Subs only - the rest of you, don't bother. Well, Dom(me)s too I guess

I love your avatar. I would like to make him mine. I know you would come with it, but you could sort of try to kinda not be there, and not to pay attention to what is happening.

Remember, you are subordinate to that hamster. If you try to get rid of him, I'll come after you! And you WILL regret it, Mister!

coco

Damn! I've been away from the forums lately (Damn rl work getting in the way of my forum reading... I know, I know... priorities out of wack) - I missed the fun part of the thread and I get to weight in in the serious part...

Unfortunately, in my opinion, M/s and D/s relationships in sl can be very destructive and unhealthy, even more so than vanilla romantic relationships. There are a lot of people role-playing Masters and Doms without a clue about the responsibilities that come with that title. When you match this sort of resident (who might be clueless or worst a seriously deranged individual) with a true sub that gets satisfaction from the act of submission itself you can see that sometimes the sub might find herself in an abusive/unhealthy situation unwilling or unable to leave without help.

In my opinion, if you consider yourself a ‘true’ sub you shuoul be careful when you pick a Master/Dom. Think about yourself and your own value. How can someone value you as a sub If you don’t value yourself? Spend some time thinking about what you would like in a Master/Sub, maybe even put it down on a notecard read it and review it regularly. On the other hand, if you are just role-playing a sub you might be able to take a little more risk.

For what is worth...

.d

I have no idea what the others are like, but I've found the University of Submission to be very helpful. I know if I had taken some of those classes prior to the incident, things would have gone differently. They also have dom/me class(es) (not actually sure if it is one or more).

Second this.

SL can be a great place to indulge any D/S curiosity that folks who've never tried it before may have. And I think that's very valid - it's good to roleplay such a potentially intense experience before trying it more seriously. How else to learn about yourself?

But even in roleplay, you should choose your partner carefully. And know what you are really looking for, and what your limits are. If you are just starting, maybe just do some 'scenes', or even just observe them.

You wouldn't get into a car with a stranger without knowing where it's going, and being sure that you will be able to get out. Still less should one embark on a voyage of self-discovery re: D/S without knowing that you and your partner are heading for the same place.

I've learned something today: that posting threads with exclusionary topic titles leads to the most insightful posts.

Oh, and I also learned a whole hell of a lot from those insightful posts.

And there are also a lot of very caring and gentle Doms hurt by a sucession of poor subs such as those who see submission as a cure for a desperate and insaitable need for attention and of course those who just vanish.

I've seen this happen quite often. Another good reason to take your time and feel your way into a relationship slowly.

QUOTED FOR TRUTH!!!!!!!!

Yes, you are right. I worry less about Doms/Masters becasue they should be able to take care of themselves.. otherwise how can they take care of someone else?

These relationships are so personal and as varied as people are, that spending enough time making sure that there is a good match seems like a good idea.

.d

True, and Not.
One cannot hope to Master another if they Cannot Master themselves, But this does not make the Dom/me devoid of Feeling, or Affection. We CAN be Hurt. We TRY Not to have our grief at the loss of a Valued, and loved sub/slave cripple us, mainly because Despite our Hurt, we usually have Others for whom we are responsible. We grieve silently, or privately, many times finding great solice in those who remain with us, But Having a slave is a Great Investment of emotion as i said before. In taking responsibility for their well being we Buffer them from a lot, Protect them, aid them with all life's problems, and frustrations. It Can be Emotionally Draining, and Physicly Exhausting.

People Outside the Life primarily Focus on the services we demand of our property, The Level of loyalty, and obedience we demand. What they don't see, and what a lot of the "Just pretend" crowd don't Understand is that Service is the Price we exact for all the care we Give to those we own. I have sent two of my Girls Back to school in RL (and received messages of gratitude from their Parents for doing it) I have assisted one with an Eating disorder. I Gave one a last few Happy Months as she battled a Terminal Illness. What i take in return really isn't so much i think, in light of what i Give.
I am Friend, Lover Teacher, Mother, Sister, Confidant, and Confessor to my Girls. All this, and so much more.

Can i be Hurt, after Putting so much of myself into the relationship?
Yes.
Can i afford to let it cripple me?
No, because for everyone that wastes the gifts i Give them, there are others still wanting and Needing them.

They are depending on me to care for them, and i Can't Fail them.

Angel.

I agree with everything you say.. I did not mean to imply that Doms/Masters cannot be hurt or that they don't or should not have feelings. It is impossible to have a healthy M/s or D/s relationship without developing strong feelings on both sides.

On the other hand, Masters/Doms should be able to protect themselves from the type of risks that subs have... they way you do it Angel - from your previous post - is by being very selective on who you let 'in', because once you let someone in you are fully invested as well.

.d

To answer your question, my first "official" submission was to someone I had known for sometime, I hadn't been involved in a D/s relationship and I had become curious. I asked many questions of several people that I trusted, never did I hear anything that put me off and so one day I asked her to take me, she did, and we are still happily together today.

As our relationship grew she saw in me something I didn't, and that was that I would make a good Domme as well, so we talked it over and I agreed that it did interest me, so I explored that that side of me, now I'm a switch. (No Raymond, you can't turn me on!)

I find that I don't have to look for pets (I don't take slaves), they come to me, I always sit and talk with them, talking can go on for a long time, you need to know them, and they you. In the end I either reject or accept them, but even in rejection I hope that they have learned something and if I can I help them to find what they are really looking for.

I have no interest in submitting to anyone else, in fact I can't even imagine not being with my Queen.

We have a D/s based relationship, and we love each others company, yes at times we wear latex and cuffs and all those other yummy things, but we also dress to the nines and go ballroom dancing, it's not all latex, beatings, and so forth.

I'll put the cat amongst the hamsters now All relationships are D/s based, there is always a Dominant person and a submissive person in a relationship (and at times those roles can reverse, if your a guy, ever wished she would take control? thats you wanting to be submissive), the only real difference is in a D/s relationship it is more formalised, and may contain elements of other areas of BDSM.

Mitz.

I didn't take what you said as implication that we have no emotions, But i thought it helpful for those not in the Lifestyle that they understand Just what is involved. Our seemingly Hard Austere Manner isn't all there is to us. I always try to have people understand there is far more going on than what they See on the surface.

I Am Selective, I take time, and care over deciding to offer my Collar to a slave But one is always dealing with the human element. I've been a Domme since i was nineteen, and still, my Instincts are not always perfect. One needs strength, One needs to be centred emotionally, and mentally in order to deal with the needs, and Training of a slave, because every one is unique, and still, One is going to make Mistakes. Knowing that at the Outset, One can be prepared somewhat to deal if one has Chosen badly. There have been girls i have Trained and they are Excellent slaves, Just Not for me. I've Trained them, and they still do me the respect of calling me Mistress, But they have found a more complete Purpose in serving another. I'm Pleased that i have had that influence on them.

Sometimes being a Good Mistress means Knowing When to Let go for the slaves own Good.
It still hurts, But I'm pleased they are Happy.

Angel.