Would you take back your "ex?"
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Sansarya Caligari
BLEH!
Join date: 25 Apr 2005
Posts: 1,206
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06-07-2005 22:56
From: Jake Reitveld
Emotional tarzans and serial monogmists are not entirely contradictory concepts. In both cases I see people who are insecure emotionally and afraid to ever be out of a relationship. Most emotional tarzans I see are essentially monogamous, they just have a hard time letting go of the last one before the next one is secure. I don't in any way see these people as "players" (a whole other issue). They are dangerous because they set the emotional expectation bar very high.
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You just helped me figure something out about the relationship I just got out of too. Emotional Tarzans/Serial Monogamists--it wasn't about ME. It wasn't me he wanted. It was a situation he was seeking. It was like relational vampirism--he was sucking my blood (love) by feeding me all the lines I wanted to hear, while all the time lining up the next woman who would give him what he wanted if I failed to deliver the blood. He didn't want ME. He wanted adoration, a relationship, a new situation, a stability he doesn't have...it was never about me. The "love" he professed to have-that was marketing, drawing in the buyer, lining up the next victim all the while... What's the difference between a player and an emotional tarzan/relational vampire? A player isn't really getting off on having many people "in love" with them. They essentially just want a stable of available lovers. A relational vampire is looking for blood. They want everything because they live off the blood, and they try to deliver a sort of ecstatic feeling of perfection in their victims, while still sucking them dry. They have to move on to the next victim because they cannot maintain that feeling of euphoria in their current victim. They don't give back blood. |
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Nisa Stravinsky
Danger Mouse
Join date: 16 Sep 2004
Posts: 1,238
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06-08-2005 06:39
From: Billy Grace Nisa sweetie, I am for some reason compelled to give you some advice. You seem so sad and that hurts my heart too.
Begging for him to come back will never work hon. ..........
Just my opinion sweetie, I hope it helps you or at a minimum gives you some things to think about. Some guys just like the chase, once you are caught they loose interest.
Huggles... Billy Thanks Billy, I appreciate the advice and I thank everyone that has shown me sympathy or just smacked me around for being dumb. I do understand I need to move on and I will, actually yesterday's vent session here was a kind of therapy I needed, because after I went home I felt differently, a little less pain, a little more focused. I'm not actually begging him back, per se...at least not out loud, it's more like in my heart and in my soul. And to give him credit, he knew he had a gravy train and he walked away from it early rather than riding it to a bitter end. The bottom line is I'm heartbroken and wishing it was mended and that he and I were together and everything was right as rain, and wishing with all that's left that he would come back, but knowing that the best it will ever be is good friends who shared some common visions and thought we could translate that to compatability.
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"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. Will you leave me breathless?"
"I'm beginning to think the human psyche enjoys victimizing itself. " - Sezmra Svarog
"Film critics said I gave a voice to the fear we all have: that we'll reach a certain point in our lives, look around and realize that all the things we said we'd do and become will never come to be -- and that we're ordinary." - Anne Bancroft (2003)
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Willow Zander
Having Blahgasms
Join date: 22 May 2004
Posts: 9,935
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06-08-2005 07:03
From: Nisa Stravinsky
The bottom line is I'm heartbroken and wishing it was mended and that he and I were together and everything was right as rain, and wishing with all that's left that he would come back, but knowing that the best it will ever be is good friends who shared some common visions and thought we could translate that to compatability.
This is exactly how I felt, and know i think its obvious some ppl think I obviously didn't care as much for Fred as I stated, or that I wasn't as heartbroken as I made out, simply cos I have met a new guy that is making me feel good again. Hell I have a TON of blokes around me that make me feel good, all my friends have been there for me since the split and yes, I am getting over it. I try and converse with him now, to keep the friendship open and all I get is one word answers. I am finding it easier to get along with things, because i have realised, he is not the same person I fell in love with, lord knows where that person went, but I'm not sure I even like the replacement all that much. 
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*I'm not ready for the world outside...I keep pretending, but I just can't hide...* <3 Giddeon's <3
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David Valentino
Nicely Wicked
Join date: 1 Jan 2004
Posts: 2,941
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06-08-2005 07:34
From: Nisa Stravinsky erm...I'm thinking you're not wanting to make sweaters in Arkansas. Arkansas? Hmm..not sure I'd be allowed in that state.  *hugs you* Hang in there hun! It gets better everyday..
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David Lamoreaux
Owner - Perilous Pleasures and Extreme Erotica Gallery
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David Valentino
Nicely Wicked
Join date: 1 Jan 2004
Posts: 2,941
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06-08-2005 07:36
From: katykiwi Moonflower It sounds wonderful to me! Yay! Let's party! I'll bring this new facial cream for you girls to try! And Arbel can bring her double-headed hairbrush and we can have a makeout..errr makeover night!
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David Lamoreaux
Owner - Perilous Pleasures and Extreme Erotica Gallery
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Arbel Vogel
Burstin' w/Fruit Flavor
Join date: 17 Oct 2004
Posts: 1,155
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06-08-2005 08:04
From: David Valentino I'll bring this new facial cream for you girls to try!  .... Does it exfoliate?
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 Winter Moon, located at Koreshan/70/71/24 Visit my blog for updates! http://wintermoonclothing.blogspot.com/
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Nisa Stravinsky
Danger Mouse
Join date: 16 Sep 2004
Posts: 1,238
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06-08-2005 13:00
*ARGH* Moment of weakness
Damnit Yes I would take him back......
but I cant
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"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. Will you leave me breathless?"
"I'm beginning to think the human psyche enjoys victimizing itself. " - Sezmra Svarog
"Film critics said I gave a voice to the fear we all have: that we'll reach a certain point in our lives, look around and realize that all the things we said we'd do and become will never come to be -- and that we're ordinary." - Anne Bancroft (2003)
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Billy Grace
Land Market Facilitator
Join date: 8 Mar 2004
Posts: 2,307
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06-08-2005 13:02
From: Nisa Stravinsky Damnit Yes I would take him back...... *shakes Nisa* Quit saying that girl! Get ahold of yourself. 
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I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.
John Cleese, 1939 -
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Arbel Vogel
Burstin' w/Fruit Flavor
Join date: 17 Oct 2004
Posts: 1,155
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06-08-2005 13:05
Niiiiiiisaaaaaaaaa! (don't gooooo!)
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Winter Moon, located at Koreshan/70/71/24 Visit my blog for updates! http://wintermoonclothing.blogspot.com/
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Nisa Stravinsky
Danger Mouse
Join date: 16 Sep 2004
Posts: 1,238
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06-08-2005 13:13
see I knew you guys would slap me to my senses...Keep doing that!
Must .... Stay.... Focused
so hard - he and talked last night, sometimes I wonder if I'm getting mixed signals from him, or I'm so desparate I'm reading between the lines when there are no lines.
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"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. Will you leave me breathless?"
"I'm beginning to think the human psyche enjoys victimizing itself. " - Sezmra Svarog
"Film critics said I gave a voice to the fear we all have: that we'll reach a certain point in our lives, look around and realize that all the things we said we'd do and become will never come to be -- and that we're ordinary." - Anne Bancroft (2003)
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Colette Meiji
Registered User
Join date: 25 Mar 2005
Posts: 15,556
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06-08-2005 13:20
From: Nisa Stravinsky see I knew you guys would slap me to my senses...Keep doing that!
Must .... Stay.... Focused
so hard - he and talked last night, sometimes I wonder if I'm getting mixed signals from him, or I'm so desparate I'm reading between the lines when there are no lines. although .. "out of sight , out of mind" isnt really true. It can sometimes help to stop talking to that person for a while. And by a while I mean a good long while. Really wish you well Nisa |
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Nisa Stravinsky
Danger Mouse
Join date: 16 Sep 2004
Posts: 1,238
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06-08-2005 13:27
Yah, I know and I wish I had the back bone to go cold turkey, but when you eat breath and sleep a person everyday 24 hours a day it's mighty hard.
And yes we talked every waking moment...hours! I would go to bed at 4 am, be at work 8 am and he would be online by noon and we would chat from then until 4 am again. 6 mos!!!!!
... but yes, it's crossed my mind to stop talking to him and I have been slowly weaning myself... I get home later, I do things around the house and resist as long as possible before signing on.. I am trying, really (glances at Billy)I am.
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"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. Will you leave me breathless?"
"I'm beginning to think the human psyche enjoys victimizing itself. " - Sezmra Svarog
"Film critics said I gave a voice to the fear we all have: that we'll reach a certain point in our lives, look around and realize that all the things we said we'd do and become will never come to be -- and that we're ordinary." - Anne Bancroft (2003)
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Cherry Took
Mud Wrestling Champeeeen
Join date: 7 Jan 2005
Posts: 160
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06-08-2005 15:28
Nah move on and let what's done be done. A successful path is forward moving. Besides, the bastard spat in my face during a petty argument. If he is capable of that what else might he do? From: katykiwi Moonflower do you want him/her back?
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Jonquille Noir
Lemon Fresh
Join date: 17 Jan 2004
Posts: 4,025
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06-08-2005 15:30
From: Cherry Took Nah move on and let what's done be done. A successful path is forward moving. Besides, the bastard spat in my face during a petty argument. If he is capable of that what else might he do? He spat in your face? What a prick! If that were me, he'd be wearing his nutsack as a hat. There'd be no question about 'taking him back', only whether or not I should burn down his house while he was in traction.
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Little Rebel Designs
Gallinas
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Zephria Zapata
Anit-Gorean & Slave
Join date: 7 Apr 2004
Posts: 299
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06-08-2005 15:30
Wont do it in reals wont do it in sl ...  .. let by gones be by gones .... you know how each other would work and what buttons to push ... why go though that again |
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Billy Grace
Land Market Facilitator
Join date: 8 Mar 2004
Posts: 2,307
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06-08-2005 16:39
Nisa,
I agree with Colette. It would do you some good to distance yourself from him, stop talking to him entirely and give your heart a little time to heal before trying it out as just friends. You are also right that there are no lines to read between. Speaking from a guys point of view, if he changes his mind you will know it.
*Gives you a big ole hug*
You will be ok, all you need is some time to see things clearly.
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I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.
John Cleese, 1939 -
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Mikayla Gillespie
Second Life Resident
Join date: 25 Nov 2004
Posts: 7
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06-08-2005 21:52
From: Hiro Queso I'm of the same train of thought millions of chances? that isn't the way i remembered it. |
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katykiwi Moonflower
Esquirette
Join date: 5 Dec 2003
Posts: 1,489
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06-09-2005 01:51
From: Nisa Stravinsky see I knew you guys would slap me to my senses...Keep doing that!
Must .... Stay.... Focused You never know what will happen in life. The cliche used is when one door closes, another opens. It did for me and, wow, am I happy I was home to answer the bell. |
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Nisa Stravinsky
Danger Mouse
Join date: 16 Sep 2004
Posts: 1,238
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Thank you KatyKiwi and everybody
06-09-2005 06:16
I just wanted to say thanks to everyone for letting me air my laundry here, I know this topic was probably meant to be light hearted, but my gosh the longer I stared at the question, the more everything bubbled out.
My answer unfortunately still stands the same, Yes I would take him back, because love and hope dictates it. Love and acceptance of the inevitable says "it's sweet but time to move on". I am diligently working on moving on.
So much for my little drama, thank you guys for sharing it with me, and thanks Katykiwi for such big topic (at least for me).
Nisa
PS: You guys (gals, people, folks, label of choice) can IM me anytime...I'm on YIM.
_____________________
"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. Will you leave me breathless?"
"I'm beginning to think the human psyche enjoys victimizing itself. " - Sezmra Svarog
"Film critics said I gave a voice to the fear we all have: that we'll reach a certain point in our lives, look around and realize that all the things we said we'd do and become will never come to be -- and that we're ordinary." - Anne Bancroft (2003)
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Severe Whiplash
A.K.A Ywoski Khan
Join date: 3 Oct 2004
Posts: 381
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06-09-2005 06:54
life is shit sometimes, and for some people more than others but someone once told me there is someone for everyone heh i'm still not quite sure i believe it i have stories than span too long to start blabbling on about some i really wanna forget heh i remember the first girl long ago, was a mistake to think it was love never cried for so long non-stop lol my last ex i wanted back and kept thinking that for quite a while then i started going out regulary every friday and met someone and we just kinda clicked heh wa strange, she already wants to live with me, cud be dangerous lol i'm lafin tho hehe
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----------------------------------------------------------------------- A.K.A Ywoski Khan - Founder and Sith Lord of the Shadow Syndicate
Sith Lord of Dark lords of the Sith (lvl 3)
Admiral in the New Imperial Navy
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Billy Grace
Land Market Facilitator
Join date: 8 Mar 2004
Posts: 2,307
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06-09-2005 09:57
From: Nisa Stravinsky I just wanted to say thanks to everyone for letting me air my laundry here, I know this topic was probably meant to be light hearted, but my gosh the longer I stared at the question, the more everything bubbled out.
My answer unfortunately still stands the same, Yes I would take him back, because love and hope dictates it. Love and acceptance of the inevitable says "it's sweet but time to move on". I am diligently working on moving on.
So much for my little drama, thank you guys for sharing it with me, and thanks Katykiwi for such big topic (at least for me).
Nisa
PS: You guys (gals, people, folks, label of choice) can IM me anytime...I'm on YIM. Good luck Nisa, we are pulling for you and we wub ya!
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I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.
John Cleese, 1939 -
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