What ARE Subs/Slaves/Pets exactly?

Agreed. If I had a dollar for every clown in Assless Chaps and Kaiser Wilhelm Helmet who demanded to be called Master, I'd be able to own an island by now.

I've been exploring this subject in SL myself, and have pretty much learned that there are as many reasons why as there are people doing it. It's a complex issue, and while for some it is just some naughty fun, for others it is a deep exploration of their inner selves. None of the motivations are more right than the other

I meant my comment more toward RL than SL. The poster I was 'Amening' seemed to have quite a bit of insight and came off(to me) as being non-judgmental but concerned.

Wait, the submissive gets to choose?

So your happiness is based upon...? That sounds rather balanced to me...

So she holds the ultimate control?

Oh? In what you describe, the submissive indirectly dictates the relationship and holds all the cards, while you are "burdened" by double the responsibility. As dominant, do you really have any choice but to cater to her happiness, wants and needs?

Hmm, so the dominant may be the most restricted one in the relationship?

PS: Your post offered wonderful insights Marcel, I simply wanted to present another way of viewing things which your thoughts highlighted, and show how the oversimplifications, or mocking, really undermine understanding the depth of these relationships...I hope you don't mind?

Excellent post. I have had two similar discussions inworld with people who weren't previously exposed to the culture before, and they were also surprised that the sub has as much control in the relationship as they do. It's a very misunderstood relationship type.

I am very much outside this BDSM thing, but I've had reason to poke around the Internet looking at what people post who are into this scene, and it seems to me there are two very distinct camps here.

One is the camp that really is into mere "power exchange," the voluntary transfer of power within a relationship from one person to the other. A number of the posters here seem typical examples. It seems to me an exaggeration and dramatization (if you will, a "melodramatization" of what seems to happen quite normally in many, probably most relationships: One partner emerges as the mutually accepted "leader" and the other as the "follower," and if both are happy with the arrangement, the relationship lasts. If they want to spice things up in bed with a little role-play, or even a little light but symbolic spanking, well, some people like to tango, and some people don't.

It's the second camp that concerns me. Often they will start out paying lip service to the nice, neutral, almost "vanilla"-sounding (to use a common phrase for normal sex) concept of power exchange, but can hardly wait to get into the real heart of the matter for them: the suffering - or inflicting - of pain, punishment, humiliation, degradation and symbolic or actual debasement of one partner at the hands of the other. They rationalize like crazy - enthusing over the "trust" and "love" supposedly being shown, or getting quite scientific about the pain releasing a rush of endorphins at the end to give the "sub" a big high. But it is rationalization. The behavior seems quite compulsive, particularly on the "sub" side.

I'm sorry to rain on this parade, but IMHO, when the relationship is focused on acting out overtly abusive behaviors (sometimes to the point of becoming life-threatening) we are in the presence of psychopathology. I don't know whether a particular case is carrying around a huge load of guilt (or ill-controlled hostility or rage in the case of the "Dom", or whether it is acting out sexual conflicts, or identity issues, or what, and frighteningly, neither do they, apparently. IMO these people need psychiatric help far more than "toys"or "scenes" or expressions of "love" or "trust" that result in stuff like coprophagia, welts or burns, blood and possible severe injury or death.

If you are in a D/s relationship, please take a second look. If your focus is merely on experiencing psychological dominance and submission, maybe ok. Maybe. But if the focus is on the pain, punishment, humiliation, please do yourself and your partner a favor and look for help. I read somewhere behavioral therapists have had some success with treating this condition.

Hmm to contribute to the mild derailment.. how about just sensations? I am not at all into the humiliation thing and would have to be tied down to well- be tied down- but i do like certain sensations that others may take for pain. It is not pain to me- some would consider a deep tissue massage painful.

There are all sorts of reasons- one must try not to generalize.

Again, I don't fully get the D/s, slave, pet thing. It seems like people are involved in relationships where they are defining the rules for themselves, which is a good thing, in my opinion, but as long as that is happening, then there will be no clear definitions for these lifestyles. People will keep blurring the edges to make things work for their particular situations.

Frankly, I would hate to try to define any sort of relationship or lifestyle. The more you try to pin it down, the more it's going to elude you.

But thank you, because you raise a separate and very important question. Yes, everyone has the right to choose how they live. And as long as they harm no-one else, it is their business. But that is not to say that all such choices are morally equivalent. They are not.

Now, I am not a slave so I could perhaps misunderstand the mentality- but I would think giving up your self so entirely must be the ultimate freedom. The dom has the greatest responsibility but both are answering this need in the other.

Sir will do.

Gimme a Dollar, first.

I'm not sure you have the whole Master/Slave thing figured out quite yet. I'm not convinced that when they said it was "liberating" that they meant "financially liberating".

Not trying to give you a hard time. All I'm saying is that you might need to work on it a little more before you go find yourself a master.

I thought it was all about Currency Exchange......

lessee a sub is a good sammish, a slave is pretty self-explanitary and a pet I have one of those, he's a 2 year old rhodesian Ridgeback.

OK, now I'm really going to throw the fat in the fire. Someone who is a serious student of The Bible pointed out this passage in the New Testament:

Ephesians, Ch. 5, v. 22-28:
Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. As the church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that the church might be presented before him in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. Even so husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

Looks like Power Exchange, non-BDSM style, runs deeper than we thought. 0.0

/me Ducks and runs for cover

OK, now I'm really going to throw the fat in the fire. Someone who is a serious student of The Bible pointed out this passage in the New Testament:

Ephesians, Ch. 5, v. 22-28:
Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. As the church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that the church might be presented before him in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. Even so husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

Looks like Power Exchange, non-BDSM style, runs deeper than we thought. 0.0

/me Ducks and runs for cover

Looks like Power Exchange, non-BDSM style, runs deeper than we thought. 0.0

/me Ducks and runs for cover

Everyone practices dominance and submission without BDSM every day of their lives.

Is not that controversial really, whether or not you try to playfully stir it up.

Correct but not everyone is ready to hear that though.

oop.

*gets out the popcorn and waits for the first church-goer to stop by this thread*