Pimps!

That's not really true, is it?

I don't think it is, I've found that the sticks n stones are often easier to shrug off than the hurt given by the well versed word. Zee pen is mightier than zee sword after all.

For alot of people it is very true. Read back throughout this thread and you will find many many things said about those in the D/s community ranging from us being mentally ill, to being involved in it because of childhood problems. Yet you dont see any of us screaming about sensitivity or being offended. Then on the flipside we use a benign adjective like vanilla to describe their lifestyle and holy cow the sensitivity police come out in full riot gear to protect those who are offended by it.

A word or string of words only hurt as much as one allows them to.

Couldn't agree more, Derrick.


Wow, I checked back in here to see what was cooking....being known at some times as overtly as well as overly sensitive, I had to laugh at the absolute war raging over use of the term 'Vanilla'.

I honestly am not sure of the actual source of this word, but it has been around for many, many years.

Labels are labels. They can be coined restricting, offensive, or what have you by the wearer, however they do identify you as belonging to a subgroup.

I honestly don't see the problem with using the term Vanilla. It is in many ways that subtle difference in intent, that might be used to decide whether this is appropriate or not appropriate. For example. I am a Hospice Nurse in First Life. I work with people every day that are going through tough times. Sometimes there is...omigod swearing! Now, because I'm a nurse, for some reason some people think i've never sworn in my life. So they tend to apologize. My usual answer to them is, "As long as you are not swearing *at* me, I honestly don't mind" I look at words like Vanilla and Pervert in much the same way....they aren't being used as an insult or directed at a person, but much more as a descriptive of what is happening, or who they are. IF someone were to say, "You're just Vanilla you wouldn't understand"- well, that might be something to be offended with. However when someone says, "My friend Anna is Vanilla" it just describes to me that she isn't into 'the Lifestyle' a word many in D/s use to describe themselves with.

So, honestly I don't see what gives here.. I've had many friends that are vanilla, that joyfully call themselves that and even have a laugh about it, and still others that call themselves Vanilla with a Twist, because as they inform me, "I don't do it missionary *all* the time, baby".

Remember before you get all flusterpated over the term Vanilla... Vanilla is STILL a treat, its not as if your sex life was being described as brussel sprouts.

Gabrielle, who is straight but not narrow.

On the flip side, take a good look at who got up in arms. You are right, I do get up in arms when I'm referred to as vanilla, just like when someone in the gay community refers to me as a breeder it pisses me off.

Everyone seems to want equality but they also want to perpetuate their little us vs them mentality so long as it doesn't bite THEM in the ass. This is why I don't make blanket statements. They generally as a rule suck. You don't want to be called sick in the head, told you have childhood problems et al, I don't really feel the urge to be refered to in a derogitory manner either.

All you did was perpetuate the cycle.

I think you entirely missed my point. I never said anything about wanting equality. I never got up in arms about how the D/s community was being referred to. I simply made a point about how none in the D/s community threw a fit about the things we were called even though they are untrue. I use a term that is true and it turns into a war. You cant have it both ways. You cant yell for people to be more sensitive while doing something thats worse.

To be perfectly honest I dont care at all what anyone says about my lifestlye, which is why im not offended by people saying anything about it regardless of how untrue it is. I usually just chalk their comments up to ignorance and point them in the direction of reading material. Which I will continue to do, as well as referring to their lifestyle as vanilla.

You know, there's a funny thing about that, one that didn't completely occur to me until you said this: that person accusing me of being into D/s because I'm mentally ill didn't affect me in the least (save that I felt some pity for her, as she seems a very angry person), and honestly, I think that's because I know it's untrue. If I really felt deep down that she might have a point, I suppose that at best, I would have given it some thought, or at worst, I would have recoiled defensively. Instead, it had no affect whatsoever, and I didn't even give it further thought until I read your post here. It simply meant nothing at all to me.

Honestly, all of this kind of makes me wonder about what's driving the people who do seem to be so oversensitive.

From what I've gathered they seem to think that being ordinary is wrong and are thus offended by being told they are. They fail to realise that the definition of ordinary is "Commonly encountered; usual" as its used in this instance. Instead they grasp at straws and try and use another definition which means inferior.

By definition a vanilla relationship IS ordinary and basic. Ordinary because its the most commonly encountered, and basic because for any good, long lasting D/s relationship it is the starting point.

If anyone is offended by that....I would suggest you deal with your own problems then you can psychoanalyze mine.

*yawns