just ignore and let this one die

At a club called Monochrome, "Where you supply the color":

http://slurl.com/secondlife/Dysis%20Isle/124/37/751

oh very cool, Kylie.

I love the bodice on that dress. And I'm betting you look great as you saunter across the room.

All this bickering in the forums has made me take a look at myself and my own behavior. There have been many times I have thought that people were being too sensitive on a subject and made light of their feelings. So when this topic hit me hard and my first reaction was to complain about it being on the forums, I had to take a hard look at myself. What I found was that I have some unresolved and personal feelings about cancer and what it does to people. The topic, although it still stings, has made me come to terms with a few feelings. If you could care less what I feel please feel free to skip the rest of this post. If you don’t want to hear about my personal experience with cancer you can skip it too.

My father died almost four years ago of lung cancer. We found out 9 months before he died that we were going to be taking this odd journey of a family dealing with cancer: from brain surgery, to chemo, to slowly letting his body and soul go through what had become inevitable. He was not a saint and having cancer did not turn him into one. It showed the weakest and it showed best parts of our family. In many ways it made us naked.

I will be forever proud of my father’s dignity and bravery through this time. My mother was the proverbial pillar of strength in helping him stay at home the way he wanted to be. I can only hope I will have as much courage and love as my mother showed if I ever need it. I will be forever thankful for the man who stood at my side and encouraged me to be the best me. Who took my hand week after week and helped me to make the most of those last few months.

We took joy in the little things during those months: that brain surgery took away the nausea that dad was feeling and he was able to enjoy food for awhile; that he made it out fishing one last time, even if he sat in the car; that we captured a picture of a beautiful sunset over Potter’s Marsh that year and we were able to print for him; that the music tape we made at Christmas of some of his old favorite songs including some beautiful Hawaiian music helped ease his sleep in those last painful days.

I take comfort in a few of the things my father said during this journey. When he was first diagnosed and I was crying my heart out, he worried about comforting me. “If this is it, I have had a good run.” Towards the end a hospice nurse was there checking on he and my mother. She asked my dad on a level of 1-10 how much pain do you have. When my father answered 10, my mother felt awful that she hadn’t given him the medication he needed, but then my father continued, “But I don’t worry about that. This other guy over here is taking care of that.” In those last days he spoke often of other people being with him. I would like to think it was angels and ancestors that were there to guide him on his way.

Now if you all want to keep arguing and bickering and throwing cancer around go ahead. If you want to make light of this post go ahead. I am coming to peace with my feelings. I still believe you shouldn’t take these forums too seriously. I just thought I would share my own perspective and at the end of each day I would like to be able to say, “If this is it, I had a good run.”

Kylie I like your pic, as I have said before. It reminded me of this one I did "back in the day." The framed 'painting' hung next to the media player in my house.

I like the neologism.

Pep (But not apropos here, I think. Or is it?)

At a club called Monochrome, "Where you supply the color":

http://slurl.com/secondlife/Dysis%20Isle/124/37/751

Its suddle in its content. It does not bash ya in the head with over emphasis.

Maybe it only says that to me maybe not.

Very nice...I like

Been there, done that . . .

Pep ( . . . still paying for it; *that* is what causes most of the tension! )

Your attempts to feign illiteracy do not convince me.

Pep (You got "it's" right. )

LOL, that I would believe!!!! Nah...you just didn't do it with the right person

Hey, does someone out there have a problem with chunky thighs?

Someone. Not me.
If they can not crush a coconut then they are too skinny

Hehe...clever tagline for the club.

I love the colors in that dress! And the store is...?

If they can not crush a coconut then they are too skinny

All this bickering in the forums has made me take a look at myself and my own behavior. There have been many times I have thought that people were being too sensitive on a subject and made light of their feelings. So when this topic hit me hard and my first reaction was to complain about it being on the forums, I had to take a hard look at myself. What I found was that I have some unresolved and personal feelings about cancer and what it does to people. The topic, although it still stings, has made me come to terms with a few feelings. If you could care less what I feel please feel free to skip the rest of this post. If you don’t want to hear about my personal experience with cancer you can skip it too.

My father died almost four years ago of lung cancer. We found out 9 months before he died that we were going to be taking this odd journey of a family dealing with cancer: from brain surgery, to chemo, to slowly letting his body and soul go through what had become inevitable. He was not a saint and having cancer did not turn him into one. It showed the weakest and it showed best parts of our family. In many ways it made us naked.

I will be forever proud of my father’s dignity and bravery through this time. My mother was the proverbial pillar of strength in helping him stay at home the way he wanted to be. I can only hope I will have as much courage and love as my mother showed if I ever need it. I will be forever thankful for the man who stood at my side and encouraged me to be the best me. Who took my hand week after week and helped me to make the most of those last few months.

We took joy in the little things during those months: that brain surgery took away the nausea that dad was feeling and he was able to enjoy food for awhile; that he made it out fishing one last time, even if he sat in the car; that we captured a picture of a beautiful sunset over Potter’s Marsh that year and we were able to print for him; that the music tape we made at Christmas of some of his old favorite songs including some beautiful Hawaiian music helped ease his sleep in those last painful days.

I take comfort in a few of the things my father said during this journey. When he was first diagnosed and I was crying my heart out, he worried about comforting me. “If this is it, I have had a good run.” Towards the end a hospice nurse was there checking on he and my mother. She asked my dad on a level of 1-10 how much pain do you have. When my father answered 10, my mother felt awful that she hadn’t given him the medication he needed, but then my father continued, “But I don’t worry about that. This other guy over here is taking care of that.” In those last days he spoke often of other people being with him. I would like to think it was angels and ancestors that were there to guide him on his way.

Now if you all want to keep arguing and bickering and throwing cancer around go ahead. If you want to make light of this post go ahead. I am coming to peace with my feelings. I still believe you shouldn’t take these forums too seriously. I just thought I would share my own perspective and at the end of each day I would like to be able to say, “If this is it, I had a good run.”

Oooh I dunno. All that coarse hair might make them all red and puffy. Don't want that.

Much rather have something smoother between them. Something with bits you can tickle and pull about. Like ears. *blushes*

Yesterday, I didn't make it onto the forums at all. I had a full day of continuing education for notary publics and it was brutal, then had to take a renewal exam after. I was gone (and internet-less) for 12 hours! So I didn't see this til this morning, quoted by someone who responded to it. And, I just wanted to give you, a hug ((((hug)))) and to tell you that I understand, and although I am not as beautifully verbose as you are, your feelings were pretty much mine. Cancer has such a strong presence in my family that it's hard to look at it straight in the eye. One of my sisters in law is Vicki. We had a double wedding, got married together, I've known Vicki since we were kids. Vicki always knew the cancer gene was strong in her family, and trying to avoid it, had a preventative double mastectomy. They don't always allow that but in her case they did, as 4 sisters and their mom had already died from breast cancer. So, they allowed Vicki to do this, when she was cancer free. Didn't help. The breast cancer arrived anyway, in her chest wall and it killed her. So for me there's a lot of horror attached to cancer, a lot of visceral, gut-horror. Thanks for sharing your story, I for one, appreciate it. It makes me feel less alone in speaking out against what's happening in the thread/RA forum.

Treasure

I hope you are reading these posts, Rhonda . . .

Pep ( . . . and feeling ashamed.)

Do I know you? I don't think so.

Pep (Do I want to? Again, I don't think so.)

Yes, I am ashamed you would stoop so low as to blame your behavior for the past year on recently finding out about someone you once knew might have cancer.