Love in SL?

Trust me, Wolfie.....you are a man and as such you'll never understand us. We can be emotional rollercoasters from time to time. I am sorry though that you guys broke up.

Mandy C

Not sure about that manual - I think it's up on the shelf next to "How Not to Be a Misogynistic, Selfish, Condescending Pig."

I've been following this thread from its inception and your post sounded a bit harsh, Mandy, given the story.

Is Wolfie misogynistic? Sounds to me like he loves women (maybe too much?). Selfish? Probably so, love is selfish no matter how you look at it. Condescending? I didn't see that, although I can see how the "manual" metaphor could steer someone that way.

I don't completely understand women either, and I never will--and really, thank God for that because I get an abundance of joy from my relationships with women. Knowing how things (or people!) work takes half the fun out of it!

BTW, Wolf, do you know if Ginny reads the forums? Will keep looking for you in Breezes, have been a bit busy lately.

Take care, everyone.

Uhmm....That was Egil's post, not mine.

Mandy C

For some reason, a quote from the movie "As Good As It Gets" came to mind....

Q: "How do you write women so well?"

A: "I write a man, and take away reason and accountability."

<dons her flame-retardant overalls>

So sorry, Mandy, you're right.

It's been a tough morning in RL and I just wasn't paying attention.

No problem.

Mandy C

Wolfie just get an escort and be done with it.

Escorts cost money. One of those differences between SL and RL - girl/boy friends do not have to cost money in SL (though I've found that money can still be spent (outfits, etc.), which in and of itself can be fun and diverting).

I think you didn't get it at all, my friend . Escorts are for pixel sex. I am talking about am emotional involvement with the person behing a specific avatar.

Or did you try a joke?

Well then: Ha ha ha , very funny

Wolfie

The latter

Not necessarily. So long as he understands that he and this girl are basically actors playing characters (if you don't believe you are, that just means your character is very simillar to your real life self) and it is they (the characters) who are in love, not the actors. As for real life - it's okay to windowshop, so long as you eat every meal at home if you catch my drift.

Why when there is so much FREE porn out there!?

I agree with the character being very near the RL character. I imagine the vast majority are, despite any appearance 'enhancements' but separating that it's the character in love, not the actor, demands I think very strong role playing. It's all too easy and too tempting to transgress that line ... and then you're straight into what Zephyrin says.
SL is all too convenient for going down that avenue that would need deliberate actions in RL.

I met my fiancee through a text only forum (groans from the forum regulars). I most certainly was not deliberately looking for a partner IRL but with friendship came bonding and the rest followed. With SL and the seduction of idealised graphics it's incredibly tempting to immerse yourself into a virtual relationship. Real relationships must get hurt by this.

Can I add something here? I have been an escort in the past - and rather ususual one if you have seen my avatar (female, by the way). However, that is not the point. This thread has been concerned with love and relationships NOT appearance. Anyway, it has been my experience that those avatars willing to offer ... errr ... "gifts" to an escort such as myself are quite often partnered to someone NOT JUST in the Real World but also in SL. Each world has frighteningly similar moral codes. Their partner goes off-line and the "dog" starts to cruise. Or the male (judging by grunting and repetitious statements of desire - men say the same things universally) shows "offline" to their partner. Single avatars rarely seek people like me.
Having been here quite a long time and seen many aspects of SL, I can say (with experience) that LOVE can be found here. BUT it is SL love and should stay in SL. The sex is personal and private for the viewer (though I may have "performed" on a giant screen in a business boardroom in Real for their delectation and fantasy for all I know - or care).
My advice - don't worry. Life is too short. Even Second Life.

My SL hubby is my RL boyfriend, who I adore with all that I am. All I really know is that, had it not been for SL I would have never met the man of my dreams and had the pleasure of experiencing something so wonderful and pure as falling in love. Also have to thank slme.com too!!!

I think regardless of how "unconnected" you want to be to someone, no matter a romantic or a friendship.. there is gonna be some emotional connection. When you spend that time with another person, even if it's just text chat, you get to know a little about them. I also think its kinda nice, if you happen to find someone that gets your attention and holds it.. to get to know them from the inside out too... When I first met Michael, I instantly was attracted to his sence of humor and personality, his values and over all thoughts on things. Which made me want to get to know him more, by exchanging yahoo and MSN ID's.. then phone numbers.. It just turns out that he happens to be super handsome on top of it, so I got EXTRA LUCKY!!!

I don't think that your in need of a straight jacket, but just be careful, there are some people that are out there simply for the drama of causing drama and we all know how awful that can be and a waste of time. Just like in the real world, you have all sorts of people, game players, drama phsycos, and dare I say "normal" (with not specific definition).. ect... If your in it to find a RL relationship, I believe it's possible to find and if your in it to simply have fun and RP, then I beleive that's possible also. You just need to know what you want and then have fun

Dear Wolf....

I started playing second life on November 22, 2004. I didn't go there looking for love. I was very happily in love in my real life.... or so I thought.

But during my time in Second Life I found that I was able to be myself, and meet other people. Some people I could tell straight away were there just to be rude, but some people were there because they were lonely. Other's like myself were just there to be inquisitive and learn and to laugh and have fun.

But, I too fell in love there. I started off by just meeting him at a dance club, soon our chats became filled with intriguing glitter, you know the sparks that you feel for someone when they say something that peaks your interest to the point of fascination with them? It's those feelings of wow, this person is wonderful... this person is just like me, this person understands things about me that no one else does, this person SEEMS to be so real to me, and so loving and so caring, and it SEEMS real, and SEEMS perfect.

Well it's not that it seems so.... it IS so.

The people on the other sides of the computers are interacting with you in the only way they can, through visual stimuli and text. Emotions and feelings can come through and when someone is doing this they are giving you their heart. You can tell when someone is being false, at least I can.

With Joe and I ... our love was real, from the very beginning. He was saying things to me from Day 1, that made me intrigued. I was being drawn to him....

It's been 2 yrs and 7 months since I joined Second Life, and we're still together. As a matter of fact, our love has magically changed our lives in so many ways. We've let the whole world of Second Life into our hearts and told them about our dreams to meet, and our love for each other. Many of the players from 2004/2005 know us, and know that all our income from our Shoppe "Hearts Desire" in Second Life has gone to helping us to meet in real life....

And, guess what we finally are in 4 weeks. And, not only that it's being filmed for all time by iTV. If you want to watch our documentary which appears in the form of small movie clips, 3 mins long every Thursday for who knows how many weeks... you can watch and see our story at: http://www.itv.com/page.asp?partid=7836 our first episode appears on this Thursday June 21st, 2007.

So, yes... love can be VERY real in Second Life, it doesn't just SEEM so.... it truely IS so.

Hugs to all those who find Love in SL

Love,
Heart Wishbringer.... SL Citizen since 2004

Well, this thread is still going on. All I can say is this: There is very, very little difference between RL and SL (bar the physical aspects) when it comes to emotional connections and communication. Our imaginations can easily fill in the sensual gaps.

If you're role-playing, more power to you. I think a lot of people role-play in RL, too.

If you're playing it straight, and from the heart, this medium of SL is as powerful as any other. The biggest danger probably comes when one of the actors is role-playing and the other is not. And of course the fallout if there are any complications in RL (such as marriage and kids) but that happens in RL when people have affairs, too.

cheating accurs when You spend more time with your "other" than You do your spouse.
when You says the nice flowery things to your "other" that you should say to your spouse, when you think more about your "other" than you do your spouse. even though you may or may not have had "sexual" contact, the time you spend away from your spouse to be with your other, is cheating.
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i have read this thread with interest, and refrained from commenting beyond my initial one advising you to go for it. apparently i missed the wifey part.

so i will say this, if the first thing on your mind when you get home is not your wife but your sl girlfriend, you are cheating. for the sake of your marriage, and your kids, end it, and remember why you married your wife, then, as others have posted, encourage her to join you in SL. to quote bilbo: You may just fall in love with her all over again.

Update

On the last post I told you we splitt ? Well yes, but she came back very next day - missed me too much. Yesterday I finished it once and for all. She was getting redicously jalouse. She made a big thing about me TALKING to another Girl which I met a couple of days ago. I can't have that in RL so I won't accept in SL either.

That's a no no

Wolfgang Brand

I'm really sorry it had to go that way for you, Wolfgang, but at least you have the presence of mind to still think clearly, and know your place in all this. I admire you for that.

My advice for the future? Have fun in SL, enjoy the romance and so on, but try not to get too emotionally attached. Then again, if it's meant to happen, it will happen... Keep an open mind, but stay alert. The grass on the other side of the mountain is not always as green as it seems.

Meet me in-world. That'll distract you a bit.. We can go dancing and have fun... on a strictly friendship basis.

I've been reading this thread from the beginning also, and the end result doesn't surprise me. It seemed to me from the very beginning, Wolfgang, that there was quite a bit of drama in you rSL relationship right off the bat. If a realtionship, SL or RL, has that kind of drama, it probably doesn't have a long shelf life.
I do think you were cheating. I have a very hard time understanding people who are married in RL, yet profess deep, undying, forever & ever love for their SL partners on their profiles. Of course, to each his own, and I'm sure to them it makes sense, but it doesn't to me. Cheating involves so much more than the physical aspect of it.....I think the emotions you share with another person can be more cheating than having sex with them. Wolfgang, it sounded like you were spending a lot of RL time thinking about this "woman"...is that correct? If so, and especially if you were thinking of her during time spent with your RL wife, then you were Cheating (yes with a capital "c".
You really might want to try and get your RL wife involved in SL. I play with my RL husband, and it adds aspects to our relationship. Of course, I first met him online, so communication through electronic means is normal for us. But sometimes, we can talk about things in SL, through typing, that we can't always address in RL.....when the pressure is on, and you're sitting eye to eye. We've explored together, created together, played together, had pixel sex together (which is really great foreplay if you're fortunate enough to play with a RL partner), etc. It's a way to spend time together that is different from just sitting in front of the TV after the kids are in bed. You really will be surprised what you'll learn about your RL partner when you experience an SL relationship with them. Good luck, Wolfgang, in whatever happens from here on out.

mmm, am I cheating my wife with my coworkers? after all, I spend more time at the office than at home

On a serious note. Yes, you can fell in love in SL and yes you can be with your SL partner and still love your RL one. Just be honest with both.

Someone should do a poll. But it would probably be locked before the sun goes down, so I'm not volunteering.

It is very real for some

I fell in love on SL, which turned to falling in love in RL
we are now married in SL, and RL

not much more real anyone can get than that....