im sure this has happened to lots of you on sl :(((

+1 My absolute fave version of a great song!

I happened to be listening to "Grace" just as I was reading Annousk's posts and that track seemed to fit. Yes, it's an amazing album the whole way through.

--
Aes

sounded very familar to me too, but too lazy to check back to see which one it reminded me of.

to the OP and the title of this thread.

no this has not happened to me, I fell in love with someone I met on SL, we were straight up with each other from the get go, no secrets, and I knew he was what he said he was, as did he, with me, as we used skype and cameras when we chatted (SL did not have voice then)

Now I am with him in RL, happily married, almost 2 years now.

Does this happen to everyone? Nope.
Does your experience mean to stop looking for love (if that is what you are doing), nope.

It just means be careful, and trust someone as far as you are willing to trust them, and if you get hurt, then deal with that when it comes.
not everyone lies, cheats and pretends to be something they are not.

You got my drift then . . . </behavioural management>

Pie (quivering in boots at the thought of the wrath of an Antipodean intellectual colossus )

People are not the sum of their parts.

I'm not a vagina, legs, torso and breasts. Those are just part of the body I was born with but it's not who I am and I hate being boxed into that role as the walking baby maker. I'm more, much more. I'm a mind with thoughts and feeling and deep beliefs.

The reason I'm saying this is because it's the mind we see in Second Life. Avatars are more to do with how we see ourselves and how we want others to see us.

Did you fall in love with a mind or the body. How much does the body count unless you want to reproduce? Gender and Roles are blurred in SL and if you find that you do love someone that doesn't have the body parts in real life that you saw in SL it's because it's not what they feel or want to be. If you care and love them for their mind there's no wrong you've done. You can still love and care for them. You might not be able to have the kind of relationship that's sexual, makes babies and have a life long marriage but you can love and care because you do. Sure you feel hurt but it's not on purpose or meant to hurt.

Most men in sl are total dicks.

Pie (Not sexist 'cos *I* said it)

hmmm wonder what this says for me...

I can not make up my mind how I want my avatar to look, from one day to the next, sometimes within minutes...

does this mean I have no clue who I am heh
or does it mean I dunno how I want others to see me

or does it mean I want others to see all aspects of me...

probably the latter

@ OP:
seen similar enough situations back in the days of chat boards, and it never changes. one person misrepresents themselves (or only represents what they think about themselves) and another person gets involved with them, disclosure comes, and it blows up in both their faces.

good news is that things like this don't last long if it's a game (unless money is involved, and then it's string 'em along far as they can), so odds are the other person cared, but wasn't very bright about disclosing, and eventually got backed into a corner... ka-boom.

you could try to reconcile the difference if the lie is the only real issue, and not what the lie is covering. but it will definitely be a different relationship.

my suggestion is to shrug your shoulders, admit it was nice while it lasted, and walk away (seriously, not disclosing marriage is a big bad run away quickly sign, regardless of gender, or polyamory)

Hey VOid

Thanks for your advice. However there is no use trying to reconcile the situation. She/he has done the disapearing act on me again. This is the second time it has happened and i just cant be bothered trying anymore to get closure. Im very down today but i havent been on SL. Im going camping this w'end so i hope that will take my mind off things for abit and i bloody hope i dont even think of this person

Thank for your advice all

Oh comon people! Everybody lies in SL. For all we know even this Annousk could be a man or woman, whatever, just looking for a laugh or a thrill. Yeah, people are being mislead. And yeah, I've been there too. I've learned one thing: do not trust anybody in SL! It's harsh, but it's true. And sorry, but if a guy talks over the phone with a woman and doesn't hear there's something off here, well...

Really!

doesn't matter if OP is on the level or not, responses are to the situation. must be odd not trusting anyone.

PS vocal control is easy for anyone with practice (or software), plenty of singers would challenge your notion either way.

Im not silly. The person i was speaking to had a slightly masculine and a feminine voice all at the same time. As i said i always had my suspicions but i couldnt beleive that it was a male bc why would he take the risk and talk on the phone. Thats why it stil doest make much sense to me.

And btw im definetely a woman and all gay Probably one of the true gay women out there on sl.

nah, plenty of us =)

Don't voice. Don't webcam. Don't give a real mobile/cell phone/land line number out. Don't give your home/street address. Don't give a mailing address. Don't use your real name. Don't give your age. Don't give your S.I.N./credit card or any other information out.
Keep REAL life off the computer virtualities and chat rooms. It's Way TOO dangerous.
Follow the advice of police and intervention workers - don't be naive. Get street smart.
DON'T meet each other.
Love your sl partner in sl.
Love your rl partner in rl.
Pray they never meet (if you dont have a real partner just pray)
Listen to "Sunscreen" by Baz Luhrman to cheer yourself up.

if I had followed this advice I would never have met my husband.

I would suggest use common sense above all else (which doesn't mean NEVER give out RL info, it means be cautious, and know what you are doing when you do disclose RL info)

but I'm trying to attract a stalker of my own, I've wanted one for so long....

I'd agree with not posting those things, but I don't believe they can't be shared in time and with care... ymmv

PS what the heck is wrong with web cams and voice?

Well if my ex partner hadnt given me their landline number i would never had found out they were a man lol. So he/she was probably a little bit too trusting. The thing is i found out by accident coz they disapeared on me for abit and was trying to find out wheere they lived so i could possibly gtet the police to check they were alright. Oh and btw i didnt end up calling the police lol

I followed this advice and I met my wife, dammit!

Pep (Any preferences regarding the orientation of your stalker, Void?)

i can do rebound lol

I have a chequered SL in the long time I have been in it, but I draw My own conclusions who people really are, from my time in the old Adult chat Rooms.

Being involved with many parts of the WARPS universe, and Renting property, I dont really get around the places I once used too, where meeting people was common Place.

But recently SL gave me a shot in the arm to say "Romance and Love" is still here,If you are willing to remind yourself, that this is a virtual world, and still bound by the fact that you can be any gender you so wish, so You should always be prepared that things are not what you take at face value.

Being A Tranvestite, which I have no regrets being in sl or rl, I have attracted members of both sexes. But recently thought i had met my dream girl, who was being picked on in a combat sim.

However she was uncomfortable with going about with a guy in a girls avatar, and I considered changing it to male, however 3 of my friends wisely told me not to change, be yourself, and also this ladywas not always loyal I was informed, I went into a time of self pity, getting myself killed in battles, cos i felt low.

The one day One of my very best friends said, Mich! You know theres someone whos been wanting to be with you for ages, but shes to shy to say anything. In a nutshell I met up with "V" that i had already known for some time, at her friends place, and really the rest is history, as she told me that fact that I was open and brave to face the sl community as a transgender made her sweet on me.

Now I count myself the luckiest guy/girl around, now we are partners, spending time with each other etc. I will never meet her rl cos shes in Iceland married with children, and im attached rl. For me and her, this relationship is bound to SL only, but we do speak of rl issues that afect us.

What I am saying to the OP here is dont give up your quest, it took me nearly 2 years to find the right partner, but you do have to move on, involve yourself in a new project or something. A short break from SL is fine, but you shouldnt be in a hurry to have an extended one, who knows you might have missed that dream girl who was watiting at the Xstreet machine)

best of luck

Love Micha xxxx

I don't care what sex/gender a person is. I don't care how old they are, the colour of their skin, their nationality or whether they put the tea or the milk in the cup first.

If you love someone, you just do. You can't help it.

But being lied to about something this big DOES matter.


I met my real life partner here in Second Life. I bought something from her, she messaged me to see if it was ok, we got chatting. We then chatted on skype, talked to each other on webcam etc. There was never anything hidden or lied about.

By the time I plucked up courage to go the four hour train ride to visit her, I felt I knew her pretty well - and certainly knew she was who she said she was.

We have now been seeing each other for a year and a half, and I will be moving to live with her this autumn time. YAY! I can't believe how lucky I am

Second life romances CAN work out - but both partys MUST be honest about certain things.

If you are a different gender to that which you play in SL, if you are married (and intend to stay that way) or if you are significantly older/younger than you are claiming, then you are just setting up a scene for someone to get badly hurt.

I strongly feel that everyone should have the right to be who they want in SL - including if that want is significantly different to the real you.

But if you are going to go around telling someone you love them and letting them love you, then please, please, be careful.

Either you have to keep SL and RL totally seperate, or you have be prepared to let the two blend a little - and therein lies the difficult bit.

*hugs* I am sorry you got hurt, I agree with Desmond's advice. A break might be the best idea for a while

I do not know about a break.

Now is the perfect time to delve into building and totally change up your SL by remaking and redefining yourself in Second Life.

OP or alt: Enable private messages.

Watch out! The SS are here!

Pie (That's Social Services, *not* an invitation for Brenda to wave her pants)

well I'd prefer they face me... can't have them turning their backs on me now can I? wouldn't be proper.

(slightly more seriously) Any will do, attractive females a bonus....

...yeah, I'm so bored.