What ARE Subs/Slaves/Pets exactly?

Do you enjoy chocolate?

Do you enjoy feeling "in love"?

Not to be too personal, LOL, how about orgasms?

All of those things bring about the same feelings subspace can...

Of course we don't come to SL for chocolate, and orgasms need some RL assistance, not so with falling in love or subspace!

Aside from wonderful feelings and endorphins, there's also the deeper trust and intimacy...

I can't find it now, a long time ago I read an article about, oh wait! Found it: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/01/23/the_accidental_mistress/

(Funny, given what's been said in this thread, LOL)

/me wonders why you would presume that? Wouldn't that depend on their involvement?

I'll start off by saying that I am by no means and "expert" on the subject, but I am currently in a Master/slave relationship. As some have said, every relationship will have its slight differences and requirements. This is my attempt at an explanation for those of you who don't understand at all why we do this.

Power exchange is in no way limited to the bdsm world. It happens in every day life with everyone at one time or another. There are dominant personalities and submissive ones, as well as various degrees of such in each of us. Some people recognize and accept this within themselves while others struggle with it... ie. bad relationships, confrontations in day to day activities, etc

I've had only one Master in SL, its been six months since we met. Though i have a submissive personality in a relationship, i am rather independant outside of one. I do like helping people for the most part, but i'm no one's stepping stone. Master says that i have a strong personality. So being as i am, i wasn't looking to be just anyone's submissive. I didn't even realize that i was looking at all. After a few bad "normal" relationships, i didn't really want anything serious with anyone... or so i thought.

Then i met him... it was at a small friendly goth club... he asked me to dance a tango... i was immediately intrigued by him. There was an instant attraction for both us. Over the course of the next few weeks we became lovers. I learned that he was a Master, but at first I was skeptical of a commitment so deep... not because of any shortcoming on his part, but because of past love experiences gone bad. And becoming a slave is a huge commitment if you take it seriously. You give yourself completely... mind, body, and soul.

He did not press the point. He said he cared enough for me that he would accept whichever path our relationship took... he told me that submission had to be my choice. But i didn't stay undecided for long. Every moment that we spent together made me more sure that he was "the one". Before two more weeks were past, i was dying for him to bring the subject again. He did not, so i found a subtle way of letting him know that I was ready. I wanted to give him what i knew he really needed and wanted. I offered him the gift of my submission and he happily accepted.

At that time, we each put the date and a tribute to each other into our profiles. Part of mine said "loving pet of..." After some weeks went by, he told me to change "pet" to "slave" because pet was too weak of a word to describe our bond.

For those unfamiliar with this type of relationship, imagine the honeymoon phase of a budding romance and falling deeply in love with someone. You want to do everything in your power to make that person happy, to be pleasing to them, to show them they are special and to feel special in return. This feeling is what we strive for every day of our lives. The power of the slave is to make their Master/Mistress smile when nothing else can. The Master protects the slave and seeks to give them what they need.

Once we had a discussion about the best thing to say to those who ask why... it was prompted by some people who were speaking in voice chat unaware that I was listening. One asked the other why i was dressed in silks. The second tried to explain that i was a slave and why i dressed that way (badly explained). When Master and I talked about it later privately, we came to the conclusion that I am what i am and do as i do because it makes me happy. And that is the simplest and truest answer that you can give anyone.

When i know he is pleased with the way i am dressed or the way i speak, or the way that i adore him, i am very happy. If i were to make him unhappy in any way, i would be in tears. That is just the way that i am. When I know Master finds me pleasing, it makes me feel proud for having done well and happy that he is happy.

In our particular relationship, if Master is not online, i have the freedom to go where i want, have friends, shop, dress in any style i want as long as i don't remove my collar on purpose. But when he is with me, he chooses my attire, asks for his favorite hair to be worn, etc. With the collar, he knows where i go, who is close to me and he "hears" my side of public chat. I accepted all this willingly because it gives me a good feeling to know that my Master is "with me" even when he can't be in SL. I have nothing to hide anyway. When Master is here, the collar and leash make me feel protected and cherished. It is a physical respresentation of our bond. Compare it if you will, to your wedding ring.

My personal interpretation of the differences of sub/slave/pet is this... a sub does have more "say" in what happens. They can use "safe words", have a say in setting limits, etc... and as was said in another post, a slave can not say no unless they are prepared to give up the relationship. I think of a pet as more of a play thing (though a Master may affectionately refer to his slave or sub as a pet which is different). But this is only my personal viewpoint. Others' may vary.

To copy a quote in a friend's profile, this is a very nice explanation:

"The Perfect Bondage" is said to be one man and one woman, the complete Master and the complete slave, ideal and perfect for each other's needs."

"The power of submission lies not in the ability to kneel before another, to give over one's body or the wearing of a collar. The power of submission can be found only in the heart of one who gives her love to another freely, knowing what joy and pain will come from it." ~Roquet~

EXACTLY! In a dom sub relationship the dom thinks they have control but it is truely the sub who is in control.

I think Dementia described it beautifully. It's very simple - a powerful, loving dynamic between someone who needs caring for, and someone who needs to take care...

The difficulties are the same as in any relationship. Head games, demands for "telepathic" communication, and very likely the residual needs of the poorly parented (or those unwilling to grow up) all come into it, torpedo it, make it impossible...

The basics always apply. Honesty, consistency, fair treatment of each other, and recognition of mutual responsibility. (Yes, the subbe has responsibilities too...)

Now - apply those criteria to the overall behavior of the SL demographic. Is it any wonder that so little of it works?

ROFL

One thing to remeber is a submissive without a master is like a pirañas. The second them smell a hint of dominance in the water they come racing. Now if there is only one it is okay but say something dominant in some bdsm club and it is like you jumped into a school of tiger sharks with steaks straped to you. It is fun the first time but well after that is just gets agravating.

So remeber all would be doms unless you want to get jumped by dozens of girls (and a few guys) in stratigicaly placed cloth and all trying to drag you off and keep the others form geting you in some huge brawl of overly oiled bodies don't ever ever wear a tag that says dom.

^^

Wow, this activity sounds more fun by the minute.

Are there really that many needy people in SL to create such an imbalance?
Inquiring minds want to know.

lessee a sub is a good sammish, a slave is pretty self-explanitary and a pet I have one of those, he's a 2 year old rhodesian Ridgeback.

Not just SL.

When you think about it, it's lucky the imbalance is this way, and not the other. An undominated sub is miserable, but that's sort of the objective anyway. If, in contrast, doms were plentiful and competing for a scarcity of subs--imagine the carnage!

i don't wear a tag at all..i'm not sure if this is something that is common with women or not in sl but i get a lot of masters and mistress's wanting me to come into their...... ummm whats a good word for it.....Harem ?

nothing is on my profile to indicate i want to be into this kind of lifestyle in sl..
is there something i may be doing that would send off such a signal? i mean i am very independent and at one point had to make a tag that in short showed i was not into being a slave or pet or what not..i just don't want to have to wear a tag when i go out in sl..
i know this may sound big headed or stupid but really it's not meant in that way..i just want to know if i could be sending off the wrong signals that would make it look as if i were wanting something in that lifestyle.

this is a two eadge sword really if definations are to lose then words mean nothing if to ridged we lose alot of expressionism. but genrally this is true it has to be

i had a very good english teacher way back in high school. who assured me most all english teachers we frustrated writters.which lead to the question did he fall into that class as well? his answer was extreamly honest and almost profound. when first out of collage most deffinatlytil his mid 30s it had taken him 15 years or so to understand writting is for you period,if somebody else ever reads it that is good,if somebody ever likes it that is great ,if anybody accualy pays you for it thats gold.

hes also the person who first pointed out to me that anybody outside english class or an editor,if you work as a staff writter, that correct anybodys english,spelling or grammer probably has there comprehetion on the lower end of the scale and are afraid they are missing something.after 30 years of living after he told me this i would genrally have to agree

i mean it ok to once and a while ay something like "you use that word alot,i do not think it mean what you think it means" totally diffent to do it all the time

to get back on track a bit i think alot of times when you get word nazi's it reminds me of the bit from ALL THAT JAZZ when O'Connor Flood says something like this" this cat has broken dying down into 8 stages,without have died himself. maybe thet don't really live the lifestyle themself so it have tobe sinsict so they will not miss the meaning and look foolish

thats my two coppers after 11 hours of driving and not being able to sleep after my shift


** made a mistake it's not O.Connor Flood the person and quote are ............


Davis Newman: This chick, man, without the sole benefit of dying herself, has broken down the process of dying into five stages: anger, denial, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Sounds like a Jewish law firm. 'Good morning, Angerdenialbargainingdepressionacceptance!'.

how much do those things eat a day at that age?

Doofus goes thru a couple cans of dog food a day and what food scrapes he can beg hehe He's a bit larger than a full grown lab, not huge by any means. And living on a farm he may catch and eat more

I have to agree with Brann on this statement. I do not think I will ever understand it, but like many things in life, I don't think any of us can truly understand it unless we have experienced at least a bit of it.

I cannot see myself ever trying any part of this, but, as with many other things, I woiuld fight with my last breath for everyone's right to do as they please in SL.

I could care less what people do in their bedroom or at home. I am no saint myself. What gets me is these guys walking around in public with women on leashes treating them like crap. Makes me cringe and frankly pisses me the eff off.

ETA: I understand it's consensual,but still kind of bothers me...

I nearly always start out with my leash on in public, when we are together. But i have never... ever... been treated like crap by my Master in public or private. I think you will find that there is a huge difference between true Masters and slaves and those that play at it. I've been told that many so-called Masters, or slaves for that matter, in SL really don't even have a clue as to what its truly about.

If its a bdsm roleplay role its whatever the people involved in the play decide to be or what rules they choose to have.
I would ask your friend what he wants in a Pet. What it might mean to him/her might be
different then other people's definition that use word.

Did anyone else think it's a bit scary that in the Harry Potter books, there's a mention of the fact it's extremely pleasurable to be affected by the Imperio spell, which makes you the caster's slave?

Answer to the question: YES!

I never got into the whole SL Slave/Pet thing. Too much effort.

I think that Dementia strikes the right note again. So much of this activity is faddish and fashionable in SL, but the true point is that a leash is mostly meant to create a sense of connection, safety and intimacy, rather than of humiliation or punishment. This goes against every popular conception and every ready impression, but is in fact that case - aside from the people who crave bad treatment, who form a distinct and very noisy subset of the population.

The feelings created by wearing a collar or a leash are not readily to be described in words. They're something to be tried, carefully, in small doses, and always with someone trustworthy and experienced. There are indeed wonderful and powerful experiences to be had, but as in the ranges of all human affection, the experiences can vary from abusive to loving, from one day to ten years - healthy or pathologic. It depends, as always, on the unvarying basics of affection, trust, connection and commitment... that hard stuff that's always in such short supply.

Just a quick response to Brann's Voltairean defense of people's right to do as they wish in sl... I'm not sure. It's philosophically attractive, yes. But as a medical person I think there are issues of addiction and brain chemistry that come into the equation. It may be indeed someone's "right" to do as they please, but if they are in SL at the expense of doing the kids' grocery shopping - is that defensible?

Sorting out issues of addiction, projection, transfer of emotional life into the virtual space... these are subtle points that merit careful thought. At the time of writing I have in mind an ex-partner of mine in-world, who is really just kind of lost right now in a whirl of multiple avatars, alts living different lives... sure, she has the right to do as she pleases. I just worry that she's getting lost in the dreamtime. It's hard to watch someone refuse help, pursuing endogenous dopamine...

Of course there you bring in another point... people have the right to do what they like *providing it doesn't do harm to others*. Many SL (and non-SL) activities could cause a person to neglect their children or other responsibilities, not just BDSM or other fetish play. It's that neglect of responsibility that is indefensible, not the activity itself.

Not to mention the fact that she irresponsibly and indefensibly dumped me, but that's another thread...

A Sub is a variety of sandwich made using a long roll of crusty bread.

A Slave is a common term applied to a secondary drive on an IDE bus.

A Pet is something similar to a Tamagochi. They need regular feeding and are known to crap on your carpet if ignored.

I have read this thread, and I have learned some things about the Dom/sub dynamic in RL as well, but there is one thing I don't get.

People keep saying "The sub is the boss" but I don't see it. How can the sub possibly be the boss when her Master tells her what she's allowed to wear, where she's allowed to go, spies on her private conversations with a scripted collar (and please tell me the people she's talking to KNOW their conversations are going to be recorded and listened to by someone else otherwise that's a breach of the TOS).

I got asked to be someone's Master once, because I have a slight dominant streak, but once I found out how a sub was supposed to behave I realised that it was exactly the sort of behaviour that irritates me the most in RL. I do not want any relationship, SL or RL, where both parties are not equal.

On top of that, the line between a D/s relationship and an abusive relationship is so fine that in many cases I cannot tell the difference, and that bothers me a lot. I have friends in SL who have embarked on Master/slave relationships and I always worry for them, especially if I don't already know the Master.