Ok just a teeny little rant - please don't call me "girl".

From the wikipedia definition, girl seem to be word given to female children of the human kind. Ie, those that have not come of age.

The use of this term by the Goreans imply only one thing. Ie. Their desier to have nastyness with a child This is not nice, plesase dont do it

Are Goreans just as bad as the pedo age-players? You decide.

I for one am waiting for the Great Gorean auction that would be held on the eve of the great Gorean exodus.

Good post Allana, I remember the first time I met a gorean.. in MY HOUSE.. and he chewed me up for calling him Sir (not Master as is the policy in Gor for all Dom's).. People have to learn to respect the rules of the land they are on. Makes me chuckle when I see gorean slaves call D/s Domme's Mistress ( or Dom's Master ) in D/s environments.. inevitably they get chewed out.

Normal ettiquette in a D/s environment is Sir, Lady, Ma'am or Miss. Master and Mistress being reserved for the owner of the sub/slave.....

.....Didn't say it was the only option. Just normal ettiquette. Most D/s Dominants won't complain about those greetings. Just tends ( in my experience ) to be Master/Mistress that grates.

From the wikipedia definition, girl seem to be word given to female children of the human kind. Ie, those that have not come of age. The use of this term by the Goreans imply only one thing. Ie. Their desier to have nastyness with a child This is not nice, plesase dont do it

...Though on my first day in SL, I was on Orientation island, and someone in a robe came up to me and commanded me to bow to them, and called me girl. I would have been offended, except I didn't know how to bow at that point, and also for some reason I couldn't stop spinning. So they left me alone.

Lost: If you're going to try to hijack the thread, at least try to be original and use pictures please.

Lost: If you're going to try to hijack the thread, at least try to be original and use pictures please.

The Ma'am/Sir thing in D/s, in my opinion, is a lot like the third person speak in Gor. It's an online etiquite (sp?). When you walk into a room in a BDSM gathering in most online environments it is expected that as a submissive you will greet people that way. If you choose not to then you're the odd person out and some of the people will be offended. You have to decide to deal with that and stand by your choice.

But if you walk into a room in a BDSM gathering in the real world there are no expectations as to how you'll greet anyone. You say hi, you get introduced, it's like any other gathering of people. In that situation most of the time, if you started calling everyone Sir or Ma'am then most of them will simply be amused or confused.

In a real life get together (often called a "munch" because it traditionally involves gathering around a meal of some kind in a restaurant or home) it is a much more casual atmosphere than a "gathering" in an online environment. In fact if a Dominant walked into a RL munch and starting ordering submissives around and calling them "girl" he'd likely be taken out back and kicked around a bit.

Now I'm generalizing of course. I'm sure there are others who have been to more formal affairs and have a different perspective, this is just my view. The bottom line is that D/s, Gor, BDSM, whatever set of "rules" you follow, those rules are going to be very different sitting at your computer than they are going out in the real world.

I guess what I'm trying to do here is treat my online relationships the same way I do my first life ones while at the same time respecting that not everyone is going to want to do that as well. Not sure if that makes sense or not.

Instead of "girl" what about "chick", "broad", "wench"???

I have to agree i hate being called girl as i am in my 40s. i also hate being told if i was a "true slave" i would not use the use the word i, me or mine. This is a gor concept and i am not gor.
I was rather shocked to say the least when a gorean master came to Our adult play sim and addressed me as beast!!!! This was after i greeted him with "greetings Sir welcome to and then i greeted his slave by her name. When Master asked him why was he calling me a beast (we had not met before) he then said oh you rather i call her s***. Well he ran before Master could give him lesson in manners and his "beast" told us how in gor all slaves are beasts and she was sorry if we were offended. Last time i looked we were not a gor area.

*pictures*

Instead of "girl" what about "chick", "broad", "wench"???

Subs and slaves need to learn NOT to address everyone else as 'master' or 'mistress' until they know that that person is actually a participant in that whole thing. Don't tell me that I should stay away from those areas, because it happens outside those areas as well, but even if I do enter those areas on the odd occaision, the people in there should wait until they know before trying to decide I must be involved.

Dangit just cause someone is dominant doesn't mean they automatically deserve to be addressed as Sir, Ma'am, etc etc.

I once had an argument with a Dom about this cause he thought that my not addressing him as Sir meant I was disrespectful. He was not my Dom.

Being a dom doesn't mean I automatically address you as Sir. That title is earned. Its also, I feel, a priviledge for the sub. If you think it isn't, take the option of addressing people thusly from the sub and see how s/he reacts. But the priviledge, again, is earned.

This walking into a room where you know no one and no one knows you but since you identify as dominant you get automatic respect is bullshit. There are dominants out there I wouldn't give the time of day to -- much less address as Sir or Ma'am.

I also disagree that addressing a dominant so is 'normal' etiquette in a D/s environment. Only in certain places is that so. It really depends on the place and I wouldn't presume to call one form of etiquette 'normal' and another not so much. Each different environment varies and its really not too hard to find out what the etiquette is at the place you are currently visiting.

QFE...
Unfortunatly that behavious crept in...
I prefer to be called by first name, but some subs are uncomfortable with that or have explicit instructions Sir is the middleway.

This is a little rant, not too bad I think.

Now don't get me wrong, I have nothing against Gorean roleplay, I run a bdsm social club, we have lots of Gorean members too. This isn't about being Gorean but it is a habit that seems to be common among Gorean Masters. I'm talking about calling every submissive female "girl".

Some of us don't like it, dont want to respond to it and frankly are made uncomfortable with having to find a polite way to tell you to stop without getting your egos all fired up.

If you do call me girl and I politely correct you with something like "I really prefer to not be called girl, thank you." there is a right way and a wrong way to handle it and keep things civil. The right way would be to simply say, "alright" and let it go. The wrong way would be to question me about why it bothers me or to attempt to force me to accept it by reminding me (as if I dont already know) that I'm a submissive. The worst thing you can do is laugh at me and inform me that you will refer to me any way you choose. That will likely have your ass either ejected out of my sim or publicly mocked.

I have friends who call themselves girl, who are fine with others calling them girl, but it isn't reasonable to assume that all women feel the same way about it.

So a few phrases to not call me:
girl (grown woman here)
lil one (way too personal and again, grown woman)
slave (I am not one, do not assume I am, sub does not equal slave)

A few things never to say to me:
You don't act like a submissive. (No I don't, because you aren't my Master)
You aren't a true submissive. (Who the hell are you to decide that?)
I will speak to your Master about this/you/etc. (go for it, he'll tell you to suck it up and deal with me)

I understand that everyone has their own guidelines they choose to live by or roleplay by, but it bugs me when others assume I must live by theirs.

Ok there, rant over...ty so much for listening. You may return to your regularly scheduled rants and dramas.

QFE???

In basic RL BDSM etiquette it is customary to call dominants Ma'am or Sir. These are not earned titles. Its just like when you work at the bank and say "how may I help you Ma'am?" or "here's your reciept, Sir".

If you're going to try to hijack the thread, at least try to be original and use pictures please.