Ask Jake Anything

Gravity always wins. Even murphy falls on his ass according to gravity's law. Accroding to murphy's law, he falls on you.

Well Schwanson, the real secret to cooking ribs is in the rub and in the sauce. These are family secrets that are only shared with other family memebers after they become parents. I can't help you there, devise your own, or do what bachelor Jake does and buy the booby flay stuff.

However the method I use is outlined here, and I truly must say it works wonders:

http://www.bbqinstitute.com/Ribs.htm

What time is it Jake?

Clock says 2:33 pm PST.

But your question was wide open with lots of variables, including a deeper intrusion inot the meaning of time.

a good place to start is here:

http://www.utm.edu/research/iep/t/time.htm

this is an interesting topic and I welcome further questions.

Are we there yet?

Of course we are. To quote the zen master Bukaroo Banzai: "No matter where you go there you are."

Hey Jake,
What was the deal with Smurfs? I don't think I'm the only person who thought it was pretty suspicious that there were dozens of males and only one female. How did the creepy little things reproduce, or do we really not want to know?

So we take the plunge into reproduction smurf style. Alas for my readers who dreamed of smurfy orgies and gangbangs worthy of thier own internet pay sites, it is not to be.

In fact smurfs don't really reproduce.

Here is the rundown:

Most smurfs are male, are 10 years old and were around before smufette. Papa Smurf is even older at 500 and grandpa smurf is older than that.

Smurfette was created by Gargamel by way of a chemical reaction. (Technically this might fall in the realm of alchemy, but hey I do the best I can). Smurfette was originally an evil creature sent to stir up trouble in the village. Orginally she had sort of spiked black hair. Papa Smurf cast a spell on her, and turned her into the pretty, perky, blonde she is today.
Oddly enough all smurfs are in love with her, but only enamoured smurf is pathetic in his obsession.

Interstingly enough, there is another female smurf: Sasette. She was created by the Smurflings (Slouchy, Nat and Snappy) who stole the chemical (or Alchemical) recipe from Gargamel. The Smurflings felt that Smurfette must get lonely being the only girl smurf and so they made Sasette, who is, to be honest, a tomboy.

The Smurflings themselves were once as old as every other smurf, but they got stuck in father time's clock, and thus became younger.

Which brings us to Baby Smurf. How did Baby Smurf get here? The Stork brought him.

And there you have it freinds and readers, more info than you ever wanted on the smurfs.

Are you hung over after last night's fete fest?

Well I have had less sluggish mornings. I got up early, ate breakfast, went to fisherman's wharf and came on. I have a headache, but other wise I am good.

Jake, in light of Pluto's "dogness" as opposed to Goofy's anthropomorphic tendencies toward becoming fully human, it baffles me why such a human like dog should be given such a derogatory name as Goofy! Do you think the creators were shortsighted on the naming of such a beautifully profound, and complex character as "Goofy"? Thanks, I'll take my answer on the air.

Jake, how did this thread end up on page *two?* I am shocked and stunned!

Well you seem to automatically assume that the name "Goofy" is derogatory. In the first place Goofy is a name, and thus is not an accusation of character. However in this case, the antics of the character as depcited in the cartoons, are, in fact, goofy. The cartoon character is intended to be a parody and a buffoon, so that we might laugh at the shortcomings in all of us that he highlights and exagerrates.

Thus I think the creators understood that the name "Goofy" was essential to the sublime complexity of the character. Goofy would be merely pathetic if his name were bill.

Apparently When I go to San Francisco for a weekend, the world is shocked and confused and stops asking me questions. Perhaps this thread has stopped amusing and informing my loyal readers. Or maybe its because there are only a handful of us who regularly venture from the Genera forum to the artisitc nirvana of creative wit, artistry and partisan politcs that is the Off-topic forum.

Jake,

Where can I order live sheep to have shipped to my home in Florida?

JAKE DON'T ANSWER THIS. YOU WILL ONLY BE ENABLING HIS DISGUSTING FETISH.

Jake,

Why is it so damn hot outside?

http://peacefulpastures.com/sheep.htm

the prices for the live ones are at the bottom of the page

*spanks Collete* This is "Ask Jake Anything" I get to answer!

Neverrtheless your answer is correct, and the same one I would have said.

Unfortuantely Schwanson, you have to shear them yourself, they don't deliver live sheep pre sheared

*laughs* maybe he likes his Sheep "natural"

I think i remember a shirt in Nomine that said someothing like "forget it girls, I like sheep"

Hot? where I live it hit 122 last week, so unless you are in death valley, where ever you are is cool.

Now what makes it so hot. Well obviously the sun! the sun heats the earth unevenly and as the earth moves closer to the sun the temperatures rise and we get seasons.

In addition to the constant presence of solar energy, the earth's atmosphere acts to retain heat and distribute moisture. High and low pressure systems generate wind, and as you move farther away from the sun it gets cooler.

There is a huge dynamic to weather systems, but if you want almost perfect weather, move to hawaii

Hey Jake,
What kind of unspeakable primal terror occurred in mankind's distant past to make so many of us so deathly afraid of bugs? (Especially big ones. Shudder.) Of course, roaches are logical just from a cleanliness perspective, but there are others... I'm completely creeped out by those big walking stick insects, and I had to stop reading the Spider Encounter thread halfway through. What's up with that? Why do they have this evil power over us?

Yeah... but why is it so damn hot outside? hehe

*pretty darn hot here in fla btw... 98 degrees n 96% humidity is a killer*

sorry Jake I cant resist this one -


BECUASE ITS SUMMER TIME!!

What an intriguing question.
I have mulled it over and done a bit of web prowling, and I think what it really boild down to is that insects are the life form most alien to the human form. Insects just don't look anything like us (fish and birds don't either I know, be at least we see them as food-even a lobster looks appealing when its cooked).

Insect and arachnids are hexapos or ocopods, or even decapods, where as humans and mamals are quadropods (so are most reptiles, except snakes and they scare the bejeezus out of us too). Also insects are sort of desinged to kill or cut or rend, and so even the harmless ones have some scary looking apendages that seem like they would really hurt.
And insects do mean things like eat their mates, or in the case of ants, conduct organized warfare.

So yes bugs are pretty scary. But really, there is never any justification for a phobia. If there was it would not be an irrational fear.