows what you are doing in SL, and accepts it. A LOT of husbands would consider a spouse who had a partner (the SL term for "spouse" and an SL family to be cheating on them.

I mean, where do you think prim babies come from? (Well, in fact, you buy them on SL Exchange.) But in roleplaying terms, they come from sex, just like in RL. Does your spouse mind you having internet sex with another man?

If you DON'T tell him, then you'll have to take the other approach. Sneak behind his back. Keep your passwords close, keep your cache cleared, keep him away from your computer. Kind of like having a RL affair. Will that sort of dishonesty hurt your relationship? Better think about it. There HAVE been divorces in which SL was a factor, or even the main cause.

Having cautioned you about possible RL effects, I will now suggest a thing or two to help you Do It.

First, put your goal in your profile. Something like, "I'm looking for a man to share my Second Life with, to make a home and a family here." Be clear that you are only interested in an SL family, NOT in finding a Real Life husband.

Second, talk to Marianne McCann (a frequent poster here) and her SL "parents". They should be able to put you in touch with other "family" roleplayers.

Third, do some Group searching. Look for family-oriented groups, yes. But also check out Christian-centric groups.

Fourth, join The Forum Cartel group in-world. We've had a number of romances and partnerships right here among the forum regulars. Nobody's started raising kids yet, but you never know...

Re Oryx, Amarinthim and Lindal: I totally agree.

What might start as virtual feelings very quickly turn to real ones and they don't translate between people very effectively. i.e. Communication first, Agreement second, both RL and SL. Real marriages break up due to "playing" relationships in-world. I've seen it an alarming number of times in the last 18 months.

As Lindal says, find your feet in SL first. Heck! you might find you're having too much fun sailing, scuba diving, skiing, shopping, concerts to get round to wanting sprogs ... many ladies come to SL to get away from 'em!

Wow thank you all again for all the help, Im going to take all of your advice into consideration. I actually did check out Sweethearts and met someone who seems like a great guy and I guess we will see where it takes us.

My RL husband isnt much into the game now but I hope to get him into it more when he isnt working so much. Also we have a really strong relationship and he has actually asked me what Im doing on SL and we laugh about it. He has known everything I do on there and thats the way it will stay. I totally understand how emotions can get involved but I came into it knowing these are real people and I need to find someone who is purely into it for the role playing and a friendship.

Right now Im going to work on getting a job in SL and a home. Im going apartment shopping today lol. I will work on the family thing as it goes. I guess I should have thought that in RL you dont just get an instant family, you have to work for it and Im willing to do that in my SL, Makes it more fun in my opinion.

But a quick question, is there a way to save my profile info when in IW? Every time i type something it seems to disappear

Make sure when you've finished typing, that you click on the OK button at the bottom of your profile. Clicking on the X in the upper right hand corner will cancel your changes.

/me squints at the thread and decides to answer the inevitable "Is it cheating?" thread that will come along in 3 months.

Honesty is the key to doing this in such a way that it's not disruptive to your RL. You have a good start, in that you and your husband have talked about it. But what if you had put it this way to him: "Honey, you're gone a LOT. So in lieu of us living our family life the way I'd really like, I'm going to find a guy with a lot of time who is infinitely more interested in kids and excellent at cybersex, and do it with him instead in SL. OK? Oh, and if you don't mind, after we really get acquainted, we'll probably use the phone as well. That's alright, isn't it?"

'Cause those guys exist in SL. Take a look thru Yosef's posts, and think what it would be like if someone like him had a lot of time, was interested in you, and wasn't constrained by a PG-level forum.

*pokes Faye to get that look out of her eyes*

Before you do this, maybe have a liddle chat with your subconscious and find out if it has any nasty surprises in store for you or your marriage.
.

I am starting to think Yosef is not a person at all but is really a group of striking Hollywood writers who created him just to keep their skills sharp. Now that the strike is over they just don't have the heart to "Cancel" him. No one can be that good, can they?

He can't be cancelled, his ratings are too good and he doesn't demand to many L$

I'm a member of the Yosef Fan Club too. Even though he got a little miffed when I asked him if he'd share some tips with a newbie who wants Teh Skillz.

That boy can type like Bruce Willis looks.

Sorry I just don't get it. And his spelling is awful. Are all of you girls really that bowled over by his antics? It's a huge puzzle to me.

Elora, be nice!
I cannot really remember Yosef. Can someone refresh my memory.

Did I go to a cave or beach hut with him?
Did he fur out on me?


Who are you Yosef! All these ladies want you, gimme some!

Me not nice? Never!

Me not understand

Maybe I'm immune to over sugary sweet talk.

Elora, really?

/327/d2/234734/11.html#post1845895
.

You are kidding right? I would need to chain my self to an immovable object to stay the hell away from temptation like that in-world! (My SL is complex enough without such delightful distraction, but ooh the thoughts I have entertained...)

OMG- I had missed that one- I was thinking of the throat one - man oh man...

Yeah Elora is right!
Really?

Um girls, I need to introduce you to some of my boys! All flavors, sugary sweet, sour, chocolate, and some painfully icy!

I think you ladies are each different, yet wonderful in your own ways. Some like Trout's hilarious letters from whomever, some like Yosef's circa 1700 prose, some have other ideas of what they find romantic or "pushes the right buttons". Hell, prolly someone finds Jumpy humorous.

Or to put it in male terminology, if you all liked the same type of man, only one guy in the world would get laid and you ladies would f*** him to death in less that 24 hours. Then where would you all be?

Different, erm.. strokes for different folks
But I seriously doubt anyone is overly excited about Jumpy

I thought i'd let this one run a while before popping my comment in.

I got interested in SL by two programmes, one was the CSI episode and the other was shown on BBC TV as part of a series called Wonderland and in this programme, they covered virtual relationships and in one particular case how it affected one family, the husband and their children.

Watch it on Youtube...

Part 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PniWHuv9Xko

Part 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0s5CTLRVUPY

Part 3: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G91yGTVE3cg

Part 4: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=06J89zCJGac

Not sure if these two were part of the above 4 parts?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wpvsoP6UDGM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0-cjY0iTFc

and this was a follow up covered on a morning TV programme:-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pUnp-QSldjc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0-cjY0iTFc

All I would say is that to be aware just how immersive and engaging SL can be. If anything, after a couple of relationship "speed bumps" in SL, i'm enjoying being single and will stay that way!!

Sass.

Yes, really. That only does it for me when it comes from the person I'm involved with. And it has to be done with real emotion. Otherwise it's just words being spouted out of a fountain. Anyone can do that. If there isn't feeling attached to it, it means nothing. It's just a string of pretty things put together. Too many men here say the same damn things - it's like a pre-packaged script that must be sold someplace, I swear. In fact, I had someone say nearly the same stuff to me recently.

Unless it was one of his Alts?

LOL I've been told I type like Brat Pitt looks. this gave me a good chuckle!

as for the OP, I'm not looking for a mate, I have mine IRL.. but after shopping at bits/bots for couples dances for my bar last night, I realized it's a great place to start up a convo and ask someone to dance with you so you can see what the anime looks like. My wife was asking why I was dancing wif the wimms, I had 2 'splain that I couldn't see the dance by my lonesome.. lol

OMG...I had no idea! Esp since he is barely ever here anymore...

/me blushes

I think the "girls" that like Jumpy are really guys who like his style of humor.

This thread needs a theme song!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vmGAeM-OIo&feature=related