Love in SL?

I have seen this so many times already in just a few months of being in SL. I came into this game with NO INTENTION of having any form of SL romance....and have kept my word. I have a bf IRL whom I adore and nothing I do in SL is any threat to that.

But....I met my bf via the web....not SL....but same difference in that we formed a very real bond over the net and we met IRL...and it was everything we thought it was....and we are together and happy. What amazes me is that folks think because this is a 'game' that they can play house with other people...and it will somehow remain just pretend. It's not....we make connections in SL just as we do IRL.....what people seem to be unable to do, is allow intimate friendships without crossing the line of romance. Fine....if you're actually seeking a RL partner....but absolutely chaotic emotionally if you are already spoken for IRL....... If a person is in SL....and allows themselves to become emotionally attached....what does that say about their RL relationship? And RP... that's different....RP is defined role play....acting.... unless you are able to log off your computer in the same way an actor walks off stage... you're in trouble.

I am very open to exploration in SL....my bf knows....he thinks it's absolutely hysterical what can go on in SL....and he knows dam well I am 'his' IRL...as does anyone I meet in-world. The visual realism, I think, makes it very hard for people to remain detached and keep it in perspective. But this post describes a very serious side effect of SL that is flying red flags in RL relationships everywhere.

As a result of being up front and non-romance oriented, I have made incredible friends here.... and yes, emotions are involved....just as they are in any RL friendship. What this SL issue tells me about human beings in general though....is that emotional maturity is NOT as common as it needs to be in the real world. *sigh*

I have been avoiding this thread for various reasons but I did finally read it - and Heart's post really touched me. It must be almost time for you two to meet! I hope it's as wonderful as you imagine

Good statement

Thats is exactly what I am intenting now:

Making friends, having funny with them even intimate friends and intimate fun and not crossing this line of romance. Actually because of this thread I met a very nice person who also posted here: Feline.

We meet in SL now, go out dancing having fun and even some evenings had a bit of a romantic touch, but not too much of it. She is actually becoming a real friend and we even talked to each other on the phone already. (We didn't do SL sex, yet..giggle.)

Whereby, I think that type of more mature relationship is possible, as of a certain age. Her and me are about the same age (ish), whilst the girls I met before are much younger than me.

Regards

Wolfgang

*giggles* You can always keep hoping, of course...

But thank you very much, Wolfgang. I think you are right about your last statement... Our "relationship" (albeit being only friendship) is clearly much more mature than what you had with any of the other ladies you met here before. It doesn't always have to be that love-and-passion type of thing.

I've been around this magnificent world for a couple of months now and I find that the relationships I develop with people on a strictly friendship basis (except for some occasional innocent flirting with the persons in question), are much more stable. They don't burn up as easily as the ones that started in flames and sparks.

Be careful Feline

You are awaking the hunter in me with that kind of provocating statements - or is that the intention, sweety?

Wolfgang

Is this turning in to the flirt thread?

Mandy C

Fancy a flirt? - or why your asking?

Wolfgang

Anyone got a bucket?

Noooo! .. not *that* one!!

I'm always in for a flirt, I consider myself a flirt hazard.



*chases hobbit out of the thread*

Shush you!

Mandy C

Hi Wolfgang

Didn't you say you were married in RL?





If so then you are now walking a dangerous line. No offense to Feline, but talking on the phone, IMO, is crossing the line. It can very easiy be found out by your RL wife and be mis-construed.


good luck...I fear that you are letting your SL get too far ahead of you

Markubis,

It takes two to tango... He may want to cross all the lines or boundaries he wants to (assuming this would be case), but if I'm not coming along, he's getting nowhere.

I do agree, however, that our phonecalls might get misconstrued by his RL wife, but that's just exactly what that would be then... MISconstrued. Our phonecalls are all about exchanging ideas and views. There's nothing wrong with friendship between a man and a woman, without double standards or false pretexts.

I agree 100%.

No offense, but if its not you, it will be someone else.

But maybe you're right. Maybe he doesn't care about his RL wife and wants something to happen. If so, then more power to him.

As for needing the phone to exchange ideas and views? Come on...you can't sell that one to me.
Ideas and views can be talked about in chat on SL...theres more to it than that.

And as for innocent relationships between men and women...I agree....but trying to sell that one to his wife may be hard.
First, SL is going to need to be explained to her, and then shown to her, and you'll need to be introduced to her.

I just think the path that he is heading is going to get tricky at the pace he's going.

Markubis, I hear you and am with you but if you read back a little, Wolfie has been giving us a blog here Mrs Wolfie has been in-world, has a cracking avatar and already a growing friend list ..... she just hasn't found Residents Answers ... or Feline yet

That would be a virtual catfight!

*gets popcorn, sits and waits*

Mandy C

haha...yes, I had forgotten

I sit corrected.

I wonder what wolfie will do when he finds out that his RL wife is cheating on him with someone in SL....ooOoo....another twist!


~pulls up a seat next to Mandy~

hahaaa! Yes, I agree. That WOULD be an interesting turn of events!!

Now, to add to the suspense of things.... Feline HAS run into Mrs. Wolfie already, only I didn't speak to Mrs. Wolfie and Mrs. Wolfie did not know who I was. But Wolfgang did not mind my introducing myself to her if I wanted to, just to prove the point that we weren't doing anything wrong.

But somehow, I have so far not felt the need for that. I don't need to prove a thing and I don't have the desire to explain my trustworthy intentions. It's just not up to me. I leave that in Wolfgang's hands. It's his call.

And we are almost getting full circle... we are now tied into the "cheating" thread. The only thing that we are missing is some comment by Wolfie, Feline or someone related to tell us that they are curious about D/s or BDSM to get the final link into the "Slavery" thread!

Woot!!!!

BTW, what type of prim male "thingy" are you using Wolfie (we need more cross threading here)

Don't be so sure. She recognized my name at Breezes and I never even *met* Wolf. Probably from reading this thread.

I know I'm probably repeating much of what's been said (this thread is olde ), but it is kind of cathartic , so... I opine it for the general rather than Wolfgang's specific situ

The mind is where all passions live and lie...

1) Nahhh, but you may want to step back and touch ground in RL for a few days.

2)Absolutely, once there is enough chat history to start to see possible glimpses of the real mind. It's at these times when you are starting to be a little more sure that she is not an 800lb. African-American bleached-blonde Sumo wrestler in RL.

3)The hormones and brain chemistry involved can be overwhelming, when the adrenaline and serotonin and the oxytocin and the testosterone and the estrogen and the...etc. kick in. These can make the emotions and passions hard to translate and rein in (I also struggled with this a few days after my first REALLY good time in SL, so know where you are coming from ). Just remember-- RL comes first-- it is First Life.

4) I would ask her outright-- tell here you want to be very clear exactly what the situation is. If she is playing, she may even be flattered that she played it that well I wouldn't let it go much farther without really pinning down her RL feelings on it all.



But be careful, and stay RL grounded, because "fools rush in where angels fear to tread."

Are you being discriminatory BigBang?

Besides, how do you know Mrs Wolfie isn't an African-American bleached-blonde Sumo wrestler in RL?

There ya go Don, another tie-in

*chuckle*

Are you sure?

I could write a book about the emotions I have felt here in SL regarding relationships!! I have been married and divorced here and I can tell you that it does really hurt (and in rl too).

Seems to me that emotions within SL are magnified and I know from personal experience I have been "in love" with my then wife in SL. I have found that you have to be yourself and let your character come through your avatar and this has helped me with friends and lovers alike.

So yes you have to be aware of your emotions here and if your gf/bf get jealous as in rl take it seriously lol.

I know that sometime later on I will fall "in love" again and will probably go through the same heartache lol but I love SL and this is a price I am willing to pay to be in it.

Dear Residents

At last my 2 cents:

There is no second life as such. There is a game called second life but it is not a second life. It is a second life simulation, nothing more nothing less. If somebody simulates another life and chooses to simultate a romantic relation as part of it, as well, there is nothing wrong with it from my point of view. Not even if that somebody is my husband like in this case.

If this simulation triggers hormones which make him feel things like in real life, well I suppose that happends - nevertheless all based on a simulation. That is not cheating. Its actually an opportunity to get to know your other half that little bit better.

I will simulate some things I don't have the courage to do in real life, and see how it feels and looks like. He knows about it and he thinks its a great idea.

I will set up a blog. There I will write about stories like this. Not just this one but I will seek stories and blog them. This one will be the first entry.

Don't know how to call that blog yet....any ideas? Maybe Cande's Travel or simply Love in S.L.? Should become a popular medium.....we are in marketing after all.

Candelaria Singh

P.S. : pop corn anyone?

Nice to finally hear from you, Cande. The question if SL is a game or not has been debated lots of times and I agree with you to a certain point. But we should not forget that there are emotions envolved and the ppl at the keyboards are real there for their emotions as well. How far ppl are willing to let those emotions influence their actions, is up to them. But I've seen a lot of them taking it too far, there for the reactions in this thread are all understandable. One question though: did you two talked about how far it can go? Or are you not worried at all?

And yes, popcorn pls. With real butter.

Mandy C