Ask Jake Anything

Um the name of this forum is ask Jake anything. are you Jake? Statements buy readers without questions are not allowed. Nor is giving answers to questions. If you want to answer questions start your own "ask Daz anything" thread. God knows everybody else has one. Cid know s the rules now, so Cid will spank you.

Thank you for reading though.

Well that depends on if you mean romantic love, or the general spiritual love a compassionate person feels towards all mankind. Of course what you are feeling maybe a momentary crush held by one who has just discovered another Bowie fan.

Sometimes love can be mistaken for indigestion, though more commonly it is the other way around.

Someone else very wise noted that if you think you are in love then you are in love.

I guess only you can know if you are in love.

I appreciate everyone who reads and comments in my thread. So of course I appreciate it. I have been here a while now, and even on page three. I am confident that classic Jake will outlast the current fad. Remember what happened to new coke?

And no. I am not passing the baton to ulrika, she has her loyal readers I am sure, and those who want to berate her in her column as well. I wish her luck. Even if She doesn't know much about Pokemon.

Why are the new Star Wars movies such a letdown? I mean, my childhood heroes were Luke, Leia, and Han. But I cannot find *any* empathy with Anakin, Padme, or even Obi-Wan! Why are these new movies so lacking in fun?

Mimes-they are quiet. You never know what those fuckers are thinking. Its a bit like the looking into a wolfs eyes: if you do, you see a feral note, something that tells you he just isn't figuring odds like the family dog.

Same thing with a mime-look into their eyes and you see they are not figuring odds like a normal clown. Mimesn have plan-all those weird gestures are a plan to take over the world.

Jake, was the Land O' Lakes bare breast trick invented by the original commercial artist or just some inventive customer? http://www.e-z-smith.com/lakes.html

Because you are older and wiser and see the potential for missed plot opportunites, note the under utilization of major characters, and question the need for minutes of film wasted on bad comic relief and poor poor romantic montage.

No wonder noby realizes kiera knightly played the queen when Natalie was busy being Padme. Or that Sophia Coppola was a hand maiden as well. A lot of good people wanted to be attached to the new star wars movies, because it is thier chance to be part of legend.

But alas the legend fell short. Lucas should have hired Speilberg to direct the recent films, at least the last one.

Its not that the movies lack fun, they lack depth.

All of that being said, The Phantom Menace is still my favorite of the star wars movies.

"Oh but Jake the wise, how could you"? You will say. "Jar-Jar-Binks are three words whose inclusion in a script will ruin any star wars movie."

Well for me it is simple. I love the Jedi. I always have. In the first three films there really are no jedi (yeah luke is, at the end-but the morphed him inot such a weenie to make Han Solo look cool that he lacks the presence of a Jedi). The jedi are seen as semi-mysticla beings who preserved order.

In Episodes 2 and 3 we see the jetty as petty, narcissistic and through thier own hubris, the architects of thier own downfall.

Only in Episode one dow we really see the Jedi Shine. And the lightsaber battles, especially the one at the end are hugely epic and the adrenaline rush was worth the price of admission. One gets the sense we are seeing titans collide-Jedi at the very apex of thier power, with a villain who rivalled darth vader in terms of raw cool.

Yes ultimately lucas wastes i trying to bring the kids in with Jar Jar, He also kills of Darth Maul far too early (I love christopher lee-but count dooku just was not a serious villain). Also I think he killed of Liam Neeson to early as well. It reduce liam to the same sort of role Alec Guiness had in the first one. To me it was like Lucas was using the same tired schtick film after film.

Yet there it is, despite the flaws Episode one remaind my favorite. Sue me.

Just some inventive customer, to the roginal artist knees are knees. It is very clever though. But its also comething only someone with the maturity level of a thirteen year old boy can think is funny without feeling guilty.

Is that because it's demeaning to butter, Native Americans and women or because I just ate the whole stick?

well some would say it is demeaning to butter native american women, how every the one time i have done so, she seemed to enjoy it. But she was kinky.

Hey Jake if we all chipped in a bunch of L$ could you supoena LL and take on the jokers who are taking the grid down and costing us money?

Hmmmm.

It would take a lot of linden. A lot.

And you would be confronted with the much the same problem LL has in identifying the responsible persons. At this point, really there is no reson to spend money to subpoena the name s of the offending losers from the LL records.

Ultimately this is an issue that could be best handled by LL. They can Ban the offending parties and they can also make sure that charges are brought against the offending party under the appropriate computer crime statues. It would sure be nice to see world crashing griefers treated like the criminals they are.

No.

Sorry my loyal readers for this being cryptic. It is so by request. I still answer questions in here, despite my focus on being a guy now. As always, anonymous stuff will be kept anonymouys, but I ask that you please tell me if its ok to post the question and the answer. I alway reserve the right to post the answer here, unless asked otherwise, cause it keeps my inbox smaller.

"Dear Jake,

Why is it that every time a thread about Intelligent Desing gets posted you and all the other Anti-Christians want to bash Christianity?"

-Name withheld upon request.

Well In general I try not to bash Christianity. I make no secret that I am a Zen Buddhist. I don't beleive in god. I don't accept the possibility of a God, and the Christian Bible has no more meaning to me than any other bodice-ripper romance with a few good main characters. This does not mean I have contempt for those who follow Christianity-I can respect thier faith, if not their beliefs. The problem I have is that most often I am the one on the short end of their preaching stick. They absolutely invalidate the teachings of any other religion, and have an ongoing long term attack on movies , role playing games, computer games, and music that they say is the product of Satan. Thus in both my religious life and my secular life I come under attack from christians.

On the whole they do not say "Oh well, you are an adult and can have your own beleifs and I can respect them, and accept that you can make your own descision about morality." Rather they protest janet jackson's nipple, launch an attack on a woman right to chose, and attempt to subvert the teaching of science in schools. They regularly advance the concept that the united states is a christian nation and should be guided by christian principles. I am not a christian, and yet I am an american. How do I fit in this Christian Nation? It is a smug hubris that Christianity is superior and that I should, in my secular life conform to thier strictions no sex, drinking, dancing, playing dnd and watching television. I reject it. Categorically.

As far as the teaching of Intelligent desing in schools. It is a reactionary. conservative brand of pseudo intellectualism that will use this junk scinece to strart our descent inot a new dark age. The very fact that otherwise intelligent, educated, and articulate mebers of this community are swayed by its charms is the perfect demonstration of its danger to me.

The funny thing is that even the Vatican opposes intelligent design, saying what I have said all along: that using science to explain religion simply demeans religion. See this:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20051118/ap_on_re_eu/vatican_evolution

I try to be a good person, but there are times when I get frustrated and angry and still end up acting like a jerk. Should I strive to prevent myself from doing this, or is it good to "let it out"?

Hey, Jake! What have you been up to?

Jake, do you think you could serve as ReallyRick Metropolitan's attorney at the Linden Lab Tribunal where they try him for war crimes, i.e. griefing the grid...?

just to clarify, reference this and ReallyRick's alleged involvement with the grid crashing

Jake, can I be there when you have someone spank Mulch for not asking a question?

only you are allowed to spank me Sans,

speaking of which, I think you have been remiss in your duties!!!!!

oooh, does this mean Mulch gets two spanking sessions Jake? LOL!

Okay, I know a turkey should be baked for 20 minutes per pound, but at what temperature?

And how much longer should you cook it for if you pre-stuff? Do you recommend a savory, sweet or citrus glaze? (I like mine stuffed with and glazed with oranges, personally)

What's your advice for the dozens of people who burn their homes down every year by trying to deep-fry turkies indoors?

Turkey puts people to sleep. Do you have any tips for people wanting to keep people awake after the meal?

Will Joe Gibbs bring the redskins back to glory?

Yes it does. And I think you should throw in an extra because he enjoys it.

Well I missed this one in a timely manner because I was in new mexico having turkey with my parents.
As far as deep frying turkey's-don't. They are too dangerous and your insurance co will deny covereage for the fire loss and there is noone to sue-all the news stories about houses burning down mean every one is aware fo this risk.

The best way to cook turkey is to stuff it with any stuffing recipie that involves four sticks of butter. Glaze the bird with olive oil and itlaian seasoning. Put the bird in the broasting bag (but first flour the bag). Add some potatos, onions, a cut up orange. Then seal the bag and put in a roasting pan. pirece the top of the bag with a knife 6 times. Cook until the pop up timer comes on. (Oh yes I use a pop up turkey timer.

As far as keeping people awake after a meal, if you must-board games, strip clubs and lots of coffee have always world well for me in varying doses.