Love in SL?

I think this is in the eye of the beholder. If my girlfriend had a boyfriend online who wasn't me, I'd feel like she cheated on me, and I'd leave her. Emotions given to someone else that are emotions she feels towards me, the kinds of emotions you share only with the one you love, given to someone else... To me that is cheating. There is no physical cheating on Second Life, no, but the emotional kind, yes. That isn't to say that I know best for everyone. That is just the understand that she and I have.

This is a good argument against thinking of Second Life as a "game." People think game = not real.

But it's not a game like Halo is a game. The animated figures your animated figure interacts with are not the products of computer programming, they are animated by real people just as yours is.

Real emotional attachments can and do form. You are naive if you think that because it's a "game" that it's all just imagination. One real person is communicating with another real person. They are doing it in a simulated environment, but the words, thoughts and feelings are not simulated.

And "simulating" a love affair is not the same as simulating sky diving or spelunking or chariot racing. You are involving the emotions of another real person. At a minimum, the person who is thinking it's "just a game" is obligated to be sure the other person understands and agrees to that.

Hi Broken

This attitude of yours is the same attitude that makes men killing woman in my country. Who are you to determine what another person is suppossed to feel? The times when one person owned another person are over in most parts of the world.

The good thing is that you and her have that same believe system, that makes it less dangerous but you don't know what you are missing in having a non-posessive relationship.

Mandy

We talked in-depth and established the limits. Just like we did when we started to date other couples )))

Regards

Candelaria Singh

Don't jump the gun here, Bilbo99. After all, he didn't say how he would react to an 800-lb. African-American bleached-blonde Sumo wrestler, did he? (If it is a he O.O.)

I'm sorry... I was going to stay out of this thread, but this statement irks me. How the heck did you come up with this statement from what Broken posted? Believe it or not, there are still a few people who believe in monogomy. Broken was merely expressing his personal opinion and it certainly didn't sound violent in the least. He said he would leave if that happened to him. That's a far cry from murderous attitude.


Neither was he saying what other people should believe...




If a couple is into an open relationship, polygamy, swinging or whatever and that's what they both agreed to, then by all means go for it. But don't judge others that don't buy into it. We have our own beliefs that we are happy with.

If one half of the couple decides that they have the freedom to drift from their commitment to a partner (whether it be RL partner or SL partner) without his/her knowledge or consent, it doesn't matter how you paint it, its still cheating, all they are doing is selfishly fulfilling their own desires.

Owning someone? A mutual commitment to be faithful to each other is just that. It doesn't mean you forfeit all your freedoms. It means that you freely choose and agree to belong to each other in your intimacies. It doesn't mean you have to suffocate each other. Only the individual couple can decide what their guidelines are. If the commitment is broken without agreement, then be prepared to suffer your loses, plain & simple.

I'm with Broken & Mickey on this one. Honesty and agreement between all parties, or don't go there.

Umm. If you read what I said, I said that was just an understanding between her and I. Everyone has different views on how their relationships work. One of my best friends is married in real life, and both he and his wife have seperate relationships on Second Life. Is it something I would do? Hell no. I am loyal to one woman only. But am I going to hold it against him or be snide about it? No, I support him in his pursuit of being happy. If you and your husband are comfortable and happy with this sort of arrangement, then by all means, pursue it! I was simply stating the other side of the fence on this, that some people DO see it as cheating.

And I do.

Actually, I want to go further. I don't know what I am MISSING?? Are you kidding me?? Oh, that's right. I am missing rampant sex with strangers, lack of commitment, a loose relationship with my spouse, lack of trust, no feeling or sense of "home" and a feeling that my partner really isn't *my* partner.

Right. I am missing out. I'll give that one to you on the sex part. It must be amazing.

No thank you. I'd rather be with one person, but each to his or her own. It takes all types to make the world go round.

And I never said anything about murdering her. I can barely kill a bug, let alone her.

Edit; Sorry for my overly harsh reply. I honestly don't have anything against two people being in an open relationship. I just don't believe that two people in a closed relationship "don't know what they are missing."

I have to say I agree 100% with Dementia and Broken! Well stated from both of you

Dear Residents

Before this gets out of hand, I feel I need to comment:

We do NOT have what is a called an open relationship in RL. We just are open minded enough to try out things that others might not try, but always TOGETHER. And we both believe that in a relationsship is no space for ownership and tolerance for what the other feels is a must.

Cande also expressed that she has no problem with an STRICTLY in world relationship as it is "simulated" (I don't like that term either). We have established limits: In SL everything goes, as long as it stays in-world, and in RL we do not have affairs AT ALL (yes I am sure)! A phone call to somebody we "play" with, would be crossing the line according to the limits WE established.

How bizarr - I am outing my sex life here.

Like most latinos cande has a bit of a temper sometimes Whish is one of the many reasons I love her.

Make love not war )))

Wolfgang

(small cough)

I've had a long long term RL relationship which looks most like the SL relationships people have here; I think, therefore, that I am qualified to express a view on the armchair moralising that is coming out here. Doing this or that naughty sex thing does not show "lack of commitment" - there are no absolutes. All there is, is honesty. If you are honest with your partner(s) then you should be aware of what their limits are, and of the possibility that a stated limit isn't the same as an internal limit. Being overly censorious or projecting your particular morals on to other people's lives in a "should" or "wrong" kind of tone just fosters dishonesty and unhappiness, because people start believing that the rules ar euniversally agreed, and should therefore save them the toruble of actually getting to know the person they shacked up with.

If you want to make promises based on a widely agreed moral contract (often, but not always, associted with a religion) then that's just fine - weirdly enough, these days I find the BDSM types a lot more finger-waggy and rule-obsessed than, say, the Roman Catholics - but don't fall on your ass in shock when you meet people who play different from you.

Hi Gummi

Very good statement! Morals are not universally agreed at all, certainly I didn't sign anything like a general code of conduct ruling my sex life.

Regards

Wolfgang Balogh

I just wanna add one thing, in RL I have friends who are swingers and although Wolfie and Cande are not, it's still a good example about tolerance and friendship. I don't care how many other couples they're dating, I respect them for the persons that they are. And they respect me in the same way, should I do the same as they? No, then again, they wouldn't go into the BDSM world..but we're still best of friends. Because we do not judge....period.

Mandy C

I second that, Mandy (but leave out the BDSM part for me.. LOL)

LOL Ok. *hides whip*

Mandy C

Pardon the necro, but it's been a month and you are right. I found the Broadly Offensive threads.

Oh, yeah, one more thing:

I can understand the simulated sex, and the flirting. But can you have simulated love? Can your avatar do all the "feeling" while you just sit back and observe, amused by the game? Can you play the role without any emotional attachment?

This to me seems the central point of this thread, not whether the SL relationship counts as "cheating," or whether the love is "right" or "wrong."

I've never had a simulated emotion before, so I'd have to answer "no."

Mandy

We did try swinging , and found it to be very exciting. Hoever we are not into the lifestyle like hardened swingers, just tried, played and liked it, thats all. Haven't done that for at least a year. Hmmm, now that the subject comes up......I might suggest to her to have another go...

The point I was making is, that we do not have a open relationship in the sense of it doesn't matter going sideways. Swinging is something we did TOGEHTER.

And yes we are true friends

Wolfgang

Monk

This bit I learned now from all this:

there are emotions involved,yes, but we tend to over-rate them. Because its so new and bizarr to us, we do pay these feeling too much attention. Once you realise that you actually over-rated them, you start to relax and you set priorities and bounderies. The funny thing is - your SL relation gets more relaxed as well all of a sudden and is much more fun and less stress.

See you in Breezes one day?

Wolfgang

Hi

You what is really annoying? When you are answering a post here, write and submit ,then realise that you posted with HER account. All the work for nothing. So in order not to confuse the hell out of you, i deleted them and start again (and teach her to use the log out link).

Ok

I learned one thing out of this experience: There are emotions involved, yes, but we tend to over-rated them. This is so bizarr and new that we pay to much attention to the feelings it produces. Once you realise that, you get back on the ground, establish limits and bounderies and feel much better.

Mandy

We did try swinging together and liked it. But we are not into that lifestyle like hardened swingers would be. Just tried something and enjoyed it. Thats all. But again it's something we did TOGETHER.

Regards

Wolfgang

We don't feel the urge to try that one.....

Wolfgang

If she does I'd be surprised

Shup, DJ!

Mandy C

In this respect, SL is a bit like the documentary they did comparing the relative behaviours of the people in different Big Brother houses in the various countries. The Germans just had sex; no messing about. The Dutch weren't far behind. The British fooled around some but didn't go the whole way.

The americans didn't do anything: but they talked about it, and what it would "mean". Forever. Over and over and over again, reaching no usable conclusion...

Now that is very interesting.

The Germans just do it. And yet, due to a German law, avatars under 7 feet tall are treated like social pariahs.

Mmm .. anyone else see a certain irony there?

If you have a RL relationship that is at risk, then be very careful. See http://forums.secondlife.com/showthread.php?t=58218 to see the real pain that can happen when SL relationships are mixed with RL ones.

- Bozo